A/N: almost to 50k reads! I'll post a little thing for you guys when we get there <3

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Shouto POV:

'You're just confused, Shouto.'

Lani's words hadn't stopped playing in my head for hours. Staring up at the ceiling of her apartment with a concussion gave me a lot of time to think, and I thought about a lot of things. Like how Lani's apartment is even quieter than my own, and how she really wasn't lying when she said she didn't have any food in her fridge. Then I thought about why she doesn't have any food in her fridge when she's the one who lives here. She does love to eat takeout, but still...

And then, I thought about our conversation from earlier this morning. The one we had right before I blacked out in her apartment—and then continued when I woke up in the hospital.

Lani said I was confused. And, well, I guess she's not wrong about that part. But, I think she's confused on what I'm confused about—and I think I'm confused about that as well. So...I guess that actually means she's.....right about my....confusion, but also....wrong (?)

The more I look back on it, the more I think...the source of the confusion is where Lani and I have different thoughts. Because she said I was confused when I tried to kiss her, and she said my concussion was the reason for making me want to in the first place.

But, how could that be true when the only reason I obtained the concussion was because I was thinking about kissing her?—with my head...intact?

It didn't really make sense, but a lot of things don't make sense to me. And when it comes to Lani, I really want to understand. I always want to know what she thinks, and I trust her when she tells me something.

I think....well, I think she could tell me something crazy, like the sky being green when its clearly blue. And even if, logically, it wouldn't make sense for the sky to be green, I'd find a way to believe her anyways. Like, maybe the grass reflects off the blue sky, and it creates a green hue across the atmosphere. Then it would be green. I'm getting off track...

What I'm trying to say—I...think(?)—is that when Lani says something, my brain can't help but think about it three times over. So, once she left the apartment for the day—before kissing my forehead, and touching my arm, and whispering little things into my ear—I decided to try and think about things from her perspective.

I'm not in her head, and I think differently than others. So it was hard. One of the harder things I challenged my brain to do. But, for her, I tried.

Her reasonings for not wanting me to kiss her were....um....the first—she said I would lose interest in her. But, then I thought...how can that happen when she's the only person I'm interested in?

Then she said I could find someone better than her. So, I thought again...how can that be when there is no better?

For once, my mind has an answer for all my questions. When it comes to Lani, it does. It comes more naturally than a lot of other things in my life, and when I think back to my thoughts of her over the past few days—well, actually, the last month, I realize that my body has been trying to tell my brain that I've thought these things about Lani for a long time.

I've always been able to acknowledge that she's attractive. Even when I believed it was just a fact that everyone thought, it was still me who thought it. And, from the moment the idea entered my head, I never questioned it, or found it confusing. She didn't leave any room for questions. Her face didn't, I guess.

She was pretty—that was a fact, and the proof is there when you just look at her.

But, it's more than just that, and the kiss with Elise taught me that last night. I feel more than just a biological response to Lani. Like how my chest feels like it's drowning when she's not near, and how I wish she was here right now just to talk to me. How I want her attention on me, I want it only on me and no one else. And how concerned I felt when there was another man in her apartment—I still need to do a background check on him, by the way—and...and....

And when touches me, she does it a certain way that no one else can mimic it. Because no one else has her hands, no one else has her presence—and no one else has her lips. No one else can understand me better than she does, there isn't a person around besides her who can pull the silent thoughts from my brain and make them form into verbal words.

My stomach pulses, and my heart pounds, and Lani reminds me that I'm a human just like everyone else. That even I can get excited about things, and flustered, and feel empathy. And....and I like that part of myself. The part of me that she's able to bring out. The part of me I didn't even know existed until she came along.

When I think of Lani, I don't feel dull and empty like I do with everyone else. My life doesn't flash before my eyes with a lifetime of lackluster and baseless existence.

No, in those moments with Lani, I'm never confused about what I want. If anything, I've actually never been more sure. When it comes to what I think of Lani, I've never been more sure.

So, no. I think....well, actually think she might be wrong. About my confusion. Foe the first time in my life, I am actually very certain about how I feel. What...confuses me....

....is....her.

Because she says one thing, but then she does another thing. I've spent a lot of my time trying to understand her, trying to commit all her little actions, and her big ones, to my memory. It's not even something I could control, my just brain deemed it necessary and important. Because I wanted nothing more than to be able to know what she was thinking.

It's why I've memorized the look she gives when she wants something. It always starts in her eyes. They focus intensely and her pupils dilate just a little bit. She doesn't evade or close her them, because she wants to remember every second.

She always does this little gasp and her voice goes quiet like it rarely does. But, it's not rare to me anymore, and I feel....well, I sort of feel proud that I can say that.

And she did all of that today. When I came close to her and touched her, I watched her so carefully. I watched her eyes focus on me, and her pupils dilate, and the way she couldn't look anywhere else but my face. I felt her soft gasps puff against my lips, and her voice waver. But, most of all, I felt the way she pulled me closer, and whispered into my ear about how good it felt...

I wish I had gotten clarification on what part felt good to her. Was it my touches? Was it the way I looked at her? The way I had her pinned against the counter? I wanted to know exactly which part she liked, because then I'd think about it and analyze it for hours, trying to decide how I could do it better next time. So I could hear those words from her lips over and over again—'that feels so good, Shouto.'

But, instead, I fainted. And then I woke up in the hospital and she....she was just...different.

She pretended to take calls on her phone, and she ignored me. Then when I used every ounce of brainpower to try and bring up the subject, she brushed me off and said I was wrong.

But, then she kissed me on the forehead, and said I could stay...

So, yes. I am confused. I'm confused about Lani's thoughts.

A few weeks ago, she told me to make decisions for myself. She told me to do that instead of always letting others decide for me, so I've been trying to. For her, I've been trying to.

I just don't know what she wants. And asking her today only proved to confuse me even more.

With a tired sigh, I settled back into Lani's couch and continued to memorize the popcorn pattern of her ceiling, wondering what she'd be like when she came home. Would she want to talk about this? Knowing her, I believe she won't. And....well...I don't know if...I'm done talking about it.

I have so much I want to say. So many things on my mind. And, even though I can't understand most people, I...I realize I don't like it when I can't understand Lani. I feel further away from her and more...

...alone.

My thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of my phone, causing me to swipe it off the coffee table immediately with hopes it was Lani. But...

Incoming Call From: MOMO

My shoulders dropped and, instinctively, my eyes barely rolled towards the ceiling in a mixture of exhaustion and contemplation. Normally, I wouldn't answer the phone. Momo had completely slipped my mind these last few weeks because my brain decided she wasn't worth my time.

But, after my conversations with Lani and the events that have been happening recently, I realized I actually needed to speak with Momo about something. Perhaps, this would actually fix a few things—though, I'm not entirely sure how broken they were to begin with. Now I'm confusing myself again, and this time, I don't have the answers.

"Hello?" I answered the phone, hugging Lani's couch pillow to my chest.

Because every now and then, her scent of lilies and oranges would waft up into my nose.

"Ah—Shouto?" Momo said from the other line, sounding like she was stumbling on her breath. "I'm....well, I'm actually surprised you answered."

I furrowed my brows in confusion, hugging Lani's pillow tighter. "Oh. If you weren't expecting me to answer, then why did you call? Should I not have answered?"

"No—I mean, I was hoping you'd answer, but I just—anyways..." She stumbled again and I didn't really understand her mood. "Uh, now that I have you on the line, I wanted to finalize the colors of your suit for the Fresh Heroes Banquet this weekend. Couples that show up together usually try to color coordinate. So......my dress is going to be yellow."

It was only thanks to Lani's reminders that I even remembered the Fresh Heroes Banquet, and we haven't talked about Momo being my date since the first day it was brought up. And, a lot has changed since that day anyways. That's actually part of what I need to tell Momo.

"About the banquet, I need to cancel." I said plainly, running a tired hand through my hair.

Momo gasped on the other line, and now she sounded more interested than my brain could entertain. "You do? You mean, you're not going to attend?"

I don't know if there's a certain way one is supposed to do this. If I've learned anything from Midoriya and what he would say, I'm sure this isn't how he would do it. But, I've exhausted myself from thinking, and Midoriya wasn't here with prompt cards I could read from—it's really helpful when he does that.

Anyways, I'm just going to tell her the truth. I'm sure she'll understand. Who doesn't want to hear the truth?

"No, I think I'm going to attend. Just not with you. So, I'm cancelling the part where we show up together...and color coordinate, and stuff like that." I explained, satisfied with my answer.

Logically, it seems successful. I said what I needed to, and now she's informed of the change in plans. I was prepared to hang up the phone before Momo yelled through the speaker now. "What?! But, why?"

"Oh. Because I'm confused." I said, not knowing how much information Momo was looking for.

I told her the truth, and I don't really know how else to explain it. I don't want to take another woman to the banquet, not when Lani is the only one on my mind. I don't want her to get the wrong impression about Momo and I like she did with Ellen last night.

And Lani did tell me to start deciding things for myself. So, I think she'd be proud to know I'm deciding to cancel the banquet plans with Momo. Right?

"Y-You're confused?" Momo said, and once again, I couldn't read her voice. Just that it was wavering now. "About what? About us?-"

"No." I said immediately. "That's actually one thing I'm sure about. I'm confused about something else. But, I just wanted you to know so you're not expecting me, because I don't believe that would be fair to you."

Momo muttered something unintelligible from the other line because she cleared her throat, and now her voice came out even more shaky than before. A little cracked, too. It's going to be flu season soon. She needs to be cautious.

"Shouto, I'm already expecting you." She said. "It's too last minute to find another date, and we agreed to this. Listen, my parents have already reserved us a-"

"Um, well—if I look back on it, I don't believe I actually agreed to it now." I pondered back on the day. "I think it just....sort of happened. But, now I've made a decision, and....it's my own decision. Goodbye, Momo."

With that, I hung up the phone now. I really didn't have anything else to say. I already said a lot more than I thought I would. But, I think that was good. Right? I thought for myself, and I knew Lani was mad Momo arranged for us to attend the ball together anyways. So, overall...

I think she'll be pretty happy with me when she gets home.

Lani POV:

Gentle Dragon Pharmaceutical Company

The giant corporate building in the middle of Musutafu stared me in the face, only further aggravating my headache.

It was after dusk by the time I arrived at 'Gentle Dragon', aka, the alias front corporation that served as the Mizuchi headquarters. Between my earlier meeting with Yuna, and now, my meeting here, I hadn't been home all day.

I wondered if Shouto would still be on my couch by the time I came barreling through my door probably after midnight. Any normal person probably would have left after a few hours, but this is Shouto we're talking about. I actually wished he'd leave, as we had a lot to talk about, and I couldn't handle the brain power needed to continue making excuses to him for all my weird behavior.

With a tired sigh, I walked up the steps of the corporate building, hoping to get this over with quickly. The familiar body propped outside the entrance only made me groan, watching the idiot blowing the smoke from his vape pen before looking my way expectantly.

"Almost late, naughty girl." My ex, Eiichi, tapped the fake watch on his wrist.

I huffed and forcibly approached him, not even giving his sorry ass a glance as I walked right past him towards the entrance. "In other words, I'm right on time." I retorted.

I knew he'd follow me unfortunately. He is my partner, and whatever this meeting with the Mizuchi was about, it always concerns both of us. I gripped the handle of the corporate building before Eiichi came up from behind and placed his hand over mine, squeezing tight enough to trap my hand around the door.

With a grit of my teeth, I tried to rip my hand free, but his grip was strong as he used our forcibly intertwined hands to open the door together, chuckling near my ear. "I don't know why you're so pressed. I'm just holding the door open for you." He smirked, giving my lower, lower back a harsh push forward to get me moving.

Finally, I broke free from his suffocating grip, shoving him in the chest with a glare, "Next time? Don't."

He whistled mockingly towards my attitude, mumbling something under his breath that I didn't care to translate. Intentionally walking ahead of him to give myself some silence, I made my way to the familiar elevator—the only one that gets us where we need to go. Gliding my fingers along the elevator keys, I found the expected loose one, flipping it up before pressing the orange button that was hiding underneath.

The elevator rumbled, and Eiichi unfortunately caught up once it opened, ducking inside with me before the thing closed too soon. I held in a loud groan of frustration once I saw we were the only two in the elevator, watching the floor numbers climb lower with seething, silent irritation.

Hoping for tense silence the entire ride down was clearly asking for too much as it didn't last more than a second. Eiichi took another hit from his vape pen, turning towards me and exhaling the pineapple flavored smoke straight into my face. "You know, I enjoyed meeting that kid today. Nice of you to take him in, and all—for whatever reason he was at your place."

I knew this was coming. He can't keep his mouth shut, especially not when it comes to this. Eiichi's always been incredibly jealous. Behind the scenes of the public eye, our relationship was incredibly toxic.

Feeling the same morning migraine continue to pester me into the late hours of the night, I ripped the vape pen out of his hand and took a heavy hit of it for myself, settling for whatever nicotine I could get right now. Funny how a sleazy drug dealing corporation draws the line at smoking actual cigarettes in the elevator.

"Subtlety has never been your strong suit." I exhaled the smoke through my nose, throwing the pen back at him carelessly. "And anyways, stay outta my business."

He held up his hands in mock surrender taking one more rip from the pen before pocketing it. "Jesus." His voice was thick with smoke. "What crawled up your ass and died today? Just looking out for my partner, is all. I'm just saying, kids have big mouths. They don't tend to keep secrets like this very well."

He gestured to the little dragon sticker in the corner of the elevator for emphasis, as if the situation wasn't already obvious enough to me. "Stop calling him a kid." I squeezed my eyes closed with impatience, rubbing at my sore temples. "He's a grown adult with a career more successful than both of ours."

Eiichi chuckled, leaning back against the elevator wall laxly, "Aw, is the pedo trying to make herself feel better for hunting down a younger guy?"

"It's not like that." I seethed through my teeth, wondering how an elevator could get to the basement level so slowly.

"Please. Cut the shit. You used to look at me that way. No use pretending." He couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice. "You think fucking around with a hero is smart? Especially one with that much power? One with Endeavor as his daddy?"

Typical Eiichi—calling Shouto a kid and acting like he's a worthless nothing, when in reality, he clearly went home and spent the entire day obsessing over him and stalking him online. All over what he thinks he saw between us this morning.

Nothing has changed with him obviously. It's the same way he'd argue with me for hours if a man even looked at me in a way he didn't like, forcing me to apologize for just existing. Or the same way he tried to control what I wore so I'd draw the least amount of attention to myself as possible.

The worst part...was that I did it. Because I thought I loved him. Because I thought I should just be grateful that a man of his status was paying attention to me.

Because who would ever want to be with something so disgusting?

"So, you did research Shouto." I called him out, feeling the long day making me more prone to sparking flames. "Seems like you know more about him than I do. Maybe you're the one with the crush."

Eiichi sneered lazily, pushing himself off the wall and coming closer to me, "If you wanna see him dead, keep doing what you're doing."

On the surface, it sounds like he's saying that as a way to look out for Shouto, but I know him too well.

"Self righteous now?" I retorted sarcastically, side stepping further away when he hovered into my personal space.

"No way. Selfish. I'll do anything to protect my girl." Eiichi drawled out lowly, narrowing his copper colored eyes with threat. "And if that narc gives one single look like he knows something he shouldn't—or, if I find out he got in your pants.....let's just say, it won't be that hard to place a hit on him."

He put an arm around me and tried to pull me into him, but I pushed him back immediately, causing his back to slam into the elevator door with a harsh rattle. The silence was loud now, but I could see the anger in his eyes, and the way he tightened his jaw so intensely, I was sure it'd shatter it. That would definitely be a way to turn my shitty day around.

I have no loyalty to Eiichi, and definitely no more feelings towards him. I hate him. And hearing him threaten Shouto only triggered me further. Because Shouto is too good, and even if he's a tough hero, I felt the overwhelming need to protect him. Because, to me, he's fragile.

He makes me vulnerable.

But, I hid all of it behind a simple glare, trying to remain passive now as I'd already shown Eiichi too much. "You do that, and I'll take you out myself." I mumbled lowly, thankful when BASEMENT FLOOR finally flashed on the elevator screen.

"Look forward to it, babe." Eiichi simply said, swallowing our incoming fight stubbornly once the elevator door chimed with our arrival.

He quickly stood next to me once it opened, and unlike when we first arrived here, he now matched my independent walking speed instead of lagging behind, muttering an annoyed 'slow down' under his breath that only made me pick up the pace.

The Mizuchi headquarters were a lot nicer than the shit abandoned building situation the League of Villains were stuck in. The Mizuchi easily have the funds to hole those guys up somewhere nicer, but no one's nice in this business.

Even if this was the basement floor of a corporate building, you'd never know. Nice white couches and blood red sitting chairs were dispersed around the area, and it looked more like a nice department store than anything else. Rows of computers and trackers lined the walls, and a few shady looking figures typed rapidly at some of the desks, no doubt hacking into something that was definitely not meant to be fucked with.

Aside from my partner, I haven't forged many connections with other dealers, or even my bosses around here. My orders usually come through the phone or word of mouth, and when they do come from a face to face interaction, I don't expect to ever see that person again.

It's rare to see the same people twice in this business.

So, I didn't care to memorize the two shady men that met Eiichi and I at the back of the room. One of them had platinum blonde hair, and the other was balding. Both of them were older and wore the same suits and glares.

The dealers sized us up, simultaneously looking unimpressed at the sight before the bald guy cut to the chase. "You two clowns are the ones that Handler says are the best in the business right now?" He sounded disbelieving.

I didn't know where these two ranked in the Mizuchi hierarchy, but if they're giving Eiichi and I orders, it's safe to say they place higher than us on the food chain. That reason alone should have been enough to keep my lips tight, but I was too tired to give a damn.

"Unfortunately." I grumbled under my breath before Eiichi elbowed me in the ribs.

"Highest numbers in the game. We're quite the unstoppable team." He corrected with a formal bow. "Nice to see you, gentlemen."

Good, I'll let him do the social part. I'm just the seller, it's his job to be the showman and negotiator—and given his horrible personality, I'm sure we'll be dead before morning.

The balding guy slid his eyes between the two of us before nodding in pondering approval. "That's good to hear. 'Cause we got a hard sell this weekend with a lotta' potential. Handler needs their absolute best dealers to ensure the job gets done. Could be a big turning point for our little fun pills."

"What's the job?" I asked impatiently, hoping my reflexes were quick enough when the blonde guy tossed something my way.

I quickly caught the item and saw it was a magazine, flipping it over to the front before my blood froze. Because, god damn it, I just can't seem to escape this bitch today.

On the cover of Vogue was—you guessed it—Momo Yaoyorozu. She was in a tight, nude colored dress, wearing an entire two year's worth of my salary on one arm if that brand of her jewelry was anything to go by.

But, for once, that wasn't the focal point of the advertisement as my eyes dreadfully trailed to the title of the page, hearing the blonde guy read it out loud.

"The Fresh Heroes Banquet."

Oh, fuck me. I'm being pranked. This cannot get any worse.

Shouto's eyes flashed in my thoughts, and their heterochromatic look of shock and betrayal instantly unnerved me as I threw the magazine to the floor. No. Fuck no. He'll catch me for sure if I sell there. I can't risk that.

"No way." I said a little too quickly. "It's too risky."

Tense silence filled the space, and the two dealers looked at each other before Eiichi muttered a small 'shut up' in my direction. It's his life on the line, too. If I go down, he'll be in the shallow grave with me.

"What she means to say," My partner tried to smooth over the tension with a chuckle. "Is that this deal would definitely propose a few more challenges than just a regular back door sell. Surely you smart guys realize that?"

"Maybe for the average dealer, but Handler says you're in the hero business." The baldy said to me, causing my stomach to stir uncomfortably. "It won't be hard for ya to sneak your way in without a lot of questioning eyes."

I've never met Handler—let alone, even seen them before, but I'm not surprised. Handler is the leader behind the whole Mizuchi operation. They know everything about everyone who works for the Mizuchi. No one really knows how.

And, right now, I'm not in a place to push my luck. I'm at the Mizuchi headquarters, and I have no doubt there are some violent assholes hiding in the shadows of this room, watching and waiting to pick Eiichi and I off the moment something unfavorable is said.

Even if I'm considered a good dealer, I'm still replaceable.

I have no idea how this weekend is going to work, considering I'm supposed to be at Shouto's side—Shouto and Momo's side, selling them as the season's new 'It' couple while also doing this. But, I have no choice but to sell at this event, and simply hope that luck will work out in my favor.

It's a recipe for disaster—and also, getting caught.

I felt the dealers' eyes on me, so I did my best to keep a neutral expression, shoving Eiichi in the shoulder as a way to vent a little aggression. "Fine. What about him?" I said of my 'partner,' totally fine throwing him under the bus. "He's just some random loser, and I won't be making exceptions to get him through the door—don't even think about making him my date."

"I'm a celebrity athlete, honey. I don't need you as a date." Eiichi said quickly, trying to assert his value into the equation. "I was invited to attend as a guest over a month ago. Some young heroes already DM'd me for some autographs once I step on the scene. Won't be hard to give them a little more than just a signature."

I tutted in annoyance and crossed my arms in silence. The dealers' faces looked please before the blonde one snapped his fingers, causing a random worker to emerge from the shadows with a big box that had ramen logos all over it.

"So, it's settled then. Handler expects this much product to be sold during the banquet." He explained, yanking the box out of the worker's hands before tossing it at my feet.

The throw was intentionally too heavy handed, and I was almost sick at the amount of pill bags that spilled all over my feet and Eiichi's, seeing an ocean of impossibility staring me in the face. I've never had to sell this much in one night before.

Swallowing heavily, I knelt down and swiped up a handful of pill bags before they slipped from my hands, immediately shaking my head. "No. This is an unrealistic amount. You'll be lucky if we sell half of that."

Eiichi didn't argue with my point this time as he was clearly thinking the same thing, hiding his nerves as he knelt down next to me and began shoveling the pill bags back into the box with silence.

The balding man smirked a bit as he watched Eiichi and I clean up the mess, enjoying the impossible feat we'd been tasked with. "I know you'll find a way to make it work."

Once the drugs were back in the box, Eiichi quickly closed it up tight, and from the outside, it just looked like a giant box of ramen packets. I glared at the dealers, watching the smug bald one nod Eiichi and I towards the elevator exit with departure.

Eyes from every direction pierced into us as we wordlessly made our way back into the elevator, and it was only once the doors were closing did I hear the balding man speak to me with subtle, eery threat.

"Oh. And the Handler says to tell your brother Raiga they said hi."

****

A/N: bad habits will be on break next week for wattpad and ao3. It's not on break for Patreon though if you'd like to read ahead. See you guys soon!

Remember I'll post a little present for you once the book reaches 50,000 reads!