tw: meds for depression/anxiety and insomnia, vivid nightmares, suicide

     Jeremy was panting. He tossed and turned all night after he finally managed to fall asleep due to a sleep medication to battle his other medication for anxiety and depression. Michael was often asleep late into the nights to help the other, calming him down and giving him back rubs. Jeremy would awake in horrible sweats with thoughts streaming quickly through his head of the horrible dream he would have. One was particularly reoccurring to the boy, but had never mentioned it until it showed out loud. 

     A scream of bloody murder sounded as Jeremy awoke. Michael had been watching the boy sleep and as soon as the other screamed, he quickly took him into his arms.

     "Babe you're okay... It's just a dream and I'm right here... Shh..." He rocked the other in his arms, the other choking on tears and scrambles of words.

     "N-No! It's real and he's taking over me! Every fucking night... Every fucking... Night..." Jeremy's eyes were bloodshot and showed expressions of horror. Michael was taken back, moving away as the boy tugged to get away from him.

     "H-He?"

      "The Squip."

     "W-What?"

     "Super quantum unit intel processor. H-He gets into your brain t-through a pill... And ch-changes your life. It made R-Rich burn down a house, Michael. J-Jake's house is gone!" Jeremy yelled as he keeled over, hugging himself close to his legs. Michael was shocked, never having seen the boy so scared.

     "No... Rich didn't burn anything down and Jake lives with him in their house, remember? W-We can even call them tomorrow..." 

     "Y-You were... And I was... She... Tried... H-He tried to get rid of you! I tried to get rid of you." Jeremy's voice was hoarse as he rocked back and fourth, allowing Michael to put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. 

      "I'm here..." Michael reassured but Jeremy continued to choke on his tears.

      "He told me to enable... O-Optic nerve blocking... A-And I wasn't allowed to see you since I-I had to like Christine... E-Every night I've dreamed of the Squip b-but it had never gotten to this point..." 

      "I wouldn't let you leave me. I love you too much for that..." He teased a little, smiling weakly to Jeremy.

      "The Squip w-would f-find a way to get rid of you." His voice was hallow as Michael's face was blank. He had no idea how the boy had been able to conjure such an incredibly detailed set of dreams in his sleep, then remembering the medication. 

     "We need to go to your therapist... The medicine is too much, Jer. It's hurting you." 

     "B-But without it I feel even worse!"

      "No... This is worse. We'll try another medication. We're going to get you help." Jeremy was crying into Michael's shoulder again, Michael rubbing his back as he did always. He laid small kisses on Jeremy's forehead, the other boy whimpering gratefully in return.

    "A-Are you sure? That might be expensive..."

    "I'll make sure we have enough to take care of you." He whispered. Jeremy hugged him tightly, moving to kiss him deeply. He craved the touch of the other since his dreams always made it feel that Michael was so far away. Michael kissed back softly, making sure not to do anything to upset the other in any way.

     The next night, after they had gone to Jeremy's therapist and been told to decrease the dose slowly, everything seemed to be going well. Jeremy shivered a little in his sleep, but nothing big happened. Michael held his hand as they lay together, running his thumb over Jeremy's. The boy started shaking, and Michael knew it was his cue to wake the other up.

     "Hey, love... Wake up..." He said quietly, shaking him where he knew Jeremy would usually have him touch to get up him. Jeremy's body was slack in Michael's arms, the boy refusing to get up. His eyes were shut peacefully, alerting Michael something was wrong.

      "Jer... Jeremy! Wake up... Fuck... Jeremy you need to get up!" He almost yelled, getting no response from the boy. He was shaking now as he grabbed out his phone, dialing the emergency services.

      "H-Hello, my name is Michael Mell a-and my boyfriend, Jeremy Heere, is unconscious... Yes, in his sleep. Y-You're on your way? Please... Hurry." His voice was choking as hot tears raced down his face. Minutes later he heard sirens as he carried Jeremy to the door quickly, brining him out to the ambulance. 

      "How long has Jeremy been unconscious for?" A man asked as Jeremy was loaded into the ambulance, Michael following in behind him.

     "A-About ten minutes now. He gets these really bad nightmares and shakes a lot... B-But then he just went limp."

      "Any medication he's on we should be aware of? Does he do any drugs or has he consumed alcohol in the last twenty four hours?"

     "He's on a med for anxiety and depression... A-And occasionally weed. But not in the last week..." 

     "Thank you. You may accompany him to the hospital, but you'll have to go to the waiting room when we get to the emergency room." Michael nodded helplessly, holding onto Jeremy's hand as the vehicle rushed to the hospital. Every time he thought he heard Jeremy's breath, he would grip tighter and whisper little encouragements to the boy. When the ambulance came to a slamming halt, Michael was ushered out of the way and into the brightly lit waiting room. The florescent lights didn't help his worry for the other as he saw him rushed into a room. 

     Hours went by as Michael spent his time either staring at the wall or doodling small lines onto a piece of paper beside him. He eventually covered a small pile of papers with little lines, crumpling them all up as his tears made the lines blurred. Eventually the man behind the desk cleared his throat, seemingly just have woken up from something.

     "Anyone for Jeremy Heere?"

      "Me!" Michael got up from his seat quickly, rushing to the desk.

     "Family?"

      "About to be engaged. H-Hopefully."

      "Jeremy Heere suffered from a cardiac arrest situation. He's on a lot of different machines right now and received treatment as quick as possible. He's in comatose right now... The chances of him waking up are a fifty to fifty with the chance of him-" Michael's face turned white, the color draining as he gripped onto the desk from keeping from collapsing.

     "Would you like to take a seat?"

      "N-No. Am I allowed to see him?"

      "Yes. He's hooked up to many machines and needles... Are you okay with seeing that?" Michael nodded as the man guided him down the quiet hallway to a room with Jeremy. He pushed open the door, waiting quietly by it as Michael rushed to Jeremy.

     "You're going to wake up... C'mon, don't let him win, Jer... It's just another nightmare." Michael gasped as he looked away, taking Jeremy's colder hand in his own and making sure to keep the wires connected. He kissed the chapped skin, his tears falling onto his hand and then to the ground. 

     "My love, take your time... Please... Just wake up when you're ready, o-okay?" Michael's voice cracked as the man motioned for him to leave. The doctors filed in again, and Michael sniffed loudly as he ran back to the waiting room.

      "You can leave if you'd like, we could give you a call when he-"

      "No. I'll stay here."

      "There's a cafeteria on the fourth floor..."

     "I'm not hungry, but thank you." He spat out, holding his knees close to himself on the chair. He stayed in the same position for hours more, until the sun rose again in the morning. Michael hadn't slept at all so the dark bags under his eyes were evident as two familiar faces walked in.

     "M-Mikey?" Rich's voice called, causing Michael to look over his shoulder drowsily. Rich and Jake ran over to sit beside the boy, hugging him from both sides.

     "We're your emergency contacts so they called us... He's going to be okay." Jake reassured weakly, rubbing Michael's arm supportively. The couple knew that Michael valued quiet, so when Rich held out a pair of noise cancelling headphones Michael's expression lit up a little.

     "T-Thanks." He said quietly as he put them on and leaned farther into the chair. For a moment, his eyes closed and he could feel a sleep fall over him. He could relax, feeling his two friends beside him and the reassurance that Jeremy was going to wake up.

     Hours felt like minutes as screaming awoke Michael.

      "No he's not! Shut the fuck up!" Rich's voice was clear as Michael pretended to still be asleep as he heard his heart sped up.

     "He's... No... He's not..." This time it was Jake's voice and then both of the boys muffled sobs as they cried into each other. Michael ripped off the headphones, looking at the familiar man confused.

     "W-What-"

     "Jeremy Heere has been declared deceased." The world seemed to spin around Michael. It was comical to him how the world spun so fast but you don't even realize it until you notice how much time you've wasted. He fell to his knees as he screamed nothings into the abyss of the hospital. 

      "We did everything we could, the body will be taken to the morgue tomorrow so you still have time to say your... Goodbyes." The man's voice was breaking a little as he put a hand on Michael's shoulder but feeling it slapped away as he got up.

     "His. His body will be taken."

     "His parents have been alerted of the situation."

     "There's no way they could come all this way... Oh my god." Jake had started sobbing again after he spoke, falling backwards into the chair.

     "Then they may say their words at a funeral, if you chose to have one. For now, you are free to go into the room as a nurse stands outside." The boys decided somberly to have Rich go, then Jake, and finally Michael. Michael had insisted to go first to get it over with, but the couple made sure he had to be Jeremy's final words. It seemed like forever until both boys came out in tears, shaking a lot.

     "Stay strong, Michael." Rich whispered with a small lisp, holding Jake's hand tightly as they walked past Michael. Michael entered in shock, not being able to look at Jeremy for a moment.

     "Jeremy Heere, I love you. I-I loved you... I loved you so much t-that I was going to propose to you. It wasn't a pretty ring or anything but... I thought you'd like it. It had the same color as your eyes... A stunning shade between g-green and blue. I can't... I can't believe I'm never going to see those eyes full of life again. The way they light up whenever we... Whenever we beat a level on that stupid little game... W-What was it? Apocalypse... Apocalypse of the damned. Th-That was it. Every single memory I have with you is a good one. R-Remember when we met? I-In the little sandbox at school... I told you that you were the cutest boy on the whole playground. B-But you said that was impossible because I... B-Because I was the cutest boy. F-Fucking hell, Heere. I can't... Y-You're not really dead, are you? Right?" He questioned desperately as his voice broke, holding Jeremy's limp and cold body for a second.

     "I-I guess you are. W-Well, buddy, my love... M-My nearly fiancé. I'll see you on the other side. P-Promise you'll wait for me there? I'll wait for you..." He murmured, knowing he wouldn't respond but wishing more than anything to hear the heart monitor beep once more. He exhaled shakily, squeezing his familiar hand once more.

     "I'm in love with you, Jeremy Heere. I always will be. Rest well, player two." He whimpered the last bit out, kissing his cold and chapped lips one last time before leaving the room. Michael ran from the hospital, getting a cab home and staying locked in the apartment for days. 

     It was three months later when the funeral was held. Michael had nothing left to say, so he stayed home. He couldn't bear to see him again, to watch his loves lifeless body asleep in a casket.

     A year later, even after Rich and Jake persisting to get Michael out of the house, they had only ever gotten him around the block for groceries. He didn't talk anymore, he didn't need to. The world for everyone could go on without Jeremy, but Michael's world was paused from the moment he was dead. 

     If Jeremy's world had ceased to exist, Michael's would too. And soon enough, Michael was laughing insanely as he stood on a tall bridge with freezing water rushing below him.

     "A year ago... Three hundred and sixty five days without Jeremy Heere is too long." Michael's hands went numb as he gripped the cold metal, smiling as he heard the water splash into the jagged rocks.

     "I'm coming, Jer. This was all just a nightmare! Like y-you had when you were here... I told you that I wouldn't let you leave me. S-So I'm keeping that fucking promise. No life is worth living... My life isn't worth living without Jeremy Heere." As the words escaped his lips, he let go and jumped. 

     The impact killed him. The rock only tore open cuts from years ago all over his body. After days of searching, the boats discovered his body in the lake leading off from the bridge.

     Rich and Jake made sure he was burried beside Jeremy.

//

a.n: hi i hate myself this was a request for @IsTheGay