Chapter 16 ― Awkward

    I was period free and nothing could feel more beautiful. I felt like myself again, no more pills, no more needy girl, no more tears for stupid reasons. Ladies and gentlemen, Alexia Porter was back!

We were heading to our next destination in the tour bus, just the lads and us. Phebs was in a better mood, the same as I. After my conversation with Zayn things had been a tad complicated. I avoided Niall, of course, I couldn’t look him in the eyes and not want to cry or ask him for an explanation. I didn’t want to talk to Zayn either because I thought he just pitied me and I didn’t need him for that. So I spent my time with the girls, trying to cheer Phebs up whilst Danielle was with Liam.

Since then, it had been four days.

“Are you hungry, beloved wife?” Louis asked sitting next to me who was playing Solitaire on my phone.

“That’s not the question to ask, Louis. You know I’m always hungry. You have to ask: can you handle your hunger?” I replied not taking my eyes away from my game.

“Well, can you handle your hunger? Because I can’t, I’m dying here.” I kept my eyes glued on my game and soon Louis was demanding my attention. “Please, Alex, please! Make something to eat!” he begged.

“Let me win this shit and I’ll cook something. If you don’t let me finish this I’ll throw you out of the bus. Got it, husband?”

“C’mon! You can win! Go, Alex, go!” he cheered me and I was about to hit him but I decided to focus on my game until I won.

“Has anyone told you how annoying you can be?” I asked him as I stood up and went to the little kitchen to prepare something. “Sweet or salty?” I asked him.

“Yes, a lot of people have told me that. Sweet, please,” replied Louis and I just rolled my eyes as I gathered the ingredients to make a fruit salad. It was healthy and quick to prepare. A win-win situation.

“I want food, too!” An Irish accent demanded and I held my breath till I felt him next to me watching over my shoulder to see what I was preparing. “Would you make something for me too?” he asked but I kept my eyes fixed on the knife in my hand. I wasn’t going to meet his eyes so my heart would skip a beat. I was trying to get over him, but it wasn’t easy when he tried to get closer all the time, when he saw me with those puppy eyes, or his sweet smile. It was bloody difficult to try to forget about a person when he was next to you all the time and you were in a damn tour bus. You definitely didn’t have many places to hide.

“Sure,” I mumbled half-heartedly still avoiding him, I even moved slightly to my right.

“Is there something wrong?” Niall asked grabbing my wrist but I shook it off quickly because his touch sent electric jolts through my body.

“Nope. Nothing at all. Everything’s perfect,” I replied moving farther from him again, but he stepped closer.

“Liar,” stated Niall surprising me, and Louis too. I heard him gasp. “I know you and you’re avoiding me, Alex. Why? What did I do now?” I could feel his frustration when he grabbed me again and made me turn so I could face him. “Tell me what’s happening, Alex. Please,” his tone was subsided, low and his eyes were begging me but I couldn’t tell him the reasons, I couldn’t tell him that I was acting like that because he didn’t feel the way I did and that was killing me inside, seeing him everyday knowing that my feelings were unilateral made me want to scream. I just couldn’t tell him that.

“I swear, it’s nothing important. You don’t have to worry, Niall.” Right there I saw Zayn standing a few feet away watching the scene with what could only be described as a guilty expression. “Right, Zayn?” I talked loudly meeting his brown eyes. “Niall is overreacting.”

“Alex,” he whispered and I smiled, begging him to back me up here. “Yeah, Niall. You’re just overreacting,” he finally said understanding what I was asking him to do.

“See? Don’t worry.” I did the only thing I knew would make him believe me. I put my hand on his shoulder and standing on my tiptoes, I kissed his cheek softly before backing up and smiling at him. He didn’t seem fully convinced, but at the end he let it drop and smiled back.

He went to sit next to Louis and I turned around to resume my job, but my heart was aching again. That simple kiss had been like stabbing myself with my own knife. To my mind came that night when I pecked his sweet lips; his scent made me remember how much I wanted to kiss him properly; the softness of his skin only made me want him more. I should go back home, stop the torture but as much as I wanted to get over him, I didn’t want to be apart from him.

I closed my eyes tightly for a few seconds till Zayn got next to me. “May we talk later? I have something to tell you,” he said and I nodded afraid that my voice would fail me and Niall would notice it. Then the black-haired boy walked away leaving me wondering what he was going to tell me.

* * *

We were in Cardiff and the first thing we wanted to do with the girls was sightseeing. We hadn’t ever been there before and I wanted to see everything. I was really excited as in the previous cities I didn’t go out because of my stupid period. But I couldn’t put a foot outside the hotel when Zayn stopped me reminding me that we had a little chat pending. So we looked for a good place where we could have our conversation and then I could go out with my friends.

“Everything okay?” I asked him. Since we talked that day in his room, Zayn had looked down, really sad and I wanted to ask him what was happening, but then I saw him looking at me with pity in his deep eyes and I ran towards my friend Phebs who also needed me.

“I don’t think so. I did something awful, Alex, and I’m so sorry,” he started grabbing his head in his hands. I put my hand on his back and rubbed softly trying to give him some comfort.

“Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad,” I said trying to light up the situation, but Zayn just looked miserable.

“It is. I lied to a friend out of my selfishness and now two or my friends are suffering because of me. I didn’t think in that moment and now I regret so much about what I did.”

“I’m sure you didn’t do it trying to hurt them,” I offered and he looked at me hopefully, so I smiled at him. “You’re a good lad, Zayn and we all make mistakes sometimes. The important thing isn’t not to make them, it’s to realise when you did wrong and apologise, try to make it right again. You have to learn from your mistakes.”

He smiled weakly but I knew my words reached him. “Everything’s gonna be fine. Now go to your friend and say you sorry.”

He nodded and my smile grew bigger. “I’m sorry, Alex,” he said next, confusing me.

“Yeah, that’s what you have to say to your friend.” He nodded.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I’m really sorry,” he repeated and my confusion grew bigger.

“I don’t understand. What’s happening, Zayn? Why are you apologising to me?” I asked getting farther from him and looking into his eyes.

“The other day I told you–”

“What are you doing here, guys?” Harry asked appearing out of the blue and interrupting us. Zayn, who had been leaning towards me, backed immediately and I looked up at the curly-haired boy, Niall was next to him and his eyes were glued on me, his expression dead serious. “We were looking for you. Paul said we need to do sound-check, Zayn,” Harry told his mate who stood up with a resigned expression.

Zayn glanced at me before whispering: “Talk later?” I just nodded because I wanted to know what he had to tell me and why he was apologising.

I stayed there as Harry and Zayn walked away, but Niall didn’t go with them, he stayed there, his eyes on me. I looked up at him nervously, not knowing what he wanted. It was the first time I saw him with an expression like that. The lack of his usual cheerfulness was something so weird.

“So, you and Zayn, uh?” he asked, his tone plain and emotionless. I raised an eyebrow in incredulity.

“What are you saying?” I asked standing up but still holding his gaze.

“I’m just asking. You both seemed so intimate a while ago. You were hugging.” That almost sounded like he was recriminating me.

“And? He’s my friend and I can hug him whenever I want. But for your information, we were just talking. Zayn needed my help and I was comforting him. But don’t worry, I won’t try anything on him, so your friend is safe,” I tried to say in a casual tone and with a smile, but I was still shocked by his expression and his own tone.

“I’m not worried about him,” he said surprising me but mostly, confusing me.

“What do you mean?” I asked at the same moment that Harry appeared again.

“Niall! C’mon! Paul is waiting to take us to the venue. Move your lazy arse!” he shouted and Niall closed his eyes a few seconds breathing deeply.

“Aye, I’m coming!” he shouted back opening his eyes and meeting mine. “I gotta go,” he said to me this time and I nodded.

Niall turned away and walked towards Harry who was waiting for him whilst I stayed there wondering what his words meant, what his expression meant, what his look meant.

Why would Niall say something like that? Did he want to confuse me? Didn’t he know that saying things like that he gave me hopes again? That wasn’t fair! I was trying to get over him but the blond wasn’t making things easier for me.

I snorted as I made my way to where my friends were waiting for me. Suddenly, I didn’t feel in the mood for touring, but I made a promise and even if I wanted to lie on my bed, I had to keep my word. Screw Niall and his cryptic sentence!