ADORA – PRESENT DAY

I march all the way to La Vie, my hair is jumping up and down my shoulders, my heart is pounding against my ribcage, and I feel a certain freedom I didn't think was possible.

Twenty days ago, I wanted to be a part of their little club. I imagined showing up with Mark on my arm, ruling the scene. Now, I'm alone, Mark has broken up with me, and La Vie retreated their invitation.

I'm officially a social outcast. Throughout the day, a hundred people unfriended me on social media, some even blocked me. No one wants to look at me as I move through the campus.

It's like I don't exist anymore.

For the first time in my life, I'm not the centre of attention.

It doesn't matter that my hair is messy, or that I have no makeup on, or that I haven't slept in forty hours. I don't matter anymore.

I've successfully ruined myself in the public eye, which might have been what I intended since the very beginning. Maybe I've craved the release, the freedom, the invisibility. But now that I have it, I want the damn attention back.

Maybe Elaine's not the only one who needs therapy.

I enter the La Vie house; a brick-covered building similar to all others on Harvard, but with a stench of pretentiousness and over-the-top luxury surrounding it. The people on the party are all dolled up and dressed up, they're sipping their champagne and laughing at stupid jokes, pretending to be grown-ups.

Pretending to be classy, elegant, sophisticated – better than everyone else. I've been on the inside, I've been on the other side of the door, and I know they're just as rotten and human as everyone else.

Mark is there, and once he sees me, he quickly averts his gaze and pretends to be immersed in the conversation around the table. Katie sits next to him, her hand is on his leg, and it takes all the strength I have not to march over there and punch her in the face.

Jimmy and Melissa and Alex and Lexi are there, too, laughing at each other's jokes, complementing each other's appearance, caught up in the self-involved, self-indulgent circle-jerk.

Gosh, why the fuck was I even hanging out with these people?

The waiter passes by and I grab two shots and down them both.

When Katie notices me, her little nose wrinkles, her plump lips pout and she whispers something to Mark. He simply shakes his head, not looking at me.

I sigh and steal a glass of champagne.

What I did was wrong, I'm not running away from it, but what I resent Mark is that he wouldn't even talk to me. He didn't want to know what happened, what pushed me to do what I did.

Forty hours awake, three times drunk, and still going. Fuck everything. I'll humiliate myself if I feel like it.

Drinking another shot, I march towards their table.

Katie lifts her head and offers a tight smile, "Look what the cat dragged in."

"Can I talk to you?" I ask Mark, but he's too busy fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt to look at me.

"Take a hint, God!" Melissa whines. "He doesn't want anything to do with you!"

"I get that you two ate his balls, but I assume you didn't eat his tongue." I raise my eyebrow. "Mark?"

"Adora." Finally, he looks at me. "You're not supposed to be here. This is members only."

"Seriously?" I search his eyes. "Come on, Mark."

Mark stares me down; there's nothing in his eyes, no love, no compassion, not even a hint of gentleness. I feel myself cracking like glass, splitting in two. Five years and not even a conversation.

"Okay, I fucked up." I sigh, deciding to speak anyway. "I get it. But can't I at least get a minute of your time?"

"You should leave, Adora." Mark whispers, his gaze slides back to the table.

"This is so satisfying to watch." Melissa snickers. "You know, I've manifested this."

"How 'bout you manifest yourself a personality?" I bark and the girl shuts up. "Mark, please. I really need to talk to you."

"Whatever you want to say, you can say in front of them." He says.

I let out a laugh, "Really?"

"You heard him." Katie crosses her hands on her chest.

"Fine." I nod and lean my palms on the table. "Mark, put on a condom when you fuck her. Katie, he can only get it up after he's watched a video of Tom Hardy working out. You're all a bunch of shallow, egocentric cunts and I regret every second I've spent in your company. Fuck you all and good night."

Gasps spread around the table. Mark lets out a strained laugh and bows his head. A salve of insults rain upon me and I take Melissa's shot, drink it and leave the table.

In the corner, sitting around an empty table, with a platter of cocaine in front of him, is Josh Wright. He looks even worse than me, and I wonder why he came here. He should have gone home to sleep it off, but instead he chose to crash a party.

I guess a part of him misses behind invited, just like I do.

Taking two shots off the waiter's platter, I walk to his table.

He lifts his tired gaze and sighs, "What now?"

I put the glasses on the table, "I came here to threaten you."

"I'm not surprised." Josh laughs shortly. "Want a line?"

"I see you're going back to your old habits." I mumble and sit down. "I haven't slept in two days, cocaine will kill me."

"That's the point." He mumbles.

"God, is there anyone who's not wallowing in self-pity?" I roll my eyes.

"How do you do it?" He asks. "How come nothing affects you?"

"There's only two types of problems, Josh." I put the shot in front of him. "Those you can solve and those you can't. Those you can solve, you solve. And those you cannot, well, you wash them down with something strong."

Josh salutes and downs the shot.

"So, you came to threaten me."

"Yes." I lean against the backrest and cross my legs. "If you tell anyone about Elaine, I'll do something Adora-like. I haven't yet come up with it, because I'm way too exhausted, but it will be awful and painful and I advise against it."

Josh's laugh is strained, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Even without this vague, lame threat."

"Why not?"

"Because I get it." He shrugs. "She was backed into a corner and she didn't think. It's not an excuse, but I think karma got her already. And let's face it, one day in jail and she'll lose it."

"True." I nod. "Hell, I think she might lose it anyway."

"I really liked her." He says. "I thought she was cute and so unlike all the people I've ever met. I just wanted to take her out on a date, and now I feel guilty."

"It's not your fault." I shake my head. "Although, you really know how to pick your friends."

"After we lost our money, I just wanted to continue belonging in this world." Josh shrugs. "I just wanted to stay a part of it."

In a way, I understand him. There's something contagious about this world, something that keeps on pulling you back in. And once they kick you out, you just want to feel the way you've left when you were a part of it.

"I get it." I nod. "I'm shunned, too, remember?"

Josh glances in Mark's direction, "You can't blame him for leaving you."

"I don't." I sigh. "But I thought he would leave me because I cheated on him, not because everyone found out about it."

"That's Mark." Josh says. "Reputation is everything to him. Once the dust settles, I think he'll come around."

"Maybe I don't want him to."

"Why did you do it?" Josh finishes his champagne. "You had to have known people would find out."

A smile grips my lips, "Ever since I found out about my dad's gambling problem, I had to be scandal-free, I had to grow up, mature, and take care of something that wasn't my job. When I paid off his debt... I felt like there was something they've taken away from and I wanted it back. The freedom, the carelessness, the ability to make a mistake."

"You ruined everything on purpose." Josh smiles.

"I think there might be some inherent female need to ruin." I murmur. "To go against all expectations, to stir things up in their core."

"And you kind of wanted to be a whore."

My glass clinks against his, "And finally get some good dick."

"I can respect that." He laughs. "But you could have broken up with Mark first."

"I could have." I nod. "But I didn't want to."

"And now you lost everything." Josh mumbles. "Was it worth it?"

I want to say no. I want to say I regret doing what I did. And sure, I regret getting caught up in Elaine's situation, but I don't anything I did with Eric. I regret hurting everyone, but selfishly, I think I would do it all over again if given the chance.

"Time will tell." I answer, but my voice is lost in the sudden clamour.

The music stops, the conversations around tables quiet down. I put my glass down and swallow the bubbling nervousness building within my stomach.

Through the curtain-covered windows of La Vie house, I can see red and blue lights. The sound of the sirens fills the room. Josh blows the rest of the cocaine off the platter on instinct.

My entire body stiffens as two cops enter the room.

The female and the male cop, the first shorter and slimmer, the other taller and bulkier, both with equally stern expressions on their faces, look straight at me.

Well, fuck.

"Adora Arison?" The woman walks in front and takes our her badge.

My chest tightens with worry.

"Yes." I squeeze out.

The man stands behind me, "You're under arrest for the murder of Graham Koch. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?"

Every single eye in the room is suddenly glued to me.

"Clearly." I swallow the panic.

"Come with us, please." The man says and puts his hand on my shoulder, urging me to get up.

"Adora?" Mark pushes the crowd away, his eyes are wide and full of worry. "What the hell? There's been a mistake!"

"Sir, step away." The female cop blocks him.

"Mark." My knees feel wobbly as I stand up. "Call my dad, please."

My ex-boyfriend nods, "I will."

"On what grounds are you arresting me?" I ask the male cop as he drags me out of La Vie, all eyes on us.

"We have an eye-witness." He murmurs.

His grip is tight around my arm, and finally, tears begin to burn in the back of my throat. I turn around one more time. Everyone is quietly staring at me.

I go through the list of people I need to call, including my dad and my lawyer. This is solvable, I think as I'm being dragged to the car in front of the building. This is nothing but a bump in the road.

But my heart hammering against my ribcage says otherwise.

On the bright side, at least my dad will learn how to be a grown-up.

Who am I kidding?

I'm screwed. 

*** 

Hey there, thank you so much for reading! This is the end of part 1, part 2 is coming this summer! Stay tuned <3