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KETTI KIPPS
(she is so in love with me i'm delulu)
"kitten"

WADE WILSON
(this suit is such an upgrade
holy fuck look at that)
"deadpool"

LOGAN HOWLETT
(technically his name is james)
"wolverine"

PETER PARKER
(did you really think we wouldn't have a spidey?)
"spider-man"

MATT MURDOCK
(holy fuck it's team red, get ready to loosen your belt because you're about to fucking creammm)
"daredevil"

FRANK CASTLE
(the fucking competition)
"the punisher"

DOGPOOL
(look at my cute fucking dog rest in piec(es) nicepool but she's chosen her papa)
"ugliest fucking dog"

LAURA KINNEY
(logan wishes he were half as cool as this kid)
"x-23"

JOHNNY BLAZE
(i see dead people—but seriously,
this guy could not be more hot
are you kidding me?)
"ghost rider"

BUCKY BARNES
(i really think ketti will leave us for him,
but maybe he can join us, i mean look at his eyes, fuck, stare me down and choke me with your metal arm daddy)
"the sergeant"

THOR ODINSON
(WHY WAS THOR CRYING OVER ME?)
"god of thunder"

LOKI FRIGGASON
(technically his name is laufeyson but ketti is very particular, ugh, call me whipped but i like it when she spanks me)
"god of mischief"

SYDNEY GREEN
(scientists can't figure out how one person can eat as much sugar as this fucking kid. truly, a medical mystery, and if i cared enough, i might wonder why she doesn't have diabetes, but frankly, i don't.)
"snowstorm"

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NOTES !

timeline:
this takes place POST Deadpool & Wolverine so don't read if you haven't seen the movie! It doesn't follow the plot but mentions spoilers from it.
this takes place on earth 10006 but i have tried to find literally anything about that universe to make characters make sense and it's not working so just go with it.

warnings:
it's a deadpool fic literally every warning ever, also logan <3
this fic has lots of porn, little plot, and is very nonsensical but i love it k thanks bye

extras:
parenthesis are deadpool's fourth wall breaks/thought bubbles.
very dialogue driven! kind of convoluted, but i think it works for the story.

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PLAYLIST !
(turn on your fucking radio, because dj deadpool is in the house. god, I've been spending too much time with ketti.)

THE GREATEST SHOW
hugh jackman

YOU'RE SO VAIN
carly simon

HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU olivia newton john

THE JOKER
steve miller band

BAD IDEA
girl in red

NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
rick astley

I WAS MADE FOR LOVING YOU
kiss

HOW BAD CAN I BE
ed helms

CASUAL
chappell roan

POCKETFUL OF SUNSHINE
natasha bedingfield

YOU ARE IN LOVE
taylor swift

UPTOWN GIRL
billy joel

HEY, SOUL SISTER
train

UNTIL I FOUND YOU
stephen sanchez

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