CHAPTER SEVEN:
THE DEMONIC FUCKING
CAT OF HELL'S KITCHEN

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KETTI DIDN'T MEAN TO FIND THE CAT.

Really.

She wasn't looking for a new pet.

But when she happened to walk home after a shift at three-thirty-nine in the morning, the gremlin just stumbled upon her.

Big green eyes, all black fur, a puffy tale and the cutest little beans on his paws — how could she not take the fucker home?

(FUCK THIS CAT.)

Ketti sent a video to the groupchat — to which Logan replied with a thumbs up, Peter a list of cat clothing he is definitely going to purchase for his "new godson" and Deadpool sent seven pictures of Dogpool taking a dump and claiming his dog was vastly superior to "the Cetti-Cat" and trademarked the name.

She then bathed the kitten, fed it some milk — she'd purchase food tomorrow — and cuddled the guy until they both fell asleep.

It was seven-fifteen when the first incident occurred.

A loud crash in her kitchen and Ketti shot awake, bleary-eyed and half asleep, completely delirious, she walked into the other room and found every single cabinet door open.

"The fuck?"

She blinked, spotting the cat sitting innocently on the counter, licking his paw.

"A ghost?" Ketti asked him, picking him up and taking him back to bed.

She stopped when she spotted her favorite mug on the floor.

Dammit.

Ketti sighed and shook her head, taking the cat away again. She'd clean it tomorrow.

—

The second fucking weird thing happened in the morning.

The mug which was fucking broken was fine and sitting on her counter next to the fridge.

Ketti looked down at the cat who was innocently sitting in the doorway, looking up at her.

It couldn't have...

Right?

(It fucking could have.)

Ketti frowned and then shook her head, petting the kitten.

"I'm going to get you some stuff, I'll be back soon, okay?"

The cat rubbed against her hand and she left her place soon after.

(Everything goes fucking wrong from here.)

Ketti thought it was just going to be her and Peter getting stuff from PetSmart, but it turned into a fucking group outing because why the fuck would it not?

Into the store walks Ketti, at her side is Peter, behind them is Deadpool — "I need to pick up more food for Dogpool and I'll always spend time with Kitty" — and Logan, who was dragged along with an annoyed look on his face.

While Ketti and Peter look at beds for the cat, it's fucking Deadpool who finds a snake in an enclosure and looks down at it.

One second it's there, the next it's not.

(I know what you're thinking but I swear this wasn't me. I can't prove it but it's that fucking cat.)

Now the cats up for adoption in the back, the three dogs and their respective owners, and the two teenagers working cashier are fucking jumping and avoiding this snake.

Logan tries to grab the snake, because it's not poisonous, just a fucking snake, but it does a weird flip and jumps into the air, then lunges straight for Ketti.

Peter uses his webs to stop the snake, but tries to be subtle because no one can know his fucking secret, but the web gets caught on a shelf accidentally because he's catching a fucking snake, and the whole shelf crashed to the floor.

"Oh, man, I'm so sorry, ma'am!" He exclaimed  to the cashier who looked at the mess with wide eyes.

Ketti got bit by the snake.

Of fucking course.

So then they pile everything into the car (the PetSmart employee gave them it all for free because "we're sorry about the inconvenience please this never happens, we're so sorry") and then they have to go to the fucking hospital.

On the way there, of course they get a flat tire and don't have a spare. (It's the fucking cat.)

Logan volunteers to walk to the nearest place because "I'm not calling a tow-truck, Ketti doesn't have the money for that and I don't need someone's help" and Peter goes with him to ensure someone actually pays for the tire instead of just giving dirty looks.

(In reality, I think Webs was trying to set me and Ketti up, he's totally on board with us together.)

Which left Ketti and Deadpool in a hot car looking over her wound on her forearm.

"I think my car is cursed," Ketti voiced, trying to get the air conditioning — which was finicky as hell anyway — to work. "I try not to use it but I get anxious on the subway. We're literally thirty minutes away from my house and the hospital and I get a flat tire?"

(It's probably because she has a car. Who the fuck has a car in New York City, anyway? Baby Ketti.)

"You're not cursed, kitty," Deadpool shook his head, glancing to her face.

"What if my cat starves?"

"I'm sure it'll be—"

Now two fucking things happened at once.

One: the car got hit by a fucking semi that for some reason "didn't see them on the side of the road and veered because the driver was getting tired."

Two: the car flipped three times and neither passenger was buckled into said vehicle because a) pulled over to the side of the road and b) it was hot and they were totally having a moment.

(I blame the fucking cat. I can't prove it but I know it was him. You know in Annabel where everything goes wrong because of this demonic doll? That's the cat.)

Deadpool went out the windshield first, and Ketti quickly followed. Deadpool, with all of his regenerative healing qualities, grabbed Ketti as they flew, holding her against him as they tumbled onto the road below.

Ketti was out cold.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, baby," Deadpool looked down at her. Gash in her cheek and cuts over her arms. The wound from the snake was fucking cut even further open and probably most definitely infected now.

He'd caught her head against him, so hopefully she didn't have any fucking brain trauma, and he quickly lifted her and pulled her to the side of the road.

Ketti sank against him, heavy and unconscious and he looked down at her. For the first time in his fucking life, he felt fucking scared.

This perfect fucking angel that despised him was lying on the ground where he'd set her gently and fucking couldn't mock him or smile or laugh or say pretty things with her sweet little mouth and he just —

What the fuck was he supposed to do?

She didn't have regenerative healing.

This was Vanessa all over again. Before their fucking break up and before he started seeing Logan, it was going to —

Ketti thought she was cursed, but she wasn't. He's fucking cursed. He's the fucking problem and now his baby was paying the price.

He looked over any damages, gently lifting her shirt and hating, fucking hating seeing the discoloring on her fucking stomach.

Internal bleeding fucking great.

This was never a problem with Logan. Loving Logan was fucking safe because he never died he was fine they were fine but this?

Fucking perfect little Ketti and her sweet little smile and she — if she fucking died how was Wade supposed to handle that?

"I'm so sorry, oh my god, I'm so sorry!"

Wade gently laid Ketti on the ground and stood, rushing to the man who hit them.

"Get. A. Fucking. Ambulance."

The man nodded, looking at Deadpool with fear, holding up his phone. He looked like a typical fucking truck driver. Big beard, trucking hat, beer belly, probably spends more time in rest stops than at home.

God fucking Wade wanted to knock his fucking teeth in.

He could rough him up a bit. Hit him and blame it on the accident. Give him a black eye or a broken jaw or a fucking dislocated shoulder or a broken spine or —

"What the fuck happened?"

(Daddy's home.)

Wade's attention turned to Logan and Peter, who immediately dropped the tire.

"This fucking idiot hit us, a parked car—"

"—How do you hit a parked car—"

"—Is Ketti okay? Oh, man, oh man—"

"—I really didn't mean to, I'm so sorry, are you guys her friends, is she gonna be okay, the cops are—"

"—You better stop fucking talking bub, because I'm gonna knock your teeth out."

"What?"

Then Logan did promptly that.

(I love him. He doesn't give a fuck about anything.)

"Logan!" Peter exclaimed, rushing to the trucker's side and looking over his bloody nose.

"Tell them it was the car or I will fucking kill you," Logan said in a low voice, meeting his eyes with a dark promise.

(I didn't feel it at the time because I was so fucking scared for Ketti but god, I think I just creamed my pants.)

Logan then walked over to Ketti, knelt down next to her, and sighed, glancing up at Wade.

Wade knew what he was thinking.

How the fuck were they supposed to protect her from anything if they couldn't protect her from this?

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some angst because yall know me
little bit of wade's pov hopefully it was okay?
not AS chaotic but still chaotic and yes the cat is important
you guys have made this story literally so popular here it's INSNAE
not like THAT happy with this chapter but we get smut in 2 so bare with me