Cold water hit my face, it feels devastating, yet peaceful but feels like the water would drown me,

Drown me to the unknown...to the depth of the universe where the black hole lies. It made me open my eyes, I think...I think I can breath

But where am I?

"She don't deserve you" I hear a voice

"W-who is it?" I asked, my voice is shaking, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid. God, please show me light, it's too dark, too scary

"Your mother don't deserve you. She doesn't deserve to live"

The voice is sharp, too confident.

"M-my mother...? S-she is dead..." Then I saw a light from a few distant and a similar face, the face that no longer holds the warm smile I saw for the first time in hospital. She looked cruel, she looked like she is done with life

"M-mom?" I walked slowly towards her. She turned towards me, her eyes held the familiar distant look. She didn't say anything, she just looked. She didn't smell like hospital, she smelt like herself, so fine with her Louis Vuitton and her Couture Beauty Diamond Lipstick, gifted by her 2nd husband.

"She never cared for you"

"She didn't deserve you"

"You need to get rid of her"

"You need to be free"

The voices spoke again. They were loud, my ears are ringing and suddenly I feel something in my hand.

It's a kitchen knife.

"Kill her" the voices spoke again

"N-no, she is my mom— I hate her but never enough to take her life" I said, I could feel my eyes are tearing up. I meet mother's eyes, they were cold as usual.

"That's childish, she never cared for you! Remember your past, remember how hard they were! Get rid of that! Get rid of everything"

My past flashed in front of my eyes, all those nights I couldn't sleep because of the noise from her bedroom, all those screamings, all the dirty looks from her husbands and boyfriends, all the struggles of getting away and hiding in my room so that they don't see me. Everything flashed in front of me. I feel my body gets warmer, but it's not comfortable at all, I feel my blood rushing more quickly, I feel rage as my grip tightened

"You see, it's painful, get rid of her"

The voices spoke again and I looked at the knife. Now everything turned silent, my thoughts stopped. I can't feel my sense... everything...just stopped.

"Eira!! Save me!" I hear my mother yell and the next, I find myself stabbing her heart, blood rushing through my hand, it wasn't mine but I don't feel scared. I feel numb as I continued stabbing her, stabbing till I can stop hearing her yell, stabbing till I can find the pleasure of killing her.

.
.
.

I open my eyes to find myself lying on my bed as the clock made a sound. It's 4 am in the morning and I can feel my body burning up. I sat up and grabbed the water bottle from the table, my hands are shaking, it was horrible, my chest feels like burning, it feels like knives piercing in it. I can't breath

Oh God! Not this same feeling again!

Air. I need air.

I jumped out of my bed and opened the balcony door but the night was still, there wasn't any wind to blow away my burning heart. I took some deep breaths, it feels a little good.

It feels good but it doesn't calm the monsters inside me, I feel terrible, I don't feel human at all. What's happening to me?

I looked at my hands with which I killed my own mother in my dreams, they are calm, my hands are calm

"I didn't do it" I muttered

"Then why do you feel happy?" My own thoughts mocked as if they know what monster I am

"Because whoever did that is a genius"

It's turning all confusing, I go back to the day when she was yelling my name from her room, she was shouting at me to bring her sleeping pills. I made every effort to be of use to her but she never smiled at me until at her last moment... was that supposed to satisfy me? She died of having too much sleeping pills but it's not my fault to not feel any pain for her.

She tasted like all the dark thoughts I have, she was a mixture of my dark thoughts, the thoughts which I wanted to vanish. Everything, everything which now came to an end. I can live in peace, I'll never be like her. This house is mine, everything is my reward for always looking out for her. The reward which I tired to find in her arms but now her leftover riches will satisfy me. I choose to live a peaceful life, away from everything I despised.

* * *

It's around 10 now and I feel myself on my bed again, I feel asleep and was sleeping throughout the morning. I got up and went in the hall, decorated with the finest furniture with the finest kitchen to make my breakfast. I decided to have some cereals because why not?

It's the first time I feel like eating alone, I feel like I won't have to see men coming towards me to join me for breakfast. It feels kinda lonely but it feels comfortable. I did the dishes and was thinking what to do. Last night her 3rd husband came to me to talk about her death and all, they said the hospital will take care of it and they filled all the formalities.

My mother didn't have relation with her parents, aka my grandparents because she was a spoiled bitch who left home to find her so called own career and that's how it is. No relatives, no one, just me and myself in this world now.

The door bell rang as I went to open it. I'm guessing it's the milkman or any other man, I've never seen any women other than me and mother in this house so yes.

"Did you eat, Eira?" It was her 3rd husband

"I did, why are you here?"

"It must be lonely for you, I thought someone have to take care of you, you're still young to handle everything " Mr Jonz

"I'm not a child, I've enough sense to know what's right or wrong "

"But it's illegal, you're still not 18 yet" he said and made his way inside. How did he know my age? I have 4 months till my 18th birthday, damn, and here I thought war was over

"It's only illegal if I get caught " I smiled, it was a smile that held some sort of pursuant

"You mean you want me to keep it a secret and let you be alone?"

"Yes, it's favour, Mr Jonz" I said, "you come here pretend to care for me, now if I tell you to help me a little for just this 4 months, can't you?"

He was silent. Of course he is, helping me was never his plans, he just wanted me as a replacement for my mother, maybe...I guess? I don't trust any of my mother's acquaintances.

"I will help you"

* * *

Thanks for reading :)