Two Days Later. . .

“He’s waking up!” It was familiar, the darkness once again taking over his vision as firmillair voices filled the void. “Tommy, Tommy? Wake up!” What? Why were they telling him to wake up? These pitch-black dreams keep getting weirder and weirder…

“Stop shaking him he’s still hurt!” 

“Right… sorry.” He tried to move again, force himself to say something. But like the others nothing happened. Tommy wanted to scream, ask what was happening to him. But nothing came from it. It was like his mouth was glued shut, just like in the last dream. “He’s still out of it… do you think it was a random jolt?” A hum. 

“At least he’s moving now… We know he’ll wake up soon now.” What did this mean? WHAT DID THIS MEAN? 

Tommy jolted awake gasping for breath, quickly laying back down as piercing pain filled his senses. He didn’t remember his side hurting this bad when he was fighting, how come now it seemed so unbearable? As Tommy’s blue eyes looked around the room he was in it didn’t take him long to piece together where he was. He was back at Technoblades, laying in the guest bedroom in agonizing pain. He didn’t want to be here, quite the opposite actually.

He had planned on making sure Philza actually did make it out of the fight alive, then head back to Pogtopia where he could finally get some needed sleep. Now here he was, no idea how long he’d been there, and he didn’t even know if Philza was alive. Why did he care so much if that old avian was alive anyways? He only cared because he needed him for his plan to end L’manburg, that’s the only reason he cared so much. 

Like the true dumbass Tommy is, he started lifting himself off of the bed he had been sleeping on, planting his numb-feeling feet onto the wooden floor. He stood up, his side already protesting in the movements the teen was making. He winced, his left hand meeting his side as he looked towards the closed door.

“I hate this…” He started shuffling towards the door, wincing every time his wound seemed to spike in pain from his movements. He finally reached the door when it swung open, his blue eyes looking up to meet Technoblade’s own pair. His brow raised in question, along with this a concerned look flashed over his features. 

“What are you doing?” Tommy stared at the older brother, biting the inside of his cheek trying to ignore the pain he felt. Technoblade didn’t need to know he was in pain, he’d deal with it on his own. 

“Coming downstairs.” The pinkette sighed, rolling his eyes in the process as he summoned a health potion into his hand. 

“Before you even think about leaving this room, drink this.” The avian stared at it skeptically, looking back towards the piglin hybrid with a questioning expression. Techno sighed, grabbing the teens free hand and planting the bottle into its palm. “You have to be in pain, so I had dad make you this to help with the healing process- and get rid of the pain.” Tommy nodded, raising his hand that was clutching his pained side as uncorking the bottle to drink the contents. Technoblade watched, taking the empty bottle from the teen when he finished. Almost immediately the effects of the potion took hold, making Tommy let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in. “Better?” 

“Yeah…” Tommy mumbled out. “Phil’s here?” He said, blue eyes looking towards the ground as he asked the question. 

“Yup, he showed up a bit after I finished stitching up your side.” Tommy nodded, letting out a sigh before looking up at Technoblade with a blank expression. 

“How long have I been out?” 

“Well, about two days and a half now.” Techno says, frowning at the unhappy expression Tommy expressed. “It was expected though, Dad said you looked like you haven’t had sleep in what looked like days, and the wound really sealed the deal.” Tommy started walking forwards, with less pained steps making Tommy able to properly walk. Technoblade watched the other carefully though, trailing not far behind Tommy as he walked. 

“You know you really shouldn’t be walk-” 

“I don’t fucking care.” The blond spat out, reaching the ladder finally. He slowly climbed down, wincing at the pain that shot up his side as he climbed. Technoblade only sighed, following the other down to the first floor silently. It was a different story when they reached the first floor. Tommy began to clench his side again, making his way to the kitchen slowly. It smelled good in the room, and Tommy, who hadn’t eaten in a very long time, cared very little about how his body felt as he forced himself to walk to the room that promised nourishment.

Technoblade, like the annoying brother he was, grabbed Tommy up off the ground before he hurt himself further, minding the wound that he spent a good hour stitching up. And in old Tommy fashion he began to complain. “Techno, Put me down right now!” The Piglin hybrid huffed a laugh, turning away from the kitchen Tommy had been trying to reach and started heading to the other living room. 

“Not gonna happen Toms. You're gonna open the wound back up before it can properly heal.” Tommy whined in protest as the older flopped the teen onto the too plush couch, crossing his arms in a pout as he glared at Techno. The pinkette only rolled his eyes, walking away from the couch and towards the kitchen afterwards. “You're on bed rest until your wound is decently healed. I’ll bring you lunch.” Tommy sat up at Technoblade’s words, looking over the back of the couch with an angry expression. 

“What? Bed rest? Fuck no! I have dogs at my base to take care of!” Techno looked behind himself at the avian's words, an unimpressed look on his own face. 

“Where do you think dad is?” Tommy paused, frowning once he realized, then went back to laying on the couch. Phil was at Pogtopia taking care of his dogs? A plate clanked against the coffee table as it was sat down, Tommy’s blue eyes meeting Techno’s worried ones. Lazily Tommy sat up on the couch, reaching for the plate of food and fork that the older sibling had kindly got for him. On the plate was macaroni with ground beef mixed in, something that the blond hadn’t had in a long time. It used to be a meal he had often as a kid, since it used to be one of the few things he actually ate.

He had always been picky as a kid, at least that's what Wilbur always told him. Technoblade’s head entered his vision, making the avian snap out of his nostalgic thinking. His brows scrunched together in worry at Tommy’s behavior, standing straight again as he crossed his arms. “You ok?” The teen paused. He wasn’t, and he hasn’t been ok for a while. 

Truly he hadn’t been ok in a very long time, even before coming to Dream SMP. From dealing with being abandoned, to losing a parental figure, he was already dealing with a lot of compelling feelings. Coming to the server was supposed to help Tommy- really all of them. Wilbur had wanted a new start. He wanted to provide the security he never got as a child to his son, Fundy. He wanted to give his own son the childhood he never got. He wanted to protect Tommy from having to deal with anymore than he already was as well, and Tubbo was really needing a new start himself. Tommy doesn’t know everything Tubbo had been through, but even before the SMP the goat hybrid had been dealing with not-so-happy experiences.

Then… things only seemed to get worse when they entered the SMP. And now Tommy is a frightened teen who has trust issues and bottles everything up. But he’d been living that way for so long, he doesn’t even think he’ll ever be able to let anyone again. Too many betrayals can make you more cautious when it comes to letting someone see you in such a weak state.  

So, in response to Technoblade's very kind question, the avian glared in slight irritation. “I’m peachy.” He snapped out. He could tell the pinkette didn’t believe him. 

“Sure…” He seemed to be leaving the conversation alone for now. But if Tommy knew anything about the older brother, he’d revisit it soon. “Well, I’m gonna go feed my animals. I’ll be back in about an hour.” He turned towards the door ready to leave the living room when he began to talk once again. “Oh, and just so you don’t try anything stupid. I’ll know if you left the couch.” Tommy groaned, flopping his head back on the couch. Technoblade only laughed, finally leaving for the front door.

Now the blond sat in a quiet cabin, a plate of steaming food in front of him, and his mind once again muddled with questions. Tommy can’t help but wonder what life could have been like if he hadn’t joined this horrid SMP. Would he be happier? Would he be on some other server happy and surrounded by people that cared about him? He wonders… if he’d still have Wilbur with him, if he had said no to coming to Dream SMP. 

It was worthless thinking of such things, but he couldn’t help but ponder. Forcing himself to sit up he looked at the food o the coffee table, picking the plate up to eat. Maybe things would have been different, but now Tommy couldn’t do anything about it. It was the past, and you can’t fix the past no matter how hard you may want to. It was something that many on the SMP had to learn, Tommy included. Many had regrets, regrets they’d never get to undo.

Tommy had many, and most will never stop haunting him. The door opened some time when Tommy took the last bite of his meal, blue eyes looking behind himself to see Philza kicking his snowy brown boots off at the entrance. The two avians locked eyes, Philza looking like a ghast that just processed the fact one of its own fireballs were heading straight for them. 

“Oh, your awake! That’s good!” Phil said with a smile, chuckling some as he shrugged his coat off of his shoulders. “Have you eaten yet? I made your favorite- at least I think it is. The last time I saw you… it was at least.” A nervous ora surrounded the older blond, almost looking awkward and somewhat fidgety as he talked. It was weird seeing Phil like this, since most of his childhood was just seeing the serious side the avian possessed anytime he was home. Tommy shifted in his seat, setting the now empty plate down before even attempting to speak to the other. 

“Yeah… Surprised you remember that…” He could almost feel the other deflate behind him, almost happy the other’s mood was ruined by his own bitter words. Silence filled the living room, Tommy refusing the face Phil again and the older not moving from his spot in the entrance. The teen was almost jump scared when the avian decided to break the tense silence. 

“Tommy.” His voice was soft, as if he was scared he’d be brushed aside by the other again. Tommy did little to acknowledge the fact he was talking, giving a simple ‘hm’ as his indication. “I… I know it probably doesn’t mean anything to you, but I’m sorry.” A pause engulfed the room, Tommy’s fists tightening their grip of the blue cardigan's sleeves as he fought himself to not lash out. “It wasn’t right, what I did. I should have been there for you and Wilbur both, I should have… I should have been a father.” Now those words surprised Tommy, his darkened eyes lighting up at Philza’s confession. “When I realized you were gone, I didn’t know how to react. But I didn’t react in the way I should have. I should have tried to find you two, but… but I didn’t.” Tommy refused to speak, buried memories of his early childhood coming to the surface…

“Did dad abandon us?” He remembers how soft he had said it, how Wilbur’s finger that had been playing with his hair paused. The crackling of the fire was all that filled the living room for a long time, Wilbur’s brown eyes looking distant. Wilbur had looked down at Tommy, mustering the most believable smile he had in him as he looked at his little brother. 

“Toms… He’ll be back. He’ll be back with Technoblade and everything will be fine. I promise ok? I promise…” It was as if the brunette was trying to convince himself as he talked, but back then little Tommy never picked up on it. He only nodded, laying his head back onto his older brother's lap as the two watched the fire in the quiet cabin. He remembers how the father he used to chase after never came back, taking their other brother with him and leaving to never be seen until… until Wilbur blew up L’manburg. Where he had killed Wilbur. 

He remembers how Wilbur had to help Tommy through getting his wings, holding the crying child as the bones of his new limbs forced their way through the skin of Tommy’s back. He remembers how bloody the experience was, but after stitching up his bleeding back and letting his wounds heal, he couldn’t be more prouder of his wings. “I’m like dad Wil!” He remembers the smile on Wilbur's face, how distant his eyes truly where. It was like The older brother was in a different world where he had a perfect family, maybe thats why his smile seemed so real during that interaction. 

“Yeah, they are little bird.” He remembers Wilbur teaching him how to fly and preen them too, having to take many trips to the library to help his little brother learn about his avian genes. No one else was going to do it, so Wilbur had to teach himself everything and then teach Tommy. It had been fine, Tommy had still had hope that one-day Philza and Techno would walk through those doors, he’d be able to proudly show off his wings to his father, and maybe even go flying with the man he desperately wanted to notice him. But, after a while he gave up.

And when Wilbur said they were leaving, Tommy made no argument to stay. 

Tommy’s heart squeezed at the distant memories, biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to stop himself from outright murdering the avian that was speaking to him. “I’m sorry f-for killing Wilbur-” And the line was crossed. Tommy wasted no time cutting the other off. 

“I don’t want to talk about that.” Tommy’s voice was cold, his head turning to face the other for the first time since this confession started. “You have no right to speak about Wilbur, and you have no right thinking you can apologize for what you’ve done.” Tommy, even though Techno had told him not to, stood up to fully face the other. He leaned heavily on his uninjured side to lessen the pain he felt. “You left Wilbur to take care of me, and cared very little about what happened to me or Wilbur. I bet you didn’t even notice we were gone until long after we left, with how you decided to abandon us for three fucking years before we gave up on any hope you’d show back up.” Phil’s jaw slammed shut, his eyes glittering with unshed tears. “I will never forgive you, Philza. I don’t care how much you apologize, I don’t care what you try to do to prove you are truly sorry to me. You fucked up, and now you have to live the rest of your life knowing you killed one of your sons and lost the love of another.” With this Tommy forced himself to move to the ladder. He could care less if Technoblade yelled at him, he refused to be in the same room as the man right now. 

“Tommy, you're supposed to be on bed re-” 

“Shut the fuck up.” A hand grabbed his wrist, his whole body jerking as his movements ceased. He looked back, meeting hurt and angry eyes. 

“You’re gonna hurt yourself will you knock it the fuck off?” Tommy just stared at Philza as he yelled. “I’m sorry I brought up a touchy subject… but you need to stay down here.” Tommy forced his wrist out of the other's hold. 

“I don’t want to stay down here!” Phil took a long breath at those words, his frown only deepening. 

“Please… just go sit back down. I’ll leave if that’s what you want.” He could hear the desperation in the man's voice as he spoke. His fists balled, slowly making his way back to the living room couch. Phil made no movement to leave for a long time, eye watching the avian with cloudy eyes. Once Tommy layed back down Philza finally made his way to the cabins exit. “Thank you… I’ll be on my way now.” Philza mumbles just loud enough for Tommy to hear. 

“I hope you fucking die.” A long sigh escaped the man's lips, then the door opened and closed without any other words. The teen couldn’t help but curl into himself after knowing he was alone again, burying his face into his hands as his eyes grew teary. How come his life had to be such a mess?