-Avery-

After Devin's footsteps had faded away, he let the tears fall. He didn't want to spend time being upset about this, but it hurt more than anything else he'd experienced in the last couple years. On some level he'd known Devin was using him, but he'd had no idea Devin wasn't attracted to him at all and thought so little of him. Pathetic. The word rang in his ears.

He thought of the moments he'd shared with Devin in bed, how he'd let his guard down and felt a real connection. Devin had been affectionate with him and seemed to enjoy looking at him and touching his body, but apparently none of that had been real. In Devin's mind, he was just slumming it and hooking up with him because he literally had no other option. Devin had probably laughed about it later and told his cousin everything. He felt so stupid now.

He should have known better. He'd been right on the first day when Devin arrived - a man like that would never be interested in someone like him. He thought about how lately he'd wished Devin could be his boyfriend. It had been so delusional, and he was just embarrassed now. Devin didn't want him. It made sense why he had tried to go after Marc even though Marc wasn't gay.

Thinking back over everything, he wouldn't put it past Devin to claim that he was breaking his rules about cuddling and letting guys stay over in order to continue having sex with him. It was just another technique for Devin to get what he wanted, even if he had to lie and pretend to get it.

He splashed his face with water from the creek before heading back to his cabin. Luckily, no one was around to see him. He didn't bother to brush his teeth or change into pajamas when he got inside. He just laid down and faced the wall. His heart was broken. He'd liked Devin so much and had felt so close to him, and now knowing that his feelings were one-sided was crushing. He buried his face in the pillow and tried to muffle his cries.

-Devin-

After he'd left Avery by the creek, he headed to his cabin to get Carter. Carter was laying on his bed, arms behind his head and his shoes on the blanket. 

"Is everything okay?"

He sighed. "I don't know. That was Avery, the one I've been hooking up with."

"I guess you're not going to be hooking up with him anymore. Sorry, dude."

He shrugged, pretending as though he didn't care. "Let's get going."

"That I can agree with. This is like a prison cell. You're going to love the hotel I booked after staying in this dump."

On the drive there, he tried to focus on catching up with Carter, but his mind was partially on Avery. He didn't know how he was going to begin to fix this. Avery hadn't even given him a chance to explain, but if he had, Devin wasn't sure what he would have said. As much as he could try to explain it, it was still going to hurt Avery either way.

At the club, he tried his best to forget and to take advantage of being outside of the camp. Carter was at a VIP table surrounded by women, so he went out on the dance floor. As usual, he had to turn down several women, but he finally caught the eye of a buff man with dark hair. The man looked him up and down and came over, leaving his drink behind at the bar. They started grinding, not needing to bother with introductions.

Twenty minutes later, he was opening the door to his hotel room and letting the man push him inside. He slammed the man up against the wall so hard that the painting on the wall shook and threatened to fall.

The man peeled off Devin's shirt and then his own, revealing huge muscles and a tattoo on his right pec. At that moment, he suddenly thought of Avery with his slight build and soft, creamy skin. He forced himself to focus.

But it was all wrong. 

Instead of Avery's soft skin and gentle way of touching him, this man was all stubble and hard muscles. Although he let the man throw him down on the bed and pull off the rest of his clothes, his own efforts to pin the man down were half-hearted. He fucked him quickly, and when the man came, he had to think about Avery in order to finish.

As the man sat on the edge of the bed and got dressed, he looked back at Devin. "You wanna go down to the hotel bar and get a drink?"

"I'm good," he responded. "You can go."

"Ah, so you're a fuck 'em and leave 'em type of man."

"Something like that," he mumbled. He just wanted the man to leave.

As soon as the man was out the door, he threw one of the decorative pillows across the room. Being away from the camp and hooking up with someone was supposed to have made him feel better, not worse. He couldn't remember ever having felt so off balance.

-Avery-

The next morning, he heard a knock on his door and dragged himself out of bed. He checked to see who it was, and then opened the door for Sam.

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry!" she said.

"I wasn't asleep," he replied, motioning for her to come in. After closing the door, he walked back to his bed and sat down.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, squinting at him with her brows drawn together in concern. "Did you sleep in your clothes?"

"Yeah."

"I came to see if you wanted to hike today since Devin is gone, but you don't look so good."

"I'm not really up for hiking today."

Sam came over and sat down next to him. "What's wrong? And don't tell me nothing. You haven't smiled once yet, which isn't normal for you. You're upset," she said, softening the last two words. Without skipping a beat, her eyes narrowed. "It's Devin, isn't it? That's why you're not saying much."

He knew he wasn't going to say much no matter what, because he didn't like to complain about others or talk about anyone in a negative way. He also didn't want anyone else knowing how much of a fool he'd been.

"What did he do?" Sam asked, her voice insistent.

"You don't need to worry about it."

"Avery, I wish you would stop being so nice, especially when people don't deserve it. Telling me what Devin did isn't going to be talking badly about him." She sighed and shook her head. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me. Are you sure you don't want to hike?"

"Not today. I just want to be alone. Maybe tomorrow though, if you're going to hike again?"

"I'm not sure what I'm doing, but if you want to hike, I'll drop everything to go with you."

He tried to smile. "Okay, how about we plan for it?"

"You've got it. I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early."

"Deal."

-Devin-

Saturday night, he went to another club with Carter, but his heart wasn't in it. He just wanted Avery. When Carter was distracted by a few women, he snuck out of the club. He knew Carter would just assume he'd gone back to his hotel room with a guy and that he'd see him in the morning. 

After he got back to his room and took a shower, he laid down in the bed, but he was too restless to sleep. He looked at his phone and scrolled to Avery's number, knowing he couldn't call. He realized he didn't even have a picture of Avery. 

He had no idea how things had gotten to this point. It's like Avery had broken him. He'd never felt this way about anybody before, and it was terrifying. Part of him just wanted things to go back to normal, when he fucked a different guy every week and didn't know what it was like to care for someone and be that close to them during sex. 

In a way, he was mad at Avery for messing up his life and making him feel this way. He hadn't asked for any of this. He didn't want to feel like he was falling for someone. He didn't want to feel like he only wanted one guy. Avery wasn't even his type, and love wasn't something he wanted. None of this made any sense to him. Right now, he wished he'd never met Avery.

-

By the time Carter dropped him off at the camp on Sunday afternoon, he was back to feeling guilty. Avery was right - he had made things difficult for him, and then he'd taken advantage of him on top of that. 

Contrary to what others thought, he did feel bad about the less-than-kind things he'd done. The problem was that he didn't know how to convey that. Whenever he did something that affected another person negatively, whether purposefully or by accident, he tried to move on and pretend it hadn't happened. He felt awkward with apologies and acknowledging that he'd hurt someone. As stupid as it sounded, he didn't know how to apologize.

He wanted to go over to Avery's cabin because he knew that sleeping next to Avery would help him find comfort in all this confusion about his feelings, but he also knew there was no way Avery would allow him to stay. He'd just have to give it time. Since he was bad with words, the best thing he could do to try to make it up to Avery was with his actions.