its saturday down and i kept thinking about the day i spent with jeremy, he took me home around 11am so it was still pretty early. it was really calming just being on a hill with only one person looking out at the city. i felt a lot better when i came home like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. jeremy didnt really say anything towards what i had told him which im actually grateful for. 

"where have you been?" i asked neil who just walked through the door being jumped on by einstein. 

"hey boy and i was over at kevin's helping him with his guitar."

"oh awesome." i smiled.

"so kevin told me something very interesting."

"about what?" neil walked over and sat down on the couch next to me. 

"well him and your cousin have been talking non stop since you two came over last time and hes planning on taking her out."

"no fucking way! are you serious?!" i said excitedly. neil nodded with a smirk.

"she better tell me everything with details." i said calmly.

"im sure she will babes."i looked at neil who's eyes were wide open like he just realized what he said.

"i didnt mean that in like a girlfriend type way i just thought itd be cute to call you that." he rushed out

"its cool." i didnt know how to feel about that. i liked it but i like jeremy i think. sure neil is super fun and cute as hell but i feel like its more lust with him than it is love. when it comes to jeremy i just feel so safe and i trust him, hes always there for me and owns up to his mistakes and accepts me for mine. 

"so what are you going to wear to the party tonight?"

"im not sure. is it going to be like one of those tv high school parties but of course they are high schoolers or is it more of a kick back?"

"the first one cause this is our album release party its going to be big."

"ok cool. i kinda wanna get out of my comfort zone tonight."

"what do you mean?"

"im usually all covered up and quite and i know on the inside im not im just scared to let loose, i guess thats why i chose to live with you instead of koryn." i said honestly.

"well im honored and since you said that lets take you shopping for a dress."

"i thought guys hate shopping."

"eh but i have traveled around the world and had my fair share of hot foreign girls from parties so i can help you."

"thanks neil i really need your help but i have to call koryn cause she will be pissed if i left her out." he nodded as i texted her.

"so youre choosing jeremy arent you?" neil said sadly.

"why do you say that?"

"well because you guys are always texting, you have an emotional connection and with me youll let me kiss you and we make out sometimes but we arent like how you and him are."

"honestly neil youre right.. i wish you werent because youre so fun but i dont know at first i hated jeremy for saving me but now im kinda glad." i smiled kinda spacing out. 

"you mean from the suicide attempt?"

"he told you?"

"no josh did." i nodded sadly not looking at him. neil grabbed my cheeks with one hand and made me face him. 

"please promise me you wont do that again."

"im making a lot of promises to people these days." i said muffled 

"well im one more promise. i cant loose you mel." neil hugged me and before we could go into a crying fit koryn texted me that she would meet us at the mall.

"she said she would be there in 10 minutes." neil nodded and we left right away.