So the second one is a huge spoiler for my I'm Heere for you book, I was gonna make it a chapter but then o realized that Michael doesn't hear voices so this is an AU to my book, so if u actully read my book maybe dont read this, I'm probably gonna have a chapter that's almost the same thing in my actual book soon the frist part is a rant that I wrote after a fight so yeah-

None of this is edited wish u luck reading it.

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    It's so wired to wake up after something shitty happens that you have to rember.

Like, you wake up, and for a couple of seconds, maybe even a minute or two everything is okay. It's fine you feel fine. Then you remember, and it's like realizing it all over again, it's like you were just told.

And its horrible. And it gets worse every time you wake up. And soon you dont want to wake up. Your tired of waking up again and again, only to forget then remember again.

I wish I could stop waking up. If I could I would. I would stay asleep forever....

One day I'll find a way to stay asleep

  (And spoiler-)

   (Michael POV)

"You lied to me."

It was odd coming from Jer in the middle if dinner and kinda scary.

"You are a hypocrite, you lied to me for years!" Jeremy exclaimed.

"I'm sorry?" I apologized but it came off as a question. What do I say to this?

"Your a asshole!" He said raising his voice.

"Well I'm sorry! I didnt mean to!" I replied.

"And I didn't mean to leave you in the bathroom." Jeremy said quieter but I heard.

"JEREMIE HEERE" I yelled. Jeremy flinched. I paused."I'm, sorry I didn't mean to yell. That was worng of me I shouldn't have done that, I was being a bad boyfriend." I apologized.

"Damn right." He mumbled.

Ouch

"Don't be like that Jer " I begged.

"Well I don't think your sorry " he stated.

"Well maybe I'm not sorry!" I exclaimed trowing my hands in the air.

"Well maybe I don't love you!" Jeremy yelled back. There was a silence.

Double ouch.

"Go to sleep Jer." I dammaded.

"Wh-" Jer started I cut him off.

"Because you have a show in like tree days and a mandatory practice tomorrow."I explained. Jeremy huffed standing up.

"Fine." He was about to walk into the bedroom but then he turned around.

"You better finish eating that." He said strictly pointing at my still full plate if food.

"Ok." I replied. Jer then walked into out bedroom.

I'm not eating this. I got up trowing the food away before gently putting the plate in the sink.

"He's never loved you I'm sure." Carl said.

I named the voices in my head cuss why not. Carl is the demon. He says shit like this.

"Well whenever he's said it he always seems genuine." Rick, the voice of rationality argued.

"What if he breaks up with us?!" Anthony, the voice of anxiety worried.

I sighed this was gonna be a long night. I stumbled back as the voices argued almost turning on the stove I quickly checked and turned them all on then off before backing up against the wall behind me.

"He probably hate you cuss you just another mess he has to deal with.' Gabby, the voice of guilt chimed in. There are a lot of voices.

I closed my eyes and pulled at my hair, feeling dread rise in my chest.

"It's cuss that one time we ate the last cookie!" Icarus the voice of irrationally stressed.

I groaned quietly not in the mood to deal with all the voices.

"Why don't we just try and sleep, we can work this out in the morning." Rick suggested. I went with that.

I walked over to the door to our bedroom and was about to open it when-

"Nonono, it might wake him up and he probably doesn't want to see us-" Shelly, the voice of selflessness said stopping me but her sentence was cut short by.

"Doesn't want to see you." Carl corrected.

"We should just go jump off a bridge." Debby, depression chimed.

"We should tell him to fuck off! We pay the Bill's to!" Shelby, the voice of selfishness dammaded. I don't hear shelby often, I heard her once in frist grade, but I got hit last time is listened to her. She just started talking again like maybe a mouth ago.

"Yeah, who does he think he is being annoying all the time!" Isic, the voice of irritability agreed.

"Yeah piss of fucker!" Abby, the voice of anger yelled.

I sighed walking over to the couch and lying down letting the voices argue. They only stopped when I heard a weak,

"Michael?" From our room.

"ITS JEREMY ABOURT MISSION ABOURT MISSION!" Anthony yelled.

"GO AWAY!" Isic yelled.

"JEREMY!? JEREMY!?! JEREMY!?" GP yelled. It stands for gay panic, its always there but I never listen to it.

"REPLY DAMN IT!" They all yelled.

"Y-yeah?" I asked.

"Nice studder bitch." Carl siad.

Jeremy walked around the corner to see me.

"What are you sleeping on the couch? Come in here I can't sleep without cuddles you know that." Jeremy complained pulling my sleeve, I stood up following him into the bedroom.

"That all you are to him, cuddles." Debby pointed out.

Well I'm used to being an object so-

"But he said you were human the other day didnt he?" Rick piped up. Me and Jer laided down together he cuddled up next to me.

He fell asleep as the voices in my head kept arguing.

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My alarm went off like it did every morning. I got up and splashed some water on my face before putting on some foundation so he wouldn't see my bags from not sleeping all night.

I made breakfast and found I was not getting any sort of break from the voices. They wouldn't shut up. I wasn't hungry, as a matter of fact I felt like throwing up.

I walked right past Jeremy lazily sliding the plate in front him as I walked.

"Michael your not gonna eat?" Jeremy called to me. I could barely hear him over the voices. I was gonna tell him I would eat later before Rick stopped me.

"Lying got us into this it wont get us out. Dont reply." Rick reasoned. So I didn't. I grabbed my clothes then went into the bathroom. I took a long enough shower so Jeremy would have to rush out the door but wouldn't be late so he didn't confront me.

Although when he walked out the door with out even a "I love you" I felt really hurt.

"What did you expect him to stop his life for you?" Carl asked.

"Was he supposed to miss work, and hanging out with friends to look at you and say "poor baby," you didn't want him finding out your sad that's what happened why are you disappointed? It's not some story or movie, he has things to do, places to go he's not gonna put it on hold for your teenage angst Michael. You didnt tell him something was worng so he cant help you. That's the end." Carl spat.

Everyone began arguing. I felt panic rise in my chest as my breathing got quicker. Panic attack number one.

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"Call him." Rick said as my timer for Jers break went off. "You need to tell him. Ask If he can come home cuss you feel sick. Your not lying, he'll come home you can fix this and you'll both feel better."

I dont wanna throw up while talking to him thanks. I was on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet.Although the previous thought went against this, I picked up my phone calling Jer.

"Hey Micha what's up?" Jer chirped into the phone.

"See he dosen't care. He's having the time of his life at work, you mean nothing." Carl siad. I gagged moving the phone away as I held down the vomit.

"Hey, um I'm not feeling good you think you could come home a bit early?" I asked.

"Oh! Um I'll aske I'll call you back." With that he hung up.

I immediately leaned over the toilet trowing u nothing but stomach acid into it. The phone rang.

"Hey Micke, boss said I can't just stick it out for me please." Jeremy begged. I had it mute for me so he wouldn't hear.

"O-okay." I agreed.

I was there for a while just trowing up nothing.

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"MICHAEL!" Was sobbed from next to me when I woke up. I was immediately hit with pain in my head and stomach.

"Whaaaaa?" I asked.

"MICHAEL!" Jeremy shrieked as hugged me. The urge to throw up returned.

"Move." I said moving Jer aside just in time to make it to the toilet. The as the voices returned.

"Oh my god, Mickey baby, are you ok?" Jeremy asked, tur I g my face to him after I was done throwing up.

"You didn't eat." He pouted. "I'll go get you some medicine, just stay here." With that Jeremy left. I sat there

It was quite yet so loud. My head hurt and my stomach. I soon felt my vision start to blur. I guess I passed out and hit my head. What's worng with me? Why cant I be happy?

I have everything I need a job amd boyfriend I'm in college. Jeremy cares? I think?

"He dosent." Carl snorted from next to me. I felt the need to throw up again and dry heaved into the toilet. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfu-

"Michael!?" He was asked from Jeremy he seemed to be in a panic.

"Are you okay? Here drink this." Jeremy told. I finshed dry heaving and turned to him only to have him force the liquid down my throat. I swelled and we sat in a silence fir a bit.

"Why didnt you tell me this morning? It take three days to process food Michael. When did you eat last!? How long have you been- just been fuckimg SITTIMG HERE THROWIMG UP FOR!?" Jeremy yelled I flinched. I would've started crying if I hadn't already cried all my tears out.

"Can we not argue here?" I asked barely whispering.

"No Michael! When are you gonna stop lying!? And starting telling me! When your not okay! And when you dont feel good! And- Michael what the hell!?" Jeremy asked.

"Because I forgot how it is to be human!" I yelled. Jeremy seemed to freeze. I panted as Jeremy stared silent.

"I-I haven't felt like a person for so long. I've been telling myself I'm and object that I-Im not here to be happy I'm here to .ake others happy and it's become my morals so telling you anything other then something that would insist im okay goes against everything I've thought myself....

"And ya'know Jeremy, I'm not lying when I say I dont want anything from Target. And I'm not lying when I tell you I'm not hungry amd I'm not lying when I tell you "yeah it's okay to touch there Jer."

"But I do start lying when I tell you I dont want anything but you get me a thing to draw with anyway. And I use it cuss I do appreciate you thinking about me but I dont always really want to.

"And I do lie when I tell you I dont want anything from McDonald's but you insist so I say a thing of fries, and I lie more when you come back with a hamburger for me anyway, so I eat it and you say "I was right dont lie to me!" Evem though I wasn't lieing the I eat finsh the thing and there's another lie when I say I'm going to the bathroom to shit but I'm actully throwing up cuss I wasn't hungry and my body rejected the food.

"And I do lie when I say it's not okay to touch there cuss apparently your hand on my thigh should make me uncomfortable. And i lie again to sneak off to the bathroom to cry cuss i want physical contact amd I want you cuddles and touches but apparently I shouldn't so I cry about it.

"Jeremy I don't like this you act like I do! But I dint wanna be anything but human I dint wanna be an object I dont wanma be sad I dont wanma have to spend my day in front of a toilet cuss my body is freaking out. I dont want to....." I trailed off coming down from my outburst.

Jeremy hugged me out of nowhere amd I hugged back as we both broke onto sobs.

"I'm so sorry!" He cried.

"Its okay it's not your fault!" I replied. We both cried for a while once we bith calmed down we still just sat there.

"I dont say it but, your scaring me Micha. I dont wanma have to keep finding you in here when I get home. And I hate that you lie to me.... I'll stop with the buying you things you domt want. I didnt know you were throwing up." Jeremy apologized

"Its fine." I replied softly. "You wanna go to the bathroom and cuddle?" I asked after. Thw voices seemed gone for now.

"Yeah." Jeremy agreed. We both went into the bed room laying down.

"And hey Michael?" Jeremy asked

"Yeah?" I replied playing with hair in the dimmed fairy lights. The room being calm and gently witch was nice after.. that.

"I love you."

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    So yeah, none of this is edited again, witch is really bad cuss i can't type-
But there it is, if u made it this far thanks :))

Word count:2318