Luke's POV:-

I saunter out of the bedroom yawning. I had a Material Science lecture this morning, which I decided to skip. My brain was still sending threads of guilt everywhere, but I forced myself to skip. I'm not in school anymore.

There was a faint humming, and clanging of pans. My feet automatically take me towards the kitchen. Lia is mixing a batter. She turns around on hearing my shuffling.

"Morning tiger," she says amused, taking in my crow's nest and boxer shorts. I grunt, feeling too tired and take out some orange juice from the fridge. After thirstily gulping down two glasses, my senses awaken. I sit on the kitchen stool and lazily watch Lia cook.

She's ready for her class. Beneath her oversized black cardigan she's wearing a red playsuit. The metal bangles on her wrist chime musically as she flips the pancakes. I sigh happily, my brain going all warm and fuzzy at her sight. She glances at me over her shoulder, and gives a dimpled smile.

"When do you have to go?" she asks leaning against the counter, absently sucking a burnt fingertip.

"At eleven," I mumble watching her stack the pancakes onto a plate. She has her hair down. It falls around her in loose curls and brush against her waist as she moves around.

"Eat your breakfast, and go back to sleep," she orders putting the plate in front of me. "You look very tired," she cups my chin and kisses my cheek. I get a whiff of her flowery scent and fruity lip balm.

I grab her wrist as she starts to go away. "You're not eating?" I ask pulling her into my lap. Goosebumps scatter on my arm in response to the heat from her body. She doesn't notice.

"I already ate. I have a class in ten minutes," she pushes herself up using my shoulder.

"Do you have to go?" I almost whine, tightening my arms around her.

"Luke," she scolds. "Of course I have to go. I'll be late, let go," she frowns. I let my hands fall, and sulkily poke one of her curls.

"Baby," she coos lifting my face. "I'll be back in the evening. Then we can go to the park and laze around. I'll even let you feel me up," she teases, the blues of her eyes lit up in mischief.

"You're so shy sometimes," she chuckles on seeing my coy face. "Love you," she smiles and kisses my mouth. A dull ache spreads in my chest when I hear her say the words. It happens everytime she says it. And it only deepens. If the intensity of my feelings for her keeps on increasing like this, I'll be out of here before I even hit twenty-five.

"Bye," she ruffles my hair and goes away. I eat my breakfast in silence, contemplating if I should really go back to sleep. Heavily sleep-deprived, I decide to snooze before my class.

......................

"Luke?"

My eyes flutter open to see Lia switching on the lights.

"Did you sleep all day?" she frowns. I sit up rubbing my eyes. "Fuck. What time is it?"

"It's five thirty. Honey, are you okay?" she sits in front of me, putting her bag on the floor. I nod, then shake my head. "My sleep schedule is getting fucked up."

"It's okay. You've been working for your projects. We'll fix it from today onwards," she consoles me. "Now get up and take a shower. Let's go out. You can't stay in all day."

"No, no. Let's stay in all day," I suggest pulling her into my arms. "Let's stay in bed. I'll keep us both busy," I kiss her neck. She pushes me away with a look that says, 'Don't-even-try'.

"You haven't eaten anything all day," she points out. "We'll eat something first. Then we'll get you some fresh air."

"I'm not a dog," I scowl.

"Luke, get up," she slaps my arm. "If you stay in, you'll feel lazy for the remaining day. Once you go out, you'll feel more fresh and vibrant."

"I don't love you right now," I grumble tugging a lock of her hair. She raises a brow. Groaning I throw off the covers.

I come out of the shower to see Lia on the kitchen table, drawing angled lines using her drafter and pencil. "You work so hard," I pinch her cheek and drink some water. 

Lia buys me coffee and scones, cause I didn't have an appetite for proper meal. She sips her apple juice, and gives me her phone to keep in my pocket. We walk hand in hand to the park with the lake.

I remember the time when I had to come here alone. When I was a fresher and I didn't know anybody. I used to be so lonely and sad, not knowing how to handle all the academic pressure.

I sigh and pull Lia closer. The stress is still there but with Lia it feels less daunting. 

At the park Lia climbs a tree, and sits between the branches. 

"C'mon my little model, strike a pose for me," I take out my phone. She grins and does some steely looks, managing poses even on a tree. Then she climbs up further and makes goofy faces till I break composure and laugh.

Afterwards we sit beneath that tree. She leaned against my arm, and took out her sketching book. I love to see her draw. At first, when we had started dating, she was always really hesitant. The she slowly showed me pieces of her, that even she didn't know existed. Her initial drawing were not so expressive. She was not confident. But I made it a rule to point out all the good things, so she didn't lose heart. And now look at her, she can sketch, draw, make those weird blueprint figures like a pro.

"Luke, what sort of house do you want to live in?" she asks me.

"Why do you ask?" I put my hand around her stomach to keep her from slipping.

"So I can build it for you," she says in a duh tone. "Hold on, you'll hire me to make it for you right?" she sits up to look at me. "Or do you not believe that I'll be any good?"

"I don't know. Maybe after I see few of your works, I'll decide if you are worthy," I shrug. She scowls.

"You know what," she says leaning against my arm again. "Even if you do hire me, I'll make sure to do a terrible job. If it rains, all the ceiling paint will drip down. The toilet will clog up before you even use it. One sandstorm, and your house will look like cat poop. And if someone throws a pebble, the walls will crack like a biscuit."

"My heart is warmed," I reply. She smiles.

"Now tell me," she spins her pencil in her fingers. 

"Are you in it?" I quiz.

"Don't know." She gives a one-shoulder shrug.

"Hmm.. Let's see. I have always loved contemporary houses, two story. An open garage in the front for my sports car," I smirk. Lia huffs amused, already drawing a vague design. "Three bedrooms, a guest room. Kitchen opening to a pool in the back, along with a barbeque and a big lawn where our kids could play."

The words fall out of my mouth before I could stop it. We both freeze.

"What did you just say?" Lia asks turning around, her face getting red. I bet a thousand bucks, my face is a hot tomato.

"I-I said-" I stutter, "-a big lawn where some kids could play. You know, like nephews and nieces that come to visit."

She nods, pretending to buy my lie. "Oh, I would also like a grilled house gate," I gabble to bring us back on track. She silently draws on. The awkwardness follows us to our apartment.

When Lia evaded my touch for the tenth time, I snap frustrated making her jump. "Look, I'm sorry okay!" 

She had been avoiding eye-contact all day. She kept trying to run away, going out in the balcony when I came into the room. Or leaving the kitchen if I went to get water.

"I don't know what you are talking about," she swallows. I grab her face and make her look at me. "Lia, I was rambling. Forget it."

"Uh... Yes. I mean, yeah right," she shrugs. "It's not like something like that could happen," she laughs nervously.

"What do you mean?" I ask sharply.

"Nothing. Let's go sleep."

"No, no," I say hotly. "I want to know, what you meant just now!" 

There are times when I don't do anything and just listen to the silence. I love the quiet. But watching Lia not say anything right now has to be at the top of the list of things I can't tolerate. With rapidly increasing dread I wait for Lia to say something. She doesn't. 

Finally I whisper, "I can't believe you think we are going to end some day." 

Lia gulps, "How are you so sure we won't?"

"Because I thought you loved me!" I scream, surprising both of us. "Until this morning I was sure you loved me, but not now anymore."

"Luke, I'm trying to be realistic-"

"Then be realistic!" I shout louder. "Think of ways to improve and solidify our relationship, instead of plotting how to leave me depressed and heartbroken. 

Sometimes your words and actions make me feel like I'm someone without emotions. And given my exterior I tend to come off that way. But I always thought you don't see me like that. That is why I opened up to you Lia, so you can see the real me. And yet," I say bitterly. "Here we are discussing our break up like I'm supposed to be fine with it."

"Luke," Lia whispers, her expression pained.

Only when I slam the study room door, and lock myself up I realize I have been crying. I slide down the locked door and put my head in my knees, wrapping myself up. I was so happy today.

Lia doesn't make any move to get me to open the door. My throat closes up with anger and hurt. Tears prickle at the back of my eyes again. 

I fall asleep on the floor. When I wake up, it's pitch dark outside. Quietly I open the door, rubbing my eyes. Lia was on the sofa, curled up in a ball. Her knees were tucked into her chest, her arms wrapped around herself, to find some warmth. I carefully put a blanket from the study room over her, not wanting to disturb her.

My feet lead me to the balcony. The night was cool, but I felt stuffed in my cotton t-shirt. I watch the city lights with a growing ache in my heart. I can't believe this is happening. After all this time, her ultimate aim was to leave me?

On hearing feeble rustlings, I curse silently. Not yet.

"Luke," Lia tentatively calls behind me. I don't turn around, but my shoulders bunch up unintentionally. "Please listen to me," she whispers stepping closer. I shake my head. 

"Later," I mumble. 

"Come to bed," she whispers, hugging me from the back. I turn around, and start to walk but she clutches my hand to make me look at her. Seeing no other option, I bend down and pick her up. Her body was chilled in my hands.

Wordlessly, I carry her to the bed. I gently put her down, pull the covers over her, keeping my eyes low all the time. Then I switch off the light, and go to my side and lie down facing the wall and cupboards.

Neither of us make a sound. I don't even hear her breathing. I don't know how long I stare into the darkness, before sitting up and placing my feet on ground. Nothing is making sense, and my mind is painfully full of the future I dreamt with her. Me smiling proudly at her swollen belly. Lia laughing, and our kids playing. I understand we're not there yet, but saying there is no possibility of a future?

I quietly clutch my hair, breathing through my mouth as the pain increases. This is worse than any physical damage. I would gladly be hit by a car any day, than endure this.

I get momentarily distracted, when a table lamp is switched behind me. The dull yellow rays dance on the floor.

Lia parts my knees, and kneels between them. I pointedly stare at the floor. If she's leaving, I would not look at her face again. It's too much. I can't look at those eyelashes surrounding my favorite blue color. I can't look at her nose, that I've kissed so many times.

"Luke," she squeezes my knee. "Please, look at me." I keep my eyes averted, as she cups my cheek. "Please," she pleads, but I am adamant. I can't bear it. It's too much for me.

"Baby, please," she whispers, pressing her soft lips to my cheek. I close my eyes, feeling her warm face against mine. How I loved it when she did that. She rubs my hair, and keeps kissing my cheek. "Kiss me, Luke," her thumb gently pulls the corner of my mouth.

I fist my hands over my thighs, and turn away my face. "Kiss me," she presses her mouth to my other cheek. "Kiss me," she repeats, and places her lips over mine to give soft wet pecks.

I loose my control, and grip the hair at her nape to kiss her viciously. She climbs into my lap, and falls into my rhythm. When she runs her hand along my neck out of habit, I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

Lia pulls back, to look at me. But I wrap my arms around her, and hide my face in her neck. The thing that I've been holding back all evening, gushes out in full force. My body trembles with the power of my sobs, as I openly cry into her neck.

I never thought, I would have to give up Lia. Not that it's humanly possible, but I never considered a scenario where I would have to forget Lia. My day begins and ends with her. I can't spend a day without hearing her ramblings, even though I don't understand half of it. I am too tangled in her, and untangling myself will leave me completely broken.

It takes me a good time to realize, the ugly noises are coming from me. Lia is rubbing my back, and saying something but I can't see or hear.

"Luke, please you have to stop," her voice trembles, as she pushes me back scared. "You'll get sick. Calm down. You are freaking out."

"How can I not?" I choke out.

"I'm not going anywhere," she promises, but it sounds hollow to me. "I'm right here. Please, calm down. Breathe."

Breathe.

My fogged up brain, latches to this word.

"In, out," Lia demonstrates inhaling exhaling. My tears don't stop, but I copy her. Breathing through my nose, and exhaling through my mouth. Slowly the bedroom table takes it shape. The walls, and shelves appear in background. I zone into Lia's pale face.

"Can I get you water?" she asks. I nod, sniffing.

"Here, blow your nose," she wiggles her arm inside to loosen the tip of her long-sleeved shirt, holding it near my nose. When she leaves, I walk into the bathroom. I avoid looking at my reflection, and wash my face. I take some water and wet my hair to cool my scalp.

Lia is sitting with a glass of water, and a bottle when I come out. "Here, drink this," she hurriedly hands me the cup. She holds the bottom of the glass, as I gulp it down.

"More?"

I shake my head. 

"Will you eat something? You haven't eaten properly all day."

I shake my head again. Tired, I lie down curling into myself. Lia switches off the air conditioner, and covers me with a blanket. She checks the temperature of my feet under the comforter, and takes out socks from cupboard. A sigh escapes me, when she finishes covering my toes.

"Do you want me to go?" she asks very quietly. The greedy part of me makes me ignore all the alarms blaring in my brain along with the twisted knives churning inside my chest, and commands my hand to lift the comforter in invitation.

Lia quickly climbs in and lies in front of me, facing me. I shuffle forward, and hide my face inside her chest, curling my limbs over her body. She hugs me back tighter, combing her fingers through my hair to send me to sleep.

It doesn't take long, before I drift into a dreamless state.

...........................

The hand is resting under my ear, when I wake up. The curtains are drawn, but meek sunrays filter in. I lift my face. Lia is soundlessly sleeping. She doesn't wake up, even when I accidentally knock off a pen from nightstand.

I go to the balcony, and take a deep breath of the morning air, but end up coughing. There is a heavy knot in my chest, that didn't melt in all the crying. Gloomily, I walk to the kitchen and make myself coffee. 

As I wait, I look around. She's everywhere. Even in the stupid kitchen cabinets, she has scratched our names. So many cooking ingredients, that I don't even know how to use line inside the shelves. Maybe she'll take it away when she leaves.

When she leaves.

I close my eyes at the sudden agony arising from that thought. It takes me a few moments, before I can open my eyes and trust myself to not cry. I watch the TV muted, while I finish my coffee. My eyes keep darting to the obnoxiously green earphones that hang at the corner.

Somehow when Lia uses it, it looks cool. My mind brings up an image of her, running beside me in a morning jog. I rub my eyes frustrated. I think, I'll go crazy.

There's a chair kept beside the sofa. Just last week Lia had caught a bad cold. She had stubbornly insisted on taking a head bath. I remember forcing her to sit on the floor in front of me, while I sat on the chair and properly dried her hair with a towel. She had fallen asleep against my knee that day. I had called my mom to tell me how to make soup.

Fuck, I want to call my mom, but I'm afraid I'll cry again. Tears brim my eyes. I wipe them away, and get up.

On the coffee table there is a copy of Why Do We Sleep? Its a book I tried to read, but got bored because of too much biological facts and numbers. Lia bought it as a gift. I never finished it, but the thought that she'll go in a bookstore and choose a book for me, mattered more than the book. Where will I find someone who does that for me? 

I glance at the dream catcher twirling at the window with all its feathers and knitting. I hated it. Good thing, it'll go with Lia. I hate her. I hate her existence.

"Luke."

I briefly pause washing the mug, before resuming again. Lia stands at the kitchen entrance.

"Luke, I'm not leaving," she says. "I won't."

"You just say that Lia," I mutter, putting out the pan for breakfast. "What would happen the next time I say something, like I don't know, our grandkids."

"I'm not leaving," she states more firmly.

I drop the pancake batter on the counter, and take a moment to calm down. "Look," I say turning around, to finally face her. Her hair is in that frenzy curl state that I adore. The skin under her eyes are swollen and red, telling me I'm not the only one who cried. 

"If you want to go, then leave," my voice comes out steady. Good. "In fact make it faster. If possible, today itself. I'll help you find a new place. I don't want you to force yourself to stay with me. I would never want that."

"It's not forced!"

"Well, it looks so to me now," I snap. "Go to the fucking devil, for all I care! Just go away, and don't show me your face again."

"Luke! After all this time, this is how you want things to end?" she asks in disbelief. The small, involuntary ray of hope, that she wouldn't leave, gets brutally crushed.

"Yes," I manage to reply, storming past her.

"Seriously? Is that what you want?" she follows me.

"Yes, Lia!" I exclaim at her. "Forgetting you itself, will be impossible. And trust me, I only need one glance to fall in love with you again."

"Yeah well, I don't even need that glance!" she shouts back. "I can't ever just unlove you, or forget you. Never, as in not even if I get dementia and loose all my teeth. Cause even my last heartbeat will beat, With. Your. Damn. Stupid. Name!" she hits my chest angrily.

"Oh God, stop," I groan. "Don't say that. You're killing me, Lia!" I catch her wrists, staring at her red face. Her scowl deepens, and she digs her nails in my hand drawing out blood. I can't even flinch, locked in a most untimely stare down.

"You would curse me, and send me to hell just because of a slip of tongue?" she snarls. "Just because you didn't give my stupid brain time to adjust to some ideas? Just because my first reaction to them was defensive, you would permanently delete me from your memory?"

"Why was your reaction defensive? Why does a future with me scare you so much?"

"It's just the way I am, Luke," she cries out. "I don't have a happy childhood, with loving parents, to know what's it like, or to dream about it? And worse, I feel I would ruin any child's childhood if I become a fucking mommy! I don't know shit, and I just.." she shrugs her shoulders helplessly.

"Yes, but I'll be with you Lia," I point out. "Have some faith in me. I won't let you do anything you regret, and I'll keep you on track."

"Says the person who just told me to never show my face again," she smiles sarcastically. "You were ready to let me go. That is a action I would regret all my miserable existence. What are your thoughts over that, Mr. Wright?" 

"Fuck off," I thunder, dropping her hands harshly. "Don't you except me to be okay, and act nonchalant after you tell me we are going to end one day. I hate you for even giving me that thought! I have never once doubted us, and yesterday you acted like it is something you think of everyday. I cannot begin to explain how much that makes me hate you."

I have started crying again. 

"And do you think I don't loathe myself, for making you cry like that? Like someone was tearing out your heart alive," her voice quivers dangerously, but no tears come forward. 

"It broke my heart. I hate myself for being the reason you cried. I hate myself for being so weak. So scared. So fucking pathetic. I don't even deserve you. You're just too good for me. I have always know this, and I hate myself even right now for being so greedy and selfish in keeping you to myself! I know I am horrible! And I only encourage you to hate me, Luke."

"It's okay to be selfish," I say angrily, wiping my eyes. "I just don't understand why the hell you would be like this. It was sureness, the certainty in your voice last night that broke me. I get it you are scared, I'm also terrified but breaking up never once crossed my mind. Why the hell are you like this!" I ask frustrated. Lia closes her eyes.

"Luke, you know I show everyone I'm a tough person. You also know, in reality I'm too damn sensitive. I have a fragile heart, Luke. It's been broken so many times. First my dad, then Nana, then Mel. There's a limit to what I can handle," she cries out.

"I have realized," she continues. "That all these things hurt so, so, bad, because I expect too much from people. I expected my dad to show up again. I expected to have Nana with me all the time. I expected to gain Mel's affection and become her daughter. That is why I get so hurt and devastated. 

Then you stroll into my life, making everything look like a peach. To be honest, I still don't understand why you love me so much. Hearing you say, you hate me, that made more sense. I... I feel worthless, Luke," she whispers. I didn't think my heart could break further, but it just did. She really thinks that?

"I feel like I'm not worth sticking around for," she confesses. "You feel like a dream to me most days. The thought of loosing you scares the crap out of me. 

So Luke you can't blame me for trying to protect myself. I force myself to not think about the future, or expect anything. Because if one day this ends," she motions between us. "I need to survive."

"And yesterday, you gave me that image of the house and children. I had to shut myself down!" she clenches her fist. "I had to, because if I manifest in that image, and one day because of my fucked up fate, I don't get any of it, what do you think will happen to me?" She looks at me. Her eyes are so sad. It makes me cry more.

"But yesterday, I realized, either way, whether I stay or leave, it doesn't make a difference. If you stay or leave, it doesn't make a difference. You have fucked me up for real. The thought of being with someone else, seems so repulsive to me," she spat. "I can't, even for a fake scenario, imagine someone other than you for me.

So don't tell me to leave, cause I'm not. And I won't. You say you don't want me to stay against my will. Well Luke, jokes on you," she smirks. "I have no such problem. And if you have such a problem, then you are going to pack my bag and kick me out. Literally. I will not leave you willingly."

"Okay. Good," I nod.

"Okay," she growls back. Then after a second she angrily adds, "Go get ready, you have a class. I'll make breakfast."

We wordlessly separate ways. 

.............................................

Hope you liked the chapter!