On the same day every month Lan Wangji would kneel in front of their mother's residence. He arrived first thing in the morning and left just in time to enter his room at curfew. The next morning he would report to the ancestral hall to receive punishment. The scoldings became shorter, but the disappointment in Lan Qiren's voice deepened. Eventually when Lan Wangji reported to the ancestral hall Lan Qiren would simply voice the rules Lan Wangji had violated and immediately dismiss him to complete his punishment. The punishment was the same every time. Lan Wangji would spend the entire day copying the rules. He could not even leave for meal times. His meals would be delivered to the library.

Lan Xichen had learned after the first time to never try and talk his uncle out of the punishments again. Lan Xichen never wanted Lan Wangji to be scolded for making things more difficult for him. Lan Wangji's muted and withdrawn behaviour became worse over time. His previously shy and quiet didi didn't speak for three months straight. When he finally did start to talk again it was only one or two word answers. His tone of voice became flat, his face a neutral and serious expression. Lan Wangji removed himself from social situations. He did nothing but study and practice. He wouldn't talk with others. Wouldn't spend time with his peers. When they invited him to anything he would ignore them. One young disciple tried to pull him along anyway by grabbing his hand.

Lan Wangji ripped his hand out of their grip and gave the disciple such a glare that some of the other children started crying. No one tried to invite him to anything after that. That was when the other disciples began to be afraid of him. Watching this made Wen Qing's heart hurt. Not only with the horrible painful feelings she was experiencing from Lan Xichen. Wen Qing had not met a Lan Wangji who was shy and quiet, but still wanted to spend time with others. By the time she had met him he had long since been the cold and distant Lan Wangji that everyone avoided.

She had seen a Lan Wangji who had started to thaw. A Lan Wangji that had begun expressing in a way that apparently he had not done since before his mother died when he was six years old. What must it have been like for Lan Xichen to watch his didi shut down like this? Wen Qing knew what it was like to see Wei Wuxian try to push everyone away. It was painful. More than once she had physically dragged him out of his bed and forced him to sit outside with the rest of their family. He didn't have to talk. He didn't have to do anything. She just forced him to be present.

More than once those days ended with Wei Wuxian sobbing into Wen Qing's lap, or into Granny's. Once Wen Qing could get him outside there was always someone who would engage with him in some way. They were a family. If he wasn't playing with Wen Yuan or sitting with granny, then he was discussing wine making with Uncle four or being taught how to weave baskets by one of their Auntie's. They were all starving and suffering, but they never let anyone in their family suffer alone.

How much would it have hurt if she hadn't been able to get Wei Wuxian to at least engage with them? If he had refused to even really be present with them and secluded himself in his own mind as much as he tried to seclude himself in his cave? Wen Qing felt tears escape from her eyes and slide down her cheeks. She dried them gently with her sleeve as she watched a young Lan Xichen despair over failing his didi. Wen Qing had a burning desire to pat the young Lan Xichen's head and soothe him. She knew of course that was impossible. She was in empathy, at least in some form. That would mean she can't interact with any of the memories she is witnessing.

Lan Xichen hated what was happening. It felt like his didi had gone into seclusion like their father. Lan Wangji was technically still present, but at the same time he was far away. He didn't play, he didn't speak, he didn't smile, he didn't cry. He attended class and training with everyone else, but it seemed like he was far away. It was like there were walls around him that everyone could sense. No one approached those walls. Everyone stayed away from Lan Wangji and Lan Wangji stayed away from them.

Lan Xichen felt like he was failing his didi. He didn't know what to do. Lan Xichen started going to his father's residence with the same frequency that Lan Wangji visited their mother's. The difference was that Lan Xichen knew there was a person inside their father's residence. Their father had been in seclusion for the entirety of Lan Xichen's memory. Every day that Lan Wangji spent kneeling outside their mother's residence felt like a blade stabbing through Lan Xichen's stomach. By now he had gone to his father's residence many times.

"Fuqin... A-Zhan... A-Zhan still isn't talking. He will barely say yes or no to the questions in class." The eight year old's voice trembled as he spoke. "Fuqin. He doesn't smile or cry. He is like a statue. Fuqin, I don't know what to do. We... We need you. I need you. I don't know how to help A-Zhan. I feel like I am losing him. Muqin is gone and I am losing A-Zhan. Please Fuqin. What do I do?" Lan Xichen was sobbing outside the door. Wen Qing felt that horrible pain, this was a pain she knew all too well. That deep pain and sorrow over losing a parent accompanied by another pain that had hurt even deeper. The pain of watching her didi suffer.

'A-Ning wouldn't leave my side for months after we lost A-Niang. It was two years before he would sleep in his own bed again.' Every tear her didi shed stung her heart. For every time he cried himself to sleep, she made another silent promise to always protect him. When she held Wen Qionglin's beaten lifeless body in her arms at the labour camp it felt like her soul was being crushed. She could survive the death of her parents, but the death of her didi was not something she felt capable of surmounting. When Wei Wuxian restored Wen Qionglin's consciousness it was like he had gifted Wen Qing the world.

'A-Ying and A-Ning, my two didi.' Nothing made her prouder than the two of them. No medical accomplishment or accolade could compare to the pride she had in the two of them.

'A-Ning. The gentlest soul to ever live.' His compassion and loyalty were beautiful and pure. Even with everything that happened to him he remained himself, timid and kind.

'A-Ying. The reckless idiot who never let others tell him what could be done.' His generosity and desire to help others made him shine. Even when the world took advantage of him and crushed him, he never lost who he was. Her heart broke for the pain and suffering of her didi, but even at his worst she could still see that desire to help others. She loved and hated him for it all at the same time, because it was exactly because of this that the world was able to hurt him so badly.

The sobbing eight year old in front of Wen Qing cried there for hours. Wen Qing could hear the movement from inside the building, but nothing else. The door didn't open. Lan Xichen's father didn't speak. A puffy eyed Lan Xichen slowly made his way back down the path away from his father's residence. Wen Qing felt the despair and hopelessness and she longed for the ability to turn around and scream at the GusuLan Sect Leader who refused to even spare a single word for his eight year old son. Her fists shook with the desire to break down the door and drag Lan Xichen's father out of seclusion.

"The hell kind of Die are you?! Your sons are children! They are children who have lost their mother! You are right here! You can't even say a few words to try and comfort an eight year old?!" Wen Qing screamed at the door, well aware that nothing and no one here could hear her.

"Do you know what this is doing to your sons?! Do you understand that this is worse than having lost a parent to death?! It is worse because you are right here, alive, and you won't even allow them to hear your voice! Everyday you sit in this house you are abandoning them! Everyday you do this you are telling your children that they are not worth your time! Everyday you are telling them that they are unloved!" Wen Qing had tears of rage staining her cheeks, but she didn't care.

"Your oldest is eight years old!" Wen Qing screamed. "You have a didi! You must understand what this is doing to your oldest! All the responsibility you are running from he will take onto his shoulders! If you aren't there for your children then he will be there for his didi! You are asking this of an eight year old! He will take the responsibility of trying to comfort him and take care of him, and in doing so he will give up ever being a child! You are asking your eight year old to be a parent while he has to grieve the loss of his Niang and suffer the abandonment of his Die." Wen Qing's voice got quieter towards the end. Wen Qing found herself unable to understand someone like this. If you can't bring yourself to even try to support your children, then why did you have them in the first place?

As she stared at the door seething, she saw the door break. The loud snapping and banging around her as the door forcefully broke and launched itself in the room was accompanied by damage to the surrounding walls. Wen Qing was suddenly very concerned.

'That didn't seem like something that was supposed to happen.'