3rd Person POV

Everything seemed duller now. The world wasn't as full of mystery, it wasn't interesting, it was empty. Every breath that escaped into the vast darkness seemed wasted. Nothing seemed to carry any purpose. It wasn't quite clear when things had just stopped being fun. The transition was so fast yet very subtle. In a flash happiness, hopes, dreams, fun, excitement, it was all just gone.

Jonathan cursed as he awoke from his mother yelling at him that he was once again late for school. Maybe he wouldn't miss so much school if he wasn't so sleep deprived. Dread filled through his body, knowing everyone would joke about him once again being late. He decided today's excuse would be he was at an appointment.

Sluggishly, he got out of bed and put on black pants along with his very baggy, black hoodie. Honestly he hated his daily outfit. Jonathan liked wearing light, pastel colors instead of black but he couldn't change his outfit because he knew everyone would make even more seemingly harmless jokes towards him. He went upstairs and started messing with his knotted hair in the bathroom.

Jonathan's mother left to take his little brother to school not too long after telling him to wake up. Once he finished getting ready for school he sat on the grey couch against the banister. Without having to think about it, Jonathan got lost in his own mind. He imagined being older and more confident in himself. He imagined wearing whatever he wanted and being who he really was. His moment of bliss was ruined by a car honk coming from outside.

Grabbing his semi-heavy backpack, he headed out the door. He opened the passenger seat door and sat down. Taking only a glance at his mom, Jonathan knew she was up late like usual. His eyes shut tightly not wanting to think about those kinds of things. His right hand pulled the sleeve on his left hand down further, covering his whole hand, out of habit.

'Others before self, brings joy!'

"You really need to try and wake up in the morning. You can't always be late like this," Jonathan's mother spoke as she pulled out of the driveway.

He sighed, "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't go to bed late last night so I don't know why I didn't wake up..." his voice slowly trailed off while he finished talking.

Unfortunately, Jonathan did know why he wasn't waking up. His body didn't want to go to school. His mind didn't want to go. His depression didn't want to go. His anxiety didn't want to go. This all made him not want to go, so he just slept it away.

His mom pulled up to the front of the school and unlocked the car doors so Jonathan could leave. He said goodbye and shut the car door. Swiftly, Jonathan made his way to the school's front doors. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he opened the unlocked door. Trying to be quick, he got his pass from the front office and went to his locker.

The code for his locker was programmed into his brain, at this point, making it easy to get his books for class. With trembling and anxious hands he slammed his locker shut, quickly making his way to class. A fake grin grew on Jonathan's face, not from joy but rather wanting to make everyone believe he was completely happy with his life and absolutely nothing was wrong. The excuse he made up this morning repeated in his head like someone kept pressing replay repeatedly in his brain. Jonathan silently prayed everyone would believe him once again and he could keep everything to himself for another day.

'Others before self, brings joy!'

His hand grasped the cold doorknob. With one turn of the doorknob and a push, Jonathan had entered the room. All eyes went onto him as soon as the door opened. The fake smile grew larger as looked at his classmates. His friends rolled their eyes at him and whispered to one another. A pang of hurt stabbed him in the heart but he didn't show it. Jonathan gave the teacher his pass and sat down. His English teacher rambled on about something that was completely off topic. The old lady was one of the most boring teachers you'd ever meet, so this class was mostly when he would go back into his own world.

A small poke came from the left of him causing Jonathan to turn his head slightly in that direction. Tyler, one of his friends, handed him a folded piece of paper. Knowing not to reject the paper, he took it and silently unfolded it.

'Trying to skip again I see,' was written in messy handwriting on the inside of the paper. Jonathan gave a fake smile as he stared at the paper. He didn't realize he was smiling before his mouth ached. Fake smiling was a dangerous habit Jonathan had and he knew one day it would be his downfall. 

Jonathan almost forgot to respond to Tyler's note. He wrote the words he had been reciting like a prayer for the past fifteen minutes, 'No, I had a doctors appointment this morning and had to get two shots in between my shoulders.'

When his English teacher turned her back Jonathan placed the note back onto Tyler's desk. He glanced over at his friend after a minute and saw he had given it to the rest of his friends to read. Misery and worry flooded over his body by the looks on their faces. It looked like they all don't believe him. Jonathan pulled on his left sleeve again, to try and not break down while he was in class.

'Others before self, brings joy!'

The bell soon rang telling everyone class was over and they had little to no time to get to their next class. Jonathan scrambled to collect his books and left the class before any of his friends could talk to him. In this moment, conversation was definitely a terrible thing. He had grabbed his books for second and third period as well so he navigated through the halls to his next class. At one point, Jonathan swore he heard his name being called but he was too nervous to look and confirm that fact.

When he entered his next class a cold breeze hit his face. This classroom was strangely always very cold to him, but warm to everyone else. The teacher always came in late to this class so Jonathan sat down, plugged in his headphone to his phone, and turned on some random song he enjoyed. More teens piled into the room and chatted mindlessly to their friends, leaving him alone in the corner of the room.

Before Jonathan could escape into his own mind, his best friend and crush Evan walked into the room. They made eye contact and instantly Jonathan knew something was off. He prayed Evan wouldn't bring up anything about him being late this morning. With everything going on at the moment, Jonathan couldn't handle talking to Evan right now.

Luck wasn't on his side today, since Evan instantly made his way over to Jonathan. With a quick intake of air Jonathan removed his headphones and looked up at his friend who was now right infront of his desk.

"So, are you gonna tell me the truth about why you were late this morning?" Evan's voice came out soft.

'Others before self, brings joy!'

Jonathan put on his signature fake smile and acted innocent, "What do you mean? I was late because I had a doctors appointment."

Evan looked Jonathan straight in the eye, "Tell me the truth."

Jonathan felt overpowered and was completely overwhelmed by the situation. He was late almost every morning, how did he figure out he was lying today? 'Maybe he's just trying to trick me into confessing,' Jonathan thought. 'He can't possibly be positive I'm lying.'

"But I just did!" Jonathan protested.

Evan sighed and sat down in the desk next to Jonathan's. The air between them was tense and very uncomfortable. It was the moments like this Jonathan wanted to disappear all together and just forget about his problems. He knew he couldn't do what he desperately wanted to though. That simple sentence pounding in his head reminded him just why he couldn't do anything that made him happy.

'Others before self, brings joy!'

For so long, Jonathan held onto that sentence in his mind, just hoping it could make him happy. But it never did. The sentence he was told was suppose to mean, "if you bring joy to others before yourself, it will make you happy as a result!" Jonathan tried doing that, but it only made him feel more miserable. By trying to make others happy, they all assumed he was the most cheerful, go-lucky guy there was. If only they all knew how far from the truth that was.

"Jonathan!"

He jumped and almost fell out of his chair from the sudden shout. Jonathan turned his head and realized Evan had been trying to get his attention.

Jonathan went red from embarrassment, "Oh sorry. I spaced off."

Evan sighed, "You're so dumb Jonathan," he let out a small laugh.

'OTHERS BEFORE SELF!'

He knew Evan was joking, but that didn't stop him from being hurt by the words, "Yeah, I know," Jonathan replied with a small and weak laugh.

Evan looked at Jonathan and felt a deep concern for his friend. His voice and laugh sounded so worn out. It sounded like Jonathan was slowly falling apart, which made Evan extremely worried about his crush. Yes, the two boys had a thing for each other. All their friends could tell the boys liked each other romantically, except for the two boys themselves.

"Hey Jon, can you come to my house after school?" Evan asked.

Jonathan hesitantly nodded, "Yeah, I ain't doing anything after school."

Panic filled Jonathan by his freind's request, but he made sure Evan didn't know that. The less everyone truly knew about his life, the better. At least that's what he thought, because in reality it hurt everyone around him by not saying anything.

'Others before self, brings joy?'

School passed by fairly quickly like it always seems to. The final bell of the day rang, signaling everyone could leave for the day. Jonathan made his way to his locker and put his homework in his old, worn out backpack. He almost forgot about going to Evan's house after school but his mind randomly reminded him about it.

Throwing his bag onto his shoulder and slamming his locker shut, Jonathan navigated through the sea of people to find his best friend. It wasn't before long that he found Evan talking to Tyler at his locker. He approached them silently, not wanting to interrupt their conversation.

"I don't know man that's kinda risky," Evan said unsurely to Tyler.

Tyler grabbed his shoulder, "C'mon man! Just go and do it! It's not like he's gonna-."

Evan spotted me coming towards him and slapped Tyler's arm, cutting him off, "Okay, yeah, I get it. Now I need to go. Bye Tyler."

'Joy?'

Not caring about what he had to say, Evan quickly made his way over to Jonathan. Tyler looked pissed that he had walked away but when he saw Jonathan he smiled, knowingly, and walked off. The two boys didn't exchange any words for a minute, they just stood their awkwardly looking at one another.

"So, are we heading to your house straight away?" asked Jonathan.

"Yep, if that's okay with you."

Jonathan only nodded and immediately regretted it. He thought not saying anything would make it seem like he didn't care at all. Evan started walking to the school's front doors and called Jonathan to follow him. He speed walked over to his friend who was walking at a slower pace so the other boy could catch up.

The two friends talked about random topics and shared weird stories as they drove to Evan's house. It was relevantly close to the school so the drive didn't take long. Jonathan wasn't sure why, but today felt like a really bad day. He began questioning some of the choices he had made before and wished he could go back and change them. His mind was far from the conversation he was having with Evan, but Jonathan somehow stayed on topic.

'...'

Evan fumbled slightly with his house keys but managed to get the door open. Currently, his parents were on another two month "vacation". In reality they were off somewhere gambling and doing drugs. Evan stopped caring about what they did many years ago even if it still hurt him inside.

The dim house gave the friends a comfortable feeling and overall just made them at ease, "So what do you want to do?" Evan asked.

"I don't care, honestly," Jonathan replied. He never liked choosing so he was neutral about most decisions.

They soon decided on just hanging out and playing games until their fingers hurt. Evan's gaming console was set up in his living room so the boys played next to each other on his couch. Despite the big size of the couch, Jonathan and Evan played shoulder to shoulder. It wasn't awkward anymore since they sat like this for the majority of the time. 

Soon it had gotten late so Evan ordered pizza for dinner. Jonathan had decided to stay over since he never really wanted to leave Evan's side. Once their food had arrived the boys sat in the same position on the couch as before and ate in a comfortable silence. Evan glanced at the clock to see the time which only caused his nerves to build up more.

'Others before self, brings...'

"Hey, Jon." Evan spoke causing Jonathan to look at him.

"Hm?" Jonathan replied simply, setting down his slice of pizza.

Evan let go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding, "Would you, uh," his words got caught in his throat. "Would you like to go out with me tomorrow?" he asked quickly.

Jonathan's eyes went wide, "Like... on a date?" he asked in a low voice.

Out of a nervousness, Evan connected his hands together and simply nodded.

'Joy!'

"O-of course I would! That'd be perfect," Jonathan was filled with real happiness for the longest time in awhile.

With a grin on his face, Evan embraced Jonathan. This shocked the other boy since he wasn't used to people hugging him. Jonathan hugged Evan back, tightly, getting emotional over the small gesture. When they pulled away Jonathan was surprised that he still felt ecstatic. 

"How does watching a movie sound?" Evan asked the other male.

"That sounds great," he replied simply.

The Wizard of Oz started playing on the television which made Jonathan chuckle; it was his favorite movie so Evan played it just for him. Jonathan rested his head on Evan's shoulder and smiled genuinely which was a nice, temporary, change. Evan changed his postion and wrapped his arms around Jonathan's waist. A content sigh left his mouth as he got comfortable in Evan's arms.

'Others before self, only can bring joy for so long.'

The two boys started drifting off into sleep as their muscled relaxed and their breathing paced out. Evan knew Jonathan had things he was keeping inside himself but he also knew Jonathan would tell him what those things were, it just took a little bit of time. Jonathan knew there were some things Evan was hiding from him, but he would wait until Evan was comfortable enough to tell him what he's keeping inside himself. Soon, they would know every dark secret the other had. They didn't worry about how this could effect them in the future.

For now, they just slept.