Song Above: Patient

If you like this story then please check out my new story Me You And Winnie The Pooh! It needs all the love it can get! 😊🐻🍯

BRODY

There are only so many times I could cry before I started to feel like a pussy.

I cried the day my mom died, granted I was young so that doesn't count, I cried with Ivy and now I'm crying over Ivy.

How ironic.

I was leaning over the kitchen counter waiting for the coffee to brew and without any warning whatsoever my eyes were spilling over like a broken dam. I had to grab a napkin to hide the evidence in case my stepmom walked in or worse my father.

I wasn't too sure if he were aware of the fact I'd been staying in the cabin, or whether he cared. As long as I were out of his sight he probably couldn't give a shit. I liked it that way. I wasn't going to walk on eggshells around him and I'd be dammed if I let him see I was afraid.

He could beat me till I was black and blue and I still wouldn't flinch, I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction.

I rubbed at my eye with the napkin cursing as I did. If you'd told me before that I would be crying over a girl I'd had laughed in your face but look at me now.

I'd turned into a walking, talking wet wipe.

I'd told her I never wanted to see her again, which was a lie.

The irritating irrational side of me took over and yet again I said things I didn't mean. You'd think I would have learned by now but nope, still making the same god damn stupid mistakes.

I'd hurt her, hurt her more than you should someone you love and I was paying for it, big time. I felt sick, my heart had this constant ache and I couldn't stop seeing her face in my mind and in everything that I do.

The sound of the coffee machine alert pulled me out of my thoughts and I pushed myself off the counter with my palms. I turned my body to grab the sugar and paused, my body tensing.

Stood in the doorway was Ryan. I wasn't sure how long he'd been there, but by the look on his face, he'd been there long enough.

"Can I help you?" I said curtly.

"No," He replied back in the same tone. He walked over to the coffee machine and the bastard poured himself a cup.

"Make yourself at home," I mumbled, bumping his shoulder as I made myself a cup and I ignored the curse he said under his breath.

He walked over to the breakfast table, pulled a chair out and sat down. I leaned against the counter, using both hands to hold the cup and feeling the warmth on my skin.

We were silent for a while and I liked it.

Whenever he opened his mouth it pissed me off.

"You fucked things up with Ivy I guess?" I spoke too soon.

I let out a low groan, "This has nothing to do with you, Ryan,"

"You're right it doesn't," He put his hands up, "But I wished I'd put money on it,"

I put my coffee on the side and stepped forward my hands balled into fists, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You haven't got a track record of keeping a relationship Brody, and also come on you never really cared about her,"

Was he looking for a fight?

I felt my jaw clench, "You have no idea how I felt about her so I'd keep that mouth shut unless you want a repeat of what happened last time,"

He rolled his eyes, "If what I'm saying isn't true then how come you aren't with her right now?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it. I didn't have an answer. He was right in away. I wasn't great at keeping relationships, actually, I was shit at it but that didn't mean I didn't love Ivy, still love her.

I just wasn't good for her right now. I wanted to be. I really did but I needed to fix a few things before I could be the person she wanted.

"My point exactly," He nodded his head as if he'd just achieved something and took a large sip of his coffee.

"You have no right to say anything Ryan, Charlotte ring a bell at all?"

He recoiled into his drink, "That was a mistake and I'm paying for it, but you had it all, you had Ivy and you blew it,"

"We may not be on great terms but I love Ivy," I said as if that made it better. It didn't, it just showed who the bigger fool was.

"Not enough I think," He sat up from his chair, put his cup in the sink, "She didn't deserve either of us," He said under his breath as he walked out of the room.

Maybe he was right.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I cursed loudly. Stop. Why was I crying?

Because you're hurting. A quiet voice inside my head said. A voice I barely recognized, didn't even know existed.

I drained the contents of my cup, chucked it in the sink and hastily wiped away the residue at the corner of my mouth. I needed a distraction. Quick.

I found my way to the cabin, I had boxes of my moms stuff unopened on my bed. I had planned to have a look through them in the hope I'd find a clue as to who would want to harm her in any way.

After my visit to the prison, I'd found out that it had been a woman all along and to say I was relieved it wasn't my father was an understatement. It made me question every single woman in my life and I was still suspicious as to why my dad had reacted the way he did. Could it have been someone close to home or even living in my home?

I didn't know.

But I would find out.

I grabbed some scissors and began to cut through the tape that sealed the boxes. The first box I opened was full of clothes and a waft of my mom's perfume crawled up my nostrils. I soaked in the scent and closed my eyes imagining that she was there beside me. The overwhelming feeling of missing her sat in my chest and I had to take a couple of minutes to compose myself before I carried on. The second box I opened was full of papers, and I had to rummage through the contents to find anything that would be relevant to my mom's past. I stopped short when my hands skimmed across a stack of letters tied with a piece of string.

I pulled my brows together, slowly pulling the letters from out of the box and placed them on my lap. They were old and I could tell they'd been opened a few times from their condition. They had my mom's name written across them in big, bold cursive writing. Slowly, I opened the first letter, it was dated weeks before she had died and I sucked in a deep breath as I read it.

My love,

It has been mere days since I've seen you and it feels like years. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I don't know if I can hide the fact that I love you, that I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you in high school when you sighed our initials in the school yearbook together. I know we've made mistakes with our marriages and it may seem like it's too late for us but it isn't. I'm planning on leaving her, she knows I haven't felt the same about our marriage for a while but I haven't told her yet about us... but I will. I need you to do the same, I know it will be hard but you are strong, we deserve to have our happiness. Together. Don't be scared, Paul can't hurt you and even though he says he will he won't get full custody over Brody, you are a brilliant mom and anyone can see that. Just be brave my love, as long as we have each other it's all that matters. We can start a new life as we'd always planned.

I will be waiting for your reply.

Love J xx

I re-read the letter, over and over again as I tried to make sure I wasn't dreaming, that I hadn't just imagined that my mom was having an affair this whole time. I felt as if everything I'd ever believed was ripped from me, and set alight before my very eyes.

Who was J?

Did my dad know?

Did my mom even get a chance to reply to this letter?

The more I dig deeper into my mom's past the more I find out she wasn't the person I thought she was. I never actually knew who my own mom was.

As you all know my Granddad passed away recently and I've really struggled to come to terms with it. I'm slowly getting through the next update so please give me some time and patience to upload it for you. I should hopefully upload it in the next few days/week max.

I've also in the past been writing a new book, Me You & Winnie The Pooh where I've just posted the 1st Chapter and I was wondering if you could take a look and let me know what you think so far and if it is something you think I should continue with.

Thanks,

D xx