I admit I didn't get much sleep the night before I planned to rob the First National Bank. I was up all night thinking – no, more like worrying. Would it go smoothly? Would there be a cop inside the bank? Would I be noticed? Would I get away with it? Would I get shot? I nearly drove myself crazy, asking myself questions I couldn't answer. After all, this was going to be my first bank heist. I wanted to get it right.

I was tired and nervous when I carelessly scribbled the hold-up note. I almost forgot about it up until the moment I entered the bank. I took one of the little withdrawal slips and flipped it over to the blank side, where I hastily jotted down my demands. After waiting patiently behind an elderly woman who was cashing her Social Security check and depositing a small sum into a Christmas savings account (by the way, who still does that?) I casually slipped the little message through the opening in the window to the teller behind the glass. I began to sweat even though it must have been about 68F degrees in the place.

"I'm sorry, sir. But I can't read this. What do you want?"

I was so nervous I was at a loss for words. I couldn't force myself to talk. I opened my mouth but, it felt so dry I couldn't get a word out. Maybe, it was just as well I didn't say anything. I don't know what I would have said anyway – Give me all your money? Oh yeah, that would have set an alarm off, literally! I didn't expect the teller to respond the way she did – confused and asking dumb questions. I expected her to hand over a pile of cash. I wasn't ready for this. And I didn't even have a gun which might have helped explain the hold-up note just a bit.

"Jen, this customer just handed me this note. I can't make heads or tails of it. Can you read it?"

Jen took the piece of paper in her hand. "It looks like a four-year-old wrote it. Did he say what he wanted?"

"No. I asked him several times. He won't talk. He just stands there, staring into space. See?" said the teller as she discretely pointed to me with a glance.

"Maybe he's on drugs or something. Do you think we should notify the police?"

"Well, he hasn't done anything wrong. He sure looks like he could use some cash."

"If that's what he wants, then he wrote on the wrong side of the withdrawal slip."

"Sir, you need to complete the other side."

I immediately left the bank empty-handed before they could figure me out. Maybe I should have put a little more effort into my grade school studies and worked on my handwriting instead of sneaking cigarettes in the boy's room. Then, maybe I could have been a success - a successful bank robber at least.

Story and Cover Illustration Copyright © 2021 by Michael DeFrancesco