Lan Wangji again gazed down at the figure curled in his lap. Wei Wuxian had somehow managed to nuzzle his way part way underneath Lan Wangji's outermost layer. Wei Wuxian's face and hands were tucked away out of sight beneath the fabric, like he was trying to protect them from the cold. Lan Wangji's view was filled with Wei Wuxian's dark tangled hair. He brought one of his hands up to begin gently detangling it with his fingers. He loved the feel of Wei Wuxian's soft hair against his fingers. As Lan Wangji repeated the soothing motion he could feel Wei Wuxian press himself closer to the touch. A contented murmur coming from where Wei Wuxian's face was still hidden beneath Lan Wangji's outer layer.

'Wei Ying. Do you always choose to suffer for everyone else? Why? Why can you not take care of yourself as well?' Lan Wangji felt his heart ache. All he wanted was to protect Wei Wuxian. Hide him somewhere where no one could hurt him. Lan Wangji reflexively tightened his hold on Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian either didn't mind or was too distracted by the feel of Lan Wangji stroking his hair to care.

Lan Wangji looked back up at Wen Qing. She knew a lot about Wei Wuxian. She worried about him a lot as well. She had sought to speak with Lan Wangji while Wei Wuxian was asleep. Perhaps fearing how Wei Wuxian would react. Lan Wangji lightly bit the inside of his lip. There were things he was worried about. Worries that he did not want to address to Wei Wuxian. Too afraid that they would be taken as doubts or suspicions. Lan Wangji looked carefully at Wen Qing. Perhaps he could ask her. Maybe he could find the answers his anxious heart needed, without hurting Wei Wuxian.

"The demonic cultivation." Lan Wangji's voice suddenly grabbed Wen Qing's attention. Lan Wangji felt like just starting the conversation had taken a tremendous effort. Wen Qing had already given them one lecture when they questioned the resentful energy. The lecture had left Lan Wangji feeling cold and wounded. The thought that poorly chosen words could be all it would take for Wei Wuxian to seek his own death. The thought that Wei Wuxian might die. Lan Wangji felt his heart begin to race. It became a struggle to keep his breathing regular.

Wen Qing examined Lan Wangji's expression carefully. He had certainly been more expressive in these last two days, but that did not mean it was easy to tell what he was feeling. His face was mostly blank at the moment, but she could see a trace of emotions in his eyes. A slightly more laboured sound to his breaths. She waited for Lan Wangji to continue. The silence stretched for a while and she began to wonder if perhaps the slightly laboured breathing was perhaps the sign of more significant anxiety than she initially surmised. He was often not very expressive. If he started having a panic attack it wasn't impossible that it might be difficult to notice.

"Does it hurt Wei Ying?" Finally he continued what he wanted to say. Wen Qing looked at Lan Wangji closely. She was pretty sure he was anxious, but this line of inquiry was often dicey at best. She had heard of the many times Wei Wuxian was lectured about demonic cultivation. Not to mention it became almost everyone's focus after the war. It seemed once the war ended all anyone cared about when it came to Wei Wuxian was the fact that he was a demonic cultivator. To say it was a sore subject was most certainly an understatement.

"You don't want to ask A-Ying?" Wen Qing inquired carefully. She wanted to make sure she understood why he was asking. She thought she knew the answer, but she needed to make sure. GusuLan sect had some pretty strong opinions about demonic cultivation from what Wen Qing knew. She could not allow her negligence to bring Wei Wuxian any more pain.

"Wei Ying, may misunderstand." Lan Wangji said carefully. Wen Qing tilted her head slightly. Most people would experience being misunderstood in their lives. For someone who used very few words. Wen Qing could only assume it was even more common.

"Then tell me why you are asking this question." Wen Qing said evenly. Lan Wangji's gaze shifted down when he heard Wen Qing's response. Wen Qing was aware that she was being a little unfair. She could guess that Lan Wangji was concerned about Wei Wuxian's well being. She still wanted him to say the reason out loud. Firstly because she needed to protect Wei Wuxian. His heart was much more fragile than his body, and she did not want to see it break anymore. Second, if Lan Wangji was going to be with her didi, then he needed to learn to be comfortable expressing his feelings. She didn't want her didi to have to guess. Especially when his first guesses were usually self deprecating. So she would be a little mean to her future brother-in-law.

"Worried." Lan Wangji voiced firmly. Wen Qing smiled. That didn't take him as long as she feared it would. Maybe she wouldn't need to push him too much in the future. Wen Qing let out a sigh and then wondered how to answer his question. Wen Qing's own knowledge about demonic cultivation was limited. Wei Wuxian didn't teach it to anyone. He didn't explain how to do it. True he had written half completed notes that littered the floor of his cave, but most of her knowledge came from what she observed or pried out of him for the purposes of informing his medical care.

The main problem was that by the time Wei Wuxian was in her care regularly it was after the war. In that time he had already had his golden core removed, effectively preventing him from ever being able to cultivate or use spiritual energy, and reducing his ability to heal. The marks on his body had told her a story of his experiences. His body was a map walking her through his misery. Every broken bone that had healed without treatment spoke of intense pain and isolation.

Whip marks on his back that had an unusual burn like quality to them. Zidian.

Scars forming clean rigid lines on his skin. Marks left by swords or other blades.

Scars on the front and back of his body that lined up perfectly. Places that he was stabbed.

Jagged scars that came in sets from three's to fives. Scratches and gashes, probably from fierce corpses.

Curved imprints of teeth. The faintest ones looked like those of wolves or dogs. The more recent ones appeared human. Some of them were dramatic and deep as though he had lost flesh from the injury. Fierce corpses again, many of them.

The brand over his heart where he had stepped in to shield someone else.

Then there were the nightmares. The number of times he awoke in screams before he started posting talismans to prevent them from hearing. By then Wen Qionglin had started keeping watch over him when he slept. So he could wake him if he was having a nightmare. Except he often was having a nightmare. He never said as much, but she knew his insomnia was because he was afraid of those nightmares. He was too frightened to be able to relax and rest. He'd go days without sleeping until he would finally pass out. Only when his body shut down like this could he spend any proper length of time sleeping.

That fact that last night he only seemed to suffer one nightmare was an absolute miracle. The way he was sleeping peacefully right now. She had only seen him that way when he would nap with Wen Yuan. It was the greatest testament to how safe he must have felt with Lan Wangji. Come to think of it, she should probably talk to Lan Wangji about Wei Wuxian's nightmares. In all likelihood they would continue to be a problem. Wen Qing remembered how startling it was at first. Once they all understood what was happening the screams stopped being so frightening. Instead they were heartbreaking. It felt like every time he forgot to activate the silencing talismans they would inevitably hear him wake up screaming.

So really to ask if the demonic cultivation hurt him was a difficult question, because Wei Wuxian was already in such terrible condition. Trying to determine what damage had accumulated because of the terrible pain and trauma he endured, and what damage came from demonic cultivation. There was no way to say for certain without Wei Wuxian disclosing more than he ever did. All Wen Qing had to go on was her observations while he was in her care. Which was only about half the time he had been using it, and never to the extent he used it during the war.

Wen Qing let out a long sigh. There were things she would not disclose for Wei Wuxian, but on the other hand this was Lan Wangji she was talking to. There were things he should know. Things she wanted him to know, because maybe he could get Wei Wuxian to talk to him about them. Maybe Wei Wuxian would finally let someone see all those things he kept locked inside himself.

"Yes. But not how you think." Wen Qing replied at last. She looked at Lan Wangji carefully as she did her best to respect the promises she had made to Wei Wuxian, while also telling Lan Wangji what she felt he needed to know.

"There are a few things to understand. The most important is that I didn't start taking care of his medical needs until after the war was over. By the time the war ended he was not in good condition. Very horrible things happened to A-Ying. These things put him in a position where he had no choice but to learn demonic cultivation. A-Ying never allowed anyone to know that he didn't have a choice." Wen Qing watched Lan Wangji's expression carefully. It was important for Lan Wangji to understand that it wasn't a choice. It had never been a choice. It had been Wei Wuxian's only option, his only path to protect the people he cared about.

"Why?" Lan Wangji's voice was a bit louder than usual. His eyebrows creased in concern and his eyes wide with some emotion that Wen Qing could not quite identify. Wen Qing sighed and shook her head.

"I won't explain why. A-Ying never spoke of what happened to him. He never allowed anyone to learn that he couldn't cultivate the way others did anymore. Most of what I know I witnessed myself, and I have made promises to not disclose it." Wen Qing said quietly. Before Lan Wangji could protest, Wen Qing's expression became suddenly fierce. Her eyes burned and her voice filled with a commanding tone that promised a swift end to all who ignored it.

"Understand, Lan Wangji, I am only telling you this because most of the things you said that hurt him, were due to you missing this information. He did not like needing to use demonic cultivation. Right now he can cultivate normally again. His body had not endured what his mind has. If he didn't know deep down that the war cannot be won without it, he would not use demonic cultivation in this lifetime." Wen Qing had been uncomfortable talking about some of those things which really should only be told by Wei Wuxian himself. But she hated the thought of how many people told him to stop using demonic cultivation. Unbeknownst to them they were telling him to sacrifice his only means of protecting the people he cared for. They were telling him to give up his only means of protecting himself. They were ridiculing him for choosing a path he never really chose. They were lecturing him to do what everyone else did, when he no longer could.

Lan Wangji's expression seemed pained. He was holding Wei Wuxian in his arms like he could somehow shield him from the things that had already hurt him. Wen Qing almost smiled. Ironically Lan Wangji in theory could. He couldn't prevent what Wei Wuxian's mind had already suffered, but he could prevent the events from repeating. He could prevent Wei Wuxian's body from suffering the things his mind could remember. That was a start. Wen Qing took another dee breath before she continued to speak.

"A-Ying never taught or explained to anyone how his demonic cultivation works. What I know is from my observations. One thing I am certain of is that resentful energy is highly reactive to emotions. The more intense the emotions the more effort A-Ying had to spend to control the energy. This is why it reacts the way it does when he is unconscious. A-Ying suffers terrible nightmares. I can't say with certainty that the resentful energy doesn't contribute to them, but his history more than provides for their contents. If he is having a nightmare only a few people can touch him. With most people the resentful energy will lash out to protect him." Wen Qing looked at Lan Wangji thoughtfully for a moment.

"I actually wasn't certain if you would be able to yesterday," Wen Qing admitted. Lan Wangji looked up at her with confusion in his eyes. "Even people he cares for won't necessarily be able to approach him when he is in that state. It was a guess based on my knowledge of you and Wei Wuxian's feelings." Wen Qing smiled then. "I have never seen him able to sleep so peacefully for so long. That he only seemed to have the one nightmare yesterday is like a small miracle to me." Wen Qing was watching with amusement as Lan Wangji looked down at Wei Wuxian. He affectionately stroked Wei Wuxian's hair and kissed the top of his head. Wen Qing had to physically hold back a laugh when she noticed Lan Wangji's ears seemed to have flushed pink.

'A-Ying, you never mentioned this. You must not have noticed it yet.' Wen Qing smiled against the back of her hand. 'I feel sorry for Lan Wangji. A-Ying is going to be merciless when he realizes Lan Wangji blushes with his ears.' Wen Qing had managed to get her expression under control by the time Lan Wangji looked up at her again.

"What else?" Lan Wangji asked. Wen Qing's expression dimmed as she sifted back through what she had deduced about Wei Wuxian's demonic cultivation.

"A-Ying is more sensitive to the presence of resentful energy. I've also gotten the impression that resentful energy is not as comfortable to use as spiritual energy." Wen Qing said slowly. "It seems to be uncomfortable. When he is using it in small amounts I don't notice anything, but if her uses a lot he sometimes seems to be in pain. It doesn't seem to be attacking his body. There isn't any damage to heal afterwards. I also can't speak to whether or not it did any damage when he was first learning it. I didn't treat him until after the war, so he had been using it extensively before I would have an opportunity to examine him. I can't say for certain that it won't damage the spiritual pathways. So far it hasn't." Wen Qing added the last two sentences hesitantly. Previously he had no meaningful spiritual energy. Everything was plenty damaged already so there wasn't more harm for it to do. As such she hadn't gotten to see what would happen now that he had a golden core.

Lan Wangji seemed lost in thought. He didn't say anything. He wasn't even looking at Wen Qing. He was staring at the table, but she suspected his eyes weren't really seeing anything. Wen Qing couldn't be certain if she had relieved his anxiety or created more. On the one hand she had more or less stated that the demonic cultivation didn't seem to be causing harm to his body. On the other hand she had informed him that it seemed to be uncomfortable, or painful, to use. Further more she could not assess if it fuelled his nightmares in anyway. Nor could she say anything concrete about how it would affect his ability to use spiritual energy.

"I hope A-Ying will someday tell you the things he hasn't talked to anyone about." Wen Qing said quietly. Lan Wangji looked up at her. "I know the massacre of Lotus Pier devastated him. I know he lost more than anyone ever realized. I know from the scars I saw on his body that he suffered horribly during the war. And I know how he was treated after." Wen Qing elaborated.

"But A-Ying did not talk about these things. What I know are things I witnessed. Things I deduced from the scars and nightmares they left behind. A-Ying always tried to keep his pain to himself. The things I witnessed are what spilled over beyond his control to conceal. I hope someday he shares these things with you, so that he can finally feel like he is not alone." Wen Qing truly hope Wei Wuxian would open up to Lan Wangji. She wanted him to feel seen. She wanted him to feel accepted, and she suspected that until he opened up part of him would always think that he was only accepted because people didn't know. She didn't want him to be able to think that anymore.