If you hesitate between me and another person then don't choose me

It was around 10pm I stepped out of the washroom when Neil barged into my room unceremoniously, without a knock. A gasp skipped out of my chest he startled me. I moved few metres away and he mimicked my steps. My back collided with the wardrobe door, putting his arms in support both the side he trapped me. He is much taller than me, my head tilted up.I hope I don't get brain stroke because his mesmerizing eyes compelling me. I wonder if I have ever seen eyes like his before, this deep, captivating.

Neil: You are good at having things your way. Don't you? Nothing to deny it, his sarcasm hurts me yet I couldn't take my eyes off his piercing dark brown orbs searching for my soul.I can feel my heartbeats in my ears.

Avni: Neil. I said...I am sorry.My voice trembling unannounced having him in my room. I inhaled loudly. He has no idea how I am in a great struggle everyday coping up with this ill feeling when you know you did something bad to someone very close to you, that guilty feeling eats you up every seconds. Your subconscious won't be let you it pass. You can't be in peace until unless you won't fix it , or take it back whatever mistake you did. It is the most horrible things to experience for a person who is dying every second in repentance, nothing can give them solace, relief, nor they can find it in any other things. That's what I am unrepairable damaged. I hurt the person who is most dear to me, who did no harm to get such brutal treatment.I broke his heart terribly.

Neil: "Every text I get I hope it's you. You have no idea how badly I want your name to light up on my pH." His derisive tone vanished instead his voice came out as raspy, intimately low. The night suit I wore is comfortably loose, it's a little low neck cut. I felt his breathing too harsh on my neck. His gaze dropped to that spot for once before he languorously pulled away. My cheeks burned watching him.
I swallowed a hefty breath, following my action his adam apple blobbed too before he took his time to lean into me, looked in my eyes. Our forehead almost touching, I didn't realise when he moved this close, dangerously close trapping me with the intensity of his presence.
As if I can hear my own heart beating wildly. Before I barely could comprehend his words when in a swift motion he is few feet away leaving me missing the warmth he spread being that close. I am in loss of speech.
"I wish I had the power to ignore you, just like you ignore me. Your fucking sorry can't fix this." His words dripping repugnance, jaws ticked because of his clenching it painfully hard.
"I want you. I want to be with you, it is as simple, and as complicated as that." His voice came out vehement, he paused letting the tension build. His eyes locked with mine when I gaped into those dark brown deep orbs. His vibes, his words doing things to me I can't explain. There is an unsaid pull between us I can almost see it, the sudden change of air in room is too thick to be ignored.
He is just too good, take him in. My subconscious having heart eyes like those we see in anime movies, and I blinked rapidly blocking her.

"Alright I take it back every hurtful words I said you yesterday. Ofcourse not for the entire part, Only the last part I am sorry for. I shouldn't have said those stuffs related to your mental health. And the other things I told you, you deserved it. I was mad, really mad at you. I am sorry okay. Let's start a fresh. Please" One minute he is agitated, insulting me with his scornful remarks then the next moment he is confessing his heart out. He is so unfathomable, bipolar. This is so insane. I gazed at him, unsure of what to say.
It's like a tug of war between her brain and her heart listening to his words. Her heart wants to take him in, on the other side her brain want to push him out.

"It's getting a real struggle for me to keep holding up the resentment I suppose to feel for you, which is so fake on my part. I can be mad with you but I can't hate you. It is so hard not talking to you" His voice back to intense. His eyes dark searching something in my face, my soul. My heart picked at the sight. It is hard for me too.
Neil put his hand on my shoulder both sides pinning me with his pleading gaze.
" I can't marry Tina. I don't love her likewise You don't love Advay you just made up a story to push me away now I know it.
We are the real couple here. Neil and Avni. We do. Can't you see?" Yes I can see it but I am lacking guts to break Tina's heart in the process. A twing of pain passed through me at his hopeful gaze. He wants us together, I can't have him. My inner self is in a mess for betraying him.

He is too close invading my personal space.I am having struggle in breathing.
A-Neil. You walked to Tina. You chose her remember. I somehow cleared my foggy brain and muttered those words.
N-I thought I was talking to her the whole time. It was obvious I will walk to her. Sliping his hold off her shoulder Neil shoved his hands inside his trouser pocket enveloping me with a very acute air. I heaved a sigh I had no idea I was holding this long.

Avni: You didn't see any of us like how is our grown up version look. You had no idea who is Tina and who is Avni. Then How could you be so obvious about it?
Remember You had said you will recognise me in a heartbeat. Saying this last sentence her voice trembled, chin wobbled.

Neil: You really want this talk right now? Seriously Avni? Avni has nothing to say on this so she crossed her arms took a deep breath having not any guts to poke him. Being speechless, jittery she bite the inside of her cheeks and looked away.

Neil: Tell Avni to mail me sometime, as if she totally forgot me.

Avni: Yep definitely I will pass the message.

Neil: do please.

And she never did. Because it was her.

Avni: This is over. We talked about it already. Don't make this hard for both of us. You are engaged to Tina already. For God sake Neil , think about your family, her family. Bebe is sick. At this point you can't back off. If he had any idea every piece of her being aches for him.

Neil: Don't say things like that, when you say things like that you make me sound like I am the bad guy. By the way you can't deny the fact that you have feelings for me. Those mails have all the vibes. Why don't you admit it already? Talking He took a dangerous step forward and Avni took one backward. Suddenly his voice is back to tender, intense. Avni swallowed looking at his instant demeanor changing for the third time in a go.

Avni: Neil...the words came out as a whisper. A little part of her wants to admit, pull him to her chest and let him know everything but the rational part is too....well just rational.Just now she realised that it is less difficult to talking to a angry Neil than this quiet, fervent one.

Neil: I miss how you and l used to be. I try not to miss you, I try to let go but in the end you are always in my mind. I love you and it's killing me. I don't care of the repercussion I can be faced, I am that desperate. For you I will risk it all. I want you to be mine selfishly, thoughtlessly mine." On my. I momentarily forgot everything.
At this point his voice eager, pleading snatching my soul away. his end sentence jolted me out of the daze. Why did he say it? These all? He is not helping at all, instead making her helpless distracting her from her goal. Causing me to forget everything and throw my arms around him and ask him to get me away this chaos, far from this self made hell.
*
Avni: This is...her voice shook not able to finish the sentence. For the first time Her heart breaking not for him but for her own, for being not able to just elope with him. Wherever he takes her she would go if he keeps doing it one more second.
His unwavering deep gaze upon her making her nervous, demanding her reply. On the other side her subconscious mind had a whiplash 'he loves me' she repeated hundred times growing all mushy. A wave of pleasure ran through her spine at his confession. He did said the L word.

Neil: Yes or no. He took another step leaving no room for any kind of distraction.Silence filled the space for couple minutes. Her lower jaw pulled between her teeth, her chin wobbled not able to gasp a word. Because she has no idea how to explain him, what to say in return, why not get in there; that she is scared as hell to want him. On the contrary Neil is in another space. His eyes flickered at her lips, stayed there for few seconds then as if it is a huge of a fight not to keep staring at that tempting spot he darted his gaze away. Now his eyes a shade darker back in hers. There is some kind of emotions flashed in his eyes then it's gone as if he swallowed down that thing whatever is threatening to come out to the surface. Her eyes dizzy, her heart did a summersault as if it can sense all of it; his inner torment. A shudder passed through her spine at the memory of him kissing her. Great this is the perfect timing to think that night Avni. She cursed shutting her eyes hard, she dragged a shaky breath calming down her every nerve before she re-opened her eyes.

This way they kept stretching out the scene, their reason aren't the same though.

They both startled from a raucous voice moves within their hearing distance. They darted their gaze, moved away. Both Cleared their throats in unison to clear off the awkwardness and waited for the intruder to get them.

"You two. don't you think you guys are too boring to be my friends? By the way What did I miss?" Tina crossed her arms glaring at both of them. It's apparent She is totally oblivious of the predicament between Neil and Avni, before her arrival.

" Okay guys if you have some time for me then there is something I want to tell you two. I have no one to share this one with. Few seconds before playful Tina is suddenly jittery. She licked her lips, swallowed heavily eyeing at two of her very weird looking audience.
Avni grew keyed up looking at Neil then her worried gaze shifted back to Tina. She gulped hard too much aware of that unceremonious change of air around them.

Tina:  Don't panic okay? She giggled under her anxious gaze watching Avni more tensed than her. Drawing in a deep breath she continued.
"It's about my Dad. Last time I checked I saw his doses got doubled. He has some heart issues Avni knows. I never told you yaa." Tina bite her cheeks nervously watching Neil pinching his face in confusion listening to her.

Avni: Are you sure? Did he tell you? Avni asked getting tensed.

Tina:  He would never. May be Ashish Uncle know about it. I am sure Dad told him because the other day I saw them,Ashish Uncle might have took him to the doctor. I was walking back home I saw the duo came out of the car together. I saw reports in my Dad's hold, and those medicine shop little brown paper bag you know. I saw it as clear as a day. I didn't want them to startle at that moment so I slowed down my steps and entered the house a little late after Dad walked in. What if Dad has something major? I have seen him little lost lately. He is taking too much stress the day our engagement got fixed." Tina panicked, she clutched Avni's hands for the mental support.
Listening to her Avni looked at Neil then at Tina. She saw Neil's forehead knitted in deep thoughts. Tina bit her lips watching both of them waiting for their responses.

"Why don't you talk to your Dad?" Neil suggested in a very bothered tone.

"You don't know my Dad Neil. He would never let me know about this one. He just think still I am his little girl , I don't deserve to know how weak his heart is. Which is bullshit. He thinks I won't be able to handle it. When he got it first attack I was in eighth standard I was tender back then." Tina complained.

"Okay okay do not panic. I would talk to my Dad. He can talk to Shekhar Uncle, and also we know a heart specialist from London we can consult him through zoom calls for a second opinion. Trust me your Dad will be alright." This time Neil assured in a gentle tone. His words managed to ease some tension off her head and also she felt relief talking to Neil especially. Tina looked down when she felt Neil put his hands on hers which was still holding Avni.

Tina then looked up, her eyes soft being assured by Neil her fiancé. They both stared at eachother for few seconds, and between this Avni stole the opportunity to pull her hand away under Tina's hold. A smile spread through her eyes made a small curve on her lips watching them.
This is how things can be changed, May be this way Neil learns to love her someday. And her guilty feeling shall subsides a little by seeing them together, happy.

Happy? seriously Avni? What do you think of yourself, a saint? I want Neil, he is the man I always loved. You can't take him away from me.You have no rights to bleed me this terribly, you are so going to regret this. Take him back.Tina do not deserve him. She never did. I said take him back. now.
Her inner self barked, screamed exhaling out her frustration.