The nsfw version of this chap is available on Patreon tiers 4 and above

Shouto POV:

The shower water had been running over me for ages, but somehow I still felt hot.

So much so, my skin was steaming under the ice cold droplets, and I was panting. It's like the levels in my body continued to rise and rise with no way for me to stop it. I only take ice cold showers like this when my quirk—specifically, my left side gets the better of me. It used to happen all the time when I was young, too young to have any business working my body so hard. But, it hasn't happened in years, so I couldn't understand why it was happening now. I didn't do any vigorous quirk work today.

I'm confused. The whole night....has had me incredibly confused.

It all started when I left Lani's place. Well, actually, um....the heat started earlier than that. Much earlier. It....it started when I was at her place. When she opened the door and I saw her in the black dress. It hugged her body a certain way, and I still haven't forgotten it. Or, the way her pink eyes almost glowed in the dim lights of her apartment. How everything in her apartment smelled like fall, even in though summer still had a few weeks left.

Or, when she hugged me, and it sparked something within my system. Something I hadn't been able to tame all night.

She kept her apartment scalding hot, which was appropriate for the devil she was. I needed to take off my jacket from it, which I never had a chance to grab when she rushed me out of her apartment. Anyways, I was convinced she probably gave me a fever somehow. Because she's a horrible person, and that's what horrible people do. They give you fevers, and other things...

The more she looked at me...and touched me...the heat in my veins grew throughout the night. It grew, and grew, and grew until I couldn't take it anymore. Until we were on the couch...and she was on top of me...and my head was fuzzy. My blood was so hot, I was sure I'd have a heat stroke. And while I'm usually very health conscious, I didn't care in that moment about anything. I didn't care what happened to me, because all I could think about...

I closed my eyes and let the shower water run over them, trying to calm down, but I couldn't. Because I knew what I'd been thinking about. It's been playing in my mind all night. On a loop. On some chant I can't seem to shake...

Her scent. Her warmth. Her body—

It can't be right...

No, it can't be right—that I've been thinking about her body so much lately. I'm not that type of person, I leave the 'body thinking' (?) for people like Denki Kaminari and Eijirou Kirishima. Because that's what they always did in high school, and also college. It's what I always heard them say, and I never understood the obsession about things like that.

And, I still don't know if I understand. Because I can only think about one person, and...she consumes me. I've thought about her body more than I've imagined anyone else's in my entire life. But, it's impossible to avoid those thoughts when it comes to her. Because I didn't think it was possible for someone's body to be perfect, but for Lani, it's true. Everything fits her exactly how it's supposed to. I can still feel the phantom touch of her soft waist between my hands. And...

The soft sizzle of my overheating skin grew louder and I sighed a puff of smoke, burying my face directly under the shower head now to try and cool down. I can feel my heart rate spiking in my chest, and there's a pit in my stomach.

And that pit is the source of all my warmth, and...and—god, I need something. I'm craving it. I'm...

...not naive enough to not understand my own body. I'm not a virgin, and the stirring between my legs is familiar to me at the age of twenty-years-old now. It's the same type of feeling I get when I'm aroused. It happens frequently, and my doctor says it's normal, and actually good for me. It means I have a healthy libido, and that I should..take care of myself to ensure my body maintains its levels. So, I do it. For my health. That's not oversharing, is it...?

But, right now, it feels more than just something for my health—more as I place one of my hands on the shower wall, letting the ice cold water run down the top of my head, but somehow, it's never cold enough. I can see the smoke continuing to roll out of my mouth as I run my other hand down my body, each brush of my own fingers over my stomach igniting more pleasure to my...

I know the biological term for it. I never thought to call it anything different. But, it's only now that I think back to the...intimacy—I don't know—etiquette? I never cared about all the terms—and I still haven't figured out what I want to call 'breasts,' but once again, I wonder. About this part of intimacy that's not just biological, but...pleasurable and entertaining. It's the part I seem to lack. The part Lani told me about, and how this is what she uses it for. I hadn't forgot when she said that. I don't forget most things she tell me.

Some people have 'turn-ons,' right? Well, I can't say I've ever had those myself. I mean, things like kissing and touching were always nice. But, are those considered turn-ons? Aren't those just biological responses? What's the difference? I don't know, and I'm only made aware..at this very moment...that I want to.

I don't feel like I have a clear idea of my own sexual identity. I know I find women sexually attractive, but aside from that, I realize I don't know much else about myself in that department. Because I never cared to learn. I never thought it would be important to know what I like and prefer. I don't know what women like either. But, the more time I'm around Lani, the more I find myself curious about these things. The more I wish I knew.

My eyes fell closed as I did what the doctor instructed. Like I said, it's not uncommon for me to do this in the shower, but tonight, I feel like something's...missing. Nothing feels like it's enough, but also too much. How does that make sense? I should ask Midoriya—is that oversharing again?

This time, my imagination was coming to life, and that's unusual for me. My eyes are closed and I see pink in my vision. But, it's a specific pink. A deep pink, like the color of those sunsets I'm starting to notice lately. Deep pink like Lani's irises, half lidded and filled with a deep need, wearing that look she had tonight, when she was on my....lap, with her arms around my neck, and...

And...

I took my bottom lip between my teeth at the memories of a few hours ago. My scalding breath puffed past the openings of my lips as I continued, the cold shower water simply turning to sizzles atop my skin.

Wow, I'm so hot. God, I'm so hot. I could pass out right now. I...it's not usual for me to feel so un-composed.

But, the vision behind my lids did me no favors to relax, my imagination slowly becoming more creative as I imagined Lani in all the ways that I've never seen her. I realize now, I don't know what she looks like without clothes. I know what she looks like in a bra though, and I...I almost knew what she looked like without a bra before the doorbell rang tonight, but did I? It was just for work, right? That's what she said. So...surely...she would have stopped it before things escalated to that point. Right?

Would they have escalated to that point? Did I want things to escalate? No....no, of course not...it's—it wasn't real, remember. It was for work, so it's wrong. Is it wrong? It's wrong, right? To have these thoughts, and...

...and the fantasies became more vivid. I couldn't help my thoughts from drifting back, putting all my inhibitions on hold because I needed to see her. Like this. Right now.

My fingers clawed into the shower wall as I went faster. I never used to really pay attention to how it felt—the specifics, I mean. I always just kept going until I was done. I never cared about build up, or anything else.

But, right now, I suddenly feel hyper aware of how much it's not enough. How it's just me in this shower and no one else. How I'm purposely stalling the finish line, because if I go too fast, my thoughts might subside, and I don't want that. No, not right now.

If I closed my eyes shut any tighter, I'd see stars, and I couldn't risk that. Not when I have the perfect image of Lani....Lani...within my mind.

Her heavy breaths would match my own and she'd smile up at me with that usual mischievous grin. Maybe her cheeks would be flushed from what we were doing, and she'd grip the back of my neck to pull me in closer. Just like she did tonight. Her fingers felt so good in my hair, so good scratching along the back of my neck, and in that moment...at her apartment, I wanted more. I wanted her closer. I wanted her mouth on me. Anywhere. I...

"Ah, Shouto." She'd whisper in that voice she makes—because she makes a specific voice. And her breath would roll onto my face, making me shudder—and it did make me shudder. She always makes me shudder and my spine shiver, but somehow it always feels good.

A small sigh of pleasure escaped my lips as my vision continued lower, down her stomach—to the tattoo I still can't envision, and her pierced navel. And then my thoughts became even more obscene, and it shocked me, but not enough to stop. It actually shocked me in a different way. For the first time during this, during doing this and also any intimacy I've ever experienced, my heart rate began to sky rocket, not just from exertion, but from something I can only compare to adrenaline.

My head began to spin, and now my breath was out of control like it never had been before. Never in my life had so much pleasure built up inside of me, and god, it was almost too overwhelming.

It was foreign to me, but somehow it spurred me on faster, and....oh my god....this....has it always felt this good to people? Is it always felt in every single part of your body like this? Where your eyes physically can't stay open, and you genuinely can't stay quiet? Where you can't control what face you make, or how breathless you become? Where it has you trembling and your muscles shaking as you become so....so......so desperate...for her...

"Fuck. Lani." I breathed out automatically, immediately hitting my limit once the name fell past my lips.

Never in my life had I craved something with so much need as I came. Never had I physically ached for someone to be here. I said her name. Not just once, or even twice. I said her name in a string of shallow, soft gasps, clawing my blunt nails into the shower wall so hard, I was probably bleeding.

And when the wave finally leveled out, I felt so dizzy. My eyes opened and I'd forgotten where I was, staring at the soiled shower wall in blank bewilderment. My heart pounded so hard, I was convinced I'd die. My chest heaved and the shower water was running into my open mouth.

It was the strongest moment of euphoria I'd ever had. Stronger than anything I'd had during real intimacy, too. Is that rude? To Momo? I don't care. Even if it's mean, I don't care right now. Because Lani just made me the weakest I've ever been without even being here, and she's the only thing on my mind now.

A soft exhausted moan escaped my throat before I backed up and threw my head against the shower wall, letting my eyes close before Lani's face came back into my mind.

Obscene visions of her were still in my imagination, and it surprised me. I didn't know how it was possible, but I was suddenly aroused again. Even though I just finished, even though I was biologically unable to get continue at this moment, I was thinking about her like this again. This has never happened to me before.

Sex was always a requirement for me. I did it because that's part of the criteria for relationships. Every time I did it, it only happened once, and that was enough for me, because I could check the box off and say I did what I was supposed to. I never wanted more. I never cared to imagine more, because I didn't think there was more to it.

I'd never known the feeling of 'insatiability' until I met Lani. I'd never wanted something so much that I couldn't stop thinking about it.

There.....there....

....must be something wrong with me.

I need to talk to someone about this. As soon as possible.

*

"So, you see, that's what I've been dealing with for almost a month. And I get this feeling in my chest when she's around—and I've self diagnosed myself with chronic heart attacks because the doctor won't return my calls anymore. It's The Woman's fault and she's evil for it. But....well, I could really use some advice from you. I think you know best." I said, glancing at the reliable person in question.

A few moments of silence went by before my brother Touya looked back at me with blank disgust, blinking his eyes a few times like he wanted to die—oh, I asked the warden about that one time, and he said it was okay. It's nothing to be concerned about, apparently it's 'just his face.'

Touya's in prison, and has been for the last few years, so I'm sure that's why he feels that way. Anyone would.

The busy sounds of the jail visiting room filled the space, and I glanced around. Everyone who wasn't a criminal was on one side of the glass—my side—and they were all separated from their loved ones—the criminals—who were on Touya's side of the glass. I've only able to speak to Touya through a little hole in the window. I didn't mind it though, these four years that Touya had been in prison are the most we've spoken in a lifetime.

I've gotten used to the way he groaned and threw his head towards the cracked ceiling—and he just did that, kicking his feet up on the desk to get more comfortable. Even though he was asked multiple times by the staff not to do that because it always rattled the window—and it did.

"Well, that was a painful forty-seven minutes of my fucking time." He closed his eyes tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It was? Why are you in pain?" I asked in confusion, causing his head to hang heavy.

He used to be a lot more vocal than that during our one hour 'family time,' as it's called here. He used to yell, stand on his chair, and recite 'monologues,' as the jail wardens called it, talking about dad and a bunch of other stuff. But, I don't like yelling, and he lost me after the first few minutes anyways. Once he realized that after a whole year of doing it, he started conserving his energy and stopped.

Touya has mellowed out over the years he's been here. When he first got captured and arrived at prison, he started out not seeing me at all, and then when he did, all he'd do is yell ferally for the whole hour in his monologues and dance from his side of the room. I was just very confused. After awhile, when I kept coming, he started getting annoyed, and then he tried to bribe the guards to keep me out of the facility away from him.

But, nothing worked, and I kept coming, and now he's fine. His fiancée Violet said he went through the five stages of grief about having to be stuck with my presence for the duration of his six year sentence, and now he was in the acceptance stage. I don't really know what that means, but I'm glad he's here. Even if it's because he's currently chained to the table. This is what it feels like to have another older brother, and it's nice.

"So, what do you think? About this.....this woman and what she's doing to me?" I asked, watching his eyes roll almost completely into the back of his head.

They opened again and he gave me a deadpan glare, similar to the one he said he gave me when I was born. He mentioned that during one of his monologues. That was also the day he got sedated and put in solitary confinement for a few days.

"Well, let's see. What do I think, Shouto? I think you have a brother not-in-prison who actually loves you for some weird fucking reason and doesn't have clear image right now of ripping your head off. Go bother him about it." He scoffed, scrunching his nose in disgust.

I blinked a few times and looked at him. "Well, you're my brother, too-"

"Ugh. Don't remind me-"

"And I like talking to you. You're always a good listener-" I started out before the sound of metal violently banged against his table.

"I'm literally chained to the fucking table. Do you see this shit? Huh?" Touya said, holding up his heavy chained arm that was, in fact, connected to the table. "I tell you this every damn time you come here. God, you're a moron."

"Oh. Well, anyways-" I brushed it off, causing Touya's head to face palm into the table with a hard slam. "I need your advice on what I should do about The Woman."

He let out a low growl which turned into an inhumane sound before mumbling things to himself I couldn't understand. Something about how he'd rather have the death penalty, before lifting his head in exasperation. He glared at me before slouching his shoulders and and sighing sourly in defeat.

"Alright, fine. You want my advice, 'brother?' Here it is." He smiled in that way he does when he talks about murder, slamming his cuffed hand on the table. "You're a fucking idiot."

We stared at each other in silence and I waited for more, but it never came. "Okay—I—where's the advice?" I asked.

"That's it. God, I hate you." He shook his head, looking at me with the 'crazy eyes,' as the warden called them.

I looked at him blankly and unfazed. "I think hate is a strong word-"

"It's clear you and this bitch—who doesn't have a lick of taste if she likes you, by the way—are doing a dance around each other, and slow burn shit sucks, alright? Take it from me. All that time fighting when you could be balls deep already—so, if ya don't dick up soon, she's gonna say 'fuck you' and move on—and then maybe fuck your brother for the hell of it once she thinks you're dead for ten years. Got it?" He leaned forward, raising an impatient brow at me.

But, now my brain stalled and he lost me again. "Um. What?" I looked at him in utter confusion.

I never realized it after years of no communication, but my brother Touya has a very complex vocabulary of words I can't keep up with. His fiancée Violet always told me it takes years of practice to be able to translate most of what he says. But, even four years later, I still have a hard time.

"Fuck her already." He spoke plainly, making my heart jump. "What are you waiting for, golden boy? Marriage? Hah! Why, cause we had such good role models growing up? What, you gonna slap her around once the ring's on her finger, too? Aw, how adorably 'father' of you."

"Well—no, I'm not waiting for....marriage." I rubbed the back of my neck. "I've....well, I've done...it."

Touya's brows raised in genuine surprise this time, looking at me with a chuckle like it was impossible. "Well, I'll be damned then. Even little Shouto Todoroki, huh? Someone actually took one for the team? Heh, and I thought my prison sentence was bad enough."

"You remember my ex-girlfriend, don't you?" I asked. "We talked about that from week seven to sixty-four-"

"I despise you and try to forget every single fucking thing you tell me." He said bluntly.

"Oh. That's concerning." I raised a brow of concern, looking around to alert an officer. "It sounds like the warden should check you for dementia if that's the case."

Touya's eyes barely widened for no longer than half a second as I started to stand up, snapping his fingers to get my attention. "Sit the fuck back down. I'm not about to have your dense ass get me locked up in solitary confinement. Again." He scoffed, forcing himself to engage in the conversation now. "What about the other bitch?"

I slid back into my seat, feeling my brain short circuit and go blank. I don't really know how to explain it—what happened in the shower last night. 

"Well, I didn't get the same...feeling..." I tried, watching Touya raise an impatient brow.

"Huh?"

"Well, I'm, um.....comparing things. Between the woman and my ex-girlfriend." I explained. "It's...well, it's specifically, about the...nature of my ejaculation-"

"Yeah, fuck it, I'd rather go back to solitary than hear another god damn word of whatever it is you're about to say." Touya held up a hand to stop me.

I didn't say anything else, and the space between us went silent as I waited for his advice, watching him glare back at me with the same look he's been giving me all day—well, actually, for twenty years, according to him.

"Look. You're a fucking idiot." He retorted after a period of time, causing my brows to furrow.

"You said that already. I'm worried you might really have dementia now." I murmured, stroking my chin in thought.

"If you think it's just attraction, go fuck someone else and see what it does to your feelings about her. Maybe you just wanna get your rocks off and this girl's slutty enough to awaken that in you, or whatever. I dunno." Touya waved off, leaning back in his seat to look at the ticking clock.

"That....doesn't seem like a good idea." I sighed, causing him to shrug.

"Whatever. Your loss. My ideas are brilliant." He said in the confines of prison....chained tightly to the table.

I formed a small 'oh' from my lips and nodded, wanting to say more before the timer dinged loudly.

Touya let out a loud groan of relief and leaned forward, waving his fingers impatiently at me now. "Alright. The hour's up. Hand over my prize."

The prize from his fiancée, Violet, is what he's talking about. Back when Touya used to turn me away at the prison door and refuse to speak with me, Violet said he just needed a little....bribing? So, she started writing him notes and asked me to bring them to our family sessions. Sure enough, once he read the first one, he began letting me back to see him each time.

I used to give the notes to Touya at the beginning of our one hour talks, but he'd read the note, leave, and never come back. So, I started giving it to him at the end instead. I realized it makes him stay. He says it's against his will, but I don't think that's true.

I don't really understand the notes him and Violet, exchange. Every time she gives them to me to give to him, she blushes and tucks her hair behind her ear, and starts talking to me about things that don't pertain to the conversation—like the weather. I think she's trying to distract me somehow....

But, they enjoy the notes for some reason, so I opened the one she packed today and pressed it to the glass window like I always do for Touya to see. He grinned ferally and scanned the contents of it like he knew something I didn't.

"I read a glimpse of it because I was curious." I said, narrowing my eyes in overthinking confusion. "Something about wanting her muffin....buttered?"

Touya's smile grew wicked into something I couldn't understand, snapping his fingers at me to grab a pen. "Fuck yeah she does. Tell her I'll butter it deep. Until it can't fit anymore....butter."

My brow raised in question, but I wrote the message down anyways, looking at my brother in more concern each time I see him.

"Who would ever want that much butter? Your cholesterol is going to be too high." I said as the warden unlocked his handcuff from the table.

Touya groaned and uttered a small 'thank god' for getting to leave, talking over his shoulder as the guards led him back to his cell.

"Whatever gets you out of my life faster, I'll take it."