Two years ago...

"Gabs!" Matt calls over his shoulder to me. "The waves are great! You have to come in!" he beckons me over while the blistering rays of the sun beat down on him and the breakers. 

I watch as he and his best friend, Jacob, begin running into the sea.

"Coming, little bro, just grabbing my board!" I shout excitedly after him as I reach for my surfboard only to find it's not there anymore.

"Here," a voice says courteously, handing my board to me.

I smile at Chase. "Thanks,"  I say and take my board from his outstretched hands. He waxed it for me.

"Welcome," he grins, flashing me a thumbs-up. "Gotta surf in style," he winks playfully.

"You coming in?" I ask, gesturing to the expanse of blue lying before us.

It's the perfect day. The sun is out. The sky and sea are clear in their blue hues. The shore is golden and soft beneath our toes. The waves were absolutely stunning for a day's surf.

"How could you ask me such a question, Gabby?" Chase asks teasingly. "Don't you know me at all?" 

Of course, I know him very well. Chase never misses a day's surf, no matter the cost.

I laugh, shaking my head at him. He brushes my actions aside and grabs hold of my hand. He drags me after him into the salty sea. He never has patience. If he wants something, he will make sure to get it immediately.

"Gab Gabs!" a platinum blonde calls from further in the ocean. He's quick to swim up to me before playfully dunking me under the water. 

"Caleb!" I splutter and slap him against his chest. 

He merely laughs at my misfortune. He's always been the jokester in our group of friends.

It's not long before someone tackles Caleb down into the water. Of course, I know who it is. Tyler and Caleb are practically inseparable. 

"Don't be mean to Gabs, you know she can tear you to pieces. If anyone should know, it's us," Tyler lectures him and then breaks out into his infamous broad grin when his gaze lands on me. He shoves Caleb aside and pulls me into a friendly hug.

"Hey, Ty." I grin happily as I help Caleb back up to his feet. "You two lunatics having fun?"

Why do I bother asking? Of course, they're having fun. They're never not having fun.

"You bet they are." I turn to see the caramel-haired beauty, Stella, approaching us. "Hey, hey, Gabs!" She smiles at me before motioning to the sea, "Get out there, the waves are sick today."

"Chase and I are going now," I answer her. 

When I notice that all three of them are wearing matching facial expressions, I come to realize that Chase is no longer standing beside me. No...he's out in the distance with Matt and Jacob. He's already surfing. He'll sacrifice anything to live in the ocean. I swear it. No one loves the waves more than he and Matt do.

"Yeah...seems he left you hanging...again," Ty jokes. "But don't worry, you still got me," he clicks his tongue and winks suggestively at me. He's always been a flirt.

"Lay off, man," I hear a voice from behind me. I turn to meet emerald green eyes and black hair. Brent Seacrest.

"Brent, bro, you finally arrived!" Caleb calls to Brent excitedly. He's like an energetic puppy.

I shoot Brent a warm smile, welcoming him into the ocean. Most of us surfers knew each other. We are all kind of like a close-knitted family.

"Arriving late, as always," Stels grins cheekily up at him. 

Brent scoffs, knowing that it's true. He's always the last in while Chase and Matt are usually the first in and last out. 

"Whatever, girl," he sasses Stella using a diva voice before ruffling her wet hair with his free hand, his board under his other arm. 

Stella merely smiles.

Brent turns to greet me next. "Gabs, gorgeous as ever I see," he messes with me. 

I laugh and shake my head at him.

"And you tell me to lay off of the flirting," Ty speaks up with a pout that Caleb very quickly smacks off of his lips with a fierce backhand. "Owe! That hurt, you nitwit!" He glares at Caleb before they begin fighting and splashing in the ocean as per usual -- nothing out of the norm.

Caleb manages to stick his hand and face out of the water after being dunked repeatedly. "Help! Help me! Ty's gone cray-cray!" he yells out with a mouthful of water and sand before Ty drags him back under with the next wave. 

Brent, Stels, and I all ignore them, use to their daily behavior. It's nothing new. We aren't going to get involved, so we allow Ty his fun and Caleb his punishment.

I play along and flatter Brent back. "You look pretty dashing yourself."

Brent smirks at this. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Missy. You're going to have to do better than that to sweep me off of my feet and get me to run away and elope with you," he teases much to Stel's amusement.

"Anyway, guys, I'll catch you all later. I'm out for today," Stels comments, waving goodbye to us as she walks out the ocean. 

I don't miss Brent staring after her, definitely checking her out.

Tyler must see it too. "She's got a fine behind, huh?" he remarks as he comes to stand beside Brent with a taunting smirk. "Too bad it's taken and it's not yours to look at," he reminds Brent that Stels has a boyfriend. His name is Duke and he's actually a pretty A-OK guy. Very chilled. 

Brent rolls his eyes and slaps Tyler upside the head. No doubt Brent has a bit of a crush on Stels. 

"She's hot," Caleb nods, agreeing with the guys. He's still trying to regain his breath after almost being drowned by Ty.

It's my turn to roll my eyes. "Catch your tongues and put them back in your mouths, you're all lapping up the entire ocean," I say playfully. "You guys need to stop drooling over Stels. One day Duke is going to see it and kill you all, and don't expect me to rescue you, you bozos." 

Caleb pouts at this. 

Irresistible. 

I sigh in defeat. "Fine. Maybe just Caleb." 

Caleb grins in victory at my words and fist-pumps the air.

Ty smirks at me before he plants an unexpected, sloppy kiss on my cheek. "Don't be jelly, I still love you and check your behind out when you're not looking. Why do you think I bail so much when I'm surfing behind you?"

I frown at his insinuation, feeling a little nauseous all of a sudden. Ty's a good-looking guy with his dark hair, dark eyes, and tanned skin but his behavior around girls is off-putting. I will only see him as a friend and that's it. 

Time to give him a taste of his own medicine:

"I just assumed you bail so much because you naturally suck," I reply in nonchalance. "You eat my waves." 

Tyler's mouth falls agape at my insult. 

Brent laughs aloud and high-fives me.

Caleb closes Ty's mouth for him. 

Tyler quickly regains his composure before he lunges for me and throws me over his shoulder as if I weigh nothing. "We'll see about that. Challenge accepted!" he shouts as he walks deeper into the ocean with me.

"Kick his ass, Gabs!" Brent calls out to me, showing me a thumbs-up.

"Take her down, Ty! Destroy her! Kill her! Annihilate her!" Caleb roots for Ty. So predictable.

I don't miss the look Brent shoots Caleb for his comment. 

Caleb shrugs and holds his hands up defensively. "Too much?" he questions innocently.

"There's always that one guy who goes too far," Brent says, referring to Caleb and his continuous comments.

"Gabriela!" a voice shouts in my ear. 

I jolt upright and my eyes widen. I did it again. I dozed off into dreamland, reminiscing on the good ol' days when everything was still perfect. 

I tear my gaze off of the huge waves before me and glance up through my lashes to meet his concerned gaze of green. "Sorry," I mouth to him wordlessly.

"You zoned out on me again," Brent points out and I can't help but feel guilty. He has to put up with a depressed person the entire time.  

"I'm sorry, Brent," I apologize sincerely, my voice hoarse -- I'm afraid that I'll never get the good ol' days back. 

I'm so grateful for Brent. He's the only one that stayed to support me through the tragedy of my brother's death. The others kind of backed off a little to give me my space. I appreciated that but I never asked them to leave for good. They backed up so much, to the point of us becoming strangers to each other again.

"Hey, hey," Brent says softly and gently, "it's okay," he assures me before drawing me into his chest to comfort me. 

He knows that I was thinking back. I tend to do it often. It's a temptation that I can't seem to overcome. 

"What were you thinking about?" he asks into my hair before placing his chin on my head.

I tell him as he holds me and listens attentively. I know that he enjoys reliving those days too. He laughs every now and then. I watch him tenderly, seeing through those green depths -- he too longs to have us all back together. He hides it in order to be strong for me but I can tell that he also misses those days.

I move off of Brent's chest and glance up at the gray sky. "I think a storm is on its way."

Brent nods. "We should get going then. I know you hate storms ever since..." he trails off, realizing his mistake.

A panicked expression crosses his features. 

I place my hand atop of his to reassure him that I'll be okay. "Don't worry about it. You just go and enjoy that college party. I don't want to ruin it for you."

"And go without you?" Brent scoffs rather dramatically, "I'd rather spend time eating mud with you than go somewhere without you."

I can't help but smile a little at this. I catch Brent watching me. "What?" I huff softly, feeling self-conscious under his intense gaze of emerald and jade.

He shakes his head slightly. "Nothing." He flashes me his famous kilowatt grin, "I just forgot how nice it is to see you smile every once in a while."

I fall quiet at this and go back to staring out at the ocean. It's as if I'm reliving the past every time I step foot onto this exact shoreline. 

"Gabs!" 

It almost feels as if Matt's spirit is here with me right now. I can practically hear him calling me from a distance. I can picture him running onto the shore, Jacob in tow, with his famous red surfboard underneath his arm. His smile would be wide and joyful and he'd be grinning down at me, his wetsuit dripping water onto my dry clothes.

He was always smiling.

"You gotta try the waves, Gabs," he'd say.

I can practically hear his voice drifting with the fierce breeze coming off of the ocean. His spirit lingers here. I can almost feel him with me now. His presence lingers here. I miss him with all that I have.

Brent stands up, offering me his hand. I take it and he pulls me up to my feet. "Let's get you home before the storm comes in," he says just as a ray of lightning crosses the horizon. 

Every time I leave here, it feels like I'm leaving Matt behind again.

I don't say anything more as Brent leads the way back to his car. He fetched me after that argument with my mom. 

"Brent?" I decide to speak.

"Yeah?" he answers, turning around to face me. He arches a brow at me and brushes his black hair out of his face.

"Go to the party," I encourage him. "Please go, for me. I want you to enjoy yourself. I'm not your responsibility and I want you to live your life for you and not for me. You deserve to have fun. I'll be fine. I promise."

"Okay, just let me drop you off first," Brent accepts easily, already knowing that I won't let him stay for me. He has never been the argumentative type. 

When we got home, Brent was reluctant to leave me. I basically had to force him out through the door. The only reason why he finally agreed to leave was because I promised to check in with him every hour or so.

Brent deserves a night of fun.

I'm sitting on the front porch again because I don't feel like another confrontation with my mother. I'm avoiding her. I'll go inside and face her eventually but I still need a little more time.

My gaze strays to the house beside mine. I don't fail to notice the car parked in the driveway. Chase is home.

I'm terrified to speak to him alone but I know I have to. I owe it to him to tell him that I'm sorry and that it was never his fault. He deserves that much. With that thought in mind, I get up and head straight for his house. The butterflies swarming in my stomach will not deter me. I suck in a deep breath and knock once.

The door opens almost immediately.

"Gabriela," Chase's mom greets me, stunned. She pauses for a second before happily embracing me. 

These days, I barely visit nor stop by despite staying right next door. Three years ago, I practically lived with her family. I'm sure she has questions.

"It's so good to see you," she finally releases me and steps back to take a good look at me. "Did you stop by on behalf of your mother? Forgive me for my rudeness, it's just...you haven't been around lately."

"Um...is Chase home?" I ask, already knowing that he is. I find it incredibly strange that he's missing out on a party. No doubt he's heard about it. Chase has always been the biggest party animal. "I'd like to speak to him."

Mrs. Fuller seems taken aback at my request. She knows that Chase and I had a falling out but she doesn't know the reason for it. "Hon, are you sure that's the best idea right now? He just got home and--"

"I'm not here to cause trouble," I stop her. "I'll be quick. There's just something I need him to hear. Please," I say in desperation, expressing how important this is to me.

She contemplates it before opening the door wider and allowing me in. "He's in his room. He's moody today. You've been warned," she smiles sadly at me. 

I shoot her grateful smile before heading upstairs, well aware that he's moody. He always is.

I come to a halt at his door and freeze. I know he hates me but I have to say this. It's that thought that drives me forward.

I knock on his door a couple of times, only to receive no answer. I'm guessing he knows I'm here, that, or he's really angry with the world today. I keep knocking only to receive no response. I try opening the door only to find that it's locked. A part of me is relieved while the other part of me knows he needs to hear what I have to say.

I sigh mentally before turning to leave. Just as I do, a thunderous sound erupts from outside before the rain comes pelting down on the roof above us. It's as if the thunder represents Chase because, at that moment, the door is unlocked and suddenly swings open.

"Didn't catch the hint, did you?" Chases asks rudely. "I don't want you here," he says coldly, emotionlessly, before slamming the door shut in my face.

Before he gets the chance to lock the door again, I open it and force my way in. He glares at me and crosses his arms over his lean chest. 

"Just hear me out," I plead with him. Right now, I'm so desperate that I'll even resort to begging. I'll get on my knees and beg if he asks me to.

He shakes his head at me. "How about 'no'? Get out," he replies bitterly, pointing to his door.

"Just give me two minutes and I'll be gone," I try to reason with him.

"What did I say about staying out of my way?!" he snaps, not listening to me anymore. He isn't having it. He isn't going to give me his time of day to hear what I have to say.

I can't give up. "Chase, please--"

"Get out, Gabriela!" he raises his voice at me.

I cower and flinch back, afraid. 

"Get out," he whispers through clenched teeth as he takes a step toward me, closing off all distance between us. I can feel his heart beating erratically. "Leave, Gabriela," he huffs in frustration, his chest heaving furiously against my own.

"No!" I suddenly shout at him. "I will leave but first let me speak, okay?" I tell him before quickly coming out with it, not allowing him to speak over me again. "It's not your fault," I breathe out the words I've been dying to say to him.

I capture his attention this time because he knows exactly what I'm referring to. He freezes on the spot and I feel his muscles stiffen against me. His breath hitches as he glances down at me with a cautious look as if not believing me.

"What?" he asks, his cold breath caressing my skin.

"Chase," I say his name and step back so that I could think and talk properly. 

His hand grasps onto my wrist, stopping me from moving away from him. 

"It's not your fault," I bravely continue, ignoring our close proximity. "I needed someone to blame and I used you. I made you carry a burden that was never yours to carry. You shouldn't have to feel guilty. It was never your fault. Matt died by accident and his blood isn't on your hands. I'm so sorry for blaming you and for changing who you are," I speak words straight from my heart. "I'm so sorry. If I could go back in time and change what I said to you that day--"

"Gabby," he breathes desperately against my lips, cutting me off. 

He hasn't called me that in a long time. He used to refer to me as 'Gabby' all the time. He was the only one that called me that.

I look up at him, shocked to find something swirling in the depths of those blue eyes. He seems to realize his slip up too because an unknown emotion flickers through his eyes for a brief second before it flickers out like a dying flame. 

"You called me Gabby," I whisper aloud more to myself than to him. I never knew just how much I missed hearing him call me that.

"Gabby," he purposely repeats the nickname to capture my attention, "stop talking," he whispers before pushing me against his bedroom wall and caging me in with his arms on either side of my head. 

Startled by his actions, I look up at him to find him staring at me with that same piercing gaze. This time, he's searching into my soul, not past it. I can feel it. 

"I know why you hate me. You have every right. I just want you to know that I don't blame you, not anymore. It wasn't your fault," I repeat, needing him to understand. I want to lift the burden off of his shoulders for good. The weight will eventually kill him if I don't remove it.

"It was my fault," he says aloud after a few minutes of silence. He's clearly thought about it.

I shake my head. "No. No, it wasn't. You only think that way because I made you believe it."

"Gabby..." he trails off again.

Why can't he just say it? 

"Say it, Chase," I whisper and watch him lean in closer to me. His blue eyes are so enticing -- if you look carefully enough, you'll see a tragic story slowly being revealed. "Just say it," I beg him, needing to hear it, even if it is just once. Maybe it will make me whole again. 

I watch him as he closes his eyes and rests his head against my forehead lightly for a second or two while he thinks. My heart pounds at his touch and a familiar jolt of electricity runs down my spine. It wakes me up inside and, suddenly, I'm able to feel something other than sadness.

The thunder rumbles again. Chase immediately pulls away from me and his warm blue eyes return to their original state of emptiness.

"Your words mean nothing to me now, Gabriela. You can't take back what you said that day. Your apology is futile. I'll never be able to move on from what you said. Nothing can make me forget. Even now, when you say that it wasn't my fault, I still believe it was, and deep inside, I know you still blame me. You'll never really forgive me because I'll never really be worth forgiving," he tells me stoically. "I relive it each day. Every night, I revisit the memory in my nightmares. It was raining, just like tonight--"

"Chase, don't go back there," I beg him. "You're hurting yourself more than you're hurting me and I don't want you to hurt anymore," I interrupt him. 

We both know that I can never undo what I did to Chase. I tore him to pieces. I broke him. I shattered him into tiny fragments that can never be put back together. The result is a shell of the person he once was and nothing more. He might as well be dead because he stopped living a long time ago

Despite my pleas, Chase continues on with a tone void of any emotion, "You looked me dead in the eye, point-blank, and then you said it. You said those five words that changed me, that changed everything. I'll never forget them for as long as I live. And you know why?" 

I know why.

"Because there's not a day that goes by where I don't think about what you said. Do you remember what you said, Gabriela? Because I do. I can't forget. I wish I could forget for just a second of my life but those words follow me everywhere I go, constantly taunting me, making me wish I was dead. But even then, the words will follow me to my grave. There's no escape from the vengeance of your words that you unleashed on me. I'll never be free again. I'll always be enslaved to what you said, to what I now believe to be true," he concludes bitterly.

Tears well up in my eyes. Of course, I remember what I said. I regret saying it every single day of my life. I never meant any of it. "Chase, please," I say in anguish.

"You said and I quote, 'I wish it were you'," he finishes off what I started two years ago. "I remember the next six words after that too. You showed me your hands that were tainted scarlet after you tried to revive him, Matt. You wiped the blood onto my shirt and you said, 'This blood should have been yours'."

I can't hold back anymore. A single, traitorous tear rolls slowly down my cheek as I begin to break under Chase's lifeless expression. "I said that I'm sorry," I say quietly. I'm responsible for the mess he is today. "I never meant it," I say weakly, trying to convince him, but he's not budging.

"You did, Gabriela!" he suddenly shouts, finally exploding. "You meant every word of it! So, don't give me that 'it's not your fault' trash because you know as well as I do that it's all my fault that Matt's not here anymore!"

I stay silent, not knowing what else to say.

"You're not the only one that wishes you could go back. I do too," he says quietly. "I would take Matt's place in a heartbeat and then maybe you would never have looked at me like I'm a monster that night, the way you still look at me now. It's a dead give away that everything you just said to me is a lie. You still blame me. I can see it in your eyes all the damn time and it destroys me. I can't even say sorry because it will mean nothing. You will never forgive me, and even if by some miracle you did, I would never forgive myself. All I can say is that I wish I was the one that died because, hell, it would be better than the severe pain I feel every time you look at me!"

Before I know it, before I can do anything, I'm shoved out of his room and the door is slammed shut in my face. Again.

I had my chance and I blew it. There's no way he'll ever open up to me like that again. He won't allow himself to. 

It was never his fault that I lost Matt and I now believe that wholeheartedly but Chase doesn't. He thinks I'm the one who won't forgive him but he's so blinded that he can't see that it's he who won't forgive himself.