"So he gave you his number?"

"Yes."

"And you finally followed him on Instagram?"

"Uh huh."

"And he followed you back?"

"Yep."

"Then you accidentally liked a photo from one hundred and thirty eight weeks ago?"

"Unfortunately."

"But you haven't texted him?"

"No."

"Girl," Hannah sighs. "What is wrong with you?"

"I don't know," I groan. "You know I don't own a single pair of jeans."

Hannah looks at me strangely. "What?"

"It's true. I don't own any denim. None. Nada. Zilch."

"That has absolutely nothing to do with what we're talking about right now."

"Yes it does. It's sad. Like me."

"Oh my gosh," Hannah rolls her eyes. "He literally gave you his number and said, I quote, 'text me whenever.' That means he's interested."

"Maybe he was just being nice."

"No, or he would've given you something impersonal, like his Snapchat. Then again, he doesn't really strike me as the snap type. Oh, but I bet he has a tumblr. All the artsy hipster types do."

I pick up a grape, rolling it between my index and thumb before popping it into my mouth. Hannah eyes my lunch, which consists of cherry tomatoes, grapes, blueberries, hummus, pita, turkey and cheese roll ups, and dark chocolate chips.

"Your lunch is pitiful."

"Thanks."

Hannah shakes her head. "It's been four days since you hung out. Text him."

"Okay," I relent. "I'll text him."

"Tonight."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm serious."

"I will!"

"Good," Hannah smiles, satisfied. "Oh, and your jean problem is an easy to fix. There's this thrift store I go to and it has the cutest clothes. We'll find you some denim for sure. We can go tomorrow."

I vaguely wonder how my mother will react when I come home wearing jeans, then decide I don't care.

It's not that big of a deal.

The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch and we throw away our trash before packing up and heading off to class.

___

That night I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. After awhile I glance at the digital clock on my nightstand.

One AM.

I blow out a breath and look back up at the ceiling, closing my eyes. Time passes. When I open my eyes and check the time again, only thirty minutes have gone by.

What. The. Fuck.

"Damnit," I mutter. Sliding my phone out from underneath my pillow I unlock it, the bright screen illuminating my face and causing me to squint. Once I turn my brightness down I check my notifications. There's a text from Hannah sent three hours ago.

Hannah Banana🍌: did you text him yet?

She's probably sleeping by now. I reply.

Me: no

A minute later my phone vibrates.

Hannah Banana🍌: wtf. do it now 😡

Me: why are you still awake? and it's late

Hannah Banana🍌: doesn't matter and idfc. i knew you would chicken out. text him or so help me you'll be ubering to school for the next month

Me: you're cruel 🥲

Hannah Banana🍌: 😇

I open my contacts and scroll down to Theo's name, tapping on 'send message.' My fingers hover over the keyboard as I contemplate what to do next. Then, before I lose my nerve, I tap out a quick text.

Me: hey. it's aurora

As soon as I send the text I regret it. Just as I vow never to listen to Hannah again my phone vibrates.

Theo: who?

I blink, re-reading his message.

Me: um, aurora

Theo: sorry, i think you have the wrong number

Huh? Is he joking? I lay there in confusion, not even sure what to text back.

Minutes pass. My phone vibrates again.

Theo: i gave my number to a girl named briar rose. how did you get it???

I let out a quiet scoff.

Me: not funny

Theo: 🤣🤣🤣

Theo: it was a little funny

Me: no

Me: goodnight

Just as I'm about to shove my phone back under my pillow and try to sleep, it vibrates with an incoming call. What the hell? I quickly press decline. Then a text comes through.

Theo: in case you don't understand how phone calls work; i call, you pick up

Me: it's 2 am

Theo: so?

Me: we are not talking on the phone at 2 am

Theo: but that's the best time to have conversations. like the really deep ones

Me: you wanna have a 2 am call?

Instead of texting back he calls again. I hesitate but eventually answer.

"Hello?" I whisper.

"Hey."

His voice sounds different over the phone, sending shivers down my spine. I curl up under my comforter and press the phone closer to my ear.

"Why did you call me?"

"I wanted to hear your voice," Theo murmurs.

My toes curl. "Oh."

I'm not sure how long we lay there, with only the sound of our breaths coming through the receiver. I make a conscious effort not to breathe too loudly.

"What are you doing?" I ask quietly.

"Thinking."

"About what?"

"Random stuff. What about you?"

"Just laying in bed talking to you."

"You wanna ask me another question?"

"Sure," I contemplate for a moment. "What's your biggest fear?"

Theo doesn't hesitate. "That I'll relapse."

I bite my lip. "You really think you could?"

"Maybe. Sometimes it crosses my mind. When that happens I'm supposed to call my sponsor."

My heart breaks for him. I can't even imagine what he has to go through, continuously living with that struggle, constantly toeing the line between sobriety or falling off the precipice.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

Theo exhales on a laugh. "That's the second time you've said that. Why are you sorry?"

"Because-" my voice cracks. "I wish you didn't have to go through that."

"Hey..." Theo says softly. "Don't cry Briar Rose. I'm not worth your tears."

I frown. "Why would you say something like that?"

"Because it's the truth," he replies simply.

For some reason, his words cut me to my very core.

Theo changes the subject. "What's your biggest fear?"

I don't even have to think twice about it. "That I'll fail and disappoint my mom."

"Why do you care so much about what she thinks?"

"How could I not? She sacrificed everything so I could be where I am today. I have to prove to her I was worth it."

"But why?" Theo presses. "Why do you have to prove that to her so badly?"

"Because..." Because she gave up everything for me. Her career. Her life. Her dreams. Even her pride.

"I just have to."

"Even at the expense of your own sanity?"

It becomes silent.

"Maybe," I say quietly. Suddenly I can't bear to talk about this anymore and quickly shift topics.

"Tell me something totally random."

"Like what?" Theo chuckles.

"I don't know. Anything."

Theo hums for a moment before finally replying. "I'm horny."

I choke on my spit. "What?"

"You ever just been up late and randomly got horny?"

"Uh...no. That's probably why I don't stay up late."

He laughs. "Lucky you."

We lapse into silence again and I try to think of something to say. "I'm sorry that you're horny."

Theo unexpectedly snorts. "Thanks I think?"

"So...what are you going to do about it?"

"Uh...ignore it I guess."

"Oh," I shift so I'm staring at the ceiling again. Then I throw my covers off, suddenly hot. "You're not going to um, take care of it...?"

"You can say it you know," Theo's voice is filled with amusement.

"Say what?"

"Masturbate."

I don't even know why but I start blushing like crazy. Thank God I'm in my room. Alone. And it's dark.

"Yeah...that."

"I could. But we're on the phone. Besides, I need a visual. I'm a very visual person you know."

"You could think about me," I whisper. "Naked." Then my eyes widen.

Did I really just say that?

Why would I say that? It's like suddenly my brain to mouth filter disappeared and I'm having all these strange and forbidden thoughts, things I would never dare think or utter in the light of day.

The line goes deathly silent. I'm almost convinced he hung up.

"Um, hello?"

"Now why would you go and say something like that?" Theo rasps. There's shuffling, like someone's moving on a bed. Then heavy breathing.

"Theo?" I squeak.

"Yeah Rose?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm- fuck," he groans.

My throat goes dry. He's thinking about me. Naked.

While jerking off.

My body feels funny. Heat pools in my belly and I get a weird tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. Squeezing my legs together my thumb hovers over the end ball button. I should hang up. I should hang up right now. I should not be listening to Theo masturbate.

Yet I do neither.

As his breathing grows heavier I bite my lip so hard I'm sure I draw blood. The tingly sensation in my abdomen is now a full on pulse. Holding my breath I slide my hands under the covers, teasing the hem of my pajama pants. The pulsing gets worse and I slip them underneath, pressing two fingers over the fabric covering my crotch. With a shaky exhale I squeeze my eyes shut and slide my entire hand under my panties.

I've never done this before. Ever. And it's both terrifying and thrilling.

I insert two fingers inside myself and start rubbing while listening to Theo over the phone. The sounds he makes only causes me to grow hotter and hotter and when I press my fingers down my back arches off the bed and I let out an involuntary moan.

My eyes fly open. Shit. Abort. Abort now.

I withdraw my hand from underneath my panties and grab my phone, fumbling to hang up.

"What are you doing Rose?"

I freeze at the sound of Theo's voice. "Nothing! I'm sorry, I should have hung up-"

Theo ignores me. "Are you touching yourself?"

I quickly shake my head, then realize he can't see me. "No."

Silence. Then finally-

"You're a bad liar."

I don't know what to say. There's no way I can deny it, he heard me moan. I briefly contemplate suffocating myself with my pillow, if only to escape this embarrassment. Neither of us say anything for a long moment.

"Don't stop on my account," Theo finally speaks. "Keep going."

"I-I can't."

"Why?"

"Because it's all weird now..."

"It doesn't have to be. Pretend I'm not here."

I shake my head again. I can't.

Theo seems to sense my hesitation. "Do you trust me?"

I think about his question seriously for a moment. "Yes," I finally reply, my voice soft.

"Okay. Put your hand back under your panties."

My hands drift under the covers.

"Now what were you thinking about earlier?"

What was I thinking about? I wasn't really thinking about anything...I was just listening to him. That thought leads to me imagining him laying on his bed, touching himself. Thinking of me.

I start rubbing myself in slow circles. But instead of my fingers, I imagine it's Theo's fingers. And he's on top of me, naked, his body pressed against mine. I rub faster and my mouth parts.

"What are you thinking about?" Theo's voice pierces through my sexual fog.

"You," I pant as I feel pressure building. Increasing speed and pressure, I turn my body sideways and press my face into my pillow to smother my moans. My body starts writhing on the bed. I'm so close, so close...

And then I shatter.

I scream into my pillow as a deep orgasm tears through me. It's like nothing I've ever experienced before, so consuming and intense that my vision goes white and I swear for a moment I die. It isn't until I come down from my high do I realize Theo is still on the phone.

"Theo?" I whisper. "Are you still there?"

"Yeah," his voice is hoarse.

I shift. "Did you-"

"Yeah," he exhales. "Fuck yeah I did."

I let out a breathless giggle. Then I yawn as a wave of tiredness suddenly washes over me.

"I'm sleepy now," I mumble.

"Go to sleep."

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Yeah," Theo says quietly. "Sleep now Aurora."

I curl up, a dreamy smile on my face as my eyes flutter shut. Just before I drift off I realize that was the first time I ever heard Theo call me by my real name.

___

no one:

me writing that scene: 🦋💘✨💘💘🦋🦋✨✨💘🦋✨💘🦋🦋✨💘🦋

xoxo, g💓