Chapter 25 ― Gloomy 

I woke up with a lump in my throat. The dream was still playing in my head and my heart ached because I knew it wasn’t just a dream, it was the future. I knew this from the very beginning. I knew that Niall and I didn’t have much time ahead, that our story was ephemeral, but it still hurt like hell to see it. My heart was going to be broken but not because he didn’t care for me, or because he cheated on me or because he stopped caring about me; it was going to be because we couldn’t be together anymore.

Ethan woke up, too, and he must have seen my face because he rose immediately and took my hand. “You okay?” He asked me with concern as I swallowed hard.

“Yup, just a bad dream,” I replied but my heart still ached, waiting for that moment I saw in my dream, because I knew it was inevitable.

“Whatever it was, you can talk to me, you know, right?” He said and I nodded leaning on him.

We stayed like that for a while, I tried to push aside the memory of my dream, but it was so difficult. My feelings for Niall were so strong that they startled me, and just thinking of being apart from him hurt me. I had it clear that I just knew him for a couple of weeks, but our connection was something that I had never experienced before, it was… well, it felt unique and so precious. I knew I was falling for Niall… now I knew that I already fell and those weren’t good news because it only meant it was going to hurt more at the end.

I was gloomy all morning and made my friends and Ethan feel worried, but I couldn’t help it. The dream flashed before my eyes over and over again, I couldn’t stop seeing Niall’s face when he said it was over. They tried to make me talk, but I just hugged myself torn between wanting to run to Niall’s arms or running as far away from him as I could. I wasn’t sure whether I had to cut everything between us now, or wait –and to enjoy in meantime– until the end hoping I would survive that moment.

I was probably being dramatic and I was overreacting, I would have laughed at any other person in a situation like this before, but it felt completely different when one was at this end of the situation. It was different when it was your heart the one being broken.

“Alex, you okay?” Phebs asked sitting next to me. I didn’t notice her approaching as I was sitting on the sofa hugging my legs, lost deep in my thoughts. I looked up at her and bit my cheek trying to figure out what to say. I was so used to say ‘fine, I’m perfect’ even when I felt so divided inside, but I was tired. For a moment I wanted to think of myself and what I was feeling, I wanted to let people hear me out, to give me advice. I wanted support, the same support I always refused because I cared more about not worrying them than about what I was feeling.

“I don’t think so,” I replied with a shattered voice. Phebs opened her eyes in surprise before hugging me. I buried my face in her chest and hugged her back. “I don’t wanna lose Niall,” I whispered ever so low. “I think I love him and I don’t wanna lose him.”

“What makes you think you’re gonna lose him?” asked my friend rubbing my back.

“I’m realistic, Phebs. I’ve told you this before: our lives don’t fit together. How can a relationship work between us when he’s a popstar and I’m just a girl. He has tours, I have exams. He has tons of fans, I have tons of things to study. We just can’t…” I trailed off.

“How can you be so sure about it? Alex, you are giving up without even trying your best to achieve what you want. The Alex I know never quits without a fight,” she told me cupping my cheeks so I would see her eyes. “The Alex I know wouldn’t just assume that everything was lost without fighting.”

I smiled weakly apprehending her words. She was right, it wasn’t me to be like that. My self-consciousness was making me betray myself. I had to talk to Niall at least, I had to try at least. I couldn’t just give up now, and even if it was going to finish at the end of summer, I would make it count. I was going to get the best memories and cherish them forever, because I believed that my relationship with Niall had been the best I had ever had.

“You’re right, Phebs. Thanks,” I added feeling a tad bit better. At least I had made my mind and I knew what to do next.

“Now cheer up ‘cos we’re going out. The boys called and said they’ll meet us at the bowling place,” she told me smiling and so did I.

“Bowling, yay!” I cheered clapping so Phebs would see I could obey sometimes. “There is going to be food, right?” I asked seriously and she laughed.

“Niall and you are going, so there must be food or we’ll be sorry.” We both laughed as Belle and Ethan walked into the living room and glanced at us.

“You did it! She’s laughing!” Ethan congratulated Phebs who was smiling proud of herself. “We were so worried.”

I blinked a couple of times as the sentence hit me. I didn’t want to tell them what was going on because I didn’t want them to worry, but not telling them made them worry even more. Why didn’t I see that before? Of course it was like that! When Belle or Phebs didn’t tell me what was wrong I got sick worried, why would it be different for them? I was so dumb sometimes.

“Sorry,” I mumbled really meaning it. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Ethan walked towards me and stole me from Phebs’ arms. “I’m your brother, silly, it’s my job to worry about you. All the time.” I heard Belle cooing at us as I hugged Ethan tightly. “Now get yourself ready. Enough of wearing my shirts. Steal your boyfriend’s clothes, not mine!” I backed up, pouting and looking at him with my puppy eyes.

“But your shirts are larger and therefore comfier!” I complained and he just sighed.

“I swear, every time I see you I need to buy a bunch of new clothes ‘cos you take everything from me. My wardrobe really fears you!” We all laughed again as I nodded enthusiastically. I couldn’t help it, I loved men’s clothes.

* * *

Before I put a foot on the bowling centre, I heard someone screaming. “WIFEEEEE!” And I immediately knew it was Louis, even before I really saw him. The brunet ran towards me and gave me a bear hug. “Oh, wife! It’s so hard not having you close! I missed you so much! No one wants to make me carrot juice in the morning, not even Liam! And he’s supposed to be nice! And Harry’s jealous ‘cos I like you better,” he explained and I just laughed.

“Oh, poor baby,” I said not even feeling a bit of pity for him. “Now let me go,” I asked but he refused to. “Lou,” I asked again. “LOUIS!” Just then he let me go but looked at me pouting. “Thanks,” I added with a smile as I patted his cheek like he was a good kid. He smiled brightly and I swear I could see his non-existing tail waving desperately, like he was a little cute puppy.

I chuckled as I resumed my walking towards the rest of the boys who had already greeted Belle, Phebs and Ethan. I hugged them and left Niall for the end so I could stay at his side. I just pecked his lips and smiled widely. “How are you, babe?” he asked kissing my temple and wrapping his arm around my waist.

“Better now,” I replied all cheesy with that silly smile pasted on my face. He smiled back, that sweet and oh-so-cute smile that I loved so much. “How was your morning?” I asked as we all sat at the table and waited for someone to take our order. The bowling had a restaurant too and I was starving.

“Boring. It’s not the same without you all,” he answered looking at the menu.

“And think what’s going to be now that Belle’s leaving,” I reminded him and he opened his eyes in surprise. He probably didn’t remember that Belle was staying with us until Dan came back. “Yeah, Dan is getting home tomorrow and Belle wants to be there to meet him.”

“Oh, it’s going to be different without her. We’re gonna miss her.” So would Phebs and I. “I can’t believe that we’ve been on tour for three weeks already.”

“Me neither. Time’s definitely flown by.”

“What are you talking about?” Louis interrupted. “Are you talking about how you’re gonna name your baby after me?” He asked hopeful and I choked.

“‘Course not,” Liam replied for us. I smiled thankfully. “They’re gonna name it after me,” added the boy with a cocky smile.

I slapped my forehead as Niall laughed at what was just a fight for after whom we were naming our non-existing baby. Sometimes I wondered how could they talk so much crap at the same time.

A waitress came, finally, to ask for our order and the boys finally shut up. The girls was pretty, blonde, slim, with big hazel eyes. She definitely looked shocked at the sight of the boys. “M-m-may I take your-your order?” she asked visually shaking. I bet she was a fan!

The lads smiled at the girl whilst Ethan just looked confused. “Thanks, love. We were dying here!” Harry replied with his flirtatious grin. I thought the girl was going to faint.

“Want a picture?” Liam offered in a sweet tone and the girl just nodded, speechless.

“I’ll take it!” Phebs offered standing up as the girl took off her phone and handed to my friend. The boys stood up too and went to hug the girl who could only smile brightly. Oh, the boys were so sweet to their fans.

Phebs snapped the picture and returned the phone to its owner after each lad gave the girl a hug. “What’s your name?” Liam asked still smiling.

“Melanie. Oh my God, I can’t believe this…” she mumbled, her cheeks burning red. “I love you all so much,” she continued.

“Thank you! And we love you,” Harry added hugging the girl again. I saw how her eyes started to become all teary. I didn’t understand that emotion. I’ve met some of my favourite artists, but I never felt like crying. Girls like Melanie actually cried when meeting the lads. It was incredible.

She took a couple of seconds to put herself together and breathed in deeply before taking off the little notepad of her pocket to take our order. Finally! I was famished. We started to ask what we wanted, but I couldn’t quite decide. I was so hungry; I wanted everything! “What are you ordering, babe?” Niall asked cooking his head and looking at me frowning at the menu.

“Everything…” I whispered and he chuckled.

“I know you can handle that, so if you really want everything…”

“Is she your girlfriend?” Melanie asked out of the blue still holding the notepad. I looked up at her surprised, she was smiling sweetly. Niall smiled too as he hugged me and nodded. “Oh, you look cute together. I didn’t know you had girlfriend.”

“It’s kinda secret,” he told her in a whisper and she giggled. “And my girlfriend here wants everything on your menu,” he added and I could hear the pride in his voice.

The girl giggled as she took note of my order in her notepad. “You two are meant to be together,” she commented with her sweet smile. I looked at Niall and the way he was staring at me made my heart race. It was so intense that I felt like the world stopped and everything around us disappeared leaving the two of us alone.

In that moment, I believed her.