Pairing: Josh Dun x Reader

Word Count: 1983

Warnings: Angst

Author's Note: I hope you enjoy this one :)

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You grabbed the last box from the top of the closet and dropped it onto the ground, bringing down a fresh wave of dust with it. You immediately pulled your shirt up over your nose as you fanned it away from where you were going to sit to actually sort through the contents of the box. There was no way you were going to spend the next twenty minutes sneezing on top of looking through papers and pictures that would undoubtedly bring up emotional memories.

When the dust finally settled, you sat cross legged on the ground next to the box and pulled off the top. You were immediately met with a stack of old polaroids. They had been given to you by a close friend when you first announced that you would be moving to Ohio. It had always been your intention to hang them up in your new house, but they brought up too many memories during the first few months of being away from home and you never got around to it. Maybe you would actually put them up somewhere in your new house.

After taking some time to flip through the pictures, you continued to move through the box. There were all sorts of treasures inside: old school projects, too many birthday cards for you to count, old movie and concert tickets, and other scraps of paper that you hardly remembered the significance of. You took your time looking through all of it, deciding what was worth keeping and what you could let go of.

Something at the bottom of the box caught your interest as you were sifting through another stack of photos. It looked like a manila envelope, but you couldn't for the life of you remember what you had stuck in it. You carefully pulled it out from beneath the rest of the contents and looked at it. The only thing on the outside was a bit of dust; there was nothing else indicating what was inside. Curiosity piqued, you undid the little clasp and opened it up.

Your stomach dropped as you got your first glimpse of the papers inside the envelope. It was a collection of letters that you had written for your boyfriend, detailing how you felt about him. Your eyes started to well up a little bit as you skimmed some of the pages.

You kissed me for the first time today. I've never felt anything like it. I swear there were sparks in every part of my body, going off like little fireworks. I wanted to kiss you again and again and again but I got too nervous to actually do it.

You flipped to another page.

I think I'm falling in love with you. When people said they get tunnel vision whenever they look at someone they love, I thought it was an exaggeration. Then I met you. I swear nothing else matters when you're around, Josh. You smile at me and the rest of the world just fades away.

Your heart sunk as you continued to read the letters, remembering the way he had made you feel.

Today officially marks one month since you left for tour. We're on FaceTime right now, but you have no idea that I'm writing this. It's hard to focus when you keep smiling at me through the screen because my heart starts to beat so fast that my hands shake and I can't keep these words straight. It's hard to be away from you, but I know that you'll be home soon. I can't wait to be in your arms again and fall asleep next to you while we watch The X-Files for the hundredth time. I love you.

You set the letters down in your lap and wiped a few tears away from your eyes. It had been easy to forget how much Josh had meant to you when you had tucked all the memories away, but the cut he had left still ran deep. There had never been an official end to your relationship. The two of you had just steadily grown apart over time until one day, you just stopped talking entirely. You would give anything just to talk to him one more time and get answers to all your questions.

You began to put away all the letters once again and told yourself the only reason your eyes were watering was because of all the dust you had kicked up. Your relationship with Josh was over and the sooner you wrote it off as good memories and nothing more, the better off you would be.

Unless...

You all but tossed the envelope down onto the floor and ran into the living room where your laptop was still sitting on the couch. Your fingers flew across the screen, eager to find out when Josh and Tyler would be playing in Columbus again. If you remembered correctly, the next show was soon. Although Josh wasn't an important person in your life anymore - at least, not outwardly - you still liked to keep up with what he was doing. It made you feel close to him, in a way.

Google confirmed your suspicions: they would be playing a show nearby in just under a week. Without a moment's hesitation, you bought the cheapest ticket you could find and texted your friends that you would need to bail on dinner plans.

There was something more important you had to attend to.

*     *     *

You tried to appear as confident as possible as you strode up to the security guard standing in front of the entrance to the backstage area. He eyed you carefully as you approached him with squared shoulders and a determined look on your face.

"I need to see Josh Dun," you stated.

"Do you have a pass?"

"Well... no."

"Then that isn't happening."

You clenched your jaw. "Please. It's really important."

"I'm sure it is, but I can't let you backstage without authorization."

"Sir, you don't understand. He's my ex-boyfriend and I really need to speak to him about something," you said, trying not to let too much desperation seep into your voice.

"I understand perfectly fine. I'm not supposed to let anyone backstage without authorization, which you do not have. I cannot let you through."

"It won't take long, I promise. I just need five minutes."

"If you do not leave this area in the next thirty seconds, I'm going to call security to have you removed."

You were past trying to remain calm now. This was your only chance to finally work things out with Josh and you weren't about to let it be thrown away because of a security guard.

"Then please just go get him! I promise he'll know who I am. I just really need to talk to him about something."

"Hey, what's going on?"

Your heart nearly stopped beating in your chest at the sound of his voice.

"This individual says they needed to see you, but they don't have any authorization so I can't let them through."

"Y/N?"

Josh finally stepped into your view, allowing you to get a good look at him. He looked pretty much the same as the last time you had seen him, aside from the color of his hair. Despite being apart from him for so long, your stomach still filled with butterflies the same way it had a year ago.

"Um, hi."

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you, if that's ok."

"Um, sure. You can let them through."

"You sure?" the security guard asked.

"Yeah."

"Alright."

The security guard gestured for you to pass him. You gave him a forced smile as you stepped around him and came face to face with Josh.

"You want to go to my dressing room?" he asked.

"Sure."

The walk was silent. You didn't really blame Josh for not knowing what to say. It wasn't every day that your ex - who wasn't really your ex - showed up at your show, got into an argument with a security guard, and then asked to talk to you out of the blue.

"So... why are you here?" he asked as he shut the door.

"Well, um, this might be kind of weird, but I was looking through old boxes last week and I stumbled across some letters that I wrote to you when we were... together. It just got me thinking about how things ended and how we never really got closure, so I guess I wanted to see you so we could finally formally end things. You know, for peace of mind."

"You wrote me letters?"

"Yeah, they're pretty sappy." You forced a laugh. "I was saving them to give to you on a special occasion."

Someone knocked on the door. You expected Josh to go answer it, but he didn't.

"Not right now! Give me ten minutes."

"Ok."

"Sorry about that. Anyway, you were saying?"

"It's not important," you waved him off. "Um, I guess there was just one question that I wanted to ask."

"Sure."

"Why didn't we ever formally end things?"

Josh, who had previously had his back to you, finally turned around to face you. He had crossed his arms across his chest and his lips were tightly pressed together.

"Do you want my honest answer?"

"Of course."

"When we really started to drift apart, you know, back in May?" You nodded. "I was going to call you and put an official end to it, because I thought that was what you would want, but I kept putting it off because I was busy and nervous. By the time that I finally worked up the courage to do it, we were only talking like once a week and I figured it just wasn't even worth it at that point."

"Why were you nervous? We both knew things were going downhill at that point, don't you think?"

"Yeah, but I think I was holding out hope that they would get better again. I really wanted to stay with you, Y/N, but I was still figuring out how to balance a huge tour and a relationship and all this publicity and I did not put nearly as much effort as I should have into my relationship with you. I still regret that."

"It's ok, Josh. There was a lot happening all at once. I'm just glad that I have answers now so that I can stop worrying about if I did something wrong."

"Not at all."

You nodded. When Josh didn't say anything else, you stood up straight and started to walk towards the door.

"That's all I needed to ask, so I guess I'll be going now. I know you and Tyler are busy."

"Wait, Y/N."

You stopped with your hand on the door handle and turned to look at Josh. From where you were standing on the opposite side of the room, you could still just make out the pink color of his cheeks.

"Would you maybe, um, want to try things out again?" he asked, rubbing at his neck.

You answered by running across the room and jumping into his arms. He caught you and spun you around, holding onto you tightly as he buried his face into your neck.

"Of course I would."

"Weird, I thought you were jumping into my arms because you didn't want to," he laughed.

"I see we're right back to the teasing."

"I've missed seeing the face you make when I tease you."

You stared into each other's eyes for a moment before Josh leaned down and kissed you. Your body immediately erupted into fireworks the moment that his lips pressed against your own. It was like kissing him for the first time all over again.

"I promise I'm never going to make the mistake of losing you again," he smiled.

"Don't worry. I won't let you."