Lan Wangji dreamed. He dreamed of Wei Wuxian. Radiant with joy, his quicksilver smile and laughter bright enough to light the darkest corners of Lan Wangji's heart. Beautiful. So beautiful. Wei Wuxian was the sun that the flowers bent towards, the flame that drew countless moths. Wei Wuxian drew others to himself with the same inescapable force.

Lan Wangji was terrified. Terrified of that beautiful light as much as he desperately craved the promised warmth. Lan Wangji feared what would be found if Wei Wuxian's brilliance lit up all the dark corners of Lan Wangji's heart. Would Wei Wuxian be frightened? Would he find Lan Wangji to be too cold? Too rigid?

Lan Wangji's words and feelings were all caught inside his chest. Too loud for Lan Wangji to make sense of them. Too big for Lan Wangji to be able to speak. Lan Wangji was a calm lake thrown into chaos. The still glassy water shattered into tumultuous waves by the errant mischief of a silver eyed trouble maker. Eyes shining with some internal light that transformed the dark grey orbs into burning starlight.

Lan Wangji was lost in the chaos he had become. Wei Wuxian's light transformed the landscape of Lan Wangji's world into something Lan Wangji could no longer recognise. Lan Wangji retreated from the light as much as he was drawn to it. Confused and frightened, and angry that this person was changing everything Lan Wangji knew.

Lan Wangji ignored the ache as Wei Wuxian left the Guest Lectures. Promising himself that this would be better. Without Wei Wuxian to disturb him, Lan Wangji's calm would return. His heart and mind would finally settle. Then Lan Wangji would be able to breathe again. He'd be able to understand himself again. Instead of being pulled helplessly along by the tide that was Wei Wuxian.

Nothing felt right. The world became quieter. The way it was supposed to be. The way it had been before Wei Wuxian. His peers kept their distance from Lan Wangji. The way they always did. The way they were supposed to. Treating Lan Wangji with respect and courtesy. Lan Wangji was isolated and calm, like a secluded lake.

Lan Wangji felt empty without Wei Wuxian to fill his silence with laughter. Wei Wuxian ignored every line that separated Lan Wangji from everyone else. Wei Wuxian invited himself into Lan Wangji's heart and made it warm and beautiful in a way it hadn't been. Now Wei Wuxian was gone, and Lan Wangji's own company felt cold and empty without him.

Lan Wangji wasn't looking forward to seeing Wei Wuxian again. He was not! The Discussion Conference in Qishan would be featuring an archery competition, and it would be an honor to demonstrate the skills of the GusuLan sect in the competition. That was all. Lan Wangji wasn't thinking about the fact that, as the YunmengJiang head disciple, Wei Wuxian would be there. He wasn't wondering whether Wei Wuxian's archery skills would be as impressive as his sword work.

Lan Wangji foolishly believed that Wei Wuxian's presence wouldn't be so blinding this time. Lan Wangji had convinced himself that it must have only been his imagination. Wei Wuxian's eyes were beautiful, but they probably didn't burn like starlight. Wei Wuxian's laugh was probably warm, but it wouldn't sound like music in the wind. Wei Wuxian would be chaotic and mischievous, but he probably wouldn't turn Lan Wangji's world upside down. Now that Lan Wangji knew what to expect, Wei Wuxian's presence should be a much more manageable intrusion.

Lan Wangji was a fool. Wei Wuxian's every word turned Lan Wangji's mind to chaos. Lan Wangji's calm and ordered thoughts. His carefully regulated emotions. They became a storm at sea. Tossing Lan Wangji about, like driftwood. Helpless in the onslaught. Out of control at every turn. Wei Wuxian's hand around Lan Wangji's ribbon was the rock Lan Wangji broke against. How could he?! How could Wei Wuxian know what Lan Wangji felt for him? And how could he be so cruel as to make a mockery of it? To humiliate Lan Wangji so brazenly in public?

The GusuLan sect's sacred ribbon, which was only to be touched by family. Parents, children, and spouse. Wei Wuxian had copied the rules so many times. He knew what it meant. To remove Lan Wangji's ribbon in public. To make a mockery of removing it. It wasn't like Lan Wangji expected Wei Wuxian to think of him same way. But he had not expected Wei Wuxian to realize how Lan Wangji felt about him. He had not expected Wei Wuxian to be so cruel as to make a joke of it all.

Lan Xichen had tried to console him. He believed Wei Wuxian didn't realize what he had done. But Wei Wuxian had copied the rules! How could he not know? Lan Xichen didn't believe Wei Wuxian would be cruel enough to do that knowingly. Lan Wangji tried to ease the sting of the experience with that thought. It had hurt to have Wei Wuxian mock his feelings in such a public way. But it was possible, maybe, that Wei Wuxian hadn't meant to mock him. If Wei Wuxian didn't know...

Lan Wangji had mulled it over. Going through it again and again. Hoping something in his memory would tell him what Wei Wuxian had been thinking. Did Wei Wuxian not know how Lan Wangji felt? Did he somehow not remember what the ribbon meant? Or had Wei Wuxian humiliated Lan Wangji because he was repulsed by Lan Wangji's inappropriate affections?

Lan Wangji didn't find his answer before the Wens came. Lan Wangji remembered watching everything burn. He remembered the blinding pain as Wen Xu broke his leg. He remembered watching the library burn before he was forced to march behind his captors. His golden core barely kept him going. Compensating for lack of food and the strain of walking on his broken leg.

Wei Wuxian was bright, reckless, and brave. So brave. Always stepping forward to take the blow meant for someone else. Always attracting the anger onto himself in defence of others. He flocked to Lan Wangji whenever there wasn't a threat or a grip on his arm to keep him away.

Lan Wangji was now certain Wei Wuxian hadn't meant to mock him. He now knew exactly what it looked like when Wei Wuxian wanted to viciously mock someone. Lan Wangji now knew what that flash of knowledge in Wei Wuxian's eyes looked like when a hit landed. It was not what had been in Wei Wuxian's eyes when he had held Lan Wangji's ribbon.

Lan Wangji wanted to be happy. Wanted the knowledge that Wei Wuxian had not meant to be cruel to him, to sooth him. Lan Wangji couldn't feel happy. Not when he could still smell the smoke from the fire consuming his home. Not when he could still see the bloody corpses of the disciples that were slaughtered when the Wen attacked. It was taking everything Lan Wangji had just to keep himself moving. Keep taking one step after the other. Keep filling his stomach even when the pain in his body made him nauseous.

Again Wei Wuxian took the blow meant for someone else. A brand pressed to his chest, burning through cloth and deep into flesh. Wei Wuxian stepped forward to distract the Xuanwu of Slaughter to let the rest escape. Lan Wangji had never wanted to hurt a member of his own sect before. Not the way Lan Wangji wanted to hurt Su She when that man shot Wei Wuxian with an arrow.

Su She whined that it was an accident. It was an accident that he stopped running away just long enough to shoot a single arrow. Even though all the earlier attempts showed how useless such an attack would be. It was an accident that the bloody wound would incite the Xuanwu of Slaughter to pursue Wei Wuxian with vicious determination. The coward, Su She feared for his own skin so greatly that he had to go out of his way to endanger someone else?

Lan Wangji stayed behind. He couldn't leave Wei Wuxian alone here. He couldn't let Wei Wuxian die. Lan Wangji wished he had stayed with Wei Wuxian when it was over. When they defeated the Xuanwu of Slaughter. When they were rescued from the cave, both weak and injured. Wei Wuxian long since unconscious with fever. Lan Wangji had ached to go with Wei Wuxian, but it wasn't his place. His duty was to return to Cloud Recesses, and it was very clear from Jiang Wanyin that Lan Wangji's presence was not desired.

Lan Wangji would think back to this moment again and again. When he learned that Lotus Pier had been destroyed. When he learned Wei Wuxian was missing. When months of tireless searching led to a Wei Wuxian cloaked in darkness, Lan Wangji wondered if he could have changed it. If he had stayed with Wei Wuxian, could Lan Wangji have protected him?

Through three years of war, Lan Wangji wondered what he might have changed. Wei Wuxian pushed him away, and Lan Wangji's clumsy words seemed to only drive them further apart. Wei Wuxian stood apart from the army. He was an army of his own. Wei Wuxian looked so tired. Lan Wangji wondered what every battle cost him. Wondered how he could convince Wei Wuxian to stop. When would Wei Wuxian stop hurting himself to protect others? Was there a line Wei Wuxian wouldn't cross to protect others? Or would Wei Wuxian continue to step in front of the swords aimed at the throats of others, straight to his death?

Lan Wangji no longer had the luxury to think about enlightening Wei Wuxian to his affections. He couldn't selfishly ask for Wei Wuxian's love. What if Wei Wuxian said 'no?' Would he ever speak to Lan Wangji again? How could Lan Wangji help him if Wei Wuxian wouldn't speak to him?

Lan Wangji clung desperately to the rules, searching for the answer. How was he supposed to help Wei Wuxian? Wei Wuxian was good. Wei Wuxian was righteous. The rules were supposed to guide righteous behavior, but Lan Wangji's every attempt to help seemed worse than useless.

Lan Wangji refused to give up. He entered the restricted section of the library without permission. Studied scores that he did not have permission to look at. He would accept his punishment. It would be worth it, as long as he could finally find the way to help Wei Wuxian.

Lan Wangji wondered if this was what it felt like to drown. He felt like he had been struggling uselessly. Grasping for answers to save Wei Wuxian with the same blind desperation as someone who was trying to swim without any instruction. Lan Wangji was standing in the pouring rain, watching Wei Wuxian lead elderly civilians from a camp that was supposed to house war criminals.

When Wei Wuxian said he didn't know where they would go, Lan Wangji wanted to bring them to Cloud Recesses. The cause was righteous. There was no justice in murdering civilians. There was no righteousness in imprisoning the weak and elderly. But Lan Wangji did not have the authority to promise them protection.

Xiongzhang was the Sect Leader, and he had agreed to leave the remaining Wens in the care of the LanlingJin sect. Lan Wangji did not believe Lan Xichen knew that this was what was happening to them. But what would Lan Xichen do if Lan Wangji brought them to Cloud Recesses? Lan Wangji realized he didn't know the answer to that question.

Lan Xichen had been in the banquet hall with everyone else when Wei Wuxian asserted that non-combatants were being held in the labour camps. Lan Xichen was there when Wei Wuxian shared that one of the Jins had used non-combatants as live bait on a nighthunt. No one did anything. Either because it was Wei Wuxian's word, or it was impolite. Or because Lan Xichen's sworn brother had insisted this wasn't true.

If Lan Xichen saw these people, would he protect them in Cloud Recesses? Or would he return them to LanlingJin, and accept the word of his sworn brother that they would not be harmed? Lan Wangji did not know the answer and, no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't take the risk. It wouldn't be fair to promise safety and then return them to the hands that had done this to them.

Lan Wangji wanted to bring them to safety. Lan Wangji had no safety to offer them. Not a guarantee, not a promise that couldn't be taken away. Lan Wangji imagined for a brief moment going with them. It would be a betrayal. A betrayal to his sect and his family. Lan Wangji watched as Wei Wuxian road away. Lan Wangji couldn't breathe. He was drowning, unable to do anything as Wei Wuxian left with the air Lan Wangji needed to live.

Lan Wangji let the umbrella that had been protecting him from the downpour slip from his hand. He let the rain soak through his clothes and mix with his tears. The entire time Lan Wangji felt like his heart was being torn from his chest. He didn't know what he was supposed to do, but it felt like he had done something wrong.

Lan Wangji continued to struggle. Continued to feed the lies and greed of the cultivation world into the furnace of his growing anger. Lan Wangji remembered the frustration Wei Wuxian had caused in him when they first met. He remembered how angry he was at himself for all of the confusing feelings that Wei Wuxian created in him. He remembered being angry for not knowing what to do with those feelings.

It was all nothing compared to how angry he was at a world where greedy men could lie and paint a righteous man as a villain. Wei Wuxian was a righteous man. His methods were dangerous. Lan Wangji desperately wished he could convince Wei Wuxian to stop using demonic cultivation. He feared what it was doing to his body, or what it may do to his mind. He wished he had Wei Wuxian's trust, and would be allowed to at least help him mitigate the damage.

Lan Wangji had a brief moment of hope. He went against his Shufu's orders and visited Wei Wuxian in the Burial Mounds. For an afternoon, it seemed like Wei Wuxian might still be willing to call Lan Wangji his friend. Lan Wangji desperately wished he could take Wei Wuxian away from the poverty he was living in. Wei Wuxian looked so thin, and exhausted.

Wei Wuxian was never going to say yes. Lan Wangji could ask Wei Wuxian to return with him a thousand times, and the answer was always going to be 'no'. Because Wei Wuxian, Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, was a righteous man. He would never abandon the innocents he was protecting. Even if he wanted to go with Lan Wangji, which Wei Wuxian's continued refusals had long said otherwise.

Lan Wangji hadn't known that the LanlingJin sect had sent any demands to the Burial Mounds. He didn't know until Wen Qing and Wen Qionglin were there, handing themselves over. There should have been a trial. There should have been a chance for them to defend themselves. It was an execution. Lan Wangji had to be physically restrained. Wei Wuxian would not have let these two come here. He would have handed himself over. He would not have turned in the people who had become his family.

Lan Wangji was terrified that Wei Wuxian must be seriously injured or ill. Did Wei Wuxian even know they were here? Was he going to wake from unconsciousness, trapped in place by some heinous wound, wondering where his brother and sister were? Lan Wangji felt dread grip him. He was watching Wen Qing, Wei Wuxian's sister, die. She looked like she had expected this fate. Choosing to die with dignity. Did she understand what this would do to Wei Wuxian?

Lan Wangji refused to go to the Pledge Conference. He travelled to Yiling instead, but he was too late. Why was he always too late? Wei Wuxian had already left. By the time Lan Wangji arrived at the Pledge Conference it had already devolved into battle. He went to Wei Wuxian. This fight wouldn't help. No matter who won. Lan Wangji found himself standing opposite of Wei Wuxian on a roof. A perversion of the night they met. Replacing Wei Wuxian's bright smile and shining silver eyes with ruby red orbs and palpable rage.

Lan Wangji had never been a good speaker. His words were all locked up inside his chest. They came out scarcely. Too few and too short, and often misunderstood. Lan Wangji was a gifted fighter, but he wished he could trade all his skills with swordsmanship for half of Lan Xichen's skill with words. Maybe then he could make his intentions clear to Wei Wuxian. Maybe then he could get through to him, and not find himself fighting him.

There was a brief moment when Lan Wangji believed they had a chance. A moment when he thought Wei Wuxian might listen to him. Lan Wangji did not know how Jiang Yanli came to be on the battlefield. Wei Wuxian's precious Shijie. The woman who had been more of a mother to Wei Wuxian than anything, or anyone, else. Lan Wangji didn't see her die, but he didn't need to. Everyone in Nightless city felt Jiang Yanli's death.

Jiang Yanli's death shattered Wei Wuxian's heart. They could finally see what the Yin Hufu could do when it was in control. Because it was the Yin Hufu in control at that point. A tool of immense power and resentment that had only been restrained by Wei Wuxian's resilient and righteous heart. That heart was broken, and the Yin Hufu was free to quench its thirst for blood.

Lan Wangji didn't know why the spirits and corpses didn't attack him. Perhaps because Lan Wangji had fought at Wei Wuxian's side the last time he used it? Perhaps it knew Lan Wangji did not intend to hurt Wei Wuxian now? It allowed Lan Wangji to go to Wei Wuxian's side. In the entire battle he was only harmed by other cultivators. When he inevitably prevented them from hurting Wei Wuxian.

The battle ended with both sides exhausted. The sects no longer had the strength to fight, and the resentment suddenly dissipated as Wei Wuxian collapsed. Later Lan Wangji would over hear claims that the allied sects held out until Wei Wuxian exhausted himself. Lan Wangji knew this was false. Wei Wuxian stopped as soon as his enemy could no longer continue to fight. If they had stopped sooner, Wei Wuxian would have too. Even out of his mind with greed, being used by the resentful energy as much as he was using it, Wei Wuxian was still the most righteous man in the entire cultivation world.

Lan Wangji lifted Wei Wuxian in his arms and fled. They were both exhausted. They were both injured. Lan Wangji had no business attempting to fly with his spiritual energy so low. He did it anyway. He almost made it to Yiling before it began to rain. Lan Wangji was forced to land, carrying Wei Wuxian into the first shelter he could find.

Wei Wuxian was wounded and delirious. Lan Wangji didn't know if it was the grief or the strain from the Yin Hufu. Lan Wangji poured what little spiritual energy he had into Wei Wuxian blindly. Lan Wangji's words poured out of him too. Quiet and desperate, Lan Wangji begged for Wei Wuxian to live. Confessed that Wei Wuxian held Lan Wangji's heart.

"Get Lost!" Wei Wuxian protested, trying feebly to throw him off.

Lan Wangji's family eventually found them, and Lan Wangji knew he would not let them take Wei Wuxian. He would not allow anyone to hurt Wei Wuxian again. Even if Wei Wuxian didn't return his feelings. Even if Wei Wuxian was disgusted by him.

Lan Wangji fought his own elders. Lan Wangji had followed the rules for so long. It had brought him years of helplessly watching the love of his life suffer. Years of watching the world destroy a good and righteous man.

Lan Wangji fought the teachers who had instructed him. If he had to fight his family, he thought he would probably do it. But Lan Wangji was not as good as Wei Wuxian. He was not as bold, or as righteous. So Lan Wangji agreed to go with them on one condition. They had to allow him to return Wei Wuxian to the Burial Mounds safely. After doing that, he would return with them and accept whatever punishment they deemed appropriate.

Lan Wangji was a coward. He didn't want to fight his family, and he was willing to compromise to avoid it. Lan Wangji consoled himself with the knowledge that Wei Wuxian did not want him at his side anyway. He promised himself that he would return after his punishment. If Wei Wuxian did not wish to see him then Lan Wangji would live outside the settlement. He'd live at the edge of the wards, and defend Wei Wuxian and his family. Somewhere where Wei Wuxian might be able to tolerate Lan Wangji's existence, despite his clear disgust.

These were the things Lan Wangji told himself when he returned to Cloud Recesses. Lan Wangji knelt as he was struck with the discipline whip thirty-three times. Lan Wangji did not even know when last the discipline whip had been used in the Cloud Recesses. It was reserved for only the most heinous of crimes. Lan Wangji was a powerful cultivator, but he wasn't certain if he would survive thirty-three strikes.

Lan Wangji accepted the punishment. The punishment was not deserved, but Lan Wangji accepted every strike. He would take every hit. The marks on his body would stay with him for the rest of his life, and remind him that he had once defended a righteous man.

Lan Wangji's blood flowed freely from his body, soaking the stone beneath his knees. Each strike of the whip tore through his flesh. Lan Wangji collapsed into a puddle of his own blood and wondered if there was any skin left on his back. His vision grew dark and fuzzy. Lan Wangji allowed the darkness to swallow him, a welcomed escape from the blinding pain of his body.

The pain was constant, an excruciating burn that sharpened with every breath. It turned every breath and every twitch into agony. Lan Wangji was isolated in the Jingshi. He saw no one outside of a healer and Lan Xichen. Lan Wangji did not speak. He had nothing to say to them. His words had always been inadequate. He had relied on Lan Xichen's ability to read him and understand him. However, if his Xiongzhang could understand him then why had any of this happened?

Lan Wangji could not rely on anyone understanding what he meant without clear language. Some day, he would speak to Lan Xichen again. For now, every breath was torture. The pain was already unbearable, even with medicine. Lan Wangji would save his words. He would serve his punishment. He would think long and hard about what to say to make himself clear. Then he would go to Wei Wuxian and beg permission to protect him.

Three months into Lan Wangji's punishment, Xiongzhang visited him. He was solemn and hesitant. Xiongzhang was often solemn and hesitant in those days. Lan Wangji did not expect it to be anything that would require hesitation. Lan Wangji's soul was already flayed as raw as his back. He had already raised his sword against his own. He had already been rejected by the love of his life. What more damage could be done? Was there even anything left of Lan Wangji to hurt?

Like many times in Lan Wangji's life, he was so foolishly wrong. Wei Wuxian was dead. Lan Wangji felt his heart stop. Lan Wangji wondered if it would start again. There didn't seem to be a point. If Wei Wuxian was dead, then there was no reason for Lan Wangji to live. Lan Xichen was still speaking, but Lan Wangji did not understand any of the words. They rolled past him like a breeze.

Lan Wangji blinked and found he was alone. How long had Xiongzhang been gone? Minutes? Hours? Lan Wangji couldn't tell. Lan Wangji forced himself to his feet. Lan Wangji had only been allowed to sit up for short periods of time for the last week. He had no business standing, or walking. He certainly had no business taking up his sword and flying.

Lan Wangji did it anyway. He had to go to the Burial Mounds. He needed to see. He needed to know if it was true. If Wei Wuxian was dead, then Lan Wangji didn't need to worry about his back anyway. If there was no Wei Wuxian in the world, then there was no reason for there to be a Lan Wangji.

The field were trampled. The homes burned. Wei Wuxian's cave had been ransacked. Greedy disgusting men, who dared call themselves righteous, had violated his Love's home and stolen every scrap of the brilliance Wei Wuxian had left behind. Lan Wangji had thought he understood what hate was. In the war, he had hated the QishanWen that had burned down his home and killed his father. That hatred felt young and childish next to what was burning inside of Lan Wangji now.

Lan Wangji hated. He hated greedy self serving cultivators that claimed to be righteous. He hated petty and jealous cultivators that had to tear down the stars, because they couldn't shine as brightly. Wei Wuxian stood for justice, always. He believed that wealth and status did not excuse behavior. Justice was for everyone. Not only the powerful.

Wei Wuxian was a genius. He was brilliant and kind. Those cultivators did not come here for justice. They came for selfishness. They came because they could not tolerate someone as powerful as Wei Wuxian to belong to anyone who wasn't them. They came because they did not want to face the reality that they could be wrong. Wei Wuxian called them to account for their actions. He would not ignore injustice for the sake of politeness.

Lan Wangji's back felt like fire, but he kept moving. He thought his heart couldn't break anymore than when Wei Wuxian rejected him. But now Wei Wuxian was dead. Wei Wuxian was dead, and the world made no sense. The world made no sense, because it was still here. What point was there in the world existing if Wei Wuxian wasn't in it?

Lan Wangji looked at the ruin they had made of Wei Wuxian's home. They had destroyed everything that Wei Wuxian had given his life to protect. They had stolen everything Wei Wuxian had created, and slaughtered every innocent life Wei Wuxian treasured. Lan Wangji heard a soft whine. It was so quiet that Lan Wangji thought he might have imagined it. He followed it anyway.

Lan Wangji allowed himself the small foolish hope. Allowed himself hope that there might be anything left. Allowed for one moment to believe that anyone might have survived. Lan Wangji would protect them. If anyone of Wei Wuxian's family survived, Lan Wangji would spend his life protecting them. He didn't dare hope that it might be Wei Wuxian he heard. His traitorous heart gave a small hopeful beat.

Wen Yuan was so pale that Lan Wangji feared for a moment that he had found the child's body. It was only the visible sweat and painful whines that told Lan Wangji otherwise. Lan Wangji remembered Wei Wuxian lifting the child in his arms with a broad smile. Declaring he had birthed the boy himself. Claiming the orphaned child who had been born into the sect that had destroyed Wei Wuxian's home. To be kind and good, was who Wei Wuxian was.

Lan Wangji remembered how Wen Yuan would cling to Wei Wuxian's leg. He remembered how Wei Wuxian teased and doted on the little boy. Even in the Burial Mounds, where they couldn't even keep themselves fed. Wei Wuxian still showered Wen Yuan with enough love to allow Wen Yuan to smile and laugh.

Lan Wangji gathered Wen Yuan into his arms with shaking hands. Wen Yuan was burning with fever, shivering in Lan Wangji's arms. Or perhaps Lan Wangji's arms were shaking? He wasn't sure. He was channelling his spiritual energy into doing things like keeping himself standing. Lan Wangji's arms held a priceless treasure. He commanded his body to obey him, to keep the young child safe.

Lan Wangji had failed his Love at every turn. When he left Wei Wuxian's side after they escaped the cave of the Xuanwu of Slaughter. When he failed to find Wei Wuxian before the Wens did. When he failed to convince Wei Wuxian to allow him to help. When he pushed Wei Wuxian away with his inadequate words. When he let Wei Wuxian go alone with the civilians he rescued from Qiongqi Path. When he left Wei Wuxian in the Burial Mounds with the Wens instead of staying.

Lan Wangji would not fail Wei Wuxian now. He would not. He would protect Wei Wuxian's son. Wei Wuxian would give anything to protect his Little Radish. Lan Wangji would do no less. He would devote his life to giving A-Yuan everything Wei Wuxian would have wanted for him. Lan Wangji's tears fell heavily onto the fabric of A-Yuan's robes.

It was too late for Lan Wangji to save Wei Wuxian. He failed to prove himself to his Love, and failed to stay by his side when Wei Wuxian needed him. Lan Wangji could never make up for that failure. He would do everything for A-Yuan that Wei Wuxian would have. That was all that Lan Wangji had left.

"Wei Ying!" Lan Wangji gasped awake, choking on a sob as he screamed for his Love.

Where was Wei Wuxian? Where was his Love? Lan Wangji needed him. He needed Wei Wuxian by his side, in his arms. He needed him to be alive. To chase phantom pain from Lan Wangji's back. To ease the pain in Lan Wangji's heart.

Wei Wuxian was not going to come to Lan Wangji's agonized scream. Because Wei Wuxian was gone, and no one knew where he was. Because something had happened and Lan Wangji wasn't there. Lan Wangji couldn't breathe. His pulse was racing. His every nerve screamed in panic. Lan Wangji needed Wei Wuxian. But, Wei Wuxian was gone, and it was all Lan Wangji's fault.