dan

"Bye mum," Dan says, standing in the doorway of his mother's bedroom, his arms folded over his chest at the unmoving, duvet covered figure.

"It would be nice to say goodbye to your son," Dan says loudly, an angry yet sad tone in his voice, "it's what normal mothers do."

"Oh, bye," his mother murmurs dismissively, the two unenthusiastic words becoming muffled from being said under the covers, her back still facing towards Dan.

Dan sighs sadly before turning away and walking downstairs. He lets Shawn out first, following him out and locking the door behind him. His mother wouldn't even notice if someone broke in - or care for that matter. He says goodbye to Shawn as they reach the primary school, promising to stop in and buy food on the way home, before continuing to his own school.

Dan doesn't have to pay for the food, his mother gave him her credit card long ago for him to run the household with. She also makes quite a bit from her job, as her station is surprisingly quite popular, but then again, she's a different person at work - happy, funny, laughing and smiling.

Dan walks straight to his locker, feeling particularly annoyed at the world this morning. His mother couldn't even muster the strength to say a legitimate goodbye to her son. It's as if her two sons simply did not exist in her mind - they didn't even share the same world.

He shoves his books roughly in his bag before slamming the blue, metal door of his locker shut, startling the people around him - both younger and older - and causing the hallway to fall silent. Dan turns, swinging his bag over his shoulder and walking quickly out, knocking a few people in the process, his footsteps echoing loudly around the empty hall.

Dan escapes around the back of school, where there is little people and no teachers. Sheltered by the tall, brick classrooms and next to the large, iron fence, Dan pulls a cigarette and lighter out of his pocket. He's not stupid enough to smoke weed at school.

He could take the anti depressants and bipolar pills he's been given, but he doesn't want another reminder that he's different, and he always will be.

Balancing the cigarette between his lips, he flicks the lighter, cursing under his breath when it doesn't work for the fifth time.

"What are you doing?" A voice asks, startling Dan, making him jump and have a miniature heart attack.

"What does it fucking look like I'm doing?" Dan asks sharply, his heart relaxing when he sees that it's Phil - the guy from the alley attack.

"Smoking, but one, it's terrible for you, two, we're at school and three, we're sixteen, so it's kind of illegal," Phil says, frowning as Dan continues to attempt to light the cigarette.

"Listen kid, right now, I'm not in the mood for a smoking lecture," Dan snarls, glaring at Phil, "so unless you have a lighter that actually works, please go away."

"No, I don't carry lighters with me," Phil says, before adding, "maybe god just doesn't want you to smoke today."

"God doesn't exist, and if he does, then he's doing a pretty shitty job for me," Dan snarls, throwing the lighter to the ground and stepping on it, crushing the useless thing.

"Well, maybe you just can't see that," Phil says optimistically.

"Listen kid, if you're not going to leave then I am," Dan says, handing the unlit cigarette to Phil and shoving past him, in an even more foul mood.

Dan slumps in his desk up the back of the empty classroom, unzipping the front pocket to fish out his two actually prescribed drugs. The quickly pops one pill of each in his mouth, swallowing before putting the bottles back inside his bag. He waits up the back, scrolling through tumblr on his phone as he waits for class.

"Hi Dan!" Phil says, sitting beside Dan, a new friend in tow, looking particularly frightened and alarmed, "how are you?"

"Why are you talking to me?" Dan snaps, looking up from his phone to give Phil a distasteful look.

Dan didn't always mean to be so rude, but he's had a bad morning and his pills still haven't fully kicked in yet, so he isn't in the best of moods - but hey, when is he ever?

"Oh I er, I just thought..." Phil stammers, looking hurt and a tad terrified, "I thought you'd need a friend."

"Well you thought wrong," Dan says roughly, turning back to his phone, "I like being alone."

"Doesn't it get lonely?" Phil asks, frowning at Dan, "always being alone?"

"Phil leave it," Phil's curly haired friend says, tugging on Phil's sleeve, "he's obviously annoyed at you."

"Listen to your friend Lester," Dan says tiredly, "leave me alone. And yes, being alone is lonely and that's the point. I like being alone."

"But no one..." Phil starts, annoying Dan even more.

"Just go away or shut up!" Dan yells, slamming his fist on the desk, making Phil and his friend both jump back, startled, Phil's eyes flash with a mixture of hurt, fear and confusion.

Dan did save him yesterday, so he understands his confusion. But just because Dan stopped him from being attacked does not mean he wants to be his friend. Dan has enough to deal with, he doesn't need the pressures and stress of friendship as well.

The way he sees it, the less people you care about, the less hurt you get, and at the moment, Dan only cares about his brother, and distantly his mother, because he has to.

"Oh, sorry," Phil stammers, standing abruptly, and Dan watches as he and his friend move to the front of the room, sitting together and talking in quiet voices to each other.

Dan sighs, putting his phone in his pocket and staring at the books and pencil case on his desk, his mind drifting far away from his present.

Dan had always been cut off and sort of... Down. Maybe it was growing up with a mother suffering with depression that did it. She wasn't alway that way, it was ever since Dan was five, his brother just born and his having just father died. His mother later found out he'd been cheating on her for the past five years, had another girlfriend, and a child whom was Dan's age.

Dan is pretty sure his name was Ken or Chris or something along those lines. He'd never met him apart from at his father's funeral anyway, and he wasn't aware then that he was in fact his half brother and the product of the thing that ruined Dan's life.

Dan knows he isn't the most stable kid, he knows that his mind and home life isn't the same as most kids, but he does try to forget this fact - mostly because he wants to give Shawn the best chance at an average, happy life that he can possibly get.

As class starts, Dan sinks low in his chair. A short, popular guy from the football team and from detention yesterday takes a seat beside Dan, shooting him a wary look and scooting as far away as he can get. Dan rolls his eyes, what does the kid think he's going to do, stab him in the middle of class?

Dan is used to it though, people fearing him, talking about him, he's the bad boy and the gossip subject of the school, and honestly, Dan both loves and hates it. He knows he does deserve people being wary of him, but he's not an all out psychotic monster who loves watching people in pain.

He's just a human; one who has a harder than average life, struggles to feel happiness and makes a few (well, quite a few) wrong choices.

***

phil

Phil sighs, rolling his eyes at his friend, Pj.

"I told you he's scary! I was afraid he was gonna bite your head off," Pj says, frowning at Phil as they walk towards their lunch table, "he's scary Phil, just leave him alone."

"I don't like seeing him so alone though," Phil sighs sadly, "plus, he saved me from being attacked in an alley."

"He what?" Pj asks as they sit at the table with their friends, looking shocked.

"Who did what?" Louise asks, joining in the conversation, "what happened?"

"Dan apparently saved Phil from being attacked," Pj says, looking at Phil with raised eyebrows.

"He did. These two guys jumped me and dragged me down an alley - they had a knife too!" Phil says, recounting the horrifying event, "but then Dan must've seen and came down and punched the two guys until they limped away, scared."

"Then what happened?" Louise asks, intrigued by the story.

"He helped me up and I thanked him, and then he have me this smile," Phil says, a smile forming on his own face as he thinks about it, "and I don't know, but his smile was just so bright and happy, it made my heart literally melt."

"Are you sure it was Dan Howell?" Pj asks, looking at Phil knowingly, "the same person who told you to piss off just over an hour ago?"

"Yes, it was," Phil assures his friends, looking over to where Dan is strolling through the schoolyard, "I think Dan may be misunderstood."

Phil watches as Dan stops one of the younger kids, speaking to him and holding out his hand, to which the kid quickly puts a crumpled ten pound note into before running away, frightened. This sight makes Phil frown, especially when Dan pockets the money, not even doing anything with it - does he just bully for fun?

"I don't think so Phil," Louise says doubtfully, having watched the scene herself, "I think people like him are just bad people. Bad boys like him aren't nice people, end of story."

"I guess so," Phil sighs, pulling out a packet of crisps to eat, watching as Dan sits by himself at a table, barely eating, just listening to music.

Dan Howell may be bad news, but how can someone so bad have a smile like Dan's? Phil sighs again, he needs to stay away from Dan, like everyone else does, Dan is obviously a bad person who bullies, steals and smokes for no known reason whatsoever. He seems like the person who'd intimidate someone and put them in the dark.

But when he smiled, god, Phil knew it would light up an entire country - if not the world.

***

dan

Dan did feel guilty about taking that kid's money.

But that kid did always brag about being mega rich - everyone knew he was. So Dan did feel less bad about it.

Dan doesn't usually steal, but be remembered it was Shawn's birthday tomorrow, and his mother would not approve of Dan buying Shawn a present with her credit card - his mother didn't believe in buying birthday presents - only Christmas, and even then, they'd be lucky to get a new t shirt, and that's if she remembered Christmas. Usually it was Dan that went Christmas shopping anyway.

Dan sighs, looking at the ten pound note. He feels bad, but then he pictures Shawn's face when Dan hands him a birthday present, and the weight off Dan's chest lifts slightly at the thought of his brother being happy.

Dan does everything he can to make those he cares about happy, he just doesn't care about himself and therefore does not care about his own happiness.

Not that Dan has much happiness in his life to miss caring about anyway.

***********

an: so there's chapter three!! I hope you enjoyed it! Please vote and comment if you did, and please share it around too!

thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think of the story so far! I'll try to update again within the week. :D