Lan Xichen didn't know how long he stood in front of the door to the Jingshi. There was nothing to stop him from knocking on the door and entering. Lan Wangji was inside. He would not stop Lan Xichen from entering. He might ignore Lan Xichen's presence, but he wouldn't stop him.

Lan Xichen startled when someone flicked his shoulder. Lan Xichen hadn't realized anyone had approached him. He turned, and found Wei Qing looking at him with a raised eyebrow. Lan Xichen felt caught. How long had she been watching him stand here? Lan Xichen turned back to look at the closed door in front of him before he lowered his eyes to the ground. It felt like an opportunity had slipped through his fingers. Lan Xichen turned back to Wei Qing.

"Are you here to see Wangji? I apologize for not noticing your arrival." Lan Xichen, hoped he didn't sound as lost and dejected as he felt. Wei Qing looked at him silent for a long second, then sighed.

"Come with me." Her voice sounded tired. Lan Xichen's face twisted in confusion.

"Do you require something from me?" Lan Xichen asked.

Wei Qing levelled a look at him that usually meant Lan Xichen was missing something that she thought was obvious. Sometimes Lan Xichen wondered if Wei Qing realized that, somewhere between being the most brilliant doctor in the cultivation world and having memories of the future, what was obvious to Wei Qing was not necessarily obvious to everyone else.

"Yes," she said as she grabbed Lan Xichen by the wrist and began walking.

It was an unusual breach in etiquette for Wei Qing. While she had some tendencies to speak in a very direct manner, almost crossing over into informal, Wei Qing was generally very cautious of that line. When she was with her family she could be as casual as Wei Wuxian. Her dignity and confidence blending into a sarcastic biting humor.

However, Wei Qing was much more aware of the boundaries of decorum and the nuances of politics. She might cut close to those boundaries, but she rarely outright crossed them. Her impatience would manifest in a pointed look or a sharpening of her tone. On some occasions she might resort to a gesture that was shocking. A sharp sound of a teacup being set down too forcefully. An impatient snap of her fingers much closer to someone than would necessarily be polite.

Initiating casual physical contact with someone of the opposite gender that was not her family was a line that Wei Qing generally avoided. Especially if that person was of higher political standing than herself, like a sect leader. It was not as though Wei Qing had never behaved casually with Lan Xichen. However, dragging Lan Xichen by the wrist across Cloud Recesses in the same manner Wei Wuxian might drag Lan Wangji through a market, was decidedly more casual than Lan Xichen had expected.

Wei Qing pulled him down several winding paths. By now she knew her way around quite well. Lan Xichen was only mildly surprised when she led him down several rarely used pathways, avoiding running into other people. After a few turns she brought him to an isolated garden. The Cloud Recesses had many such spaces. Gardens were a feature you could find in any sect, but every sect had their own particular habits.

The LanlingJin sect was prone to large statement gardens. Courtyards filled with swaths of dramatic flowers, lavish pavilions, and sweeping walkways. Lotus Pier was, in many ways, one large garden. The water surrounding Lotus Pier was carefully cultivated with lotus blooms. The sect was also dotted with small water gardens to the point that you could at least glimpse three such gardens from any point you might stand.

The QingheNie sect kept their gardens in walled-off private spaces. Every sect certainly had their private courtyards and walled gardens. Even LotusPier, despite their propensity for open garden spaces. Only the QingheNie sect took that to the point that a guest might go an entire visit in the unclean realm without seeing a single garden.

The GusuLan sect cultivated their space carefully. Aside from the many courtyards, the Cloud Recesses was also filled with many small garden spaces. Places that created a small private space for retreat or meditation. Of course there were dedicated places for secluded meditation, but the many gardens of the Cloud Recesses were designed so that any disciple may find peaceful seclusion in nature.

Wei Qing pulled Lan Xichen into one such garden. This particular garden was designed to accommodate musical practice. As they passed through the gate, Lan Xichen noted the spellwork carefully carved into the walls. Spellwork that would prevent a disciple's music from disturbing those outside the garden without hampering the acoustics of playing in the open space.

This particular garden's elements leaned heavily on tall bamboo and decorative stone. Wei Qing pushed at Lan Xichen's shoulder until he took a seat on a flat paving stone. She took a seat next to him without a word.

"You feel lost." Wei Qing said quietly.

Lan Xichen's mouth parted slightly. He felt like he should say something in response to that. Maybe deny it? He wasn't lost. He was... a drift. He thought he understood himself. He thought he understood his didi. Now Lan Xichen felt like he was a stranger in his brother's eyes. He felt like he didn't know himself, and only half understood the world he was living in. Oh. That was the same thing as being lost, wasn't it.

Lan Xichen swallowed hard. He had always been close with Lan Wangji. Until Wei Wuxian, Lan Xichen was the only friend Lan Wangji had. Lan Xichen had desperately wanted Lan Wangji to make more friends. Not because Lan Xichen didn't enjoy the closeness he had with his didi. Lan Xichen treasured their relationship. He loved his didi and wanted only the best for him. That was why this hurt so much. Lan Wangji had always trusted Lan Xichen. His didi's faith in him was fundamental, and now it was broken.

"I hurt Wangji." Lan Xichen said quietly. That was a woeful understatement. "I... I'm not sure how you and Wuxian don't hate me actually." Lan Xichen said, slightly dazed.

"A-Ying isn't especially good at hatred of other people. He'll forgive anyone who hurts him. He'll only even attempt anger at others if you hurt someone he cares about. Even then, he might lash out in anger at first, but in the long haul he's more likely to hold himself responsible." Wei Qing scoffed.

"After you were executed, there was a Pledge Conference. Jin Guangshan gathered the sects in Nightless City and we vowed to... We planned to kill 'the Yiling Laozu and his army'. Wuxian arrived during the conference. He tried talking, but someone attacked. Everything devolved from there. Jiang Yanli died protecting him, and he used the Yin Hufu. He decimated the gathered forces. Wangji took him away from the aftermath to protect him.

"I was afraid that Wangji would be implicated. Shufu and I gathered all of the elders who were fond of Wangji. We went after them. I don't know if we were only there to retrieve Wangji, or if the plan was to kill Wuxian. I don't know exactly what I told Wangji, and I don't know if he believes whatever I said. Wangji fought the elders. He wounded them. He only agreed to go with us, because he did not want to fight me and Shufu. We had to allow him to return Wuxian to the Burial Mounds. Wangji assumed that Wuxian would be safe there.

"When Wangji returned to the Cloud Recesses he was punished for attacking the elders. Thirty three lashes with the discipline whip. I am... I was the Sect Leader. I don't know how I agreed to it. I must have agreed to it. Three months later, Wuxian and the rest of your family were killed in a siege. Shufu led GusuLan disciples there. Wangji returned when he learned about it. He wouldn't have been in any condition to fly, but he did. He found A-Yuan hidden in a tree, burning with fever." The words spilled out of Lan Xichen, like a poison that needed to be expelled.

Wei Qing would have known about most of the events taking place before her death, but she could only know about those later events if Wei Wuxian told her. Lan Xichen doubted that Wei Wuxian had. Lan Wangji's whipping was something Wei Wuxian could only have inferred based on the severity of Lan Wangji's transgression. That assumed Wei Wuxian was present enough to process what had happened in that nameless cave.

Lan Xichen clenched his hands together to keep them from shaking. He stared at the ground, unable to bring himself to look at Wei Qing. The quiet rustle of wind through bamboo marked the silence between them. Normally Lan Xichen would have enjoyed that sound, but now the quiet rustling grated against his nerves.

"What do you think you should have done instead?" Wei Qing asked. Her voice was quieter than usual, empty of the tones that might reflect her opinion. The words still felt like a blow as Lan Xichen crumpled.

"I don't know." Lan Xichen's voice was quiet.

"Do you think the outcome was acceptable?" Wei Qing asked. Her tone was slightly challenging.

"No!" Lan Xichen protested.

Lan Xichen jerked his head up, his tone the closest to a shout as he had probably ever gotten. Wei Qing watched him steadily. As he finally turned to look at her, he saw her mouth quirk into a small smug smile.

"I guess you'll need to do some things differently then." Wei Qing replied as she flicked his forehead. Something loosened in Lan Xichen's chest with the flippant gesture. He had seen Wei Qing use such gestures with Wei Wuxian before. An affectionate kind of scolding.

The emotions that had been warring with one another in Lan Xichen's chest finally resolved into the sting of tears pressing at his eyes. Wei Qing shook her head affectionately when the first tears slid down Lan Xichen's cheeks. Wei Qing reached a hand out and rubbed Lan Xichen's back gently.

Lan Xichen shuddered under the soothing gesture as a soothing wave of acceptance wrapped around him. When Wei Qing pulled him gently towards her, Lan Xichen followed willingly. Wei Qing held him while his grief and shame poured out of him. She didn't say anything, but he felt the pulse of her steady acceptance thrumming through their connection.

Later he would ask her to help him. Help him be different. Do things differently. He would begin the process of rebuilding the parts of his relationship with Lan Wangji that had been damaged. They would find Wei Wuxian, and Lan Xichen would protect Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji the way he failed to protect them in that other future.