Tw:talk of suicide and mentle disorders

   
     (Michael's POV)

    I heard my phone go off for the 100th time tonight. I was, and I am currently freaking out.

    I left all my group chats

    I've done this before. I don't know why my friends still associate with me. I'm a depressed freak, hell I'm probably not even depressed, just attention seeking. I worry them and make them thing I'm gonna yeet myself out of existence once a mouth.

    "KOCK,KOCK,KOCK, Mi-Michael can I come in?" Rich asked. I felt tears well in my eyes. I hit the wall once, then did it again three more time because I have to do everything four times... well not everything.

    Like I dont have to brush my teeth four times.(I tried it once, felt a lot cleaner, but I dont have that time so a lot if the time I just do it for four minutes).

    But I do do other thing like cheek the oven four times and that the door is locked and that Rich made it into his house.(I usually call three time once I watch him walk in the door.) But that because those are fueled by thoughts.

    Like if I only cheek the oven three times I'll miss one of the nobs that are turned, and if I cheek five times one will be off but I'll think it's on and in attempt to fix it I'll actully turn it on, then the house will explode and it'll all be my fault then Mama and Ina and Rich and Jeremy will hate me and-

"Michael, I'm coming in." Rich said through the door. I bit my lip as the door opened.

I left all the group chats and deleted all my conversations, did I mention that? That's why Rich is here, I scared them and I dont know why. And I want them to leave and never talk to me again because I'm a piece of shit and they need to realize that they'll be better off without me but they won't and I'm sure Jeremy added me back to the group chat, and now they're all talking about me in the secret one and told Rich to come cheek on me even though he should be at football practice-

    "Michael did you take your meds?" Rich asked.

    I live off medicine. I have OCD because Mama and I have depression because my dad and I had a little anxiety but the OCD intensified it. So now I need to have three pills every day plus a zan-x because PTSD adds to the anxiety and sometimes a sleeping pill.

    "No, I dont wanna live off pills Richie." I cried softly. Rich sighed.

    "I know baby but you gotta take 'em or this will happen." Rich mummered to me.

    A lot of the time I forget one day then I spiral and then I get here. Rich had his arms around my waist.

    "You haven't cut again have you?" Rich asked.

    "No, I haven't gotten that far." I replied. Rich sighed softly.

    "Good." He said leading me to the bed. I took my hand out of his, he turned back and looked at me. "Michael-"

    "Why do you deal with me?!" I asked

    "B-"

    "Seriously you should hate me-"

   "No-"

    "I'm horrible!"

    "Mi-"

    "I'm disgusting!"

    "Your n-"

   "I don't deserve you!"

   "You-"

    "I-"

    "LISTEN TO ME!" Rich screamed. I froze as Rich panted.

    "You.... are the BEST thing to ever happen to me." Rich stared. I looked down as Rich took my hands. "Mike, I wish you wouldn't do this before valentines day." Rich whispered and that was what did it that last piece of guilt.

    Actully come to think of it this started because of guilt. I was roleplaying online and like last week I kinda triggered the person, I felt bad said sorry, but they kept(and keep) bringing it up. I'm putting it on the character hoping they would stop but they didn't. They kept mentioning it and I felt really bad and it transferred to my friends.

"Its okay Mike." Rich whispered as he rubbed my back letting me collapse onto the the bed in his arms. I just sobbed and held him like my l

(AN:Guess who just got a call the they're best friend was in a hospital? ME! Day before my birthday, and while I was freaking out and now I cant sleep and I have school tomorrow, I wanna die, what if it was a suicide attempt? Shes CLIMCLY DEPRESSED it was probably a suicide attempt. And omg of it was why didnt she call me? And if it wasn't what happened? I'm freaking out, I wanna die, holy fuck, all my friends are not responding. Fuckimg help I'm sorry-)

(Hey let's finsh this I'm not gonna be able to sleep, thought I was in the mood for angst before, now I really wanna die!)

    I sobbed and held him like my life deepened on it. It didn't take long for my eyes to get red and puffy and my throat to hurt from sobbing. Rich was there to comfert me the whole time.(AN:wish I has someone to hold me right now but my gfs parents won't even let her to my house and they don't even know were dating! I'm sorry)

    "Its okay Mikey." Rich whispered as I calmed down. He pulled me into a kiss.

"Well still make this a great valentine's day "

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AN: I'm not joking shes apparently in the hospital. I'm so sad rn idk what to do. It's my gfs b-day tomorrow is mine, this week has already been hell amd now things are getting much worse really quickly.

Word count:962