Lan Xichen was walking slowly toward his father's residence once more. He didn't know how many times he had visited his father. He had begged and sobbed and his father never came out, but Lan Xichen didn't know what else to do. His didi had become so closed off an unexpressive that Lan Xichen hadn't even been able to tell he had gotten sick. This was the third time he had come down with a fever after kneeling outside their mother's residence since her death. This time Lan Xichen hadn't even realized anything was wrong until his didi suddenly collapsed.

The six year old had been unconscious for two days so far, and Lan Xichen didn't know what to do. He debated for a long time about going to their father again. It hadn't done anything before, but... if things kept going like this it could endanger Lan Wangji's life. Lan Wangji had become so closed off and inexpressive. He even concealed illnesses now! His didi was still unconscious and even though the healers promised he would be alright. That was this time. What about next time? Lan Xichen was terrified that nothing was going to be able to help his didi. Nothing he did seemed to make it better. Nothing their uncle did made it better.

"Xiongzhang. You need to come out of seclusion." Lan Xichen froze when he heard his Uncle's voice. The eight year old saw his uncle standing outside the door and quickly hid, afraid he would be scolded if his uncle saw him. He had never known his uncle to come to his father's residence.

"Xiongzhang. I didn't complain when you locked yourself in seclusion and abandoned your duties as sect leader. I took them over for you and let you take the time you needed to figure things out. When you didn't even come out to hold A-Huan when he was born I kept my mouth shut and took care of your son while I ran the sect for you. I thought when Madam Lan was pregnant with A-Zhan that it was a good sign. Clearly you had visited her, so I thought maybe it was a sign that you would be ready to come out of seclusion soon. More than six years since your youngest was born and you have never even met your children. Who are you punishing Xiongzhang, you or them?" Lan Qiren's voice shook with repressed emotions. There was silence for a while.

"When you first went into seclusion I genuinely believed you were doing it in punishment. I expected you to remain in seclusion for a few years and I accepted your duties and responsibilities in your place. Your boys have lost their Muqin. Your youngest had fallen ill three times that I am aware of because of standing outside her residence all day. I don't even know if it has been more than that because he has become so unresponsive that this time we only discovered he was ill when he collapsed during lunch. If he had collapsed somewhere secluded, how long would it have taken for us to find him? He's been unconscious for two days so far. I have tried everything I can think of to get him to stop waiting for his Muqin. I have tried explaining calmly. I have tried scolding him. I tried punishing him."

"Every month he spends the entire day in front of her door. He will not speak or eat for the entire day. The only thing I can do to try and keep him from getting ill is make sure he is inside mostly resting by copying rules for the day after. Yet that didn't prevent his illness this time." Wen Qing listened with a mix of interest and judgement. She had probably never heard so much pain in Lan Qiren's voice. She could understand the distress, but she still found much of his approach to be quite stupid. At the same time Wen Qing could feel Lan Xichen's heartache as he held back his tears. There was a very quiet sound that Wen Qing could not quite make out. Almost like soft murmuring. Lan Qiren's hands were balled into fists and they were shaking with rage.

"No Xiongzhang, this is not you accepting your punishment... You are running away. You ran away from your wife because you could not resolve her actions and your affections. I may have resented Madam Lan for killing our Shifu, but your unanimous decision of marriage and seclusion means there has never been a proper investigation into her actions. While she was in seclusion she was perfectly polite and graceful and she loved her children. No matter my personal feelings for her deeds this is more than I could expect from someone forcefully imprisoned. I was impressed enough that I petitioned the elders to unrestrict the visits with her children, but they denied it every time. I told you many times that you should come out of seclusion and allow for a proper investigation. Although she killed our Shifu, the investigation might have uncovered a reason or at least sufficient remorse to allow your children to have their mother truly part of their lives. I don't know if you are afraid she had no good reason, or if you are afraid our Shifu did something to warrant this. In either case it doesn't matter now. Her isolation has killed her. She has claimed her own life." There was another pause with the indistinguishable murmurs.

"Xiongzhang!" Lan Qiren shouted. "If you want to punish yourself, force yourself to make amends! All you are doing is punishing your children! I don't know when you became someone who would run away from your problems, but your children deserve better than this!" Lan Qiren raged. There was a soft murmur once more and then dead silence.

"Fine Xiongzhang." Lan Qiren spoke in an almost dead voice. "You've decided to abandon them. You're the Sect Leader. I can't stop you. I'll fulfill your duties to the clan. I'll fulfill your duties to your children, and I will do everything in my power to make sure they don't turn out like you." Lan Qiren's quiet voice was filled with hate. Wen Qing had heard Lan Qiren talking to and about Wei Wuxian while studying here. Only now did she realize the tone he used then was dislike, not hate. This tone right here was what it sounded like for Lan Qiren to hate someone. "I have more respect for the woman who killed our Shifu and took her own life than I do for you. This is the last day I call you Xiongzhang."

Lan Qiren walked away without another word. Wen Qing watched as Lan Xichen just stared wordlessly at his father's residence with tears trailing down his face. Lan Xichen kneeled on the ground feeling like he had been gutted. What could he say to his father now? Nothing. There was nothing he could say that would make a difference. His father had chosen to abandon them. Their mother killed herself. Their father abandoned them. Their uncle was running a sect that was not his to run and raising children he never chose to have.

Lan Xichen felt so guilty. His uncle had assigned the punishment to his didi, because he was worried about his health? That seemed to be what his uncle had been saying. Lan Xichen dried his tears and stood up. He wouldn't come here anymore. His father was never going to come out anyway. All he could hope to do was try to show his uncle, the one parent he did have, that he appreciated him. He'd make his uncle proud, so his uncle wouldn't have to feel like raising the two of them was a burden.

Wen Qing sighed. She felt the eight year old Lan Xichen's heart break. He was still mourning the loss of his mother, and now he was confronted with the reality that his father had willingly abandoned him. Lan Xichen had thought of many reasons as to why his father was still in seclusion. Now, hearing what his uncle said, Lan Xichen could only hear that his father was choosing to stay away.

'Fuqin doesn't want us.' Lan Xichen's thought was accompanied by a gut wrenching sorrow that made Wen Qing physically hurt. Lan Xichen walked away from the residence. He would never come here and cry again. His father was gone. His father didn't want him. His father didn't care about him, and worse, his father didn't care about his six year old didi.

Lan Xichen sat beside Lan Wangji's bed in the infirmary. Almost like he sensed the presence, Lan Wangji's eyes opened. Lan Xichen smiled at his didi. When Lan Wangji's gaze landed on Lan Xichen he stared at him for a bit. His eyes shifted slightly to the side. Lan Xichen checked if there was anything near him, even though it was just a small eye movement. There was water on the table there.

"A-Zhan, are you thirsty?" Lan Xichen asked gently. Lan Wangji didn't say anything. He turned his gaze away from Lan Xichen and the water. Lan Xichen hesitated, but still poured water into a cup and offered it to Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji accepted the offered water and drained the entire cup before laying his head back in the bed. Lan Xichen had a small smile on his face.

'It's okay if you don't want to express yourself didi. I will learn how to tell what you are thinking and feeling. I'll pay close attention. I promise.' Lan Xichen pledged silently. 'Maybe one day you will be willing to talk to me more, like you used to.'

Wen Qing sighed deeply then attempted to pull her attention away from the thoughts and feelings invading her senses. Her didi said she would need to pull him into one of her memories. Something she remembered well and was emotionally intense. Wen Qing did not especially like those criteria, but she trusted her didi. If this was what she needed to do for both of them to live through this, she would make it happen. The world in Wen Qing's view seemed to shiver. Suddenly she was seeing a slightly older Lan Xichen walking through the Cloud Recesses. He went to open a door then froze before he could touch it. Wen Qing could hear voices coming from inside.

"He is thirteen now. Lan Huan is an excellent student and accompanies you to meetings. He should begin assuming his father's duties." Wen Qing didn't know the voice, but she suspected it must be an elder or advisor within the GusuLan Sect.

"A-Huan is not even old enough to receive his courtesy name yet. Asking him to take on his father's duties is unethical." Lan Qiren's voice responded sharply.

"Qiren." a different voice scolded gently.

"I will bring him with me to conferences and encourage him to give input, but I will not force him to assume the duties his father should be shouldering. As soon as he wishes to take over I will hand the duties to him, but not before." Lan Qiren's voice was firm and unyielding.

'Shufu. Don't be angry. Don't fight because of me. I can do it. You work so hard, and it is my responsibility as the sect heir.' Lan Xichen hated hearing his uncle upset. Wen Qing could feel Lan Xichen's growing distress. Everytime the voices inside grew more emotional the panic would climb. Wen Qing rotated her shoulders in a useless attempt to dissolve the tension.

'He really doesn't like to hear people in conflict, does he?' she thought to herself. Wen Qing shook her head to try and focus on a memory.

"I heard your youngest nephew has not received punishment in the library at all in the last few months. Does that mean he has finally stopped visiting that house?" A voice inquired. Wen Qing felt Lan Xichen's panic spike.

'Are the elders upset about A-Zhan visiting mother's residence? Uncle never mentioned that they said anything about it.' Lan Xichen's thoughts invaded Wen Qing's mind making it harder to focus on her memories.

"A-Zhan still visits the residence from time to time." Lan Qiren stated after a brief hesitation. Lan Xichen felt the wording was strange. His uncle's words made it sound like the visits had decreased, but they were as regular as they always have been.

"Do not grieve in excess. Six months after she died was already too far. I said then we should have demolished the building." Another elder spoke. Lan Xichen felt his heart drop to his stomach.

'No... Not Muqin's house. Please no.' Lan Xichen was panicking. He knew that Lan Wangji's monthly visits were violating the rule of grieving excessively, but that was all they had of her.

"A-Zhan is being filial. Since she has not been included in our ancestral shrine, where do you suppose her children should go to pay their respects?" Lan Qiren inquired. There was some mumbled words that Wen Qing didn't quite catch.

"She killed an elder of the GusuLan sect." One person pointed out in outrage.

"She is still the former Madam Lan and their muqin. It is appropriate to pay respects to her from time to time." Another voice said in a placating tone. Lan Xichen was so anxious that he had subconsciously begun to hold his breath. He thought any concerns about his didi kneeling outside their mother's home were over. His uncle had stopped assigning punishment to Lan Wangji for it and had started to just ignore Lan Wangji's monthly absence. Lan Xichen didn't know it had bothered the elders so much that they wanted to tear down their mother's home.

Wen Qing felt something like a panic attack starting to rise. She could not keep failing to pull them out of here. Her mind raced and she settled on one memory she was certain would be able to do the trick. Wen Qing gritted her teeth and thought back to the day she died. She thought about the smell of the smoke as it stung her eyes. The heat of the fire as it began to burn her. The agonized cry that had come from Wei Wuxian before they left. Like he was hopeless, like it was his chest that their didi had punched through.