I couldn't tell if he was genuinely happy or simply a good actor. They looked good together, I could admit to that but Beatrice couldn't. Beatrice complained every single day. Frankly, I was getting tired of her jealousy towards the poor clueless woman.

'Nora, she is as pale as a ghost. Where are her lips? She is a little too lanky and thin don't you think? Brown hair of all, she'd look better in blonde. Her eyes are so dull. Her eyes are rather droopy and weird looking don't you think Nora?'

I never said a word, in response. I thought she was pretty alright. I had not much to be concerned or jealous about when he came to visit me every night. When he held me till the morning with hesitation to leave. The way he kissed me after a long day. It was getting complicated, neither of us preferred to talk about it. He'd send flowers up to my room with mindless notes, that had mindless banters we'd spoken about the night before. Sometimes we simply spoke about anything, he had so many childhood stories to tell. I thought all of them to be hilarious. I did not think much of anything that happened between us. Hugh complained an awful lot when I did not show up. He'd give me a rough shag, which I enjoyed than his sweeter moments. I knew this would all come to an end soon. I did not like the way his eyes searched for mine in a room full of people. One thing I was well aware of was, I'd never allow myself to dream of a fairytale when there was clearly none. He was using me, I knew that and I was using him too. I knew very well, Hugh was a coward. He'd do right by his family and his duties before he ever disgraced them. This wasn't a little bedraggled town where anyone could do as they pleased. This was London and Hugh wasn't just a nobody. He had people who held him at high positions, he had duties to attend to. Hugh was a son of a duke, anything he did was scrutinised in the paper. Whoever he associated himself mattered, they had to be of the same standards. Lily Sudworthe was the daughter of a rich business man. Their families legacies pretty much aligned. She seemed like a sweet girl from the encounters we'd had. She tried her best to cater to Lewis but Lewis being the stubborn boy he is; he did not like too many people. Frankly he only preferred Hugh and I. In Lewis eyes, I was his mother and Hugh was his father. From what Hugh told me, both were incorrect.

"What's wrong?" Hugh asked, caressing my cheek. He forced me to look him. His green orbs fluttered with concern. It was a lot of things, many of them had to do with his inability to stay away from me. It was becoming too risky.

"You promised last time was the last time?"

Hugh let out a frustrated sigh.

"For virtues sake Nora, do you not see how hard I'm trying?"

I almost laughed.

"I don't and frankly, I can't keep this going any longer. It was good while it lasted. It's time we moved past any nonsensical relations we have."

Ignoring any of my requests as he always does. He turned to kiss me then pulled back. "How was your day, still feeling unwell?" I couldn't deny his caring nature, after a long day of being pushed around. It was sure nice to finally be able to vent it out. I made myself comfortable on his chest tracing his abdomen with circles. He liked that, even though he complained about how ticklish it was. It had become a habit I forgot.

"I'm fine, nothing I can't handle. I'm constantly fatigued but I suppose it's all Lewis becoming bigger by the day." Trying not to make everything about me, I turned it back to him. "How was yours? Mostly exciting than mine."

He chuckled. "Trust me this is the only exciting thing about my day. Suit fitting went well. Mother, Lily and Vicky have been very excited with wedding planning. In my mind, all I can think is here we go again. Well she won't pass away from any childbirth. Nothing scares me more than childbirth, takes a lot to survive that."

"I'm glad, you look good together. I'm certainly excited for you both. She makes a beautiful bride." I exclaimed.

"It's a bit odd that you feel so excited for me, you must horridly resent white men. I mean I am a good looking man and I do well when it comes to satisfying a woman, I'm quite the gentleman when I want to be but none of that seems to appeal to you."

"I get it from my father, he is an uncaring unbothered person. My aunt always said something along those lines." With a sigh. "I can't keep seeing you anymore."

He wanted to say something but decided against it. "What happens when Lily can't give you a child?"

"That, I do not know Nora. Certainly not something I want to think about right now."

"Alright." I told him.

"Do you find any interesting qualities about me besides intimacy?"

"You're nice, sometimes. Frankly I love to piss you off because I can not handle when all you want to do is make love to me and whisper unbelievable nonsense in my ear. I prefer when you're upset..." Letting out a laugh. "It's almost as if you forget that I'm still a nigger." It felt wrong to say either way.

Suddenly it was silent and nothing was funny. Hugh heaved a sigh. "That's because I do not see you that way."

"Yet you jump at the opportunity to embarrass me in public." This, I found funny. I pulled away from him then began to get dressed.

He didn't say a word instead he watched me get dressed. "Can't have anyone knowing that this is what you do in your spare time. Good thing this is the last time." I assured him.

"You sound upset?" He sat back on the headboard.

"No no, I'm used to being embarrassed. You shaming me in public is the least of my worries. My expectations for you are at their lowest."

"Right." He hissed.

"If I ever got pregnant trust me, I'd already know your reaction and I'd simply leave before you knew it." Pausing. "Hypothetical speaking." I would, without a doubt on my mind. There'd be nothing waiting for me knowing very well he'd hide behind his wife and mother as they called me a liar. I had seen it all happen to Panashe, it was never a graceful scene. I'd save myself from the shame before it even came. Hugh was more loyal to his family than any other. Any thoughts past this, I stopped myself from thinking about it.

This one made him laugh hysterically.

"You make me sound like a villain."

"I'd say coward but I get it. If I was in your position, I wouldn't expose myself either." I was getting to my last button.

"Sounds as if you're begging for my public affection."

I laughed.

"No thank you, I do not care this is why I'm ending things. Why would I want your public affection? I'm not that duff."

"Only I decide when we end things!" He hissed a little upset. Rolling my eyes, I was about to walk around when he rushed to the door closing it so I wouldn't have a way out.

"You drive me bullocks, you hear? You literally drive me insane to the point of madness. With your uncaring nature and hidden insults. Wouldn't it be kind of you just this once to like the man you allow into your warmth?"

Suddenly there was a knock. I was quick to hide in his walk in closet. Knowing if there was anyone who would get in trouble it would be me not Hugh. Buckling his pants up, he headed for the door. I tried my best to be quiet, I couldn't make out who it was but I could hear Hugh trying to his best to whisper so I couldn't hear much. It seemed like a back and forth argument that went on a for a little while.

"I'm in love with her and trust me telling her makes no difference. Please leave already."

With that the door closed.

I figured it was safe to come out. "I will see you then Lord Hugh." I told him awkwardly. I was never one to fully understand how love worked but that sure was fast. He was already in love with her? That was good, I suppose since they were going to wed. Perhaps it was his butler, I assumed. I was afraid of being caught roaming in the hallways at this hour. I needed to return to my room. I was anxious, if Lewis woke up.

"That's goodbye?" He asked.

I only shrugged not knowing what to say.

"I suppose." I knew, this was a disaster waiting to happen. Seeing Lily during the day while sleeping with her fiancé during the night was something I couldn't live with. My conscience did not and wouldn't allow me. I was better than that besides my aunt had made me promise to end things as soon as I could. She was only looking out for me. He left, for the next coming four weeks; I never saw him until the day of the wedding.