So, MiracleDreamer on ao3, or Fantasyeuphoriaandlace on tumblr, made a mistake and told me anything written to the Florence + The Machine version of "Stand By Me" would make her cry.

Let's just say, I took it to a whole new level of sad.

This is part one of a two part fic.
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He knew.

He knew the second Luke came home, smelling like sex and alcohol.

He could put two and two together.

But he never, never in his mind, thought that his boyfriend, his true love, would do this to him.

Never in a millions years did he ever think Luke would pull the ultimate betrayal.

Was he bored with him. Was Jon not enough for him? Was Jon doing something wrong in the relationship? There had to be a reason.

Whatever it was that drove the older to cheating, it didn't make the situation any less agonizing.

Of course, Jon had known for quite some time. He was just waiting for the biggest piece of evidence, the thing that would truly cement his fate.

And it had just shown itself.

"Get out." His words were harsh and demanding, covering his broken heart.

"What?" His words were clipped and confused, as if he didn't know the reason why.

"You heard me," Jon looked up from his spot on the couch, eyes digging into Luke's own, "Get. Out."

Luke had no reason to act so shocked about his words, they had been arguing for two hours, over the text Luke received.

He had been in the kitchen at the time, and Jon was on the couch watching tv, snuggled under a pile of blankets, momentarily forgetting his suspicions to enjoy his night, when he glanced over at the new message on Luke's phone, from an unnamed contact, which the older had mistakenly left on the arm of the couch.

You left your jacket here, swing by later for it and maybe a quickie?

That was all the evidence Jon needed.

Two hours of yelling and things being thrown across the room, and Jon was tired.

But he was also done.

Done with the lies, the secrecy, done with Luke. He loved that man more than life itself, but he couldn't stand by and pretend that he wasn't hurt, broken. He couldn't just let it go.

He wanted, needed, Luke out of his house. Not out of his life, though. He still needed Luke as a friend, but obviously a relationship wasn't in order for the two.

But right now, he was angry and upset, and he really wanted Luke away from him.

He couldn't stand to sleep in the same bed as him, let alone the same house. Not while knowing his body had been touched by another.

Jon stared at the wall, voice rough and quiet as he almost begged for Luke to go.

"Please, get out. Just-just take your stuff and leave."

Luke was quiet for a few moments before he finally moved, grabbing his phone and going to their shared bedroom, where he stayed for a good half hour, presumably packing his things.

Jon stayed in his spot on the couch, a couple tears slipping from his eyes, but he willed them to stop while he wrapped himself in a blanket and sipped on the tea he had made himself prior to the argument.

He stared at the tv, not really paying attention to what was on, more so using the colors and noise as a distraction.

He really thought Luke loved him. He really thought Luke was the one, the man to stand by his side and keep him sane.

What a mistake.

But, in his defense, in all the years Jon had known the bearded man, he had never once done this to any of his significant others.

So what made him do it now?

Jon had no idea, and as he listened to the undeniable sound of Luke hitting the wall in the next room, he still couldn't figure it out.

When Luke came out of the room, he had a couple suitcases packed with all of his stuff, save his guns and some of his shoes. He had his phone in his back pocket, and it buzzed with a new message, but he didn't bother answering it.

He cleared his throat as he stood by the door, hand on the knob as he spoke.

"I'll be back later to grab the rest of my stuff..."

Jon gave a small nod, head down as he stared at his drink, taking note of his reflection, a question coming into his brain. The question he so badly wanted an answer to.

He swallowed harshly, and just as Luke was opening the door, his voice filled the silence.

"Who is it."

Luke stayed silent, not knowing how to tell the younger male who he had been sleeping with, who he had been going to on occasion.

Jon sighed, eyes closing and hands tightening on the mug in his hands, voice a little louder, a little less inviting.

"I just wanna know who it is."

A few more minutes of tense silence before Luke answered, pushing Jon further into his pit of despair.

"Evan."

If his heart hadn't broke all the way before, it sure as hell did now.

His best friend.

Jon didn't speak after that. He just bit his lip and stared at his tea, a sick feeling in his gut as he waited.

Not until he heard the door closing and the starting of a car did he let himself cry.

At that moment, he really let himself go, placing his tea on the coffee table and curled his legs to his chest, eyes releasing tear after tear as he let out the sobs he had been so carefully holding back.

He cried, and he cried hard. Probably harder than he ever had, but it was understandable. Why wouldn't it be.

And he didn't feel ashamed, no, he deserved to let the tears fall, he had just been through a Hell like no other. But, at least it couldn't get worse than this, right?

Wrong.

His phone went off, the ringtone painful to hear.

So darling, darling, stand by me

It was their song.

Oh, stand by me

His favorite song that Luke would sing to him when he was upset.

How ironic it was now.

He picked up the phone with shaking hands and a heavy heart, willing the tears to stop and his voice to sound normal, to end the song and start a conversation.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jon. I tried to message you but you weren't answering."

Ryan.

He always called at the worst times, didn't he?

"Oh, sorry, haha. I was takin' a nap, whas'up?"

He heard the soft breathing of the male on the other line, as if he wasn't sure of what to say.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to record in a little while-are you alright? You sound upset."

He could always see through Jon's fake happiness.

Jon put him on mute for a second while he took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and answering with a more joyful tone.

"Yeah, I'm fine dude. S'prolly 'cause I just woke up, haha."

He could feel the reluctance on Ryan's side, could feel the worry radiating off his friend.

"You sure?"

"Positive," he paused for effect, "what game did ya have in mind, man?"

He could hear Ryan sighing, and knew the older one wasn't going let it go. He was going to push Jon to tell him the issue.

But Jon didn't want to share this issue.

"I was thinking we could do some Battleship. I would pick Deceit, but Bryce is asleep and Luke isn't answering his phone-listen, are you sure there's nothing you wanna talk about?"

The sharp inhale after he mentioned Luke must've given Jon away. And at this point, Jon was on the verge of bawling again.

He knew he wouldn't last long before he broke down.

So, he took a deep breath, swallowed the lump in his throat, and spoke.

"I'm not in a good place right now..."

He heard a noise that must've been Ryan opening his fridge.

"What happened, Delirious?"

The heartbroken man closed his eyes at the nickname and the concern in Ryan's voice.

He exhaled shakily and bit his lip, finally tearing down his walls and bursting out his secret.

"Luke cheated on me..."

The words were harsh and abrupt, with a hint of pain, and Ryan stayed silent on the other line, frozen in place at the news.

He was confused, completely caught by surprise. This wasn't likely to be a joke, but he half hoped it was. Luke wouldn't possibly do that, would he?

30 seconds of Ryan thinking later, and he could hear Jon crying. It wasn't a sound he was accustomed to, it was one he had hoped he'd never hear. But the fact that Luke was the reason for those heartbreaking cries is what made it ten times worse.

Ryan could only manage two words at the moment.

"Oh, Jon...."

Jon hated the way he said it. It was filled with pity, and he absolutely hated being pitied. So he stopped his tears for a moment to speak to his friend, hoping for some type of empathy.

"I don't know what to do, Ry. I really don't know what to do. For fuck's sake, I loved him, I still do love him. But I can't look at him the same..."

He heard Ryan sigh and shift before he got an actual response.

"Jesus, I don't know, Jon. This shit is rough. Does he know you know?"

Jon swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, then realized he wasn't face to face with Ryan, and spoke.

"I kicked him out, man. I could barely look at him. Just a little bit ago."

He could feel Ryan's reluctance to ask, but he pressured him anyways, Jon was an open book now that would be read, whether he wanted to or not.

"What is it, Ryan?"

"....with who?"

Jonathan should've known this question would pop up, but it didn't make it any easier. He could feel the tears flowing haphazardly down his face, and his voice was shaky as he answered.

"Fucking Evan. He was sleeping with Evan, Ohm."

The sudden use of his nickname surprised Ryan, but not as much as Luke's infidelity. Out of all the people in the world, he never thought Luke and Evan would agree to something like this.

It was a slap in the face to him, he could only imagine how Jonathan felt. This explained Luke's absence in calls.

He could hear Jonathan sniffling, and it hurt him that he couldn't hug his poor friend. He hated it when any of his friends were upset, and this situation was no exception.

"...I'm so sorry, Jon. Listen, if you ever need to talk about it more, or just want someone to listen, you know I'm always down."

Jon's hollow laugh filled Ryan's ears, and he shivered at the lack of warmth in it. But his words were emotional and thankful, so Ryan was okay with it.

"I know...thanks, Ryan."

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Three days.

Three days and Jon hadn't heard from Luke.

It was the longest they had gone without any type of communication.

He was so tempted to ask Evan, but that thought quickly left his mind as his stomach dropped and he set down his groceries.

He wanted to know that Luke was doing okay, that he wasn't overworking himself or doing dumb shit because of their breakup.

But he was also reluctant to try and call him.

A part of him wanted to run into Luke's arms and cry with him, hoping for a different ending, one that wouldn't leave him so broken.

But another part of him didn't want anything to do with Luke at the moment. He wanted space and time to himself, to really tell himself this wasn't his fault.

Ultimately, Jon chose to let things be.

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A week.

Before he knew it, a week had gone by and he still hadn't heard from Luke, from his ex.

By this time, Jon was actually starting to get a little worried, and he instantly assumed the worst.

What if Luke had locked himself up in a room and shut himself out from everyone?

He shook that thought off though, instead opting for grabbing his phone and texting both Bryce and Ryan, asking if they had heard from Luke, or had any idea what he was up to.

It was an instant reply from both boys, and one that disappointed Jon slightly.

Both responses were a negative, and Jon had to stop himself from having a mini panic attack.

It wasn't like Luke to just not talk to him, he would always try something. It wasn't like him to just never call or text again.

And it definitely wasn't like Luke to abandon the rest of his friends over a relationship.

Jon clenched the Xbox controller in his hands, the game on the screen doing nothing to distract him from his thoughts.

He had died too many times to count already, and wasn't having any fun, it just kept reminding him of playing with Luke, and that was the last thing he wanted.

So, with a huff and a quick grab for the remote, he thoughtlessly switched to cable tv and flipped through the channels randomly, stopping on the news to see what horrible shit had happened today, and what unlucky person had to deal with it.

He listened haphazardly to the news that wasn't so new at all. It was all the same thing, all the same issues.

Some burglary, some bomb threat, another Trump fuck up, nothing new.

He listened to the people's voices as they described the recent news, and surprisingly, it was actually a bit calming, the lady's voice was gentle and sweet, as if she wasn't reading off a cue card and instead whispering into his ear.

It was the one thing that was distracting him, and he appreciated it. He needed this.

Jon was about to fall asleep when the news lady's words caught his ears, something familiar and alarming in them, and he instantly perked up, sitting straight, eyes on the screen.

She spoke a little louder, looking directly into the camera

"....10 people killed in a mass shooting at WalMart last week, news on the victims are now being publicly released."

Something about this was off, something didn't sit well with Jonathan, and he felt like he needed to keep watching, keep listening as he learned more of the event.

He paid attention for once, waiting for the names and pictures to show up on the screen. His stomach was twisting in knots, and his eyes held the reflection of crime tape and a mass amount of blood.

He waited and waited, for what seemed like an eternity, before names were listed off, pictures of the victims accompanying them.

".....Paul Anderson"

"....Amelia Crause...."

".....Leah Damon..."

He listened and listened, his stomach getting tighter and tighter as the names came closer to number ten. His brain was telling him what he already knew, but his heart had refused to even acknowledge it.

"...Corinne Gibson..."

"...Ashley Hewitt..."

"...Jordan Holmes..."

He tried to steady his breath, but he found himself shaking, and when his phone rang, he ignored it, too invested in the victims of this crime, too scared to answer.

"...Tara Moore...."

"...Christopher Moore..."

"...James Nicholson..."

He was silently hoping, praying that that last picture and name wouldn't belong to someone he knew.

The alphabetical order of the names wasn't helping him much, and the furrowing of brows and a small frown on the lady's face made everything seem slower, worse.

He couldn't stand the anticipation, the lady pausing for a moment to read the last name.

Jon held his hands together, throat dry and eyes glistening as a picture finally showed up with an accompanying name.

A picture and a name that was all too familiar, all too heartbreaking.

In the reflection of watery blue orbs, you could just barely make out a pair of sunglasses and a beard.

"......and Luke Patterson. Since the murders, the suspect has been caught, Mr....."

Jonathan stopped listening at that point, he stopped holding his hands together, his body was weak, he was frozen in place, waiting for the lady to say it was a joke, to say that everyone was fine.

He waited for there to be a mistake, some sort of wishful thinking that he knew wasn't at all realistic.

He couldn't move, couldn't speak, only cry, and as tears streamed down his face, he stared at the picture of his Luke on the screen. It was a picture he had taken, a selfie that had both men in it.

He was smiling widely, arms around Jon in a warm, possessive embrace that had Jon feeling the ghosting touch of at that moment.

He began to shake violently, and it wasn't long until he was throwing his remote at the screen, the small object hitting the giant flat screen with a small thud, landing on the carpeted floor with little sound.

He brought his knees to his chest and watched as the tv powered down, due to a connection error, but he didn't care. He couldn't stand to look at the news anyways.

Jon felt his entire world crashing down, everything burning and smoking before him, leaving him amongst ashes of a once happy life.

Everything suddenly made sense.

A week ago, Luke had been murdered. That's why he hadn't called. That's why he hadn't texted, hadn't had any type of contact.

Everything suddenly became hard.

Jon found himself unable to walk or function, and the only thing he could do was shake and cry as he came to the realization that Luke Patterson, Cartoonz, his only love, was no longer living.

He was dead and gone, lost to a bullet, and Jon couldn't help but feel like it was his fault.

Luke didn't take any of his guns when he left, nothing. Everything was still at Jon's house, including his concealed carry on, the one thing Luke always had with him.

But, in the heat of the moment, he must've forgotten to take it with him.

Jon sobbed out words of nonsense, his head hitting the back of the couch as he did so, tears wetting his blankets and clothes, but that didn't matter to him in the least.

He let himself completely break down, cries ripping from his throat in a way that would break anyone's heart, and he found himself longing for Luke's hugs, the soft embrace that would always keep him sane.

But now? He was completely crazy, crazy with anger and lies, sadness and despair, far worse than Luke's initial betrayal.

Luke had cheated on him, yes, but Jon didn't wish death on the man, he couldn't possibly live without the bearded man in his life.

Now he had to.

When the night has come

And the land is dark

And the moon

is the only light we'll see

Jonathan felt his heart break a little bit more, and his sanity fade further. How dare the world do this to him. How dare his phone ring, tone that of his song that instantly brought thoughts of his dead one.

He couldn't pick it up, couldn't bring himself to answer the damn thing.

He just stayed on the couch, with his knees to his chest, rocking and crying as the song played and played, the person calling not willing to give up.

He stayed like that, his blankets covering his form, letting the song make its way into his ears, drowning him in memories and an overwhelming emotional pain that he hoped he'd never experience.

Once upon a time, that song used to be his savior.

Now, it was nothing but his torturer.