// picture attached to make you laugh because this chapter probably won't //

pj

Pj starts seeing the small changes - in both the boys.

Even though he tries not to, he still sees it. He sees how they change and he sees their hurt.

He notices how Dan begins to become who he used to be - sullen and hostile. He's always alone again, be scowls at everyone, refuses to speak to anyone and never smiles.

Phil, on the other hand, has become the polar opposite of his old self. He is moody, seems sad all the time and has become cut off. Despite his denial, he's living in a cut off little bubble.

Pj would give anything to see what's going on in those two guys' heads. He's starting to think that maybe he was wrong about Dan and Phil. Maybe Dan wasn't how they originally thought.

"Joe," Pj says, jogging to catch up to Joe before fifth period, catching his arm, "I need to speak to you."

"What?" He asks impatiently, huffing, "I'm going to be late to class."

"Since when do you care about being late to class?" Pj asks with an amused laugh.

"Shut up," Joe snaps, running a hand through his hair, "look say what you wanted to say already."

Pj takes a deep breath, running a hand through his dark curls.

"Do you- do you think we did the right thing, y'know, with Dan and Phil?" He asks.

"Yes, definitely," Joe says impatiently, "Phil is nice, and I care about him. Dan is... Well, you know Dan. We're just being good friends."

"But they've both been so upset..." Pj starts.

"Dan has been himself, who everyone knows him to be. As for Phil, he'll get over it," Joe says simply, "you'll see Pj. People don't change. People like Dan deserve to be alone."

Joe walks off then, leaving Pj in the rapidly emptying corridor. Pj sighs, adjusting his backpack strap before walking to his own class.

He sees Dan up the back. Pj sits near him, two seats away. Dan scowls at Pj briefly before looking back down at his notebook, writing or drawing something.

Pj glances at Dan through the lesson, unable to focus on the lesson. As he watches Dan, he thinks about what Joe said.

People don't change. People like Dan deserve to be alone.

But do they? He and Joe don't know Dan, they don't know what kind of person he really is. People don't change, but what if Dan was never the person they thought we was to begin with? What if Dan didn't change, he was just becoming who he was all along?

Whatever it was, Pj knows he has to find out, because he doesn't want to be responsible for Dan Howell and Phil Lester's misery.

After the bell rings, Dan rips the page he was drawing on out of his book and throws it in the bin on the way out. Pj, who is behind him, picks it up. Pj stands out the front of the classroom and un-crumples the page.

Scribbled in a black ink pen, is Phil. Roughly outlined, but easily recognised. Written on the bottom is a scrawl of words. Pj brings the page closer to his face to read the words.

'The world doesn't want us together. People like us don't mix. I'm a mess you shouldn't have to deal with. But even after all that - I still love you Phil Lester.

I'm begging you, please, come back to me. I can't fight it anymore. I'm not strong, I'm breaking apart. I need you, but you're not there anymore.

I take it all back. I need you, I'd do anything Phil. I can't take it any longer.

Please Phil, just let it end.'

Pj grips the note in his hand, his knuckles turning white. He can't believe this. No, no! This note changes all the thoughts he ever had about Dan. He wishes he could take it all back, every word.

Dan has the right to freaking hate his guts, Pj deserves it. He thought he was helping Phil, but now he realises that all he did was break them apart, and by the sounds of it, Dan has almost crumbled into nothing but ashes and disaster.

Pj folds the paper and slides it into his pocket before running to his last period class. The whole way through it, his mind is on Dan and Phil. How can he fix his mess? Well, his and Joe's mess, but Joe seemed pretty clear on his view of Dan Howell.

Pj sighs. He could follow Dan. What would that lead to though? It could be anything...

Pj glances back at Dan briefly before back down at his notebook.

That's it, he thinks, I'm following him, just to talk to him... I'll try to fix this mess.

***

dan

Dan really isn't in the mood for school as of now.

He isn't in the mood for anything actually. But on the list, school is the top one. Mainly because of a certain individual named Philip Michael Lester.

It's been around a week since he's spoken to Phil. They're handing their videos in tomorrow, which Dan is also dreading. It's on Phil's computer, so Dan isn't even sure if it's finished or not. He can't bring himself to talk to Phil.

Dan doesn't even know what Phil thinks of him. Judging by the looks of pure hurt Phil gives Dan, he's pretty sure his stupid 'mates' told him some bullshit, but he's beyond caring.

If it keeps Phil away from him, it's all okay with him.

Dan is a mess, slowly shattering apart. And if he can keep Phil away, at least he knows that's one less person who'll be caught in the aftermath. Only one person would care if Dan died now, and that's his younger brother.

Dan bites his lips and clenches his fists, digging his nails into the palms on his hands, etching marks into his skin and causing a spike of pain to zap through him.

Focusing on the pain, he manages to just keep his mind from going off the edge, from being consumed by the darkness which always resided inside of him, the darkness which he is constantly battling.

Phil is his light, but without Phil, Dan is back in the dark, blinding and suffocating within himself, with no way out and nothing to light the way.

Dan barely makes it through the rest of class without breaking down. As soon as the bell rings, he is up and out of the room as quickly as he can manage. He walks straight out of school, heading for somewhere he can just let all his emotions go in private.

He first thinks of the forest, opposite the hospital, but that has too many memories tied in with it, and it also is too close to where Caspar and his mother lie.

He decides to go to an alley instead. He barely makes it to the far side of town. By the time he ducks down an alley and rounds a corner into a deserted, isolated dead end, he's practically already lost it.

He yells out, slamming his left fist into the exposed brick over and over again. The rough brick tears apart and abuses his skin but he doesn't care. He stops when he can't feel his hand anymore - when the blows stop hurting.

He looks down at his hand. His knuckles are red raw and bleeding heavily, but he's beyond feeling the pain. There's a greater pain in his heart. Dan isn't sure how much longer he can take this.

At this rate, he's either going to destroy himself from the outside in or the inside out.

Either way, he knows at the end he'll still be torn apart in a giant, broken mess, and Phil won't be there to help pick up the pieces.

***

pj

This was such a terrible idea.

Why the hell did he follow Dan? At least he knows where they are - in town - and they didn't go too far. This was still mad though.

What is he expecting to see? Pj thinks he's hoping to confirm one of his two views on Dan. He sighs deeply, shutting his eyes. He really doesn't want to go down into this murky, dark alley that Dan has just walked into.

But he has to find out.

Pj takes a deep breath and hesitantly steps between the two tall buildings. He's instantly engulfed into the shadows. He tries to walk quietly down the alley, but there's patches of water on the concrete floor which make an echoing splashing sound whenever Pj's converse touches them.

He stops at the first corner and listens. He hears a frustrated yell from Dan drift from around the corner and freezes. He grimaces when he hears the harsh sound of bone against brick. The sound continuously repeats for at least five minutes.

Pj winces each time he hears another gruesome crunch. When it stops, everything seems deadly quiet. After a few minutes of just standing there, frozen, Pj decides he has two options, peer around the corner or run home as if his life depended on it.

He's going to look.

Pj gathers his courage and peers around the corner. He expected to see a variety of different things; Dan smoking, unconscious, getting high...

But what he didn't expect was to see the school's resident bad boy drop to his knees and let out heavy sobs.

Dan was too caught up in his own pain to notice Pj standing at the end of the alley. After a few minutes, Pj turns and runs out of the alley, not stopping until he's far away. He runs straight to his room, closing the door before leaning against it and sliding to the floor.

Pj shuts his eyes and holds his head in his hands. He wishes he could un-see that image. The image of Dan, huddled on the ground, sobs racking his body and the air around him so fragile and tainted with hurt that it tore at Pj's heart.

Seeing that, Pj finally realised something; Dan isn't the horrible monster of a human...

He is.

(Well, him and Joe.)

**********

an// heyo hope you didn't get too many pheels. Sorry if you did!! Please leave a vote and comment anyway?

What are your thoughts on Pj now? Wanting to put things right? You probably still hate Joe though. Lol

I recently finished my first Phan fic, speak! I feel proud... I need to reassess my life. Anyway, I hope to update within the week!!! ^_^