Whoa.  Been awhile hasn't it? 

so i'll just put this little factor out there, since someone decided to dm me and mention this.  

yes, i indeed do know that cedar is taken.   this book is simply for fans to read, not for me to live out a fantasy.  it's purpose is to entertain the reader.  

so ya

anyhoody! 

WARNING:  SUICIDAL TRIGGERS

Your POV

"Cedar can I take it off now?"  I could hear his laughter from behind me, his hands on my waist, guiding me in the directions he wanted me to go.

"Not yet~  Just a little bit more, okay?"  I giggled and nodded.

"Okay...  I trust you."  He squeezed my hips, pulling me against his body.  

"Are you ready?"  I nodded, letting him slip off the blindfold.  I blinked a few times, looking around me.  I gasped.  In front of me was a luxurious sunset.  I looked down and realized  we were on a cliff, I tried to take a step back, accidentally placing my foot on Cedar's.  

"Shit I'm sorry I j-"

"I know...  You're afraid of heights, but I'm here alright?  I've got you."   I nodded and smiled at him, "I love you."

"I love you too Cedar."

He turned me around to face the view again, holding my hips.  I took it all in...  The colors, the fresh air, the nice warm feeling.  It was amazing...

"You know, it's really a shame that I have to do this."  I barely heard him, lost in my thoughts.

"Hm?"  I turned to face him.  His expression was dark.  I could feel my heartbeat quicken.  Was he going to leave me?

"You've gotten in the way recently, and frankly I can't put up with anymore distractions."   I felt my heart twist with the realization of what he was going to say, or what I assumed he would say.  

"Cedar, baby look, I know I panic a lot-"

"It's not that."  He lifted up one of his hands, and I noticed for the first time that he was wearing leather gloves.  "You see Princess,"  His voice began to change, his form shifting.  What the hell was happening!?  "I simply love you too much to let you see what I really am."  

Right before my eyes he had changed into Ruby.  The maniacal look in his eyes and tone frightened me.  I wanted to run, but I had no where to go.  I backed up just a few feet, feeling my foot slip down a bit.

"Shi-" 

"Ah ah ah, not yet."  He reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me up a bit.  "I want to tell you something."

I looked down, seeing how high up I was.  If he dropped me...

"You know too much about me.  If you just so happened to let word spill about me, and what I do, my career would be ruined.  We just can't have that now can we?"  He playfully let go of me for a split second.  I closed my eyes and held onto his hand tightly.  "Look at how you tremble.  Such a pretty sight~  Too bad I have to let go."  With a sick smile he let go of my hand.  I tried to scream as I felt myself falling off the cliff but I couldn't find my voice.

As I fell the beautiful colors of the sunset swirled around me.  Everything crumpled underneath me until-

I sat up in bed, panting for air, looking beside me.  Cedar.   I bit my lip, curling up into a ball.  What did that dream symbolize?  I felt the hot tears begin to make their way down my face.  

He doesn't love you.

He's tired of you.

He's going to leave you soon enough, so why don't we make it quick?

I slipped out of the shared bed, looking at him before I made my way into the bathroom, looking for my razor.

I opened the medicine cabinet, grabbing the blue-pink razor.  I broke off the blade, and slammed it onto the floor, watching as it broken into pieces.  I grabbed one of the now individual blades, and hurriedly ran some water in case he woke up.  

Do it.

Now.

Get it over with.

You  want the pain to go away, so why not do it now?

Once I started it was hard to stop.

One.  One for being gullible.

Two.  Two for letting him lie to you.

Three. Three for letting him play with your emotions.

Four.  Four for being the mistake that you are.

Five.  Five for being a failure.

The night carried on, and around 4 AM I had begun to clean my cuts.  I ended up with the most that I'd possibly done ever.  

I cleaned up the mess, changed my shirt, and crawled back into bed.  

I cried myself to sleep.

When will I ever fucking learn that no one will love me.

Why do I have to be so damn gullible?

Fuck Cedar.

Fuck him and his lies.

no...

he loves me...

he said so...

Right? 

oof.  this was...yeah I'm sorry.