Chapter 30 ― Back home 

We couldn’t talk at all.

Niall tried to spend time alone with me, but I was always worried about Phebs who looked more depressed every day. We tried to cheer her up, we took her to different bookstores but her smile wasn’t real anymore and Liam noticed it. I knew I had to talk to Niall, our time was running out, but Phoebe was one of my best friends, I couldn’t leave her alone and worry about my own issues forgetting about her. She would never do that to me, and neither would I.

“Alex,” Liam called me when they were preparing for their last concert in Wembley. I was on my way to the dressing room and I didn’t expect to run into him in the hall. I turned around to see the boy walking towards me, his expression a reflection of sheer concern. “I need to talk to you,” he added and I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, trying to find an excuse to avoid him. Lately, we all tried to avoid him.

“Sure, tell me, but I think we should keep walking. The guys are waiting for us, you know,” I reminded him trying to smile.

“It won’t take too long and we need privacy. It’s about Phebs,” he said what I feared the most. I couldn’t talk about Phebs with him. “What’s wrong with her?” He asked staring into my eyes and I swallowed hard. “She’s not the same anymore, she hardly talks to me. I’m worried.”

I felt so bad for him and for Phebs and I hated to be in that place in that moment. Damn my luck. A part of me was happy that the tour was almost over because this situation was dragging me out, and not only me, but all the lads as well.

“She’s okay, Liam. You don’t have to worry. She doesn’t speak to you that much ‘cos she wants to give you some time with Danielle, that’s all,” I lied and I hated myself for that reasons. I didn’t like to lie to Liam, he didn’t deserve it, but I couldn’t tell him the truth either.

“Then look at me and tell me that again ‘cos I don’t believe you, Alex. Tell me the truth. What’s happening here? I care about her too, you know? Why is she pushing me aside?” His eyes were begging me to tell him the truth and it was killing me not to do it, but I jut couldn’t.

“I’m sorry, Liam. I can’t tell you, but I promise you one thing: everything’s gonna be fine.” Because she will forget about you eventually, I added as an afterthought.

He looked at me unsure and I was just hoping we would accept what I was telling him, but he shook his head from side to side. “I can’t stay like this and not do anything. If you don’t tell me, she will. I won’t accept a no for answer,” he stated and I panicked. No, he couldn’t do that.

“Liam!” I cried out grabbing him by the arm when he was leaving to the dressing room where she was hanging out with the other lads. “Don’t do that. Please, leave her alone. Just for another couple of days. If you truly care about her, don’t ask her anything.”

He looked so confused and, oh how I wished I could do something else, say something to put him at ease, but that was the best I could do. Phebs would die first before telling him why she was so sad lately and I couldn’t allow something like that to happen. I had to take care of her.

“Why? Why can’t I talk to her about this? It’s my fault, isn’t it?” I bit my lower lip not knowing how to reply to that. He understood my silence and I saw the hurt expression in his face. “What did I do to her? I need to apologise.”

“It’s not your fault, Liam. Believe me, it’s not,” I reassure him because it wasn’t his fault. It was nobody’s fault because no one can control who we fall in love with. “Everything will be fine, Liam. I promise.”

He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds trying to figure out what to do next. At the end he looked at me again with a weak smile. “I’ll trust you in this, Alex. I hope you’re right and everything will be fine again.”

I nodded because I had this lump in my throat and I couldn’t utter a sound. We walked together to the dressing room and the first thing I did was run to Niall and hug him tight, so grateful that even if it was just for a short period of time, we could be together and he wanted me back.

* * *

“I missed you so much!” Belle squeaked when Phebs and I finally got home.

The tour was officially over and we were back home. Belle was waiting for us with Dan whom I hadn’t seen in forever, so right after I hugged my black-haired friend I went to him. Dan was a nice lad, considerate, smart, funny, caring and he loved Belle so much. He was really tall, with chocolate eyes, dirty blond hair and a really cute face. They looked so lovely together.

“And we missed you! Longest week ever!” I told her smiling. Belle had Phebs embraced as Dan kept me captive. Phebs looked a bit more cheered up, but you could still see she wasn’t okay. Belle noticed that, of course.

“I know, nothing is the same without me, but you’re home and we’ll be fine. How are you feeling, sweetie?” She asked Phebs, and our friend smiled.

“I’ll be fine. I just needed to put some distance between us,” she replied and Belle nodded. The last week had been a complete torture for the poor girl.

“Okay, carry your things to your rooms and we’ll have dinner. Tell Niall he can come, too. If he wants to, but let him know that I´ll be cooking, not you,” she stated, her eyes fixed on me and I just smiled as I took my luggage again and went up stairs with Phebs following me.

As I got into my room that I really missed, my bed the most, I took my phone to send Niall a text when I noticed I already had a few.

from: Nialler <3 – it’s crazy! I already miss you.

I smiled at his cuteness and I replied quickly.

to Nialler <3 – and I miss you, that’s why you’re more than invited to have dinner with us.

My other texts were from Louis joking about how difficult it was to be away from me and that we should think of buying a house close to the school for our future kids. That boy was truly insane. The other was from Liam asking for Phebs.

to Daddy Direction – She’s okay. Don’t worry.

Phebs wasn’t okay yet, we all knew that and she wasn’t going to be okay for a while, but I didn’t want to make him even more worried about her, so lying was the best I could do for the moment.

Soon I received Niall’s answer telling me he was on his way. I had one more week before my classes started and luckily, he had a two weeks break before going to Australia. I knew that was all we had left and we needed to talk about it, but I just couldn’t gather the strength to do it, I didn’t want to ruin what we had yet. I always tried my best to make this work because I always knew we didn’t have much time and I didn’t want to spend it fighting or in other useless things.

I unpacked all my stuff and by when I went down, Niall was knocking at the door. I smiled at him who just looked so nice. “Hi. I missed you,” he told me and I chuckled. We just saw each other two hours ago. However, I missed him too and that scared me because it made me think of how I was going to do it when we weren’t together anymore. I was going to miss him terribly. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked grabbing me by the hips and pulling me against his body. He lowered his head till our foreheads were touching. Probably my thoughts about the end of my relationship with Niall must have shown on my face and I tried to compose a smile again, but my heart was aching already.

“Nothing important,” I told him. I knew lying wasn’t okay, that I should tell him but I didn’t feel prepared yet. “I missed you, too.” He cupped my face with his left hand and softly met my lips in a soft kiss. He knew I wasn’t telling him the whole truth, he knew there was something more I was keeping for myself and I was sure he was going to insist later, but in that moment he let it pass and just hugged and kissed me. Just feeling his body next to me and his lips moving in sync with mine made it all seem better.

“Are you gonna stay at the doorframe all night snogging or are you actually going to come in?” Belle asked from behind and we broke our kiss. I felt heat in my cheeks and saw Niall blushing as he wrapped his arm around my waist and put me next to him so both could face my friend. “Hi, Niall. It’s nice to see you again.”

“Hi, Belle,” he replied with a smile. She was grinning evilly and I knew she was enjoying the moment. It wasn’t normal that she could embarrass me in front of one of my boyfriends and she was taking advantage of this situation. “We miss you with the lads,” he added and she nodded without losing her smile.

“I know. I’m irreplaceable,” she laughed and we did the same. I finally closed the door and with Niall we walked towards my friend. “Now, come here, I want you to meet Dan.”

We walked to the kitchen where Dan was helping Belle make dinner. Belle made the introductions and soon we were all helping her, except for Phebs who was taking a bath. We didn’t want to bother her, after all, she needed to recover, right?

Dinner went great and we all had a good time, Phebs looked a lot better and seeing her smile took a weight off my shoulders. I’d been so worried about her lately and I missed her true smile so much. After that, Niall and I offered to wash the dishes, which took longer than expected as we started a fight with water in the kitchen. I had to lend him sweatpants and a t-shirt of my brother because his clothes ended all wet. I had to change as well and we went to my room before he had to go back to his flat.

“It’s gonna be so weird not having you around all the time,” he told me in one specific moment. We were sitting on my bed, he was hugging me from behind, his chin resting on my right shoulder as his hands were on my belly. I had my macbook on my lap and we were watching stupid videos on Youtube. I loved to laugh with Niall.

“Yeah, but you’ll get used to it,” I said turning my head to him so I could see his beautiful blue eyes. He had to get used to it because later we weren’t going to see each other again.

“I know. And when your classes start everything is gonna be more complicated,” he mused and I tensed. He touched that delicate topic and I realised he thought we still were going to be together by then. “But we’re gonna make it work, right?” He added with a hopeful tone and I avoided his gaze. I couldn’t look at him when I couldn’t support him in that idea. “Alex?” he asked me again and I shut my eyes tightly, debating myself in what to do, what to say.

He took my macbook and put it aside, then he made me turn around so we ended face to face and there he grabbed mine with his both hands and forced me to look at him.

“What’s going on, Alex?” he inquired and I bit my cheek. “Are you worried for what’s going to happen?” Something in my face must have answered that because his expression softened and he hugged me tightly, hiding my face in the crook of his shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, babe. You don’t have to worry. We’ll work it out,” he promised and I wanted to believe him. Oh how I wanted to believe him, but I wasn’t stupid. I always knew that even if we wanted to, we couldn’t be together. He didn’t know it yet, but he would… soon.