ELAINE - 20 DAYS AGO

By twilight, my world manages to fall apart even more. The email came from the Harvard Med School. I wouldn't be interning for them this summer, after all. They said I should wait till next year, they said I'll have more experience then.

It hurts me more than I thought it would.

Even though it's only one internship, it causes a sort of apathy I haven't felt in a while. David Hume's mad, absurd monologues suddenly seem pointless.

So what? I'll fail that exam.

Neither the first nor the last.

It's Friday. I deserve some fun, don't I?

For once in my life, I deserve to self-medicate with something other than Zoloft.

Prompted by this sudden outburst or rage and spite, I take my phone.

Of course, I don't have Josh's phone number, but I do have Instagram, so I text him.

Hey, I know it's a little late, but does the offer for tonight still stand?

I press send before I change my mind. It's probably the most assertive and straight-forward I've ever been, and while I wait for the answer, I'm wondering whether he found someone else in the meantime. It's Josh Wright, he probably has a couple of side chicks he can invite. Maybe he doesn't even remember me. It's been a few hours-

My phone vibrates.

Of course! But I'm already at the Druid. Wanna come?

The Druid is a bar nearby. It's ten-minute ride from my dorm. I chew on my bottom lip. His friends will probably be there, and his friends are probably some high-end, rich snobs. I push down the sudden anxiety.

Maybe I'll be capable of normal communication after a few glasses of wine. How bad can it be? Gosh, it can be awful. They'll probably make fun of me, or be mean, or tell me I have no business being there with Josh.

Reluctance grows.

This is a terrible idea.

The phone vibrates.

It would be really great if you came. Josh writes.

He wouldn't send two consecutive messages if he wasn't serious, would he? It must mean he really wants me to come, for some reason.

To hell with it, I can do this.

Alright. Be there soon. My finger hovers above the send button for a second.

I swallow my nervousness and press it.

My therapist says I have to get out of my comfort zone from time to time. This might be a good place to start.

I mumble reassuring messages to myself as I go through my closet. Amy, my roommate, lifts her gaze from her book, fixes her glasses and squints.

"Going somewhere?"

"Out."

Her eyes widen before settling back on the book, "That's a first."

Ignoring Amy, I choose a knee-length, wide hem, white dress with a cute, square-neck cut and a brown belt around the waist. I comb my blonde locks, briefly wondering whether I look too innocent in a white dress, but brush it off. I'm not the type to wear makeup, so I stick to some mascara and nude lipstick. I put brown, cowboy boots on.

The only bag that goes somewhat okay with my outfit is the light peach-coloured bag, slightly too big for a night out.

Before I manage to change my mind, I call a cab.

The ride is shorter than I want it to be, but it also doesn't allow time for pondering over this decision. This is good. My therapist will be proud. I'm stepping out of my dorm room, enjoying my youth, seizing the day.

The Druid is a warm, cosy bar with the goal of maintaining a drinking atmosphere. The number of people inside almost instantly causes anxiety and claustrophobia, but I push through it and find Josh.

When I spot him, I'm one step away from turning around and walking away. He's with Mark Jacobs. Yes, his parents actually named him Mark, which is pretentious and snobbish. There's also a girl I don't recognize; a tall, slim, black-haired girl with eyes half-squinting all the time and plump, fake lips.

My heart hammers against my ribcage. I turn around-

"Elaine, you're here!"

Well, hell.

"Hi." I face Josh and offer a shy smile.

"You can sit here." Josh pulls out a chair next to him. "What do you want to drink?"

There's no escaping now without utterly embarrassing myself. I'll just have to survive this.

"Uh, a glass of white wine will be fine." I pray to God the wine doesn't cost a fortune.

Josh is drinking beer and whiskey, at the same time. My stomach can't handle anything stronger than white wine. I sit down and clutch my bag.

"How are you?" Josh turns to me and grins. "Did David Hume turn out to be a jerk?"

A small smile grips my lips, "He didn't treat me well."

"Well, I think you deserve better." Josh calls the waiter and orders wine for me.

"So, as I was saying." Mark takes his glass of whiskey and chugs like he's never going to drink again. "Adora and I are going to Bali in May or June."

Mark is a handsome guy, with short, black hair and a pretty, symmetrical face. He's not the tallest guy, but he makes up for it by being exceptionally ripped. It's the kind of ripped one achieves by living in the gym. Mark is dating Adora Arison. They're the perfect couple.

Just sitting at the same table with this guy makes me feel out of place.

"We should all go!" The black-haired girl claps her hands. "Come on, it'll be fun! We'll call Jimmy and Melissa-"

Josh's laughter interrupts her, "Katie, take a hint. Maybe they wanna go alone?"

Katie's pout makes her look like a monkey, her lips are too big.

"It's fine." Mark brushes it off with a small laugh. "Adora won't mind."

"Whatever, man, you're digging your own grave." Josh chugs his beer down.

"Hey." I whisper towards Josh, hoping no one else can hear me. "Is anyone else coming?"

Josh shrugs, "Graham probably, but don't worry about him. He's intense, but he's harmless."

"Adora's coming." Mark obviously heard me. "I forgot to pick her up, but she'll be here. And my friend Eric."

Great, more people.

This was such a bad idea.

For the next twenty minutes, I pretend I'm really busy typing on my phone. I'm actually writing down my David Hume thoughts in the notes. The thoughts mainly include curses, including an anxious intermezzo about how I want to leave this stupid bar.

Josh tries to talk to me every now and then, but I feel like he's oblivious to my discomfort. I'm afraid it's because he's used to dating girls who know how to navigate social gatherings. I'm not one of those girls.

I can navigate books and classes, but not people.

About half an hour in, Adora Arison enters the bar with Mark's friend, Eric.

Her presence offers no comfort. I'm actually pretty damn scared of Adora, same as everyone else. Her gorgeous, glossy, chestnut-coloured hair, her hazel eyes and her perfect figure are too intimidating.

She looks more restless than I feel. She doesn't kiss Mark on her way in. Instead, she sits next to Mark's friend, Eric. I've no idea who this guy is, but oh, boy, he's hotter than anyone else at the table. And his entire focus is exclusively on Adora.

It takes me a nanosecond to realise what's going on.

And despite providing no comfort, at least their presence busies me, gives me something to observe. I'm better at observing social situations than participating in them, anyway.

They are a weird bunch. They look like friends, but they don't act like friends.

Josh and Mark are constantly trying to outdrink one another, as if drinking more makes one a better man. It's a competition. Knowing Josh is basically broke makes me understand his need to try to outperform Mark in everything.

Katie, the black-haired girl, is drooling over Mark like her life depends on seducing him. She doesn't even care Mark's girlfriend is sitting at the same table.

Then again, Adora doesn't seem to care either.

Her body is fully turned to Eric, and his to her. They're having a private conversation and no one else is allowed in.

Gosh, these people are messed up.

"Hey," Josh has already begun slurring, "Are you bored?"

I clutch my bag, "No, no, it's fine."

But it's not fine. I'm not only bored, I'm anxious, excluded and tired. Maybe hanging out with David Hume was a better idea. At least David Hume thinks I'm good enough to communicate with.

"They're just people, Elaine." Josh chuckles. "You can talk to them."

Maybe he thinks he's helping, but he's only angering me further.

But he's partially right. They're here with their friends and it's up to me to try to talk to them.

So, naively, I glance at Adora, "Hey, we have the same bag."

Idiot, stupid idiot.

Adora seems startled for a second. Her hazel eyes find my face, then settle on the peach-coloured bag in my lap, then jump to her own peach-coloured bag.

"Yeah," She nods, slightly confused, "Except mine's Dior."

My thin smile holds no humour, "Except for that."

And her attention shifts away from me.

I swallow my embarrassment and pull at Josh's sleeve, "I think I want to go home."

Josh turns to me, "No, come on, don't go. I'm sorry. Let's talk about something."

"What am I supposed to talk about?" I sigh. "David Hume?"

"Why not?" Josh drinks his beer and turns to others, "Hey, any of you know anything about David Hume?"

I'm too stunned to be embarrassed.

"Sure, sure, David Hume." Mark nods. "Wasn't he in the Guardians of the Galaxy?"

"That's David Hasselhoff, idiot." Eric murmurs. "David Hume was a Scottish philosopher."

"Yeah, whatever, same thing." Mark chugs his beer.

I sigh and lean against the backrest. Josh's gaze falls to his beer bottle. Time for me to get out of here.

A hand falls on my shoulder, "Beauty is no quality in things themselves: It exists merely in the mind which contemplates them; and each mind perceives a different beauty."

I flinch and turn around. Graham Koch is standing above me, smiling at me.

"Uh, wh-what?" I stutter.

"David Hume." Graham pulls out a chair and sits next to me. "It's my favourite quote. Quite true, isn't it? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

Everyone greets him. I swallow a huge gulp of wine. Nervousness crawls down my spine, but I decide to ignore it. The reaction makes no sense whatsoever.

Graham's gaze does not leave me, "I'm so glad you could come, angel."

There is something unreadable in his icy blue eyes; something primal, dangerous, and seductive.

I decide to ignore it.