XLII. It's Now Or Never
Connie sat criss-cross on the bed she had been provided with. She stared down at her hands in her lap, trying desperately to figure out what the hell had happened to her. All she had been told was that she had been injected with something to help her heal, and that was only confirmed when she woke up an hour and a half ago. Connie was completely healed. She felt absolutely fantastic, but she could feel that there was something inside her that just wasn't right. It was something that she couldn't begin to figure out no matter how deep she delved into her brain for assistance.
Connie felt weaker than she normally did, but it wasn't because of her wounds. She figured it was because of the injection, but she could find or feel no evidence to support that claim. Her body also felt stiffer than normal, and her senses were nowhere near as strong as they used to be. She hated feeling the way she did, and she hated even more that she couldn't figure out why she felt the way she did. It was the most frustrating thing she ever thought she'd have to deal with.
The door to Connie's room slid open, and Connie looked up from her lap to see Steve making his way into the room. She sent a small smile his way and looked back down at her hands, both of which she was now clenching into fists. She was testing her strength, or at least trying to build up what she was unaware she didn't have.
"How are you feelin', Connie?" Steve asked her softly as he moved to sit down on the bed beside her.
Connie shrugged and glanced over at him; she figured Bucky would be with him as well, but he wasn't, and that upset Connie slightly. "I wouldn't know how to describe the feeling, Steve. Where's Bucky at?" she asked him.
Steve let out a nervous breath. "He's taking care of something at the moment. He should be down here in a little bit," Steve told her.
Bucky wanted nothing more than to come see Connie, but he couldn't see her without thinking about the fact that he had to leave her, and he couldn't leave her without telling her first, so it was crucial that he took the time to work out exactly what it was he was going to say to her. The last thing Bucky wanted to do was leave Connie—he loved her too much to be away from her—but leaving her was the only way he knew she would be safe.
"Oh, okay."
Steve studied the estranged expression on Connie's face, and he looked down at her clenched fists in her lap, his brows furrowing in slight confusion as he tried to figure out what was going on with her. "Would you care to tell me what's going on with you, Connie? You're acting peculiar."
"Uh. . ." Connie clenched her fists again, though was angered by the lack of result she was hoping for. "I don't know, I honest to God do not know what the hell is going on with me and I'm so angry because of it."
"Whoa, calm down, Con," Steve tried to comfort her. "Just tell me what's going on."
Connie opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, Bucky walked into the room. Connie's eyes lit up as she looked at him, and she hopped off of the mattress, moving as quickly as she could to wrap him in a tight hug. There was a notable difference in Connie's movements as well, or at least to her there was, and it only further angered her. Hugging Bucky also felt so much more forced than usual due to the lack of strength inside her body.
"Hi, sweetheart." Bucky breathed out a sigh of relief as he hugged her back. He squeezed her small form tightly in his arms, much like he normally did, but for the first time in years he had squeezed her too tight.
Connie yelped and released him, backing away from him slightly. Bucky's eyes widened as he realized he had hurt her, and almost immediately he began to feel an overwhelming amount of guilt; he wasn't aware that he had squeezed her as hard as he had, and in reality, he hadn't.
"Connie, baby, I'm so sorry—"
"No, you didn't do anything." Connie shook her head quickly and began pacing back and forth in front of the two men. Her legs were stiff and weak, so much so that she had almost fallen over. Had she not caught herself on her bio-monitor, she would have fallen.
"Connie, what the hell is wrong?" Steve asked again.
Connie clenched her fists again and turned to him, her eyes pooling with aggravated tears as she looked at him. "I told you I don't know what's wrong with me!" she exclaimed.
"We might be able to help you with that," a voice sounded.
The three of them looked to the room entrance to find Fitz and Simmons standing, both of them with different expressions on their face. Simmons was frowning, and in the three's opinion, it looked almost as if she was feeling guilty about something. Fitz looked rather content, though he seemed to be a bit afraid of something. None of them knew what that something was, but they figured they were about to find out.
"What do you mean?" Connie asked Jemma quickly. "What did you do to me?"
Jemma sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She was unsure of how to go about telling Connie that her abilities were gone, so she looked to Fitz for help. "Fitz, why don't you explain to Agent Jones what changes are currently taking place inside her body?"
"Me?" Fitz was slightly taken back. "I told you I'd come with you, I said nothing about telling her."
"Tell me what?" Connie exclaimed angrily. Her patience was running dangerously low; if the two of them knew what was wrong with her, they definitely should have told her by now.
Jemma and Fitz exchanged glances with one another, and Fitz nudged a very hesitant Jemma forward, much to her despair.
It's now or never, Jemma.
Jemma shook her head to rid her mind of her torturous thoughts and looked at Connie, a frown falling onto her face as she took in her expression. "I don't know how to say this in a scientifically comprehensible matter, so I'm just gonna come right out and say that you do not have your abilities anymore, Connie."
Connie's face fell at the sound of her words. "What do you mean?"
"After the injection, Jemma took a sample of your blood to compare it to a sample of your blood before the injection," Fitz began, attracting Connie's attention. "As it turns out, the serum that she injected you with—the GH. 325 serum—completely burnt the super-soldier serum out of your system, cleaning every single strand of your DNA and cleansing your blood stream of it."
"How is that even possible?" Bucky asked Fitz, as Connie was too bewildered to even think about speaking.
Jemma shrugged and clasped her hands together. "I can't be too sure about why it happened. All I know is that the GH treated the super-soldier serum as if it didn't belong inside her. It's almost like when a human gets a virus and the white blood cells break it down in order to get rid of it; the serum was the virus, and the GH. 325 was the white blood cells."
"I thought the effects of the super-soldier serum were permanent," Steve added.
"We thought so too," Jemma told him. "Nothing like this has ever happened before as far as I'm concerned."
"So, you're telling me that after seventy years, the serum is just. . .gone?" Connie spoke in disbelief. "There's no trace of it inside me because of what you injected into my system?"
"I'm so sorry, Connie," Jemma apologized.
Connie took a deep breath and shook her head as she tried to process the truth behind what was happening to her. Her abilities were a part of her, and now, because of a single needle, they had been ripped away as if they hadn't existed in the first place. The thought of not having her abilities not only angered Connie, but it also upset her greatly. Everything Connie had been taught over the years had been taught with the assistance of her superhuman abilities, but now she would have to reteach herself how to do everything without them.
At one point in time, Connie absolutely hated how strong she was and how easily she could hurt those around her. Hurting people was originally what they had been given to her for, but she decided that over the years that she wouldn't use her abilities to harm people. Instead, she used them to save people, but she asked herself if that was now possible do to without her abilities, and truthfully, she was terrified of the answer.
"Can't you just replicate it or something?" Connie spoke frantically.
"I really do wish I could," Jemma said sadly.
Connie clenched her fists at her side and began pacing again; all any of them could do was watch as the information processed itself inside her brain. "I can't believe this is happening to me," she murmured as she raised her hands to her head, pulling slightly on her brown hair.
"Connie, we can help you," Jemma said to her. "We can teach you how—"
"No," Connie cut her off. "You should've just left me alone and taken care of me the way a normal doctor takes care of a patient!"
"Connie," Bucky warned, though his warning went ignored.
"I was fine," Connie continued her rant. "You think that's the only gunshot wound I've survived? Especially to that area of my body? Ironically enough, the reason I have survived all of these wounds is because of the serum that used to flow through the veins in my body, and I can almost guarantee if you would have just left me alone, I would've healed just like I normally do."
Jemma squeezed her eyes shut and let out a breath, now slightly angry that Connie was being so ungrateful to her. She knew her anger towards the situation was the reason for her outburst, but it didn't change the way Jemma felt because of it. "You wouldn't have healed!" she retorted.
Bucky and Steve looked at Jemma with wide eyes, while Connie only stood there in shock at the sound of her words.
"W-what?"
"You were going to die, Connie, so I did whatever I had to do in order to save you," Jemma told her with a strained voice. "You were suffering from internal hemorrhaging, and I didn't catch it until the last minute, so I went to work and I found a way to save you for not only you, but for Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes and Phil and the rest of the team. I never anticipated you losing your abilities at all, and that's something I will always be sorry about, but I will not apologize for saving your life."
Jemma left the room immediately after, leaving Fitz to follow after her. Connie sunk down to the floor in front of her bed and cried, much to the despair of the two men staring down at her from her mattress.
"Connie," Bucky spoke quietly. He hated seeing her in such a state, but he understood perfectly as to why she felt the way she did. Not only had a part of her been stripped away from her without her knowledge, but she had also been very rude to the woman that had done everything to save her life after realizing she was about to lose it. Bucky knew better than anyone she felt guilty about what had happened between her and Jemma, but he also knew she would wait until she had calmed down to confront Jemma about it.
Connie wiped the tears from her face and looked at Steve and Bucky, a familiar feeling of relief flooding into her body as she took in the fact that she had both of them there with her. It was because of that—because of their presence—that Connie was already feeling much better about her current situation regarding the loss of her abilities. As long as she had them there to help support her in the new journey she knew she had to take to get back on her feet again, she would be okay, or at least she hoped she would be.
"You're both here," she spoke softly as she glanced back and forth between the two men.
Steve chuckled and got off the bed with Bucky following closely behind him. The two sat down on either side of Connie, and she placed her head onto Bucky's shoulder while grabbing both his and Steve's hands tightly in her own. The tears still continued to flow, but they were the least of her worries at the moment. The only thing she could focus on was the fact that she had her two favorite boys back.
"I love you guys," Connie told the two of them, her gaze fixed on the tiled floor in front of her.
"We love you too, Con," Steve replied.
Connie's lip trembled as she thought back to the last time she had been with the both of them—the last time she had truly been happy with the both of them. They had all taken a trip to Coney Island while Bucky and Steve had been on leave; it was the last time she had ever been with the two of them together. The memory of it alone was enough to provoke an emotional response from Connie. She just hoped she would never have to life her life without the two of them ever again. The thought of doing so scared her to death, and she squeezed their hands tighter in her own.
"Can you guys promise me something?" Connie sniffed.
"Of course, sweetheart," Bucky told her.
"You two mean the absolute world to me, okay?" she squeaked. "And the thought of living without you two makes me feel sick to my stomach. I need you guys to promise me that you won't leave me; I need you to promise me that no matter what happens you'll always be there for me to turn to."
Bucky and Steve shared glances with one another as Connie craned her head up to look at the two of them. Steve gave Bucky a cautious look, as he knew whatever his best friend was about to say would shatter Connie's heart into a million pieces, but Bucky simply ignored Steve and looked down at the woman he loved, forcing a smile onto his face to hide the pain he felt knowing he was about to lie to her.
"I promise, Connie," Bucky said to her as he reached up to wipe the tears from her face, eliciting a warm smile from the small brunette. He placed a kiss to the top of her head and looked to Steve, who held a very disapproving expression on his face as he looked him in the eyes. "I'll always be here."
Steve let out a shaky breath and shook his head, unable to believe Bucky was capable of doing such a thing. But rather than make his emotions known to Connie, Steve forced a smile onto his face just as Bucky had and looked down at Connie. "I'm always gonna be here for you, kid. What kind of big brother would I be if I left you?" he said with a soft chuckle.
The horrible difference between the two men's words—that Connie would soon come to discover—was that only one of them was telling her the truth.
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