What does this feel like?

Huh! Lemme tell you what this feels like!

 Torture! 

Pure Torture!

As if your throat is tied with a strong iron chain, it feels like someone is pulling it, choking me. And it will stop only when I'll reach that one person I love.

This uneasy feeling is killing me, stealing away the oxygen off my lungs, my heartbeat is running like a fucking jaguar, wild & rapid. My head is spinning, i don't know the fucking reason of this uneasiness but am damn sure, it's about Something about her, with her is wrong, i can't explain the feeling, it may be delusional of just a myth of my mind, but the feeling is there, scaring the shit out of me.

 I stopped my car in the lot of my office, and found myself running towards the stairs of the building that would lead me upstairs where she probably is. 

One at a time!

Two at a time!

Three at a time!

Four at a time!

I tried to climb the stairs as fast as I could, fighting my way from gravity. All I want is to run up, and see her embrace her, kiss her, beg her, not to leave me. My anxiety kicking in every step is closer to her, scared to lose her once again. 

She isn't at home, she wasn't at home, when i reached there with others, she was gone.AGAIN? For a moment the same feeling of 6 years back hit me, knocking the breath out of my lungs, and I felt my vision blurring, tears forming in my eyes, my head throbbing, blood rushing down my body like a water stream, I could hear the flow in my ears, I pulled out my phone, immediately ! 

Feeling everyone's gaze  on me.

"Where is she?" Sana's voice hit me, like a nail to a board, killing me, irritating me. All I wanted was just a confirmation about what I am thinking isn't right. I want it to be a nightmare, and I just need one confirmation….. just one!

I slid my index finger over the screen two times, trying to unlock it by making the correct pattern passcode, but failed both of times,.i grunted and put my thumb on the screen, pressing it for a long, biometric.

As soon as the home screen appeared, I searched for the GPS locator in each page, my mind numb, my fingers unmoving, skimming three times on the 4 pages of the home screen. I finally found it, hitting the icon, I allowed the app  to launch, and  pressed my shivering thumb on Naira's name as soon as the  interface appeared and waited for it to open, the circle kept spinning,.loading……

The 7 seconds felt eternity, as it appeared with my office location.

As soon as my mind registered the location, I found myself running towards my car- then driving- then ascending the stairs.

The eleven floor building felt like a fucking mountain, as i climbed the last stair, sprinting towards my office, with my head spinning and the sound of blood rushing, buzzing my ears, i scanned the office for her sign!!!!

But she wasn’t, everything was blurry for me, with those tearful eyes, so i called for her name “Naira”

No answer!

I stepped in! Walking towards each and every corner of the office. Maybe she is pranking or anything, maybe she’ll jump out of a pillar trying to scare me, please be it! Please be it! I wish! I wish!

I JUST WISH!!!!

I kept looking for her, with the wish in my heart “What happened to Naira?”The worried voice made me stop in my tracks and I blinked away the tears.

“I-i-i don't know am just worried because she isn't at home and GPS is showing that she is here in the office”i answered continuing my search for her, it may look like a stupid myth, when your loved one is hurt and you can feel it, to be honest am feeling the same, i will name it as worry, my worry for her not being at home at this hour, maybe sick.But deep down i'm scared of i-don't-know what! All I know is this feeling is killing me and squeezing my heart with its raw hands choking my breaths.

My steps slowed on their way to my cabin- as she came into my view. She was here, and the millisecond of relief was destroyed as soon as I saw the condition she was in here. 

My heart dropped, my eyes teared even more, she was there in her worst condition, the figure of her from the glass door blurred but clear enough for me to see, and made my heart ache.

I pressed my hand on the door, wanting it to open, the panic kicking in every second, burning my body, it isn't open, i tried again, i slammed my hand, once-twice-thrice- i kicked again and again and again, i tried to push open the door with my shoulder.

I did everything, everything I could do to just reach her once,  my heart begging to free itself, my tears already flowing, seeing the sight again and again, I slammed my hand on it, calling for her name, crying for her name, shouting for her name.

“I got the key”the sound felt like light to my darkness, a new ray of hope, i snatched the key out of his hand and unlocked the lock.Pushing the door, the bugs flew out of the cabin as soon as i unlocked the door, revealing her rocking back and forth hugging her knees scared. My legs froze in place, I stood there, my eyes locked on her, my panic replaced with the numbness.

I keep standing there, at the threshold of the cabin, gripping the door’s handle as if my life depended on it. Seeing someone you love in such a state, is the last thing you want to happen, same with me! I can't see her like this, my heart shattering into zillions of pieces every second, my chest is being stabbed with a thornful sword. My eyes are burning with a heated iron rod.

That’s what it felt like seeing her like this.

I walked towards her with slow steps, and kneeled in front of her, crying.And called for her name slowly and tenderly getting no response from her side.

I sighed and leaned forward to her calling for her name again, and she looked up at me this time!

Her eyes, that used to shine, were filled with horror and tears.

Another pang hit my chest, and i wished to die today itself, just before seeing her like this, i wish i died before seeing her like this i wish this is a dream and i will wake up any time, seeing her in my arms smiling the way she do like a sunshine, a sunshine that she is.

I Just wish.

“Kartik”The loud voice and a hand on my shoulder brought me out of the trance i was in, and i looked forward to me, there wasn't a sign Naira,i looked at the person beside me.

“Naira fainted and at this moment she needs you”he said, handing me over the water bottle he was holding.

“Go to her right now, gather yourself up, i know it's difficult for you to see her like that, but she needs you, you have to be strong for her, you know she is entomophobia”his words went in blurr to my ears, but the only thing my mind attached was SHE NEEDS ME!!!!

“Yeah yeah”I pushed myself up, ignoring his last words and walked towards the girl lying there on the couch- unconscious -the girl whom i loved!!!

She was there, her tears stain visible, as I kneeled near her. And gulped the lump in my throat, I kept my hand on her,she stirred. Holding it! Pulling it! Closer to her!

She shivered!!!!!

And I know what I have to do right now!!!! I pulled myself up, removing the leather jacket I was wearing, and draped it over her.

And scooped her in my arms, “Kunal let’s go, call the doctor at my place”I said to Kunal, who was walking towards us with the phone in his hand. He nodded at me, and followed me.