Lan Wangji awoke at five as he usually did. Although he had stayed up a bit later talking with Wei Wuxian, it was not enough to override his internal clock. The first thing he noticed upon waking was the warm weight of Wei Wuxian sleeping in his arms. He had never felt like this when touching someone before. For such a long time touch seemed like an obligation. One he tried to avoid. Most of the time it was actively uncomfortable. Occasionally it simply did not make him feel anything. What he had discovered only recently, was that with Wei Wuxian it was different. Holding Wei Wuxian like this made him feel at ease. It relaxed some ever present tension that he previously hadn't realized was there. Lan Wangji was filled with warmth. He gazed at Wei Wuxian's sleeping face and felt a desire to hold him even closer. Lan Wangji wasn't sure he had ever felt this happy before. He had actually managed to tell Wei Wuxian how he felt, and Wei Wuxian returned the affection. Lan Wangji was certain he had never experienced such vibrant joy. He only wished it was the only thing he was feeling. Wei Wuxian was peaceful now, but when he awoke who knew what he would be feeling. Yesterday had been filled with desperation and sorrow. Wei Wuxian seemed so self loathing.

'I have been slandered until my name became synonymous with the source of all evil and misfortune in the world. I am reduced to the most vile and despicable. A stain that taints everything it touches. I don't disagree anymore.'

'Wei Ying. Whose words were these? Who made you think of yourself this way?' Lan Wangji felt his heart break a little. Why did Wei Wuxian believe these things? To Lan Wangji it was abundantly clear how kind hearted and righteous Wei Wuxian was. When they were dealing with the waterborn abyss, Wei Wuxian did not hesitate to risk his life for someone else. He had nearly died in his attempt to rescue them. After the fact he credited Lan Wangji, since Lan Wangji pulled him out of the water. Wei Wuxian had no frustration or disdain for the person who he nearly died trying to rescue. Following the event he was once again his normal playful self. All he expressed was gratitude toward Lan Wangji for his help. To Lan Wangji it was abundantly clear that this was an act of selflessness. Wei Wuxian did what he thought was right. When it didn't go as planned he did not regret his decision. Why would anyone think he was evil?

Lan Wangji was then reminded of one thing which he knew would cause much outrage if it was widely known. The resentful energy that struck the healer that had tried touching Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian himself said that he became a demonic cultivator. It would be a lie to say that this didn't make Lan Wangji a bit nervous. Resentment was known to be harmful. GusuLan had several musical compositions that were specifically for the purpose of expelling resentment from the body.

'When you first saw me using demonic cultivation you asked me to come with you to Gusu. You asked me that many times. It seemed like every time we talked you were either telling me how dangerous demonic cultivation was or asking me to come back to Gusu with you. I thought you hated what I was doing. I thought you probably didn't even particularly like me. So you were probably asking me to come back to be punished, or so that you could force me to stop. To be fair you thought it was something I had simply chosen to do.'

Lan Wangji supposed he had probably been quite worried about Wei Wuxian at that time as well. Unfortunately it seemed his words had not communicated this to Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji was glad Wei Wuxian had mentioned that he had done this. If he hadn't, Lan Wangji would probably have said something similar this time. However, now he knew that these words had hurt Wei Wuxian. For Wei Wuxian they had been evidence of hatred. Now no matter how worried he was, Lan Wangji would make sure to find a different way to express it. It was clear that in the years Wei Wuxian had experienced Lan Wangji had made mistakes. How else could Wei Wuxian have arrived to the present with the desire to kill himself? How else could Wei Wuxian think Lan Wangji hated him enough to kill him? He didn't know why Wei Wuxian had learned demonic cultivation. From Wei Wuxian's words it seemed that whatever the reason was he hadn't disclosed it.

"Lan-er-gongzi." Lan Wangji was pulled from his thoughts. Jiang Yanli was addressing him. He bowed his head slightly in acknowledgment. She glanced at Wei Wuxian and smiled lightly. "Did he sleep calmly?" she asked quietly. Lan Wangji nodded. Jiang Yanli let out a small sigh of relief. "Thank you Lan-er-gongzi. For saving A-Xian and for taking care of him."

"No need." Lan Wangji replied. He didn't need to be thanked for doing these things. He just needed Wei Wuxian.

"He probably won't wake up for a while, but if he does please tell him I'll be back soon." Lan Wangji nodded. Once she turned to approach the door he put all his attention on Wei Wuxian. His mind was busy piecing together the little information Wei Wuxian had spoken the night before.

'I already lived the next handful of years. I have lived through a war.' How long did they have until this war started? It was only recently that the QishanWen Sect chased a waterborne abyss into Billing Lake. Lan Xichen had been frustrated, but said there was nothing they could do about the actions of the QishanWen Sect at this time. The QishanWen Sect was too powerful. No one wished to start a way, let alone a war they didn't think they could win.

'Even without you Lotus Pier will be attacked just like the other sects.'  Wen Qing had said that to Wei Wuxian. That was probably the last straw. That meant that sometime, maybe even within the next year, the QishanWen Sect would attack some number of sects.

'I've seen the bodies at LotusPier piled high and burned. Massacred because of me.'  Wei Wuxian had said.

'Wei Ying, why do you think it is your fault?'   Wen Qing hadn't seemed to agree. Wei Wuxian was very protective. Lan Wangji could not fathom him hurting those he cared about. Lotus Pier clearly suffered a very brutal attack. Wei Wuxian had described it as a massacre. Why would he say it was because of him?

'Wei Ying, is this like those other words you said? Words said to you by someone else that you stopped disagreeing with?' Lan Wangji's heart hurt. Lan Wangji gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind Wei Wuxian's ear.

'Wei Ying. I won't let anyone say such poisonous words to you anymore.' Lan Wangji wondered how many times Wei Wuxian had been told such things. How many times did it take for Wei Wuxian to say such things about himself?

Wei Wuxian twisted a bit in Lan Wangji's arms until he tucked his face into the fabric of Lan Wangji's clothes. The soft unhappy noise as he hid his face from the brightening sunlight made Lan Wangji's heart beat faster. He was almost certain he had never seen anything as adorable as a sleeping Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji smiled as the small unhappy noise turned into a soft sigh once Wei Wuxian's face was properly hidden from the offending sunlight. He wanted to see more of Wei Wuxian like this. More peaceful moments. More happy moments. He wanted more chances to see Wei Wuxian relaxed, and many more occasions to see him smile. He never wanted to see Wei Wuxian in such pain that he begged for death.

Wei Wuxian began to shift restlessly in his arms. Lan Wangji loosened his hold on Wei Wuxian allowing him to move without hindering him. Wei Wuxian slowly blinked up at Lan Wangji with sleep clouded eyes. As his vision slowly cleared, Lan Wangji could see emotions shifting through Wei Wuxian's dark eyes. Surprise quickly melted into a soft expression. Lan Wangji felt his heart warm slightly in response. Wei Wuxian's eyes weren't as vibrant as they used to be. The bright energy had lessened to a faint glow. Lan Wangji was still happy to see it. He remembered with vivid detail how dark and empty Wei Wuxian's eyes had looked in the back hills. He was grateful to see that small warm light in them now.

"So you're awake?" At the sound of Jiang Wanyin's voice Wei Wuxian immediately stiffened. Wei Wuxian quickly gave Lan Wangji a small smile before he extracted himself from Lan Wangji's arms to sit on the bed next to him. Lan Wangji's heart felt uneasy. He didn't like that Wei Wuxian felt the need to move away from him. Wei Wuxian was now even sitting with space between them so they weren't touching at all. Lan Wangji turned to look at Wei Wuxian, trying to interpret what he was thinking. Wei Wuxian was hunched in on himself. His head was lowered and his hands laid limp in his lap. Lan Wangji disliked this more and more. Silence hung stiffly in the air. Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian made no further moves or gestures aside from sitting up.

"Are you going to explain?" Jiang Wanyin asked. He sounded somewhat annoyed. Wei Wuxian's head sank lower.

"It's nothing." Wei Wuxian's voice was quiet and a bit hoarse. "Don't worry about it." Hearing Wei Wuxian speak in such a quiet empty tone was almost painful.

"Nothing?!" Jiang Wanyin sounded outraged. "You tried to kill yourself! How is that nothing?!" Wei Wuxian flinched badly at the abruptly raised voice. Jiang Wanyin froze. He felt like he'd just been thrown into a lake. He'd never seen Wei Wuxian flinch away from him like that. Lan Wangji wanted to step between the two of them. Yesterday he had felt like he had no right to Wei Wuxian. He stepped aside for Wei Wuxian's family when they entered. Things were different now. Wei Wuxian had returned his affection. Even if they had not informed their families yet. Lan Wangji calmed himself. He was angry with Jiang Wanyin for losing his temper and shouting at Wei Wuxian, but Wei Wuxian was more important.

"Wei Ying?" Lan Wangji spoke in a low tone, calmly asking Wei Wuxian if he was okay. Wei Wuxian looked down at his lap wordlessly. He remained silent, his posture even more withdrawn than before. Lan Wangji gently placed one of his hands over Wei Wuxian's. At first Wei Wuxian flinched. Lan Wangji felt his heart hurt when he saw that. He didn't move once he placed his hand there. He was not holding tightly. If Wei Wuxian didn't feel comfortable he could easily move out of the touch.

Wei Wuxian glanced anxiously towards Lan Wangji. After searching Lan Wangji's eyes for a moment, Wei Wuxian relaxed. He shifted himself a bit closer to Lan Wangji. He only stopped once their shoulders were touching. He turned his hand under Lan Wangji's and slowly interlocked their fingers. Lan Wangji felt like he could finally take a complete breath. Wei Wuxian still hadn't said anything, but his shoulders had relaxed a bit more and his breathing sounded calmer. Jiang Wanyin had watched all this silently. His expression was growing worse and worse by the second.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Jiang Wanyin asked. He was speaking at a much lower volume than he usually did. Lan Wangji was wondering if perhaps this was a response to realizing that the shouting had frightened Wei Wuxian. Something about the tone didn't feel quite right. Jiang Wanyin's tone felt unusually flat. It sounded like he already expected an answer he wouldn't like.

Wei Wuxian's head sank lower. The silence stretched on, making it clear that this was the answer. Jiang Wanyin scowled. Lan Wangji couldn't tell if he was sad or angry.

"Fine. I get it. You'd rather talk with the person who made you rewrite thousands of rules than with your own family." The words were sharp. As soon as they left his mouth Jiang Wanyin stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Giving Wei Wuxian no chance to respond.

Wei Wuxian's head shot up. He quickly scrambled to his feet. He crossed the room in a few steps reaching his hand towards the door before he froze in place. Lan Wangji's heart raced. He stood slowly so as not to startle Wei Wuxian. Even once he was next to him Wei Wuxian did not respond.

"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji spoke in a very soft voice. Wei Wuxian suddenly turned to look at him. Wei Wuxian's eyes looked lost. They were flicking around like he was desperately trying to think about what to do. His breathing was fast and erratic.

"Lan Zhan. I..." Wei Wuxian seemed to struggle to get even those two words out. Lan Wangji couldn't bear the desperate plea in Wei Wuxian's eyes. He wasn't certain what exactly Wei Wuxian needed right now, but he couldn't leave that desperate expression in Wei Wuxian's eyes. Lan Wangji gently placed his hand over Wei Wuxian's extended arm. With very light pressure he guided Wei Wuxian's arm down to his side again. Wei Wuxian didn't seem startled by the touch, or frightened of the contact. Lan Wangji took a chance. He stepped in front of Wei Wuxian and gently placed both of his hands on Wei Wuxian's shoulders. His thumbs gently rubbed back and forth on Wei Wuxian's arms. Lan Wangji carefully observed Wei Wuxian's expression. His breathing seemed a bit steadier. After a few more deep breaths Wei Wuxian seemed to find his words.

"I need to follow him." Lan Wangji raised an eyebrow slightly. "He's hurt. If I don't go after him it will hurt him even more." Wei Wuxian's voice sounded pained. Lan Wangji frowned.

"Wei Ying is also hurt." Lan Wangji said, staring at Wei Wuxian intently. Wei Wuxian hung his head, staring at the floor.

"It's not the same." he protested quietly. Lan Wangji waited for him to continue. Wei Wuxian's head sank lower. "I don't want to hurt him. I keep hurting him. When he feels like he's being abandoned he leaves like that. I'm always the one who goes after him and helps him feel better. It's always been me, but... But now I keep seeing the way he looked at me before I came back. Because of me he lost his parents. Everyone in Lotus Pier died. Because of me... Shijie..." Tears started to pour down his face. "I'm supposed to be there for him when he's hurting. I'm supposed to protect him, but I've brought him so much suffering. Now I don't know where I'm supposed to be? Am I supposed to stay close to protect him from others? Or do I stay away to protect him from me?" Lan Wangji pulled Wei Wuxian close to him, wrapping him in an embrace.

"I don't know what the right thing is anymore Lan Zhan. I tried to always do the right thing. Every time I made a choice I thought it was the right thing to do, but everything just seemed to get worse. I don't know how to tell anymore what I'm supposed to do," Wei Wuxian choked out between sobs. Lan Wangji head him closer, letting Wei Wuxian lean against him as much as he wanted.

"Decide together." Lan Wangji said softly against Wei Wuxian's hair.