Lan Wangji had never been someone who lashed out with words. Maybe that was why Lan Wangji's words cut Lan Xichen so deeply. Lan Xichen had always desperately wished his didi would express himself more, but Lan Xichen had dedicated himself to learning to understand Lan Wangji without words. Lan Wangji's silences had always been loud enough for Lan Xichen to hear Lan Wangji's feelings.

Lan Xichen could remember feeling terrified when his brother stopped speaking after their mother died. The way they could not stop Lan Wangji from kneeling outside their mother's door. Even to the detriment of his own health, Lan Wangji remained unmovable. Lan Xichen had hurt, seeing his brother grieving and feeling so powerless to stop it.

Lan Xichen had never heard such an outburst from his didi as when Lan Wangji lashed out after Lan Xichen suggested notifying the other sects. Lan Xichen had no experience or expectation for such a thing from his didi. Lan Xichen didn't understand what that tone in Lan Wangji's voice was. He heard the anger and the devastation. Just those were enough for Lan Xichen's heart to break.

When Lan Wangji fell silent after his out of character outburst, Lan Xichen had been afraid he would stop speaking all together. Lan Xichen asked his didi questions. Urged Lan Wangji to help him understand. Lan Xichen wasn't certain what the right thing to do in that moment was, but the result had left Lan Xichen adrift.

In harsh whispered tones, Lan Wangji told him. Lan Wangji told him of every time that Lan Xichen had put the rumours whispered to him by Jin Guangyao first. Normally Lan Wangji would never be so accusatory. He would have stopped at 'rumours', not wanting to pressure Lan Xichen or place accusations that might be unfounded.

The Lan Wangji before him now seemed to have lost all care for such things. With fire burning in his gold eyes, Lan Wangji told him how he had watched his brother allow innocent people to die. Some of it Lan Xichen had known. He had known that he had watched Wei Qing die, but Wei Qing's impression of Lan Xichen's role in those events was so much more forgiving than Lan Wangji was.

Lan Wangji had urged Lan Xichen to speak out against it. Wei Qing had never killed anyone. There was no evidence that he had contributed to the war, and there was evidence that she had aided members of the allied sects. According to Lan Wangji, Lan Xichen had fallen silent after making a single request that a proper trial be conducted.

Lan Xichen not only allowed her to be killed. They burned Wei Qing alive in front of her didi. They forced Wei Qionglin to watch. Lan Xichen had ordered disciples to hold Lan Wangji back, and they only released him when the horrific display caused Wei Qionglin to lose control. Lan Wangji stepped in to protect lives in the ensuing incident, as did Lan Xichen, but Lan Xichen never stepped up when it was those at a political disadvantage that were in danger.

Lan Wangji's eyes burned as he told Lan Xichen about how Lan Xichen had led their disciples to the Pledge Conference. A Pledge Conference for the express purpose of planning a siege against Wei Wuxian and the remaining Wens. Wei Wuxian, who had been invited to Koi Tower, but had been confronted by over three hundred cultivators while on the way. So now, after already killing two people that had aided members of the allied sects during the war, the sects were planning to also kill Wei Wuxian and the innocent people he had rescued from wrongful imprisonment.

Lan Wangji insisted he had told Lan Xichen that those Wei Wuxian had rescued were innocents. They were elderly healers and civilians. Lan Wangji reported this after his visit to the Burial Mounds firmly, when his account on the night of the incident was considered inconclusive. The Lan Xichen of that time had pointed out that Wei Wuxian should not have killed the guards at Qiongqi path.

The Lan Wangji of then did not know how to argue with his brother, but the Lan Wangji of now had the words that he had not had before. Wei Wuxian had announced to every sect leader that he had learned innocent people were not only being held by the LanlingJin sect, but were also being mistreated. This was supported by evidence that had already been seen at the hunt. Prisoners were chained up and marched out in front of the archery targets.

Lan Xichen was present for both incidents, and he did nothing. Every sect leader was present for both incidents, but Wei Wuxian was ignored. Because Lan Xichen's concerns were immediately dismissed by Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen believed him. Every. Single. Time. When Wei Wuxian arrived at Nightless City, where the sects had gathered to plan his death, Wei Wuxian had only talked. He had talked, until he was attacked. When Lan Wangji had fled with him, Lan Xichen pursued them.

Lan Wangji had been crying when he reached that part of the conversation. His voice had been quiet and rough with anger and grief. Lan Wangji's gaze burned when he described desperately defending Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian wasn't strong enough to return to the Burial Mounds on his own. Lan Xichen, their uncle, and thirty three elders arrived to take Lan Wangji away. To take Lan Wangji away and leave Wei Wuxian there would be to condemn Wei Wuxian to death, even if the Lan didn't deliver the finishing blow in that cave.

Lan Wangji had to fight to defend Wei Wuxian and himself from his own sect. Something in Lan Wangji's voice seemed to snap when Lan Wangji divulged that he had chosen to return, because he didn't want to fight his family. He asked only to return Wei Wuxian to the Burial Mounds. Where he hoped Wei Wuxian would be safe.

Lan Wangji returned and was punished with thirty three strikes of the discipline whip. Lan Wangji's hands tightened into fists. Lan Xichen had gasped, making an aborted move forward. He had wanted to hold his didi. Reassure himself that Lan Wangji was not wounded. Lan Wangji did not comment on whether he felt the punishment was deserved or not. He did not give Lan Xichen an accusing look when he reported the details of it in short objective statements. Somehow that made it worse.

Lan Wangji described flying to the Burial Mounds with his back split open and bleeding. Three months of healing ruined in hours. Because the great sects, including the GusuLan sect, had marched on the Burial Mounds. Lan Wangji described finding their modest houses burned. The fields had been trampled into ruin. Wei Wuxian's lotus pond had survived the Burial Mounds, but not the righteous cultivators who slaughtered the innocent people who had lived there.

Lan Wangji named every person who had been living there. It made it so much worse, because Lan Xichen knew these people. These people were alive in the Cloud Recesses now. They were healers. Lan Wangji described finding little A-Yuan hidden in a hollowed out tree. The only survivor, sick with fever. Lan Wangji looked Lan Xichen in the eye and asked whether A-Yuan would have been killed with the rest of his family if anyone had found him during the attack.

Lan Xichen understood what he had been hearing in Lan Wangji's voice now, besides the anger and grief. It was betrayal and disappointment. Lan Xichen had failed his didi. His didi's trust in him was broken, and Lan Xichen didn't know how to fix it. Lan Xichen stood outside the Jingshi, despondent. He wanted to talk to Lan Wangji. He wanted to fix things with Lan Wangji. He wanted to support his didi.

Lan Wangji was grieving Wei Wuxian's death. Lan Wangji was in agony because Wei Wuxian and Nuan-er were missing. Lan Wangji had gained years worth of memories. Memories that were filled with regret and betrayal. Lan Xichen had not realized what a blessing it had been that Wei Qing and Wei Wuxian were so forgiving. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe they had felt the same as Lan Wangji, but were too afraid of losing support to show it.

Lan Xichen stood in front of the Jingshi. He wanted to go inside. Lan Wangji was inside, and he was hurting. Lan Xichen was a coward who couldn't bring himself to knock on the door. Lan Wangji wasn't going to speak to him. Lan Xichen knew that. Lan Wangji might not even acknowledge him.

That would hurt. Lan Xichen couldn't fix this between them if Lan Wangji wouldn't even acknowledge his presence. That wasn't what Lan Xichen was most afraid of. Lan Xichen was a coward. He needed Lan Wangji to hear him and speak with him in order to fix what had broken between them. Lan Xichen was terrified of what Lan Wangji might say, or the look he would give him.

Lan Xichen had always tried his best to take care of his didi. He tried to fill in the gaps left by the absence of their parents. Shufu did his best, but Shufu was acting sect leader. He had so many other responsibilities beyond his two nephews. Of course, wasn't that also Lan Xichen's problem? He was a brother, but he was also the future sect leader. He couldn't just think about his didi. He also had to think about the sect.

Lan Xichen thought those two things should be in harmony. His didi was part of the sect. They lived by the same rules. So how had he failed his didi? Was it truly that there had been a choice between what was right for the sect and what was right for his brother? Or was that an excuse?