(okay, you need to understand that there was a time skip. At least a few days from them. Clothes shopping.)

Too much. It's all too much. Ren and Ethos affection, their protection. The temperature in the room. His shirt. Too much.

Maybe a shower would help? They usually help. He stumbled wildly to the bathroom. His legs disagreed with the motion, nearly making him collapse in front of X's door. He managed to stay standing.

The shower was too warm then to cold. The sound was too loud. His heart was too loud. He realized he was crying. Was his crying loud too behind the sound of his heart?

He wrapped his arms around himself, his nails digging into the soft flesh of his upper arm. It hurt. A distraction.

Ren wanted him to have a hobby. A distraction. That's why he'd taken to reading. Could he read right now? His mind was going too fast. He couldn't read right now. A distraction.

Would Ren get mad at him? For the distraction he found? He would be upset. But it was helping. If it helped, why would he be upset?

The blade of his pencil sharpener was held in place by just one screw. He could. It would help.

Xay stood from the water. He threw on his pants and stumbled back to his room. Where was that sharpener? Ren must have moved it.

On the floor. It had fallen off the desk. His shaking hands struggled with the screw. But soon it was free.

The first cut was fearful. But after that it was easy. The pain was like being pulled above water. He could breathe again. So he kept going.

The dizziness hit him after a few seconds. So did realization. Ren would be upset. He couldn't loose Ren. He for his nightstand. For his phone. For Ren.

"Hello? Eggs, why would you-"

"Ren," X felt like crying again,"I'm sorry"

Ren didn't say anything for a moment,"for? Eggs it's 1 in the morning."

"I made a mistake. I'm sorry,"he repeated,"I'm so fuckin dumb."

"Umm, what did you do, man? You haven't told me,"Ren sounded nervous. The sound of a door also came with the question.

He should cover his arm, shouldn't he? That's what people always say to do. Cover the wound. But why should he? He's awful. Ren,"I needed a distraction and I couldn't focus on reading. I'm sorry."

"Eggs? What did you do, exactly? I'm on my way." Ren must be running because his steps were very loud.

"I... I hurt myself. I'm sorry,"He voice cracked. He was going to start crying. How humiliating,"are you mad?"

On the other side of the phone was only footfall. Ren didn't reply. He was angry. Xay was going to be left alone again. He was going to be alone. Ren was going to leave. He'd be all alone.

The next thing he heard, from both the other side of the phone and down stairs, was the door. Ren was banging on the door. Xay wanted to get up but he couldn't. He was too dizzy. After a few seconds X's door opened and he walked down stairs, Xay could hear him doing so. Then there was shouting.

And two sets of feet ran up the stairs. Ren. The door was thrown open. Ren.

"Eggs! Okay, we're... We're going to cover your arm. X go grab a towel!" He ran forward, gently holding Xays face,"We're going to move downstairs and wait, okay?"

Xay nodded, but hadn't fully caught the information. Ren was going to get blood on him. He should have to. He should be angry. X returned with the towel.

Ren lifted Xay, gingerly bring him down stairs. Ren was warm. And he was panicking. Xay had done that. He really was evil, wasn't he. Why was he like this?

"Eggs! We're going to go wait outside. Okay?" Xay nodded, but Ren wasn't looking at him. He was avoiding looking at him.

He was angry. He was upset. Why was Xay such a fuck up? Why did Ren have to deal with him?

Ren sat on the ground, holding Xay on his lap. He was clutching Xay like he would disappear. He was pressing on the cuts. He saw the lights in the distance.

He glares down at his hands. They were cold, despite the warm blood coating them. He shook his head and looked up. Red and blue lights sped twords him.

He can't look at Ren. And Ren can't look at him. The ambulance stops in front of them. He hears a short argument, but can't focus enough to catch words. He knows it was Ren and Xisuma.

"Okay Eggs, X is going to ride to the hospital with you. I'll be there soon." It was childish, but he considered clinging to Ren. Even if they were on better terms, he didn't want to be in a small space with his brother.

He was moved inside. For the most part they didn't seem panicked. For things that would have had to do, this seemed on the lower end. They cleaned the cuts. They spoke with X about something that Xay didn't bother tuning into. 

It was a short ride to the hospital. They brought him into a room and checked the cuts. They bandaged his arm, X stared from his seat in the room.

"Brother, what happened?" He asked after the doctor had left,"You could have woken me up. I was next door, why did you call Ren?"

He felt guilty. He hadn't even thought of calling for Xisuma. He hadn't considered how X would react at all,"my head was all fuzzy X, I didn't have time to think about options."

"I know we're still working stuff out, but I'm your brother! If Ren hadn't answered the phone, would you have called for me at all? Would I have woken up to you dead?" Xisuma was panicking,"Xay, I-"

There was a knock on the door,"Eggs?"

Ren walked in, Iskall came in behind him,"Sorry Iskall is here, he's the first person I thought of who... has a car...," He seemed to notice the tension in the room,"What's going on?"

X shook his head,"Nothing, it's fine."

"Okay..." Ren turned to Xay," how are you feeling? Did they already go through the questions with you?"

"What questions? They spoke with Xisuma, but they just bandaged me up," Ren nodded,"I'm sorry. For all of this."

Iskall was watching him. He wished he didn't look so weak. Why did he look so weak? He's so small and thin. And he's injured. He can't just hide it like before. Not when there's blood in his room and on Ren.

Ren seemed to sense his discomfort,"Well, we'll wait for them. I'm sure you'll be good to go in just a bit," he sat next to X,"Why don't you talk about the book you've been reading?"