***

dan

Dan opens his front door, letting himself inside and heading straight upstairs.

His little brother was on the sofa, watching cartoons when Dan walked in. His mother, no doubt, is in her bedroom, lying in bed like an empty, lifeless soul, but she is in a way. Dan's mother does have a job - she is quite young and hosts a radio show - but when she isn't working, she may as well be dead. She isn't much of a mother, she never cooks, rarely cleans and hardly even talks to her sons.

Dan collapses onto his bed and sighs, staring up at his plain, white ceiling, feeling his stomach start to twist with craving. He stands up, reaching deep into his bedside draw, under all his bits and pieces thrown in, and brings out a packet of cigarettes, taking one out and lighting it. Dan throws the packet back in.

He slides open his window and puts the cigarette between his lips, inhaling deeply, letting the nicotine run inside him, calming him down and tricking him into thinking that his life is okay for once. He breathes out the window, watching the smoke evaporate into the air.

He continues this until he has finished the entire thing. He sighs, disposing of the last bit and lying back onto his bed. Dan knows smoking is bad, he knows it's horrible, he knows the effects and he knows that it is slowly killing him; however, he can't stop - he can't stop any of the drugs, the illegal ones and the ones he is given by his doctor.

(an: I know that Dan's brother's name is not Shawn, as I've used, but I waned to change it.)

A few hours later, Dan walks downstairs to find Shawn, his little brother, sitting on the counter, looking across into the open cupboard. He looks over, spotting Dan and he pushes his dark brown fringe to the side, out of his eyes.

"I wish mum would cook for once," Shawn groans, looking across at Dan sadly, "I'm sick of having to do everything for myself. the other kids in my class don't have to."

"Well mum is sick and we have to just cope ourselves," Dan says, standing in front of Shawn and surveying the cupboard, looking for something to eat, "what do you feel like tonight? We have pasta, toast or frozen pizza."

"Have you been smoking again?" Shawn asks, frowning at Dan, making Dan look down guiltily, not replying to him.

See, his brother hates him smoking, and knows he does it. Dan had told him that he'd stopped because Shawn was so upset and mad when he found out Dan was addicted. Dan had honestly tried to stop, but he just craved the feeling he got so much. At least Shawn doesn't know about the other things Dan takes on the occasion.

"You have! I can smell it on your breath!" Shawn says accusingly, "I'm not an idiot. Dan please it's killing you! I need you!"

"I'm sorry Shawn," Dan replies, guilt curling inside his stomach, making him feel sick, "I'll try to stop, I promise."

But Dan is pretty sure that Shawn doesn't believe his empty words. Dan wants to stop, but he can't. He feels weak and he hates it. Dan sighs, turning up to face his brother.

"So, pasta, toast or frozen pizza?" Dan asks finally, breaking the silence between the two brothers, "what do you want?"

"I want frozen pizza," Shawn says, hoping off the counter and looking up at Dan, "and I want you to stop smoking."

He turns and walks away then, leaving Dan in the kitchen alone. Dan sighs yet again and pulls out a frozen pizza from the freezer. He's sick of doing everything for himself, he's sick of feeling the way he does, he's sick of feeling dull and alone.

Sometimes, Dan even wonders if it's all worth it.

***

Dan wanders into detention after school, black studs in his ears, back jeans barely balancing on his hips, a grey t shirt on and a black pullover on. He got detention for 'being snarky' to a teacher. All he said was 'fuck off', and that was because the teacher was trying to get Dan to read his poem out loud.

There was no way Dan was going to read something that he'd written out loud to the entire class. Hence, he is now sitting at a small desk with an assorted bunch of other students, stuck there for the next hour.

The short, brown haired guy beside Dan looks annoyed and impatient. He is clean cut and Dan recognises him from the football team - not the sort of person you'd usually see in detention.

Dan taps his fingers on the desk before pulling out a black felt tip pen and starting to draw mindlessly on his forearm. Non permanent tattoos, Dan does this all the time - every time he has detention he does this, which is quite a lot.

After the hour has passed, he stands with everyone else, but waits until they've all gone. Unlike them, Dan is not especially eager to get home. He doesn't have a loving family to return to, or a nice, home cooked meal.

He walks out slowly, dragging his feet along the gravel. He walks out of the school grounds slowly, heading towards home. It's lucky his family live sort of close by, or else Dan would have a very long walk back home every day.

As he passes through the small town, Dan hears a small commotion around a corner, so he decides to peek around. His eyes land on one figure being attacked by two others.

"Give us your fucking money and phone!" One says, pulling out something silver and glinting - a knife.

Something tells Dan he should run away, leave. It's not his problem. But then he thinks if this were happening to him, he'd want someone to help.

"J-just let m-me g-g-go, please!" The figure being attacked whimpers, cowering at the sight of a knife, and Dan can tell that the person is crying, the voice also sounds semi familiar.

"Hey!" Dan yells, running towards the group.

One person swings the knife towards Dan, but he's been attacked before. He ducks the swing, landing a knee I'm the balls to the guy before spinning and elbowing the other guy in the stomach. They cower away, scrambling to their feet and limping away, throwing Dan scared looks.

"Th-thanks so m-much," the person on the ground gasps, and Dan looks down to find that it's the Phil kid from school.

He looks so scared. Tears are falling from his wide, blue eyes, and fear just radiates off him. He looks so scared it makes Dan's heart go out to the poor kid. He sticks out his hand, offering to help Phil up, and Phil takes it.

"Thank you so much," Phil says, attacking Dan into a tight hug, his hands gripping onto Dan's jumper tightly in fear, "I was so scared, you-you saved me!"

Dan shrugs, pulling away from the hug. "Well I wasn't just going to leave you there was I?"

Phil smiles softly at Dan, realising that maybe he isn't a complete scary, dangerous monster; he's a person with a soul and a conscience.

"I-I could've died, I... Thank you so much," Phil stammers repeatedly, "you know, I don't think you are the heartless badass everyone thinks you are. No one's alone Dan, remember that."

"I will, thanks Phil," Dan replies.

"I seriously, I'm so thankful," Phil gushes, "you're not so scary after all. You literally saved me."

"I guess so, well, you're welcome I guess," Dan says, and he can't help but smile, genuinely smile, at Phil.

He did just save someone, he made a difference. Dan can't wipe the grin off his face now, and it feels so good to smile. He hasn't smiled genuinely in so long, he actually misses the feeling. Phil's bright, blue eyes look at Dan smiling, a sight very few have seen, and he can't help but notice how bright his smile is. It's the sort of smile which makes you want to smile, which improves your mood, the sort of smile which would melt a heart and convince yourself that everything in the world is right.

Phil could write a freaking essay on how amazing his smile is. It is the brightest thing Phil has ever seen in his life.

"I have to go," Dan says, his face falling, his mouth settling down to a mere smirk, "be careful."

Dan nods at Phil before turning and walking away towards his own home. Phil walks out onto the street, watching Dan walk away. Dan arrives home fifteen minutes later, walking in to find his home in exactly the same state as it always is - his brother watching cartoons and his mother upstairs somewhere.

Dan walks straight up to his room, sitting on the edge of his mattress, his thoughts drifting vaguely to the cigarettes, but then he focuses upon the fact that he, Dan Howell, just saved someone, and suddenly, he doesn't need drugs to feel happy.

But he knows that it won't last.

***

phil

Phil rushes home, collapsing onto his bed and panting heavily, his heart still filled with fear and terror.

He can't believe what just happened to him. What had he done to deserve being attacked? He always tried to be nice, and tried to smile at people, so why him?

He sighs, the image of Dan filling his brain. He looked so freaking happy then, he didn't have his scowl, he looked genuinely pleased with himself. Phil wishes he always smiled like that. Not that he'd ever admit it, but Dan looked attractive when he smiled.

His smile literally lit up Phil's mood, it made him less scared. It was hard to explain, but it was the first time he'd ever seen him smile, and it was just one of those smiles which made you feel comfortable and at home.

Phil knows that Dan is apparently 'heartless', 'cold', and has even been labelled as a drug addicted murderer. But how could someone who is so cold and emotionless have a smile like that? Phil sighs, not knowing what to make of him. He'll just wait for school the next day, and see if Dan is any different.

Phil has been warned about Dan. He's trouble, a mess, cold hearted, a bad boy. But Phil also knows that bad boys don't smile like that. And it does sound like Phil is fangirling over him, but he did just save Phil from being attacked, so it's allowed. Dan may confuse Phil, he may not know much about him, he has heard rumors about him, he knows he's potentially danger and trouble.

But holy shit his smile.

**************

an: hello hope you enjoyed! Thanks so so much for all the votes so far! I wasn't expecting that many!

I hope you're enjoying the book so far, I'm really excited to write it! Please tell me what you thought!

I'll update again soon (within the week?) :D