Wei Wuxian didn't have much of an appetite, but he still managed to eat about half of his morning meal. Though only after Lan Wangji agreed to feed it to him. Wei Wuxian was honestly surprised how quickly Lan Wangji agreed to it. Lan Wangji didn't even call him shameless. It made Wei Wuxian think that Lan Wangji had not been exaggerating with what he said this morning.

The thought that it hurt Lan Wangji to see him in distress made Wei Wuxian's heart ache painfully. At the same time it all filled him with an oddly comforting feeling. Lan Wangji had said that he needed to hold Wei Wuxian to heal. Right now, in Lan Wangji's arms, Wei Wuxian understood this completely. The memories and emotions of his nightmare, his past, had left him feeling raw inside. Lan Wangji's embrace felt like a soothing ointment. Warm and gentle, it took away the sting of injury and made him feel almost peaceful.

"Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian prodded gently. They had been sitting quietly in the garden for a long time now. Lan Wangji's fingers gently playing with Wei Wuxian's hair in a way that Wei Wuxian found very pleasing.

"Mn." Lan Wangji replied to assure Wei Wuxian he was listening. Wei Wuxian licked his lips somewhat nervously.

"Did... did I say much during my nightmare, or when I was starting to come to?" Wei Wuxian asked somewhat hesitantly. Lan Wangji considered how to respond.

"It hurts." Lan Wangji replied. "More later." Lan Wangji added, somewhat hesitantly. Wei Wuxian sighed.

"I see..." Wei Wuxian said quietly. When he didn't continue, Lan Wangji began to get worried.

"Remember?" Lan Wangji asked. Wei Wuxian grimaced slightly.

"Not really... and..." Wei Wuxian hesitated for a long time. "Part of my nightmare..." Wei Wuxian seemed to be struggling with what to say. Lan Wangji placed a gentle kiss in Wei Wuxian's hair.

"Will always listen to Wei Ying," Lan Wangji said softly. Wei Wuxian bit his lip lightly.

"Did I say anything about my golden core?" Wei Wuxian asked.

"Mn." Lan Wangji confirmed.

"So... you probably know then..." Wei Wuxian said under his breath.

"Wei Ying gives too much. Jiang Wanyin... did not deserve it." Lan Wangji said, his voice darkening slightly. "Still respect Wei Ying's decision." Wei Wuxian nuzzled against Lan Wangji as he took deep breaths of his soothing sandalwood scent.

"I dreamed about the surgery. The fall of Lotus Pier." Wei Wuxian spoke quietly. "Wen Chao's mistress came to Lotus Pier with Wen Zhuliu and several cultivators. She demanded Madam Yu punish me," Wei Wuxian said quietly.

"She whipped me with Zidian. I'm not sure how many times. A dozen or so probably. Wang Lingjiao wasn't satisfied... She demanded Madam Yu chop off one of my hands." Wei Wuxian's voice was quiet and steady. There was no anger or fear in his tone. Just a very quiet thread of pain.

"Wan Lingjiao wanted to turn Lotus Pier into a supervisory office of the QishanWen sect. When Madam Yu... aggressively refused, an army descended on Lotus Pier." Wei Wuxian continued in a hushed whisper. "Madam Yu knew Lotus Pier was going to fall. She bound me and Jiang Cheng with Zidian." A tear slid down Wei Wuxian's cheek soundlessly.

"At the time that was the worst night of my life. The things Madam Yu said to me as she whipped me... Of course they were things she had said before, but that night... That's the night I finally believed every word. Every word she screamed at me... Every word Jiang Cheng screamed at me. The last thing Madam Yu told me was to protect Jiang Cheng with my life."

Lan Wangji's emotions were raging inside of him but he contained them. There would be time for his anger and outrage, but right now Wei Ying needed his silence and support. Lan Wangji's fingers continued to gently play with Wei Wuxian's hair in a soft repetitive motion. Wei Wuxian's was speaking so quietly it was almost as though he were whispering this story. Like it was too much for him to speak the words any louder.

"That night Jiang Cheng lost his golden core. I was buying us food. I don't know if he was captured by soldiers, or if he foolishly rushed back on his own. I never asked him. So much had happened since then. In the end I'm not sure it matters how he ended up in Lotus Pier again. I was only able to save him because of Jiejie and A-Ning. They risked their lives and the lives of their entire family to help us, and Jiang Cheng... If Wen Qing hadn't agreed to do the core transfer Jiang Cheng would have died." Wei Wuxian said quietly. Lan Wangji licked his lips nervously before speaking.

"Why?" Lan Wangji asked. 'My Wei Ying. Why did you give Jiang Wanyin your golden core? He is not worthy of your sacrifice.' Wei Wuxian smiled sadly.

"I had to." Wei Wuxian said quietly. "There was a way to save him. A way to give him back the life that he lost." A few more tears slid down his cheek. "The Jiangs were the closest thing to a family that I had. I remember almost nothing about my parents. A few hazy images with no real detail. I don't even remember the sound of their voices." Wei Wuxian said quietly. "Even though it was made clear that I was not their family... in my heart they were still mine. I had a way to save my Shidi... I had to do it. I have a thousand reasons why I did it, but that one reason was enough."

"Never told?" Lan Wangji asked softly. Wei Wuxian shook his head.

"Jiang Cheng is so proud. He would hate knowing that it was my core in his body. His entire life people compared him to me, and it hurt him so much. If he knew that it was my core in his body, he'd spend his life feeling like none of his accomplishments were his own. I didn't want to see the pain and guilt that the knowledge would bring him. So he couldn't know, which meant no one could know." Wei Wuxian said quietly.

'My Wei Ying... Your caring heart, your selflessness, your bravery... I love all these things about you... But I am never letting you give your golden core away again. Not to anyone, and most certainly not to someone who has hurt you.' Lan Wangji vowed silently.

"The surgery?" Lan Wangji asked. 'Wei Ying. Did it hurt? How long did it take?' Wei Wuxian took a deep breath of Lan Wangji's scent to steady himself. He really considered lying, but it seemed pointless. No matter how he answered, Lan Wangji would hurt for him.

"I had to stay awake for two days." Wei Wuxian said quietly. For a moment Lan Wangji forgot how to breathe. Two days. He had to stay awake for two days? He had to feel Wen Qing remove it? Lan Wangji buried his face in Wei Wuxian's hair and cried. He held Wei Wuxian in his arms and silently wept for the agony his Love had to endure.

Wei Wuxian stayed quietly in Lan Wangji's arms. It felt like Lan Wangji was grieving the loss for him. Wei Wuxian had never really processed the loss of his golden core. After he lost it he was immediately thrown into hell. When he survived he immediately threw himself into the front lines of a war. When the war ended he was just desperately trying to keep himself together for everyone around him. He tried not to think about losing his golden core. Which was difficult when it seemed that all anyone wanted to talk to him about was how he should pick up his sword and cultivate like everyone else. Something that without a golden core, he couldn't do.

Wei Wuxian's heart ached distantly. A few tears slid gently down his face as he felt Lan Wangji's tears dampening his hair. The arms holding Wei Wuxian so tight while Lan Wangji cried radiated love. Wei Wuxian was filled with peace even as the sorrow Wei Wuxian had never grieved quietly poured out of him. Wei Wuxian had never told anyone about the golden core transfer. Even if Wen Qing and Wen Qionglin knew about it, he never talked to them about it. This was the first time. The first time he spoke the words he had sworn he would take to his grave. It felt so nice to let the words and pain pour out of him while he was in Lan Wangji's arms.

The hand gently caressing Wei Wuxian's hair felt like Lan Wangji saying, 'You are precious.'

The tight embrace said fiercely, 'I will protect you.'

The gentle kiss on his damp hair, 'I respect you.'

The thundering heartbeat that sounded against Wei Wuxian's ear, 'I love you.'

The tears raining down silently from Lan Wangji's eyes, 'I hear you, I understand you, and I never want you to suffer.'

Wei Wuxian found a small peaceful smile spreading across his face. It felt so good to not be alone anymore. He wasn't ready to talk about the rest of his nightmare yet. He wasn't ready to talk about the three months in the Burial Mounds. He wasn't ready... Yet. Because Wei Wuxian was certain now. One day he would tell Lan Wangji everything. He would tell him about the three months in hell. The three months of starvation. Three months of agony. The hallucinations. The sleepless nights. The nightmarish predators. The pain and terror that was learning demonic cultivation.

One day even that hell would no longer be something he endured alone in his heart and mind. One day Lan Wangji would hold him and accept him, and cry for him when he shared everything that happened there. Wei Wuxian wasn't certain if he had ever trusted someone so completely before. But he knew Lan Wangji deserved this trust. Wei Wuxian had no doubts or regrets about giving this man his everything. His trust. His heart. His soul.