You broke me like I am one of your fucking promises

I know how right it is to have this feeling. But I can't show any of it.
No matter how His fervent gaze was following me everywhere the whole time. No matter if it was a feeling like he is trying to see through my soul, he is still not mine, can't be mine. My heart fluttered everytime my gaze locked with him, I can clearly comprehend the shifting of his flawless facade every now and then.
Who knows him better than I do?
I couldn't keep up with whatever it is going between us. I had to run away, run away him, run away the emotions, I can't face any of them threatening to coming up to the surface. I can't stay there and let my soul goes haywire knowing that my heart is into pieces watching them engaged. Neil and Tina they are engaged. I wish I could have vanished to some other land by some magical spell.
I know I didn't make the right decision. But still I pray their happiness. I pray Tina make him fall harder, for her someday.

Keep fooling yourself. My subconscious snigered pulling out a bitter face. I dragged a heavy sigh dismissing her off as I always do.

The ritual is over and now I can take a break to get some bandage for my bleeding heart. Therefore it was my cue to leave the spot for a fresh air. It was getting too much suffocating, too hard to keep that happy face this long, act like you are not affected, you are all made of steel. I am happy, really happy for them, then again I have a heart which is brutally shattered.
While the truth is your heart is like shard of glass, spread into little tiny pieces all over the place which none can put them together ever again.

I walked in, nonchalantly tossed my phone on the bed it bounced a little by the force. My room is as quite as I last left her this evening.
Ouch! Did I stumbled my toe with the leg of the bed? Great.
My face scrunched up I groaned in pain. I held a spot for support and sat in the mattress with a thud.
I heard a notification tone my phone released. I ignored it. I have no mind to get into any kind of conversation with anybody right now. I have had my share of celebration for the day I guess. It was getting too much already for my oversensitive heart.
Suddenly I felt my throat extremely dry. A cry almost left my lips if I didn't slammed my lips shut to hold it up. A mean sensation pass through my toe the moment I got up to reach the water bottle on my bedside table. My eyes welled up as if my emotions were waiting for something like this to happen so that they can get some release in excuse of it. At this point I am not sure what caused me more suffer, this pain, or that one.
With a little difficulty hopping on my one leg I grabbed the water bottle, that I put it there this morning. It's still full, maid must have filled it up again. I screwed it open and chugged some liquid down my throat. My throat is much moist now.
There is another message tone seeking my attention, I huffed out a groan releasing my annoyance.
My Mom, dad never text me rather they prefer calling. It wont be Advay either. My friends knows I am in an engagement party, they won't call.
It must be Tina then. I sighed deeply. Reason to ignore it even more.

Another tone. This time I unwillingly put the bottle down my hold and walked to the spot where my pH was. With a little difficulty I grabbed the device off the mattress.
I was going to switch off my phone but my movement stopped at the very second. My hand frozen hovering over the device. It's not a text notification. I have received a mail.

Mail from...who?

How?

1st mail-Where are you?
2nd Mail- I am missing you.
3rd mail- I hope you are happy.
Reading each mail I felt a chilled shiver passed through my spine. What's going on? I am growing apprehensive with each passing second, something bad is going to happen I can feel it.

What does it mean?
Why he is sending me mail? Wait in that sense Neil sending Tina mail when she is with him? My heartbeat escalating going through the mails he is sending one by one.

Panic sit at the pit of my stomach the moment a hand snatched the device off my grip. And by that abrupt motion when my eyes darted up at the intruder  the shock hit me in the chest knocking the air out from my lungs. I felt like having stroke on the spot. I was that terrified.
His jaw twitched, gaze zoomed on the screen furiously scrolling down the mails he just sent me.
I am blank. I am shivering.

My fist tightened, my vision blurry due to too much of terror I am suffering from. I was so engrossed in reading the mails that I didn't realise when he walked into my room and snatched the phone off my hold. And guess what it didn't take him much longer to put two and two together and end up knowing everything in a finger flick.
There is no God can save me now. I can feel it.
His face grim when he looked up pinning me with his gaze sharp in fury. His face suddenly calm. Calm like before those tornado comes. The anger deep within him is sizzling I can sense it.
Our eyes met. I was like a dear caught in the head light.
I have no courage to swallow down that massive lump there in my throat. I am on the verge of fainting I guess.

He didn't beat around the bushes.
"So I guessed it right? Didn't I?"  Neil asked me with a sickly amused tone making me gasp in terror. Anger coursing through him, I can feel it by the tone he choose to speak with me. He never talked to me with such malevolence. I can't match his those hard gaze holding so much of rage, betray in it. I have no courage to look into his distasteful gape over me. I looked down at my hands they are awfully shivering. I just want them to stop from shaking so much.

And he continued.
"Avni likes chocolate, Tina doesn't.
Avni likes to read. Tina doesn't.
Avni likes Chinese. Tina likes Indian
Avni go to Mandir Every Saturday. Tina has dance classes on Saturdays. And so many more I can't even count.
there is no chemistry with Tina but with you it was like I am in cloud nine.
Bullshit. What a plot twist". He chuckled like a maniac looking down nodding his head slowly.
"It was always you. You knew it. And I am a fool.
You made me look so stupid Avni. " When he looked up his eyes stony. One minute His voice was full of malignant then next second it is holding so much anguish. I let out a shaky breath.

I was numb, frozen at the spot not able to form a single word in my defence to begin with. God give me strength to swallow down his every accusation, rude words because I deserve this, I so deserve this.  He is in so much pain. And I'm the cause of it. My heart gave a sharp squeezing ache looking at his face. God What have I done. I hurt the person the most who is so dear to me.

"I wanted to talk to you so many times. So many fucking times I wanted to have this conversation to clear my doubts. But You never gave me a tiny bit of a chance, to atleast listen to me what I had to say. Because you always knew it. Knew it since the day one" he scoffed a bitter laugh, and I shook my head denying.

" For you it is always Tina. Isn't it ? She comes first before anyone, anything. Even you can go for a date with her boyfriend if Tina ask you to? To save her marriage You can also date a guy who is not even straight?
Then Who am I to you Avni? Can You enlighten me? Because As far as I know you consider me as your friend. Thats what you call it right?" He chuckled, air quoted the word 'friend'. Angry would be an understatement if anyone would describe Neil at this moment. He looked aggrieved, not ready to listen a word kind of pissed, disgusted.
"What about me? How could you be so cruel to me Avni?" His nose flared, his voice dripping acute exasperation, it is giving me goosebumps. A complete shame settled heavily in my heart. I never wanted this, never thought that I actually playing with the fire. He is right I am the bad person.

Slowly I am regaining the ability to control over my senses. I pulled myself together. It's time I need to explain before things get out of hand, worse.
God from where should I start? There is so much to say.

"Neil listen to me for once. I can explain. I know your are hurt right now and You have every right to be mad, but before that you have to listen to me" pleading I took a hold of his both hands but he jerked away my touch so hard as if my touch burnt his skin, that I flinched a step away by its force. I know he wouldn't listen to me, not today. My composure having the effect of stoking his anger even more. He is too mad to think straight so I tried other option to get him distracted. I tried to get him involved into a little less tormenting conversation. I need to buy some time to think how to get out of this. They got engaged he can't back out now. It's over whatever we had between us.

It's time I should ask him that question perhaps I always wanted to know. But it was the worst ever idea.

"It can be....it can be me this thought never crossed your mind?" In between my snif I asked Neil meekly through my wobbled form. His adam apple blobbed, he paused for a few seconds. If I haven't looking at him then I wouldn't have noticed that there was some kind of emotion flashed in his eyes in response to my words, but whatever it was it instantly vanished leaving his jaw hardened even more.

"Are you kidding me?
Never. Because I'm a normal human being, a normal guy, I lead a simple life. Not as complicated as you create your life Avni. I never lie to people, I never cheat. I never steal someone's mail id, send some fucking mails to someone then lead on that person to develope fucking feelings for me. I can't even think of doing such heinous act to my worst enemy. Love is not something to play with Avni. I never toy with someone's feelings, did you hear me Avni Mehta? I'm not that self-centred of a person as you are.
I mind my own fucking business." His caustic tone made me feel so little. Notwithstanding I couldn't say anything on my favour.
Am I that bad?
You played with fire and this is the ramifications you have to face. A voice came inside of me. My unstoppable tears can't fix this.

Avni: I know and I'm sorry. I said meekly through my feeble weep.

"Your fucking sorry can't fix this. You ruined not mine but Tina's life too Avni. Didn't you realise that yet? She would never get that love from me, the love she deserve. And it will be because of you.
You never felt like confessing me. Did you? You kept going on and on and on with this whole drama. Why Avni?
You never fall for me, did you?"Disdain coating his tone. He jerked me towards him by my shoulder making me almost loosing balance.
His face dangerously close, his eyes moved furiously back and forth searching mine as if in hope he wants me to say yes. His iron like clutches on my shoulder hurting me but I have to bear this pain because that pain is nothing compare to the pain I caused him. My fist clenched the fabric on my thigh both side.

I'm speechless. His each and every word pinned my heart, I'm  bleeding inside. He has every right to hate me.

Please don't hate me. My chin wobbled at the sight of such heart wretching thoughts.

"Please don't do that to her Neil, she always wanted to tell you, the truth. It's me who never let her"  my voice wavered pleading dodging off his last words asking me if I love him. Is it even a question to ask?
Yes I do, I love him so much, I always loved him. Only him the whole time.

Every fiber of my body screaming to confess him but I know I lost it, he won't believe me. Confessing time has long gone between us. Only the grief will stay.

I felt like crying at the sight of his excruciating stance. His jaw clenched, unclenched fathoming my intention. I stands there like a status.

A sadistic smile grew on his lips before he mocked me in respond to my words. Hurting me more, bleeding me more.

"I'm surprised. Really. And you have the audacity to request me on this, after everything you did to me? You knew exactly what you were doing, that hurts the most. You fucking broke me Avni so don't you dare play the victim" His gritted, those words came out of his mouth like he is spitting venom. He looked at me with those hateful gaze. I can't take this anylonger. Oh God have some mercy, or give me some strength to take it all in.

Despite everything I did worst to him, I never wanted him to hate me.
I never wanted him to discover it this way. Atleast not when they are engaged now. "As if you ever tried to let him know" my subconscious snarled and as always I dismissed her sarcasm.
I love him enough to let him go,Yes I do.
I bit my lips in struggling to stifle a bone crushing sob that threatening to break out of my chest. Now He so hate me. I messed up everything.

"And this fucking song....I so hate this now on. Actually you made me hate everything I used to like once. Like every fucking thing. Congratulations Avni Mehta you won, you broke me, you destroyed me." He pulled away his hold off me so harshly that my step faltered backward leaving me almost falling but I somehow managed not to.
He clapped, his face hard like stone. He looked so different_cruel parellaly so much heartbroken. All because of me. I broke his heart.

"I just want to ask you one last thing. What have I done to receive so much of hatred from you? Why did you crush my heart so brutally? toyed with it? What kind of heinous act I did to you that you couldn't move on but got determined to destroy me? Because as far as I remembered I wasn't that close to you, not more than I used to be with Tina. "

"Neil. It's.....I..." I couldn't complete I sniffed heavily. I have no answer to this. How could I explain him how wrong he is about this whole idea of me dislike him? or the entire situation is? How could I say to him that I liked him always? I liked to talk to him. I used to like waiting for his reply to my every mail. I liked how he was so curious to know every little thing about me. How eagerly I was waiting to see him for the first time after we grew up. We never shared our grown up pictures, we wanted to know eachother in person first not by some stupid photographs. How can I explain to him that my heart bleeds every time I watch them together. I can't.
Although It wouldn't mean anything if I confess, I can't when he is already engaged. This is not some fairy tale we are living in, there is no happy ending in real life, not mine atleast

Love is not all moonlight and roses.

"You have no answer to any of this. Do you? You know what? you are sick. You need therapy." He snapped those words which came out of his mouth like a hard slap on my face.
After what seems like an hour , it took seconds before him casting me one last look and he dashed out of the door.
The moment Neil left the spot my body couldn't hold on any longer my heavy heart, my wobbled legs gave up and I collapsed on the floor.

*

No no please. I'm sorry. I am so so sooo sorry......only her frantic, pained voice was heard. Not able to conceal any longer her face twisted breaking into a copious weep.

Avni: How could I do that to him? He is the man I love. Always loved. My chest ached, unbearable. Now he knows the half truth, I feel like ten times worse than when he hadn't had any idea about the other half. Only If I could have told him_ it was a feeling like my heart has ripped out my chest the moment he had walked to Tina_ the day I lost him.

Hey peeps here is the most awaited chapter that many of you were waiting for.

Thanks to all those who loved the previous chapter and have been supporting us.

We truly appreciate it.

Hope you all love this revelation chapter. All thanks to NeilAvni_love