It took me some time to realise that I indeed was not alone.

************************************

"Dad? How are you doing?"
Nick said and my world froze.
I couldn't believe my ears.

"I.. "
I forced the words through the boul in my throat but couldn't say anything.

I looked at Wills who looked proudly at Nick. I knew he's the one making him ask these questions to me. I think he had a clue what this meant to me.

I sat down without a word, opening my arms silently asking Nick to hug me just once.

He reluctantly walked to me after Wills pushed him from behind. He stumbled a little but kept walking nevertheless.

He just came, stood very close to me and didn't move. I engulfed him in my big arms and pulled him closer to me. He seemed to have grown so much taller in just a few months!
Only after a few seconds, panic ran through me realising that I might be crushing him.

Immediately I let him loose and pulled him away to look at him.

"Are you okay?"
He asked really worried now.

"Are you okay?"
I asked him back.

"I'm fine. But you scared me."
He replied honestly with his big eyes looking at me.

I smiled a little.
"I'm okay, Son. Everything is okay now."

It's been six painful months since Nick left my side and decided to live the life I never imagined for him.

Flynn's 'Ask him!' was ringing in my ears because he has been on my ass for past one week to gather the courage to ask my own son to come back to me.

"You want to say something?"
Nick asked looking at my open mouth.
No word came out and I nodded a silent no.

"It's our monthly school meeting this Saturday."
Wills changed the topic.

I already knew the status of these boys. Both of them had taken off pretty nicely in their new school and the teachers were really impressed with them. Only problem was Nick's occasional tricks with his teachers and classmates, specially girls - which would get him to visit the principal often. He was not a nuisance, specially with Wills keeping him in check, he was just a jolly fellow who needed a little mending here and there.

"Is it? Should I be prepared for any complaints?"
I raised an eyebrow at him and then at Nick. Both of them looked down and I sensed trouble.

"You guys did something?"
I asked with a sharper tone.

"Not intentionally."
Nick mumbled.

The fact that he was trying to prove himself innocent to me meant everything to me at the moment.
Here I was shit scared that he will never want to even see me again.

"We'll see that on Saturday."
I replied.

"You'll come?"
Wills asked surprised and Nick gave me the same expression.

"Why did you think I won't?"
"Because you're busy at work?"
Nick said without the hatred I was dreading.

"Not anymore. I will always have time for you now, son. I'm here for you."
I don't know how I said that.

Nick smiled a little.
Wills was gleaming looking at Nick smiling.

"Okay Dad. See you. It's time for family dinner."
Nick said and it hurt me fresh when he used the word Family.

I wanted to scream ' I'm your family, son!'
But I just nodded and let him go.

Next time.
Promise.
I'll take you back home next time, Nick.

I was discharged from the AFH after three months of treatment and supervision by my own men turn wise.
It was followed by hundreds of interviews and counselling sessions by senior Brigadiers and Generals who one can only dream to meet in one life.

All of them had just one question to ask me - Do you want to continue as Class-I?

And my 'no' made each of them frown.
They wanted me to stay but I decided to step down. I can't risk any life because of me. I may be back to my strong self but I could not promise myself that I'll never lose it ever again.

"It will be a waste of our money, your talent and everyone's time that went into building who you are today."
One General said cruelly but that was the truth.

"I'm ready to serve at any position where my time and talent is put to good use. I won't complain about the kind of job I'm given as long as it is fair."
I replied honestly.
I knew who all gave in what to turn me into a Class-I agent, a badass one. I didn't want it go waste too.

"Will you teach the new soldiers?"
"I'll be honoured to give it back to the forces."

"We'll post you to KMA as Cadets training officer. Your work will be evaluated for one year. If you're good at it, we'll promote you to TO I/C. That will be the beginning of your journey as a trainer. Your own CT stands cancelled now."
I was informed and I really felt like someone pushed a refreshing medicine into my veins. My CT getting over was the last acceptance of the end of my Class-I life.

But a trainer? At my own KMA?
Me?
Wow!

I was excited and honoured to be given this post. It was time to pay KMA back for everything it gave me years ago.

"You'll work under Colonel Reese directly."
I scoffed at that statement.

My CT stands cancelled?
Oh you have no clue, General.
My CT has just started with that statement.

Beta did everything for me to land up at CCTC. They day he heard that I turned the offer of continuing that life down, he was angry. He understood why I did that but still it was a hard pill to swallow for him.

"I get it. But don't lower your standards just because you aren't one of them. If you ever come back under my wing, I'm not going to treat you nicely. I'm going to treat you just like a Class-I is treated."

It was said in a good sense obviously but look how the world is round afterall.

On my first day of reporting AS A TRAINER he reminded me how my life was as a cadet. And guess what? I hated it more than I did years ago because this time, he was ready to tear my ass apart with special words should I perform poorly.

The cadets looked at me as if I was a walking zombie. They couldn't believe their eyes that a trainer was being rogered along with them and performing much better than them.

When I reported to him at the end of the day, panting, he said 'I'm glad that you've maintained your health. But if your boys don't hate you everyday more than you hate me right now, you'll hate me everyday.'
So I had no option but to be the worst training officer the cadets had ever seen or heard.

************************************

By the time I joined KMA, Nick had settled in his new life. As Neil promised, he had enrolled for martial arts classes after the tutor came to visit their orphanage one day and said that he himself learnt how to fight so that he could keep his parents safe. That was one of Neil's birds really. With he reported me, he said he saw a tinge of interest in Nick's eyes at the word parent and he didn't hesitate to ask for enrollment even once.

Not just that, he had started showing interest in football too. With so many boys at the orphanage, he was constantly in the game because it just needed a barren land and a ball for all of them to start. Nick was getting better each day. The caretakers were very happy with the positive energy he brought to their 'home'.

Nick's 13th birthday passed.
I felt that time was running out of my hands. If this goes on, Nick will never come back to me. At first I felt terrible to break him out of his comfort circle yet again and felt greedy to detach him from his new friends just to get him back.

Neil's words of affirmation helped me gather some strength and I decided to ask Nick to leave the orphanage and come back home with me.

The next time I went to visit him, Wills joined us and both of them ranted about the incapable teachers of their school. Then Wills said something that struck my soul.
'Why don't you go back home? Your father will take care of you. You can join better schools and have a good life. Why stay like us when you can live better?'

I looked at Wills as if he appeared from air. There's no way a 13 year old could see life like this!

Nick looked at me contemplating if Wills was right. He had started listening to Wills and take his advices seriously.

"Son..Even I myself.. ummm I've been thinking to ask if... you wanted to leave... I mean come with me and start a new life...?"
My heart was beating loudly looking at Nick's expressionless face.

He took some time but then answered calmly but firmly.
"I'm ready to move in if Wills comes with me. I won't leave him."

That was the day I understood how deep their bond had grown. Nick had found a brother to confide in who had no malicious intentions or greed. I never looked at Wills this way. He was just another friend of my son who was a nice person himself. But my second son? I didn't imagine it for a second.

All I wanted was to convince Nick to come with me. Now he'd come only if Wills joins us. That will make him my child too. I felt too emotional! Nick was ready to forgive me and also bless me with a boy as great at Wills!

I didn't think twice before turning to Wills.
"You'd like to come with us, Son? I promise you'll get better schools and live a better life."

"No!"
Wills responded instantly.
I did not expect that.

"Why?"
"I don't want to leave. I'll stay here."
He kept repeating.

"Why are you so adamant to stay here?"
"I don't have parents or siblings. They are my only family. If I come with you, I'll become alone again."

My eyes were wet now.
Wills wanted someone to call his family. Knowing how much it hurt him to get separated from his mother, I was now asking him to leave the people he had started calling his family. This was a difficult situation for him. His reaction was justified.

"What if you get a new family of people you already know?" I asked him with a smile.
He thought about it for a few seconds.

"What new family?"
"A father and a brother?"
I wanted him give him everything he was missing out. Sadly a mother's love was not in his destiny.

He looked at me with hopes shining bright in his eyes.
"Nick and you?"
I laughed loudly at his innocence. The fact that he got the sequence wrong proved that he was indeed thinking it through. He was a smart lad to make such a mistake.

He came and hugged me, looked up into my eyes and said "So, will I get to call you father?"
He hugged me and I felt loved.
I felt seen.
I felt belonged to someone.

I looked over to Nick afraid that he didn't like it. But to my surprise he was smiling. It was pure bliss to see both kids happy because of me.

"You call me anything, son. But only he gets to call me Dad." I pointed at Nick, ensuring that he doesn't feel ignored.

"Allow me to adopt you, Wills. I promise I'll be a good father to you."
He just gave me a huge smile and ran away to his caretakers. He started introducing me as his father to them.

"He'll be a good son" they all said, and Wills never let them down.

I came to get my only son back, and I left with two.

************************************

"Oh my god!"
Neil whispered in panic.
I have never seen this man losing his patience like this. He was one second away from biting his own fingers.

"What the heck are you doing? Get inside! She's in labor!"
I shouted at him.

"Oh. Ya. Yes."
He came out of his trance and rushed in.

A few minutes of Lauret crying in pain, I heard cries of a baby.
My heart elated at the sound.

It reminded me of welcoming Nick to the world. Merlen was such a mess but she just melted when he was handed over to her.
I clearly remember I kissed her temple while she shed happy tears.
My eyes were moist too.
In that moment I had felt complete. I couldn't express my happiness to her but I'm sure she saw it in my tears.

I waited for some more time when the doctor came out.
"Can I meet them?"
I asked her impatiently.

"Yeah. Just give them both a moment."
She smiled and left.

I waited for a few minutes and went inside just to get hit by the nostalgia.
Neil was kissing Lauret the same way.
'You did so good, Fire. I can never go through what you did. You're stronger than anyone I've seen. I love you so much!'
He said the words that Lauret needed to hear in that state.

I smiled genuinely, knowing how precious the moment was.
I turned around to leave them alone when Lauret called me.

"Don't want to see him?"
"Him."
I sighed and walked up to them.

Both of them laughed at my disappointment.
I secretly wanted it to be a girl. It would have been my Merlen for sure.

Lauret decided not to go for gender reveal because Neil couldn't join her until one week before her due date. She didn't want to share this news over phone so they decided they'll wait to see the gender with their eyes instead of scan.

"He's so cute!"
Lauret looked at the bundle of joy sleeping in her arms and cooed.

"Your contribution, totally."
I replied and Neil cleared his throat making all of us crackle.

"How are you doing?"
I asked her.

"So much better since they handed him to me.."
She looked at their baby with absolute adoration and replied. You could tell how loved this boy will be.

"Now that it's final, what are you going to name him?"
"I was thinking of a few names actually. I wanted it to mean strong and optimistic."
She said and looked at Neil lovingly.

"And what did you come up with, Fire?"
Neil asked gently rubbing his thumb over the boy's cheek.

"Ethan."
She said.

"My son. Ethan."
Neil repeated.

"That's a good name. Ethan Fermin."
I agreed to Lauret who was smiling proudly.

"No. Ethan Farrell. Strong, Long living and optimistic."
Neil did exactly what was expected from him and I laughed proudly.

"Truly a combination of both your personalities." I said.
Strength was from Neil and optimism from Lauret. And my wishes of long living for all three of them, so that's that.

"He'll be facing tough times throughout his childhood. And I will apologise to him when he grows up big enough to understand. Till then, it's you I should apologise to."
Neil said hugging Lauret.

"You are still alive. I'll take long distance between us and you, than not having you in my life at all. You never did wrong, Neil. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. I surely never will."
Lauret said.

"You never seemed such a strong minded woman the first time I saw you."
I told Lauret honestly.

"Me neither. Looks like I really good lucky with this one."
Neil said hugging her tighter.

She giggled.
"Don't worry about Ethan. We'll raise him just fine."
"I agree. There's no doubt he's going to be a gentleman. Just don't let him join forces."
I added with a laugh.

"Why not?"
Lauret asked defensively.

"We've had difficult lives because of forces, Fire. We can't live together. James.. lost... It makes us pay a huge price."
Neil agreed to me and suddenly the discussion turned serious.

"It makes you stronger. It gives you a sense of belonging, a responsibility towards your nation. It makes you appreciate the small things in life. It makes you meet people that end up becoming your family for life. Do not even once tell me that I should not be happy that I'm in the forces. I may have my tough moments but not even once I regretted to be here. Ethan will join too, if he is deserving. Don't dare demotivate my son against it. You both heard me?"
Lauret said with her voice louder than two minutes ago.

"Yes, my queen."
Neil replied respectfully and so did I.
The Fire Neil saw in her before - I was seeing today.

"James...?"
Her voice was softer now.

"If Nick decides that he wants to follow your footsteps, would you stop him?"
She asked gently.

"I'll be on top of the world if he even thinks about becoming like me. I'll let him do anything that makes him happy and not hate me."
I said strongly.

"He'll make you proud one day. I can feel it. Just stay close to him."
She spoke some wise words there.

"So will Ethan."
I smiled.

"Amen."

************************************

"It's six and you're still in bed? Come on, get up!"
I said patiently but sternly.

"Dad! Please...."
Nick mumbled covering his face with blanket and tossing to the other side.

I looked over to see Wills coming out of the bathroom all geared up for the morning run. He looked at Nick still sleeping and rolled his eyes.

"I'll get him down, father."
He promised.

"If both of you aren't ready in next ten minutes, you'll be grounded."
I warned.

Nick groaned loudly from inside the blanket and I had a hard time controlling my smile.
This spoiled kid!

Wills took the warning more seriously and shook Nick violently.
Nick almost fell down when he moved the blanket out and yelled 'What the hell?' at Wills.

I turned around to walk out knowing they're up. I smiled to myself.

"Don't act like this is the first time you're waking up so early! We used to be out by now throwing newspapers back then. Suck it up!"
Wills said in a low tone.
That's my son.

"I have an important game to play in a few days. I don't want to get grounded because of you and screw up on the field."
Wills said and I laughed silently climbing down the stairs.

"I'm the captain of that team you're talking about."
Nick seethed.

"Then fucking act like it."
Wills swore and I ran away laughing.

If this was me, Nick would be giving me a tough time with even tougher words. And Wills would have tried to cut in saving him from my anger. But when it's just the two of them? God save them from each other.

Also, I've made it a rule to not swear in front of anyone. I had to do it because Wills's dictionary was getting as colorful as I had by the time I joined KMA and I was afraid he'd fall in serious trouble thanks to his 'I don't give a shit' personality.

I had to announce just once and the boy had shown real control over his language and I didn't get a single complaint from their school about it. But he has no filters on his mouth with he's talking to Nick, specially when they're having a verbal fight.

While I thought about the great brotherhood they were building, both of them were down on time.
We went for a short run and came back.

"So? How's your team performing? When is the next match?"
I asked casually.

"Like you don't know."
Nick mumbled, still angry that I woke him up early on a Sunday morning.

"Nick!"
Wills whispered angrily making him look down and stay quiet.

"Coach has been burning us all. First match is on 5th of next month. We have twenty days to perfect everything."
Wills answered my question like an obedient kid.

"I see. Captain?"
"This guy."
Wills pointed at Nick uninterested.

"This guy?!?!"
I exclaimed mocking Nick who looked at me baffled.

"What do you mean?"
He asked me clearly offended.

"Father, he's good."
Wills defended him instantly.

I laughed loudly as I walked away to get fresh and gathered back for breakfast.

"Omelette or scrambled?"
I asked without turning back already knowing the answers in sequence.

"Scrambled"
This was Nick.

"Same."
And that was Wills.

I smiled again.
Wills. You're becoming too predictable.

"So what's your plan today?"
Nick asked me and I did not see that coming.

"No plans. I'm free. You've got any plans for me? Anyone coming to complaint against you two?"
I raised my eyebrows.

"Why do you always think that we bring trouble?"
Nick asked me irked.
It was so easy to get on his nerves lately.

"No father. We didn't do anything new. Not yet."
He turned to look at Nick with a wicked smile that Nick was hiding but terribly failing.

"Ok now I'm scared. What is it?"
I asked them seriously.

"You'll know. By the way dad, you're too late to scramble the omelette..."
Nick said pointing behind me at the pan.

This guy!
He never fails to serve me back.

"It's okay. I'll have it."
Wills said walking upto me and helping me.

"Alright. Here's your Scrambled egg, Prince!"
I kept his dish in front of him and he looked at it impressed.

"You're getting better, Dad. This smells good."
Nick said and I felt happy.
Finally I was becoming the father Merlen wanted me to be.

"If only it tasted as good as it smelled. It's okay. There's always scope for better."
Nick said uninterested after the first bite and my mood sunk down.

I felt Nick smiling so I took a bite to taste it myself.

"This isn't bad!"
I defended myself.

"When did I say it's bad? I said it can be better."
He winked and stuffed a big piece into his mouth with a devious smile.

I just stood there looking at him taking me one joke at a time. Wills elbowed him to keep himself in check. I wonder if he was already tired of all the bickering that went on between me and Nick.

"That's it. No ice cream for you."
I pointed at Nick.

"That's not fair!"
He said with the egg still in his mouth.

"Shacks man, eat it first!"
Wills said annoyed.

"That's absolutely fair. Only me and Wills are going to have ice cream today."
I said sternly making both of them scoff.

"Yeah. Like I don't know your calorie count will shoot through the roof. Come on, Dad. I expect better come backs from you."
Wills sniggered for a moment but shut himself up the very next.

"Fine."
I said turning around to make another set of scrambled egg for Nick when he was on his last bite and pancake for Wills because I know my boys love it.

It felt good.
It felt unbelievably good.

I wanted this moment to freeze. I wanted to keep it in my heart and lock it there so that when I meet Merlen next, I can show it all to her and tell her that she was right.
You are not a bad father, you're just helpless. I'll tell her that I did it because she wanted me to. She trusted in me. And I loved her. Like crazy. For ever.

************************************

I feel good!
Like sooooo good!
They had this life before KMA?
I can never imagine James enjoying teasing Nick and Nick's come backs leaving him speechless!
And my baby Wills! 🥰

AND OHMYFGOD ETHANNNNN!
ETHAN FARRELL?
NEIL AND LAURET' S SON?!?!
WHAT???

DON'T YOU HAVE QUESTIONS?
I HAVE A MILLION QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW!

You guys missed the hint, right?😉
Head over to chapter 20 of 50PM to see where you missed it. And say hi to my baby 😅

************************************

Alright
That's it folks!

Barbed Lives finishes here.
We started from unsure and scared goodbyes and ended up with happy and joyous hellos.

Epilogue to follow soon

Waiting for all your reactions in the comments 😊