30 | THE COMPOSERS

Hoseok awaited my response, but a heart-wrenched stare was all I could offer.

"It wasn't an accident," he went on in a low tone, "I was trying to punish myself."

My teeth clenched to ward off tears as the image of a young Hoseok clawing his own face haunted me. "Why would you have to punish yourself?"

"Because I hurt everyone important to me," he said quietly.

"How?" I asked, though I couldn't imagine it was true.

"My parents were so scared of my abilities when they started showing up that they dumped me in front of a foster home and disappeared. I was only five. A couple years later, Jungkook's parents took me in. I tried being Jungkook's friend, but it only lasted a couple of weeks. Some of our classmates picked on me when they found out I wasn't his real brother and that my real parents left. And they started to notice I was different, which only worsened the bullying."

"I don't understand how they could do that."

Hoseok shook his head, his face heavy with the weight of his past. "Kids don't know how to react to what's unfamiliar. Sometimes my eyes would act up, or I'd try playing a game with them and my adrenaline would kick in and I'd accidentally burn someone. They started to avoid Jungkook too, since he tried to stick up for me. I guess he resented me for it over time."

My stomach twisted as I put myself in his place. How dreadful it must've been to learn that his parents abandoned him for what he was, then to be rejected again by his peers and, eventually, his own adoptive brother.

"Please tell me that's not why you two don't get along now," I said hesitantly.

He seemed to notice my sympathy for him as his mouth tugged upward just enough for reassurance. "He understood it wasn't my fault as we got older. But there are still things that he does blame me for. And it doesn't help that we keep disagreeing about how to protect you. He wanted to tell you as much of the truth as possible right away. I wanted you to remember on your own."

I frowned in thought, remembering every time I felt so lost. It was painful to be kept in the dark, but the memories that had come back to me were worth the trial of waiting. Every moment with Jungkook and the moments that I still needed to remember with Hoseok would be preserved, and that was what mattered most.

"Things aren't always black and white. You tried to do what's best for me. Even though it's hard not knowing all of our past, I'd rather get those memories back for myself than to just be told about them."

Hoseok's eyes bore into mine, and I was struck again by the features he'd finally revealed.

"I wouldn't be so sure. Not everything you get back will be pleasant. Sometimes I wonder if it's better for you not to remember at all."

My hand rested on the side of his neck. "I know, but I still want it all. Now that I have some of it back, I can feel the parts of me that are missing. Even the bad still belongs to me, and I'm ready for it."

He swallowed, and his brows knit together. That signature amber soaked me in, drawing me close with the pull I'd come to crave. Something shifted in his eyes, sharpening with clarity. I wasn't aware of how near he was until his hands found my upper arms and our noses brushed. My eyes closed, and my inhale cut short as he tilted his head and brought his lips to mine.

His fear was discernible through every act. Kisses that ached, touches that lingered, holds that brought flutters to my heart and tears to my eyes. We were so new to each other, yet he made me feel like we were lifelong lovers in their last few moments before parting ways.

He was still such a mystery to me even after unmasking, even after gaining back a few memories of him. While I could never quite tell what he was thinking, I was sure that his mind reached into a darkness that he might never let me see. I didn't know if I wanted to.

"Hoseok," I gasped, heart alive as he began kissing along my jaw. My cheeks rushed with blood, and my fingers tightened around his shoulders. I wanted everything he was giving, but something felt off.

Why does he seem afraid?

Before I could speak, he leaned into me and gently pushed me back by the arms until I was pressed against the mattress. His hands held my wrists down as he shifted his body above mine, then he returned to trailing his mouth down the side of my neck.

My eyes closed from the bliss coursing over my skin, and I focused on the softness of his lips as they moved their way over my collarbone. I was sure my heart was about to burst when he reached the center of my chest, but then he hissed and jerked away.

I looked up at him breathlessly, finding him holding one hand to his mouth while the other continued to prop himself over me. Flecks of orange began to glow past the cooler yellow, and he scrambled off the bed, backing up until he was against the wall across from me.

"What happened?" I panted. My fingers brushed the skin at my sternum.

"It's the necklace," he said roughly.

"But I'm not wearing it."

"It's still strong enough that it stayed on your skin." Hoseok's breaths were uneven, and he pressed into the wall like he was trying to restrain himself.

"What stayed on my skin?"

"The scent. It's been agitating me since the first night you wore it."

"I'm sorry—"

He shook his head, meeting my gaze. "It's not your fault. I didn't even notice it until now."

I stood from the bed and stepped toward him, only to stop when he flinched. "Is it that bad?"

"No, it's just... Maybe I was moving too fast."

The blush that started to fade came flooding back. I whispered, "I was fine."

He exhaled, and I thought I saw the orange flecks brighten. "I meant for me."

My embarrassment must've been clear as he stepped forward like he was going to reach out, but something prevented him from doing so.

"We can take things slow," I said gently. "I don't want you to feel pressured. I have no expectations, I just...want to be near you."

His expression was fragile. "You haven't made me feel pressured, Jangmi. I want to kiss you. I want to touch you. But I don't know if I trust myself not to slip like I did earlier." Even his voice held restraint, and it broke my heart to see how much he feared hurting me.

Since it was clear he was going to keep his distance, I went over to the window and lifted it open, letting the crisp breeze enter the room. The grey curtains billowed out before I leaned against the frame and met his eyes.

"You know your limits better than I do, so if you don't think you can handle it, I won't argue. But know that I already trust you, so I'm stepping back and letting you lead."

"Do you think that's going to work?" he asked as he rested his head on the wall and looked at me. "You're the reason I started dancing again. You're the reason I even started dancing to begin with. You're the reason I don't have a mask on right now. What makes you think I'll be able to lead how our relationship goes when every step forward has been because of you?"

"You're crediting me for things that you chose to do. You could have seen me dance as a kid and decided not to try it for yourself, but you chose to believe that you could do it. You started dancing again recently because you missed it. And you took that mask off because you're brave, Hoseok. Because you decided to be vulnerable even after feeling unsafe for so long."

He pushed off from the wall and walked close enough for the moonlight to color his hair and reflect in his burnt irises. Although his gaze softened and his brows relaxed, I could tell it was going to take more time for him to believe in his own strength.

"I should go."

His whisper stung my ears, but I smiled and whispered in return, "Okay."

I wished he would take the three steps it took to hold me before he left, but after hesitating just a moment, he went to the bed, grabbed his mask, and put it back on. The he went to the door and disappeared, leaving me alone for the night to wonder what future we held.

* * *

Rays of midday yellow filtered in through the high windows as I made my way toward the back of the library. While most of the interior was covered floor-to-ceiling with dark oak, faded book covers, and the scent of parchment and dust, the farthest end of the building led to an expanded hallway with updated floors and sound-proof rooms. Peeking through the first glass door, I spotted Namjoon at the same time that he noticed me.

He signalled for me to come inside, so I opened the heavy door and walked in.

"You're early," he said as he got up and pulled a second chair to the desk. A laptop sat on top of the desk, and there was a piano tucked in the opposite corner of the room.

"So are you," I replied before taking a seat, swiveling the chair to face him.

Both Hoseok and Jungkook remembered my meeting for the day, and they were sure to text me to be careful. Jungkook suggested that I pay attention for any clues, while Hoseok said to keep my distance and to not let any of them touch me.

"I wanted to test a few sounds before everyone got here," Namjoon explained. "Do you have any idea what style you want the music to be?"

I shook my head. "I'm not sure what will fit."

He leaned back in his chair, tilted his head slightly and crossed his arms. "Well, what kind of story are you wanting to tell?"

Truthfully, I'd hardly spent a minute thinking about the project until then. Among the maze of events I'd experienced lately, a project was the last thing that called for my attention. So I answered Namjoon at the same instant that I decided on a direction.

"It's a partner dance. One of them has forgotten their past with the other, and the dance is about them trying to get those memories back."

Namjoon remained quiet for a minute, his honey-brown eyes holding mine. I searched for any sign of recognition in his gaze, any clue that he understood the deeper meaning behind the idea, but his expression was impassive.

"So something wistful. How do you feel about piano?"

"I'd have to hear what you have in mind first," I replied.

Just as he was moving to stand, the click of the doorknob sounded behind me. I shifted to watch Yoongi and Taehyung enter the room. My blood lost its warmth as I locked eyes with Taehyung, briefly reliving the night before when he caught me in a lie and warned about Hoseok. I still felt uncomfortable around him, and I needed to know why he seemed so aware of what was going on. He knew that the necklace would bother Hoseok.

"Hey," Namjoon greeted them. "We were just getting started."

Yoongi nodded and went to sit on the black couch beside the piano. "So just to be clear, you two are competing, right?" he asked as he glanced between Taehyung and me.

"Right," Taehyung said, taking the open spot next to Yoongi. He crossed his legs so that his ankle rested on top of his other knee. "And it's not even a requirement to use original music, but I'm sure it'll score us extra points."

"So why are we all together if you two are competing?" Namjoon asked.

I straightened up. "Extra brain power, I guess. I'm not concerned about Taehyung knowing what I have planned." Seizing his dark eyes with what I hoped was a challenge, I asked, "Are you worried about me knowing yours?"

Taehyung's lips twitched before he shook his head. "No. We can push each other to do better."

Yoongi cleared his throat and leaned forward. "So did you two make any progress before we showed up?"

Namjoon answered, "She's going for something more melancholy. Two dancers, one that lost their memories with the other. I'm thinking piano and some violin might work."

Yoongi's eyes latched onto mine briefly, then he returned his attention to Namjoon.

My focus waned as the two went on discussing a few ideas. A week ago, I would've cared twice as much about the project. Winning a spot in the winter showcase was the best way to prove my competence in dance, but that hardly mattered to me anymore. All I cared about was keeping those I cared about safe, and putting a stop to the one threatening them.

In my daze, my hand went up toward my chest, and my fingers brushed the skin where the pendant of the necklace normally rested. The jewelry seemed to bother The Hood as much as it bothered Hoseok, which led me to question if Taehyung had gifted it to me with the intention of setting me off his trail, or if really did know about what was going on and was trying to protect me.

Steady notes of the piano began drifting in the room, leading me out of the fog. My eyes lifted to the glossy, ebony piano where Namjoon sat, his arms moving as he played. At first, he tested a few different sounds, but then he found the right key. Starting high, he played the notes in a soft manner and brought each note down before going back up, creating a sense of confusion and loss. As the volume grew firmer and the speed increased, the melancholy tone grew more romantic, and I could see glimpses of the choreography in my head. It reflected the mood more accurately than I could've hoped for.

After repeating a few sections and adjusting them, Namjoon paused. He rolled his shoulders back to stretch, meeting my eyes across the room. "What do you think so far? Do you need the tempo faster? Slower?"

"No, I think it's great."

"Let me try something," Yoongi said as he stood.

The two of them swapped places, and Yoongi just as easily played by ear, altering a few notes of what Namjoon had done, then continuing where he left off. He added a new depth to the music, creating a slower section that further highlighted the wistful tone.

As I focused on the way his arms moved with his playing, there flashed an image of smaller hands pressing keys on a piano, right beside my own small hands. A memory.

"And then if we record some violin on top of that, I think it'll be good, " Yoongi said when he finished.

My heart had started racing, jumping from one possibility to the next. Yoongi was the one playing, so was he the one playing the piano next to me when we were young? Could it have been Namjoon or Taehyung? Or was it Jungkook or Hoseok?

"Do you two always write music this easily?" I asked, carefully controlling my voice.

Yoongi's lips stretched into a smirk. "Not always that quickly, but it is our major. We live and breathe music. Besides, we've made enough songs to have basic foundations always ready to build on."

"He's right. I just started off from one of the songs I already worked on before, " Namjoon added. "We still have plenty to do before it's finished, but since we know you like it, all that's left is to clean it up and record it for you in the next few days."

"Sounds good," I replied as I discreetly took deep breaths to calm my pulse.

After figuring out the main idea for my track, they began working on Taehyung's. When describing his dance, he only mentioned that it was a solo, and that he wanted it to sound dark and dramatic. His track took longer for them to get right, but after we all offered ideas, they eventually came up with a fitting sound.

"So do you have a dancer picked out to do your choreography?" Namjoon asked Taehyung as we were finishing up.

"Myself."

I glanced at him. It would be interesting to watch him dance when we presented the projects in class.

"What about you, Jangmi?" Yoongi asked me.

My first thought was Hoseok, but I just as quickly reminded myself that he would never dance on stage in front of an entire crowd if I did win.

"I'm not sure yet."

All three of them looked at me, and I took it as my cue to leave.

"Thanks for all your help. If you need anything else while you're recording, let me know," I said before grabbing my bag and walking out.

Before I could go far, I heard Namjoon's distinct voice call after me.

"Jangmi, wait."

I turned around, waiting for him to catch up while simultaneously fretting over what he could need. I didn't want a repeat of what happened when I was alone with Taehyung, and I was still rattled by whatever—whoever—that flash was about.

"Is everything okay?"

He caught up to me, standing just close enough for me to notice his height. He towered over me even from a couple of feet apart.

"Well, I was hoping you could tell me," he started, swiping a platinum-purple streak of hair from his face. He was surprisingly expressive, brows pulled together in some kind of concern. He scratched the back of his head before finally speaking. "You just seem really distracted lately. I know it's none of my business, but I just wanted to make sure you're doing alright."

I bit my lip, taking a moment to observe him. I caught myself fisting my hands as I did so. When will I be able to accept interactions as being genuine, rather than going on high-alert and worrying of an ulterior motive?

"You're right, I am distracted. It's just lack of sleep," I heard myself say. "Don't worry."

The frown etched into his forehead never eased, but he replied hesitantly, "Okay. Take care of yourself." Then after giving me a smile that failed to reach his eyes, he left.

After heading out of the library, I walked far beyond my dorm and all of my classes. I only stopped when getting on the bus, then after ten minutes, I was back on my feet again to move down the crowded sidewalk. Turning a corner, I entered past the sliding doors, met with the unmistakable stench of disinfectant and the blinding white of the floor.

• • •

Author's Note:

Hey everyone! Welcome back!

I just want to say that I never planned on falling a month behind on this update. I knew school would be starting, but I underestimated how little time it would leave me to write. I've finally adjusted and I'm hoping to stay more consistent again, but your encouragement definitely helps motivate me to write faster too! I'm ready to dive deeper and get to the most exciting parts of the story! Are you?

So for this chapter, what are your thoughts? Why do you think Hoseok seemed fearful before he left? Did you pick up on any new clues while Jangmi met the trio for her music? Tell me what you're thinking!

Like always, I'm grateful to all of you who chose to return after a long wait. Thank you, I appreciate you so much.

Look forward to the next chapter ;)

Your vigorously-writing-author,

Kat 💜

February 21, 2021