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Chapter 18 ― Ballet

     After two successful concerts in Cardiff, the lads wanted to do something special for their last concert in that city, so they were going to play a new song; therefore they rented a studio and now they were rehearsing and, of course, the girls and I were there watching them.

I had to admit it: they were rather hilarious. I had to cover my eyes every time Zayn was trying to dance because I burst out laughing and that wasn’t nice of me. Liam defended him all the time, saying that he was training the boy. If it was like that, I didn’t want to see how he danced before.

What I did during the last couple of days was to remain in the friend zone with Niall, regardless my feelings for him. I wasn’t going to ask him what he felt about me and take the risk of losing him. Belle and Phebs looked at me reproachfully from time to time, but I ignored them because I was doing what I thought it was the best.

“Okay, lads. I think that’s enough for today,” an older man said and the boys stopped altogether with the music. “Tomorrow will meet here again for a last rehearsal before the concert. I think it’s gonna be okay. Good job, everyone!”

The boys cheered and went in different directions looking for bottles of water and towels. With the girls we clapped and smiled at them. “You did great!” Belle complimented them and all the boys smiled happily.

“Thanks!” Liam talked for everyone. “Wanna go somewhere later? We’re free now,” he suggested and we all grinned.

“Food!” Niall exclaimed and I seconded him. My belly was craving for food. “Let’s go to Nandos! Please, please, please!” he begged to Liam pulling his sleeve over and over again like a little kid.

“Sure,” Liam replied as a good parent and I just giggled. They could be so cute sometimes.

Niall started a happy dance and the rest joined him and that was the start for a moment of playing and laughing in the studio. I really liked where we were, it brought me sweet memories of a nice infancy. The polished floor, the shiny mirrors all over the place, the music room. I liked everything.

“So, in our minute of enlightenment of the day, Alex, please do tell us who is in your shirt?” Louis asked approaching to me with the microphone he was rehearsing with. He did the same every time I wore a t-shirt with a band I liked.

“Oh, today you’ll meet Within Temptation. I really like this band!” I replied running to the music room to plug in my iPod and select the album of the band. I hit play and let them listen to it as I went back to them. “So? Isn’t it incredible? I love her voice, it’s so powerful.”

All the boys –because my friends already knew the band– nodded in agreement, listening to the lyrics and the lovely voice of the singer. “It’s really good,” Zayn said looking at me.

Things still were a bit tense between us, but we were trying to go back to that point where we were before; but it was difficult when I knew his feelings. That was another reason for me not telling Niall about my feelings, because he wouldn’t treat me the same way after knowing that for me he wasn’t just a friend.

The rest of the boys agreed with Zayn and I smiled proudly. “Okay, I think we shall go. I’m starving! And I need a shower,” Liam talked for the group again.

“You go ahead. I’ll go for my iPod and I’ll catch up with you later,” I said smiling and all of them, including Belle and Phebs, nodded as they walked out of the room.

I was walking towards the music room when the song changed to Angels. I stopped immediately because every time I heard this song, I pictured a whole routine in my mind. I hadn’t danced in a long time. Well, long time compared to how much I used to dance before.

When I was seven years old, my mom signed me in in a ballet class with Phebs and Belle. I never thought I was going to like it so much, but I loved it and I was great at it. I always got solos in our presentations or the lead role. That until puberty hit me and my body wasn’t the one of a ballerina. I even could handle wearing pink, but my body decided to destroy that change.

I took off my shoes and closing my eyes I let the music guide me. My body started to move awkwardly at the beginning, my movements sharp and clumsy, but little by little I started to loosen up and soon I could dance as I saw it in my mind so many times. I moved all over the room, dancing, spinning and jumping. I felt like a feather, so graceful, so light.

When the chorus hit I jumped higher than before, landed with my left foot and spun a couple of times with my right leg up. I wanted to jump again and I did but the landing was different. The left leg was my weak one and as I hadn’t danced in so long, my muscles giving up was the consequence of that.

I hit the floor and I remained there sighing, at least until I heard someone clapping and steps approaching. I looked up at the mirror and saw Niall’s reflection and my heart stopped. “Did– did you see that?” I asked ashamed, feeling my cheeks burning. He just smiled looking at me on the mirror as well.

“Aye, I did. You’re great, Alex. Why didn’t you tell us you could dance?” he asked sitting next to me on the floor.

“Because I don’t dance,” I replied and looked at him cautiously. He rolled his eyes and I added: “Not anymore, anyway. I used to dance.”

“Why did you stop? You’re incredible. It was breath-taking seeing you before,” he asked and I looked down again.

“Puberty,” was my response. “I don’t have the body of a ballerina. Besides, do you know a ballerina who likes to eat as much as I do?” I asked him arching one eyebrow.

“Now I know one,” he replied with a smile. “Seriously, you’re incredible.” He stopped a few seconds like thinking of something whilst I frowned at him. “You should dance for us! You know, dance at the back in one of our songs!” he told me excited and I froze.

“Pardon me?” I articulated rather clumsily, if I may say so myself.

“Aye! Dance for us. That’d be amazing! I have to tell the lads and–”

“Oh no, you’re telling no one. I won’t dance for you. If you want a ballerina, you can hire a professional one. You can have Danielle! No,” I stated folding my arms and looking dead serious.

“Oh, c’mon, Alex. You’re great and you’re here with us,” he begged but I just shook my head. “Please, pretty please!” he insisted hugging me.

I shivered when I felt his arms around me and I shivered even more when my back was pressed against his chest. My heart started to beat so fast I feared I was going to have a heart attack. I couldn’t help it, I melted against him and I almost died when he pressed his mouth next to my ear and whispered: “please?” I was about to say yes but I breathed in and closed my eyes, trying to close myself to his effect as well.

“No, Niall. I won’t dance for you and your band mates. And I definitely won’t dance in front of a massive crowd. No, thank you very much,” I replied with all my conviction.

“I’ll change your mind, then,” he stated and I snorted.

“It wouldn’t be the first time you say that but do nothing about it,” I commented and right after the words left my mouth I regretted them. His arms tensed around me and I felt him gasping.

“What do you mean?” he asked softly.

“Nothing. I mean nothing. Let’s go now, the guys are waiting for us,” I reminded him and tried to stand up but he didn’t allow me to. “Niall, I need to go for my iPod.”

“No. Tell me what you meant by that,” he requested and I wanted to hit myself for being so stupid. He made me turn around so I could face him, his hands were resting on my waist, firmly.

“Nothing, Niall. I meant nothing. Now please–”

“I’m not stupid, Alex. Tell me,” I closed my eyes fighting the need of yelling at him everything that I had inside, asking him why he just lost interest in me, why he decided we could only be friends. I wanted to recriminate him that he didn’t try to change my mind about dating him.

“I gotta go,” I mumbled, my eyes still closed. I tried to get up again but he stopped me.

“Alex,” he called my name and I bit my cheeks, doing everything in my power to supress what I wanted to scream out loud.

“Fine! You wanna know? Fine!” I cried out incapable of keeping up fighting. “When you asked me out and I told you no, you said you were going to change my mind but you did nothing about it! You just behaved like a friend with no other intention. You didn’t even try!” I blurted out angrily. “Why? Uh? What made you change your mind about me?”

I was breathing heavily and wanted to punch myself for being so stupid. I had said I wasn’t going to tell him about my feelings but now I had blurted out all my frustration because he didn’t like me.

“Let me go,” I said in a little voice avoiding his eyes, so ashamed, so disappointed in myself. He stared at me surprised, his mouth slightly open whilst my heart was beating so fast like a fucking crazy horse in my chest.

“Alex,” he whispered but I stopped him.

“No, you don’t need to answer. I was being stupid and I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry,” I said looking down.

He took his right hand off of my waist and I thought he was going to let me go, but he grabbed my chin softly with his hand and made me look at him.

“I didn’t do anything ‘cos I thought you needed time. You had just broken up with your boyfriend and I didn’t want to push you,” he explained, my heart beating even faster. How was that even possible? He put our foreheads together and I could swear my heart broke a record or something. “Nothing has changed my mind.”

My heart stopped for a second whilst I breathed in and held it. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I probably hit my head when I fell when I was dancing because it couldn’t be true.

“You… you…” I mumbled like an idiot. I was getting pretty good at that.

“I still wanna go out with you, if you want to, of course,” he replied his cheeks adorably red, that sweet smile on his face.

I smiled back raising my hand to his neck and playing with his hair. “I’d love that,” I replied and his smile grew wider.

“Great!” he said biting his lower lip. “Where do you wanna go?”

“I dunno. I hardly know this place.”

“It’s gonna be a surprise, then,” he said leaning in slowly and I did the same until we heard steps approaching us.

“Why are you taking so lo– Oops! Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude,” Harry said showing his head in the studio. Niall and I pulled back and looked at him all blushed. “We were worried that you were taking so long.”

“It’s okay. We’re going,” I replied still blushed but standing up. I helped Niall to his feet and he stood there whilst Harry looked at us with a mischievous grin.

“Okay. I’ll leave you two alone, but hurry up! We’re hungry,” he said in a tone that I knew he was going to tell the other what he saw.

We saw him leave and started to laugh. “We better go,” I added looking at him. I felt ridiculously happy and couldn’t stop smiling. I went for my iPod after he nodded and put on my combat boots again. He grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers together as we made our way to the others.