Wei Qing had barely slept in the last week. It was difficult to rest with Wei Wuxian and Nuan-er missing. Each day that passed with them still missing chipped away at the hope that they would be found. It fed the ever swelling ocean of frustration and shame in Wei Qing's heart.

All Wei Qing wanted from this strange second chance was to save her family. She knew this wouldn't be an easy task, and she knew she wouldn't save all of them. The war ended. They moved to Cloud Recesses, not as prisoners. Everyday Wei Qing held her breath waiting for everything to fall apart. She was waiting for the cruelty and ostracization.

After a week of watching the GusuLan sect accept her family, Wei Qing felt an overwhelming sense of relief. It finally sunk in that they were truly going to be welcome in the Cloud Recesses. They were not prisoners. She was not going to wake up one day to find half of her family being forcefully shipped to another location. There were so many more children now. Children who wouldn't die in labour camps. Children like Nuan-er, who never had a chance to grow up, now had a future.

Watching Wei Wuxian accept not just A-Yuan back into his life, but make space for Nuan-er as well, had filled Wei Qing with painful joy. Wei Qing's long practised composure was all that kept her from openly weeping and needlessly worrying all the people she loved. So much in her last life had been lost. So many people had died before she finally found, in her desperation, one person who would help.

Wei Wuxian had hardly known her at the time. They interacted very little as students, and the short time she had hid them in Yiling was hardly enough time to develop anything resembling a friendship. Of course, during that short time, Wei Wuxian had kowtowed at her feet and begged her to cut the golden core from his body and place it into Jiang Wanyin.

Wei Qing wasn't certain what would have happened in that future if she had refused. She often looked back on that two day surgery with deep regret. Two days, soaking her hands in the blood of the most righteous man she had ever met. Soaking her hands in the blood of a boy who had never held back from helping, no matter how much it would cost him.

Both of her brothers were so alike in that way; frustratingly, painfully, stupidly, kind. Wei Wuxian ripping out his golden core for his shidi. Wei Qionglin, standing up to Jin Zixun to protect others from being bait, only to be stabbed in the chest with a lure flag and left to die. Wei Wuxian risked the ire of the cultivation world to protect the scraps of a family that carried the name of the people that had destroyed the only home he had known. Wei Qionglin risked his life and the lives of their family by defying Wen Rouhan. He drugged guards and rescued fugitives. Wei Qionglin provided medical care to Wen Rouhan's enemies with absolutely no guarantee that he wouldn't be caught.

Wei Qing wanted to protect her family, but she especially wanted to protect her stupidly kind baby brothers. Wei Qing had failed at that in her first life. She could still feel the shape of that failure. Imprinted on her with the memory of flames scorching her flesh and smoke burning her lungs.

Now, her da-di was missing. Her stupidly kind, self-sacrificing, oldest didi was missing and she hadn't found him. Wei Qing poured herself into organizing search parties and keeping the rest of her family together. Then she poured herself into digging through whatever she could find that might help them find him.

Wei Qing dug through whatever copies they had of Wei Wuxian's research, which frustratingly did not contain any notes about the jinbu he had made or the compass Wei Wuxian used to track them. Nor did she find any notes about the talisman she vaguely recalled Nuan-er showing her, while showing off the pile of talismans all marked with pictures or simple words that Wei Wuxian had given to Nuan-er.

Since Wei Wuxian thought it was a good idea to teach a young child how to activate talismans. Wei Qing thought it was a miracle that Nuan-er had so far taken it seriously when Wei Wuxian told her to only activate a talisman if she knew what it did. There had been a lot of talismans. Some of them frivolous, others were heartbreakingly practical to give to a little girl who had lived through her home being attacked by soldiers and her family killed.

Wei Qing was almost positive that there was one for Nuan-er to activate if she needed Wei Wuxian to come find her. For if she was in danger or lost, Nuan-er had said. Wei Qing didn't know if it also relied on the compass Wei Wuxian made for him to locate it, or if it perhaps worked with a paired talisman.

Wei Qing had left the library in almost two days. She fell asleep there sometime late in the night and woke up as the sky was just beginning to lighten with the press of dawn. She drank the tea that had gone cold in the few hours she had slept and buried herself back in the books she had been studying.

It was late morning before Wei Qing bothered to even glance out a window. She was frustrated and exhausted. She hadn't eaten breakfast and she didn't recall whether she had eaten dinner. This was exactly the sort of thing she berated Wei Wuxian for.

Wei Qing summoned the part of her that was always lecturing other people on taking care of themselves, and scolded herself into following her own advice. She would be useless to Wei Wuxian in this condition. She cleaned up the desk that she had taken over. She put away the pile of texts that she had deemed useless and straightened the ones she wanted to continue referencing.

She slipped into her room where she could wash her face and change her clothes. She combed out her hair and put it up in a different style. It felt like such a waste of time in the moment, but she pushed herself through all the steps. She'd try to stay out of the library for the day. Give herself a break, and allow herself to recharge. Maybe she would see something she didn't see before when she was worn thin with exhaustion.

Wei Qing had planned to stop by the kitchens to request a light snack. It would be lunch soon, but she had already missed at least one meal. There was no reason to make her body wait longer. Then she caught sight of golden yellow robes. Wei Qing had vaguely known that entering that meeting was probably a mistake. She had tried to talk herself out of it. Tried to quell her anxiety by surreptitiously watching the door to make sure Jin Guangyao left without any detours.

Then she found herself moving closer. Then close enough to hear what was being said. The sound of Jin Guangyao's voice grated on her nerves like sandpaper, all rough sand and crushed shells on her already fraying nerves. Everything about this was a mistake. Listening to the voice of the man who had tortured her.

Wei Qing had yet to explain to Lan Xichen exactly what the problem with Jin Guangyao was. That had been grating on her too. The guilt and shame gnawed at her for not finding the courage to explain to Lan Xichen plainly that Jin Guangyao was ruthless and unworthy of trust. Then she entered the room. Then she had to watch the man who tortured her make sad pitiful eyes as he framed Wei Wuxian for crimes that he would never commit. Wei Qing's frayed nerves and exhausted mind was not prepared to handle this. She never should have stepped in the room.

There had been a knowledge in her eyes as she glared at Jin Guangyao. Wei Qing knew the sorts of things Jin Guangyao had done before. She knew that experimenting on people was exactly the sort of thing Jin Guangyao would willingly choose to do. That knowledge burned in her gaze, and there was no way Jin Guangyao didn't see it.

Lan Xichen's voice was stern and angry when he said, 'Lianfang-zun' It was more venom than Wei Qing had ever heard in his voice, which admittedly sounded more like what would have been polite irritation for someone else. Lan Xichen was chronically soft spoken, but there was no mistaking the dismissal and displeasure in his voice. Wei Qing would have been a little smug about that if she wasn't trying to grapple with her unusually reactive emotions. As it was, she was fighting to keep from being simultaneously overwhelmed by bone deep terror and murderous fury.

Jin Guangyao looked genuinely surprised. Wei Qing thought it might actually be genuine, given the way his lips thinned in an unhappy line for a few seconds before he ducked his head. The next second Jin Guangyao's shoulders were slumped. Jin Guangyao glanced hesitantly up through his lashes at Lan Xichen. Just enough for Wei Qing to see a glimpse of wide wounded eyes.

"Xichen-ge... I..." Jin Guangyao paused to swallow audibly, a good show of struggling to compose himself. "I won't trouble you with my presence any longer... Sect Leader Lan." There was a lengthy pause before Jin Guangyao used the formal address.

Wei Qing didn't care. She didn't care how good of a show Jin Guangyao made out of being hurt by Lan Xichen's words. She didn't care how sad and pitiful Jin Guangyao made himself appear. At that moment she didn't even care how much it would hurt Lan Xichen to have those theatrics used against him. She wanted Jin Guangyao gone. She wanted him out of her sight and unable to return. She didn't want to worry about leaving a room and seeing the man who had smiled at her while he slowly pressed burning hot needles beneath her fingernails.

Jin Guangyao left, managing to look like he was struggling to hold his head up with dignity, like he was crushed under the weight of Lan Xichen's firm dismissal. Lan Xichen stepped forward to speak to a disciple in a low voice. Wei Qing saw the disciples walk with Jin Guangyao towards the main gate before Lan Xichen closed the door and turned to her.

"What do you need?" Lan Xichen asked gently.

Wei Qing blinked. She had not expected that to be the first thing he said. Wei Qing thought Lan Xichen might leave. Perhaps to return to Lan Wangji. She had been worried he might break down. Wei Qing was hovering on the precipice of her own breakdown, and she had been dreading the thought of Lan Xichen looking to her for support at the same time.

Lan Xichen still regularly sought her out after meetings in which he had been unable to please everyone. Refusing to bend to others often left Lan Xichen struggling with feelings of guilt, like he had done something malicious. If it upset anyone at all Lan Xichen would often be filled with despair, worse if it was anyone he cared about. He was working on it. It wasn't like he was inconsolable, or that he even needed much from her in terms of support. Usually just to have someone to talk to about it. Someone who could provide some reassurance that what he did was appropriate.

The problem was that Wei Qing couldn't be that person right now. The thought of listening to Lan Xichen talk about feeling guilty for hurting Jin Guangyao's feelings was enough to nearly push herself over the edge into exploding. Wei Qing wasn't certain when her emotions had last exceeded her ability to regulate them. She was dangerously close to that right now, and it felt inevitable that Lan Xichen would turn to her in distress and she would explode. Instead, Lan Xichen had looked at Wei Qing and asked her what she needed. The unexpected relief was slightly disorienting. Wei Qing closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her middle.

"I don't know." Wei Qing said quietly. Her voice came out much steadier than she felt.

"Should we sit?" Lan Xichen asked after a moment. Wei Qing took a deep breath before she lowered herself to sit at the table once more. Lan Xichen sat beside her.

Nothing was said at first. Wei Qing just focused on breathing. Trying to calm down enough to loosen her grip on her arms. Lan Xichen made no comment, but the silence around him was reassuringly calm. After several long minutes or quiet, Lan Xichen spoke.

"Do you want to tell me what he did?" Lan Xichen asked calmly. Wei Qing's brow furrowed in confusion. "Lianfang-zun. You have always been uneasy around him, but this is something else. What did he do?" Lan Xichen asked again. Wei Qing fixed her gaze on the table in front of her.

"Do you know what his role was in the QishanWen sect?" Wei Qing asked.

"He was one of Wen Rouhan's advisors. It was how he was able to get information for the Sunshot campaign." Lan Xichen replied. Wei Qing's lips twisted into a small sad smile.

"The role of advisor was an adjunct position in the QishanWen sect. No one was just an advisor. They held other roles that Wen Rouhan valued and granted the additional role of an advisory if Wen Rouhan valued their opinion enough." Wei Qing explained.

Lan Xichen's expression remained outwardly calm, but Wei Qing could see a trace of anxiety in the tension around his eyes. It was so small that it really shouldn't have meant much, other than obviously Lan Xichen was worried about this conversation. But Wei Qing remembered a lifetime of carefully navigating the dangerous waters of a powerful man's good will. She remembered having to carefully identify when it was safe to express her displeasure, because she had to be certain that people would take her side before she risked there being any conflict at all. And, admittedly, she remembered that Lan Xichen had chosen to listen to Jin Guangyao rather than Lan Wangji. She remembered that that was a cornerstone to the fracture in the two brothers' relationship that Lan Xichen was trying to heal.

"May I tell you something?" Lan Xichen asked carefully. Wei Qing had been quite for a long time. Perhaps long enough that he thought she was not going to tell him any more than she already had.

"You may." Wei Qing said with a small nod. Lan Xichen took a deep breath.

"My mother was in forced seclusion since before I was born." Lan Xichen began.

Wei Qing blinked. She hadn't expected this topic. She was vaguely aware that Lan Furen had died some years ago. Wei Qing didn't know when. It was before she had begun spending much time in Nightless city. Before she had needed to know details about the leadership of the other sects.

"When I was a child, Wangji and I were allowed to visit her once a month." Lan Xichen said quietly.

Wei Qing frowned. Worse punishments had been administered in the QishanWen sect, certainly. Although, Wei Qing wasn't certain that the wife of a sect leader would have faced punishment for anything short of murdering an inner family member. Even then they'd only face punishment if the sect leader liked the deceased more than their spouse. Life imprisonment for the spouse of a sect leader, even in a sect that was obsessed with inflexible rules, would have to be punishment for a serious crime.

"I made the mistake of asking one of my elders why our mother was in seclusion. They told me that my mother was a murderer. She killed an elder of our sect, a venerated teacher, and should never have been allowed to remain in the sect." Lan Xichen trailed off.

Wei Qing got the impression that that was not all the elder had said. She didn't push. This information was highly personal and, given the scandalous nature, it was probably a carefully guarded clan secret.

"Shufu wasn't happy with what the elder told me. When I had asked him, Shufu had only said that they were in seclusion. He had refused to tell me why." Lan Xichen paused, seeming to draw himself back from the memory. "I didn't ask so many questions after that. I often don't ask as many questions as I probably should. I'm afraid of asking, I think. I've never asked what A-... Lianfang-zun, did to earn Wen Rouhan's trust. He had saved myself, and he was there to help as a spy. I told myself that anything he did was what he had to do. It wasn't something he should be blamed for... It wasn't my place to judge what would be necessary in that situation."

"Jin Guangyao was Wen Rouhan's Principle Torturer. He initially joined the sect as a disciple, then requested to be assigned to the flame palace. He experimented on prisoners that were no longer deemed useful in order to create new methods of torture to present to Wen Rouhan. This, along with this intelligence and skill, got him promoted to Principal Torturer and a seat as one of Wen Rouhan's advisors. After he had that position Jin Guangyao set aside dedicated cells in the Flame Palace where he could continue to experiment on people. I was frequently ordered to attend when Jin Guangyao would torture important prisoners. My job was to keep them alive for as long as possible. I had to do the same thing under the previous Principal torturer. Both experiences were among my worst nightmares. Jin Guangyao... I have watched him do things to a human being that should never be done, and... The look on his face... You cannot imagine the things he did, and he did them all with a pleasant smile. No trace of disgust or hesitation. Most of the time he didn't even look angry or annoyed." Wei Qing swallowed back the sudden spike of nausea. Lan Xichen's face drained of all colour.

"He tortured you." Lan Xichen said in a horrified whisper. Wei Qing let out a shuddering breath.

"He also gave me the information about Langya." Wei Qing added quietly. She kept her eyes fixed on the table. It was easier to speak if she couldn't see Lan Xichen's reaction. It was perhaps cowardly of her, but speaking about this wasn't easy. "I know he's your friend. He saved your life. You feel grateful to him. But he is a person who will go out of his way to find new ways to hurt people.

"He prefers methods that are clean. He introduced the use of medications and poisons to the Flame Palace. Before there were one or two that would be used on the expendable prisoners. Jin Guangyao used them on everyone. He would drug the food and sometimes the water. He was especially fond of one that increased sensitivity to pain.

"I can't prove to you that he knew he was giving me false information regarding Langya... But, Jin Guangyao is smart. He forgets nothing. He doesn't make careless mistakes and for much of the war he was Wen Rouhan's favourite advisor. It wasn't long after Langya that he gave you the bad information regarding Yangquan. I can't prove it, but it is not a coincidence. Jin Guangyao is meticulous and obsessive. He doesn't make casual mistakes.

"He has experimented on people before. Not under orders. Not under duress. It is something he had to request permission to do, because it was outside the norm. If he elected to experiment on people while under Wen Rouhan, I don't see why he wouldn't do so again under Jin Guangshan." Wei Qing was breathing too quickly. Her voice had remained remarkably steady, but her arms were trembling. She hated feeling so vulnerable and she hatred sounding so desperate.

"Wei Qing," Lan Xichen interrupted her with a gentle but earnest tone. "You don't have to prove anything to me. I believe you." Wei Qing turned to look at Lan Xichen, blinking in shock. His expression was open and earnest. He looked so worried. Slowly, giving her time to pull away, Lan Xichen reached out and covered one of her hands with his own. "I believe you." he repeated.

"Fuck." Wei Qing cursed breathlessly. She felt jittery and anxious. She blinked rapidly in a futile attempt to keep her tears from spilling over. "I should have said something sooner. I knew I should... But I was afraid that if you had to choose who to believe you would choose him, and maybe think I was trying to slander him." Wei Qing's voice was quiet, a little faster than how she normally spoke, but still so much calmer than the turbulent emotions she was feeling. She felt a small stab of hurt, a reflection of how her words had stung Lan Xichen. Which she really should have realized they would, but was only registering now.

"I understand." Lan Xichen said, his voice slightly pinched. Wei Qing gripped his hand tightly.

"No. Not because of that." Wei Qing replied. It wasn't because of what Lan Wangji had said. Nor was it really because of how he had behaved in her last life. "The weight of my word has only ever been as powerful as the people who looked on me favourably. Any authority I had was because Wen Rouhan liked me. He used to like my father too, until my father contradicted him too much... until my father said things he didn't like.

"In the QishanWen sect the politics are as exhausting as they are dangerous. Insulting the wrong person in the wrong company is enough to find your life in danger. I've only been able to rely on close family to take me at my word. Even when I first met A-Ying, before he was my didi, it was only because of A-Ning that he trusted me. Jin Guangyao is good with words. He is good at twisting things around. And I was a coward, because I was afraid I would lose your trust." Wei Qing forced the words out, not even certain if they were coherent sentences.

"You were afraid to say anything, and I was afraid to ask. I have asked now. You are speaking now, and I believe you." Lan Xichen squeezed her hand gently.

"I'm such a mess today." Wei Qing said with a disappointed sigh as she buried her face in her free hand.

"You're exhausted. You have been working yourself ragged, and... Today was an important day, and having them missing on today makes everything worse. I was being charitable before by saying that it was Lianfeng-zun's intention to be considerate by visiting. But consideration would have been asking first. It would have been inquiring what would help, not assuming. Not forcing his presence here. I didn't want him here today, before. Now I never want him here again. The way you handled being in his presence today, given everything that has happened, has taught me that you have startling composure." Lan Xichen said in what sounded like genuine admiration. Wei Qing looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"I am a stuttering sobbing mess the likes of which I did not even achieve when walking to my death." Wei Qing said flatly. Lan Xichen smiled.

"I am rather certain you have seen me in more of a mess than you are right now. I felt your anger and terror. Like everything else you do, you wear both with dignity." Lan Xichen said with no small amount of admiration.

Wei Qing shook her head as she sighed, but there was a small pleased smile on her face. Without a word she reached for the pot of tea. She winced, a sharp intake of breath as she snatched her hand back. A talisman had been applied to keep it hot, but it was on the opposite side of the pot and out of her sight.

Lan Xichen felt the bright flash of frustration that surged through her, but Wei Qing only took a few steadying breaths. She said nothing aloud of her irritation with the lingering effects of the damage to her hands. Damage that Lan Xichen now realized, Jin Guangyao had caused.

Lan Xichen remembered the box in his sleeve. It did not feel like the right time for what he had originally intended, but it was something he could do to make something a bit easier for her. Lan Xichen removed the box and wordlessly set it on the table. Wei Qing looked down at it before looking up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"It's something I ordered for you. It took quite a bit of time to prepare it. I wish it had been ready sooner, but I hope you'll find it helpful." Lan Xichen partially answered her implied question.

Wei Qing turned to the box and opened it. Inside was a pair of silk gloves. Lan Xichen actually hadn't had a chance to see how they turned out. The pristine white silk was subtly embroidered with white thread on the back in the distinctive cloud pattern of the GusuLan sect. A thin line of light blue clouds circled the wrists.

"The robes of older disciples have protective spells woven into them for night hunts, but those of young disciples have spells that multiply the insulating properties of the silk. It keeps them warm in the winters when they don't yet have a golden core, and helps protect them from the heat in summer." Lan Xichen explained. Wei Qing gently ran her finger across one glove.

"Xichen... Is this a courting gift?" Wei Qing asked with a sideways glance. Lan Xichen felt his face heat, although he didn't think it was enough to be visible.

"It was going to be." Lan Xichen said, somewhat haltingly. "However circumstances have made this neither the place nor the time, and regardless of what answer you would give I would still want you to have this gift. I would rather like to be able to remove the obstacles that make your life more difficult, when I can." Lan Xichen said quietly.

Wei Qing examined the gloves closely. She slowly put them on. She flexed her fingers, checking that they did not limit her movement. Then gingerly she reached out and touched the side of the teapot. There was a small hitch in her breath. Wei Qing pressed her hand firmly against the pot for several long seconds. Wei Qing lifted the pot and filled her cup with an ease she had not had since her hands had been injured.

Wei Qing lifted the cup to her lips, inhaling the steam before she sipped the tea. Lan Xichen felt warm. The quiet joy on Wei Qing's face was luminous. Even if it had seemed like a mundane inconvenience, there was such a sense of relief in being able to do something she had once been able to do without a second thought. Something that had become fraught, prone to bring challenges and pain the moment she attempted an action that everyone around her could engage in without difficulty.

Wei Qing set the cup down. The small smile on her lips threatened to take over her entire face. She kept her hands on the cup. There was a mild sense of warmth. Even less than what she used to experience before she had scars that were so sensitive to temperature. The soft silk was gentle against her skin.

"Once our brothers are married. Ask me." Wei Qing said quietly. A subtle glance from the corner of her eye showed that Lan Xichen's cheeks were slightly flushed. His eyes were bright and he smiled at her, something warm and vibrant.

"I will." Lan Xichen replied with a firm nod.