i laid in the hospital bed all by myself in this white almost empty room. through the windows that had opened blinds i saw nurses and doctors pass by in a rush to other emergency patients and those who are really sick. a nurse wearing blue scrubs and had brown hair that was pulled back in a pony tail kept checking on me every 20 minutes. the clock on the wall near the door read 6:45pm, the nurse walked into my prison cell and stood at the end of my bed reading my charts or whatever was on the clipboard. 

"can i listen to some music?"

"umm sure ill let you use my phone to put in a play list." the lady was really nice they usually dont let me do that.

she handed me her pink htc phone and i went to youtube and put on a playlist of twenty one pilots. 

"youre not really supposed to have to this playing but i know how insane the dead silence can make someone." she chuckled. i smiled politely.she wrote something down and then left to do other things. i started to go through her phone since i had nothing better to do. the girl had snapchat so i logged her out and logged myself in. i checked my stories and notifications. i then texted my cousin who trusted more than anyone. 

me: koryn could you get me some of my clothes and makeup and bring them to the hospital?
koryn: why are there?????
me: ill explain when you get here..

she read it and didnt respond. i logged out when the lady came back. she took her phone back and left me to be by myself again. i waited about 30 minutes for koryn to get here. she looked really upset with me when i saw her signing in. 

"what the actual fuck is wrong with you amilia?! i told you to talk to me when you felt depressed and wanted to do that! do you know how fucking devastated i would have been if you actually succeeded?!"

"im sorry.." i said in a whisper not looking at her. koryn started to burst out in tears and dropped to the floor. i watched her as she sat on the floor next to my bed side and just cried loudly. 

"why didnt you call me?" she whispered in a cracking voice. 

"i tried but you were at your friend's.."

"i dont fucking care i would have answered."

"i didnt know if you would."

"amilia you need to stop this if not for yourself then me or someone or something i dont want to have to constantly worry that im going to get a call one day saying you fucking killed yourself and i wont have anyone i trust or anything anymore." more tears streamed down her face as did mine. 

"im sorry ill try harder this time i promise."

"im not going to believe you until you prove to me you actually will." i just nodded. i love koryn to much to see her hurting so if it means i have to suffer in pain to see her happy then fine ill do it.