Pairing: Josh Dun x Reader

Word Count: 1427

Warnings: Angst, mention of alcohol

Author's Note: Apparently the theme for this weekend's fics is "almost dating but not actually dating" :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one!

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You watched him from across the room, all tousled red hair and a nice laugh. He hadn't noticed you yet, which was only partially your doing. Tyler had already tried to drag you over to see him countless times but, as it was his party, he always got whisked away by someone or other before he was actually successful. While he was distracted, you would dip into another room, away from him, and start up a conversation with an old friend so you had a reason not to look in his direction.

That had been working fine until now. You were standing in the kitchen, a cold beer pressed into your hand and making your fingers tingle as they threatened to go numb. Your conversation partner had left you some time ago, claiming they wanted to see what was happening in the living room. You had started to walk out of the room, to continue the pattern of avoiding him, until you heard his laugh. It was like a shock to your system, flooding your chest with a familiar warmth as you thought of nights spent in your cramped living room giggling and leaning in to one another.

That had been before everything happened.

You started to walk out of the room, already scanning for someone you could talk to. Even Tyler would work, although he would only end up trying to drag you back in to see the person you were avoiding in the first place. There just had to be someone in front of you, forcing a polite smile on your face and keeping your gaze out of the kitchen. Anything to keep the sinking feeling from stretching out past your chest.

"Y/N?"

You froze dead in your tracks, not for the first time in the last minute. His voice was almost as familiar as his laugh.

"Josh," you said, turning to face him. "Nice to see you." You paired the sentiment with the polite smile you had been practicing all night.

"I know, feels like forever since we were last together," he said, reaching up to rub a hand along the side of his neck. "I was wondering if we could catch up, actually."

Your eyebrows involuntarily raised. The last time you had seen Josh, he had made it very clear that he needed space from you until he could figure things out. That had only led to a gradual loss of contact until you had practically forgotten he existed.

Well, you liked to pretend that you had forgotten.

"Sure."

"Let's go outside," Josh said, nodding his head in the direction of the back door.

He started to weave his way through the crowd. You surprised yourself by reaching out and wrapping a hand around his forearm, making it easier for you to keep up with his movements. It was effortless, just as things always had been.

Josh led you out to the swinging bench that sat in the backyard, near the fence. You had spent countless summer days sprawled out on it, swinging idly back and forth while Tyler strummed at his ukulele. Sometimes Josh had joined the two of you, giving you a place to rest your head as you watched the sun shine through the leaves above.

The atmosphere tonight was the polar opposite of those carefree summer days. The sun had already long since sunk past the horizon, but a cover of clouds kept the stars hidden away. Muffled music was just audible, though that was the only background noise to your silence. And although Josh sat on the bench with you, there was enough space between you for a third person.

Now, those summer days felt like little more than a daydream.

"So," Josh said, finally breaking the silence. You nervously adjusted your grip on the beer bottle in your hand. "How have you been?"

"Fine," you answered, though it felt like the furthest thing from the truth. "You?"

"Normal, I guess. Not much going on, aside from touring."

Normal. You mulled over the word in your head. His normal was a life without you in it.

You wondered what that was like.

"Ah," you said.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Why did you ask me to come out here, Josh? This was a bad idea."

"I wanted to talk to you."

"What is there for us to talk about? This... this thing between us - whatever it was - is over. There's no reason for us to try and be friends."

You got up then, deciding that it was finally time you give in and leave the party for good. Tears were already pooling in your eyes and Josh was the last person that you wanted to see them.

"Wait," Josh said, catching your arm before you got too far. "Maybe there is."

You stopped, dug your palms into your eyes to wipe away the tears, and then turned to face him.

"Then tell me, Josh, because I can't think of a single one."

The night of your "breakup" - or your falling out, as you preferred to call it - was still so clear in your mind. You and Josh had been getting close during the months before, going on unofficial dates and sharing a kiss or two when nobody else was around. Whenever the conversation of making it official came up, usually Tyler's doing, one or both of you always found a way to skirt around it, claiming you would talk about it in private.

You never did, until that night.

You had been curled up in Josh's arms, tracing the outlines of his tattoo sleeve while you had another long conversation about your lives. Your interest in him had been steadily growing, and you decided that it was long past time you ask what his thoughts were. The conversation had started innocently enough, with you explaining how you really, truly felt about him, but things went downhill as soon as you flipped the question back on him. He got defensive, claiming he liked you but it was never serious.

By the time you left that night, it had been decided that you two just needed some space from each other to decide what to do. Until tonight, you had never heard from Josh again.

"Because I miss you, Y/N," he said, letting his shoulders drop. "There hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought about what I said to you. I would take it back if I could, but I was stupid and scared and I made that your problem instead of mine. Can you please just hear me out?"

"Fine."

"I love you, Y/N. I loved you then and I love you now, but after my last relationship went up in flames in front of the media, I was hesitant to drag anyone back into that. I care about you too much to ever let that happen to you, but instead of voicing that concern I just made up some lame excuse about not being serious. I've always been serious about you, and I want to make it up to you. That's why I invited you out here in the first place."

"And why should I trust you? Do you even know how badly you hurt me?"

"No, I know," Josh shook his head. "I just thought... since you took a risk and asked me how I felt that one night, maybe I should do the same."

You searched Josh's face, looking for any sign that he was lying to you or playing some sort of game. There had been countless times where you had imagined this scenario, picturing how you would react based on how you were feeling that day. Now that you were here, with Josh in front of you, you had no idea what to do.

"Do you mean it?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "Mean what?"

"That you love me?"

"More than anything," he said without an ounce of hesitation in his voice. "From the moment I met you, you became the most important thing in my life. I know that I've made mistakes before, but I just want to be the best that I can for you. I promise."

You practically crashed into Josh, already feeling a fresh wave of tears beginning to slip down your cheeks. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close enough to his chest that you could feel his heartbeat.

"I love you," you murmured into his chest.

"I love you too. Please never let me make a mistake like that again."

You shook your head. "Never."