Did I do this?

Did I smother his light?

Why didn't I call?

Itachi slowly opened the door to his apartment - he had never noticed just how gloomy his apartment was. Immaculately clean, the white walls taunting him

"You're as empty of color as we are", the walls snickered.

The organised state of his apartment seemed to only hint that no one - not one being of love - lived there. Itachi's heart had plummeted into his feet, his throat was dry and the tears...they pooled in his eyes. For some strange reason, they wouldn't fall. They wouldn't slither down his cheeks.

They wouldn't provide him with any relief.

This is what Shisui was talking about!

You're playing the victim because the meeting didn't go as planned.

Itachi undid his low ponytail, every step seemed to be of great effort. He was in physical pain - a heart he had thought he had abandoned was now shattered.

He had said goodbye to Shisui so many times. Itachi cringed in remorse. He discarded Shisui so many times...

And now, that Shisui said goodbye - the pain was immeasurable. The memories flooded him, crushing wave after wave.

Their first kiss... The night of the dance... His parents took a photograph when they were still happy.

Itachi ruined all of it.

Sasuke peaked his head out of his room. He could see the paleness of his brother, he could see the slumped shoulders. He worried, but perhaps it's what Itachi needed to ignite any form of emotion...even if that emotion is sadness.

"I'm guessing it didn't go so well", Sasuke said from the hallway.

Itachi looked at him with a blank look, he couldn't muster up an emotion; he couldn't muster up and facade.

"He...I... No. It didn't go well", Itachi muttered while walking to his room, "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

Sasuke wanted to enquire more about what happened - but his gut told him not to. Itachi closed his bedroom door behind him and Sasuke returned to his room.

Itachi sat on his bed, simply existing. The warm smile - now gone. His twinkly eyes - now black orbs.

His bubbly personality...now cold and distant.

So Itachi sat on his bed, reliving the memories of Shisui that were never to occur again. The feel of Shisui's hands on his skin. The feel of Shisui's lips on his own - the way Shisui felt inside him...

It was all gone. Gone forever.

"You're a narcissist Itachi."

That can't be true, he argued. He is constantly thinking about others - his brother for example. Everything came before Sasuke. Sasuke was his world - his reason for living.

Realization struck Itachi. Shisui wasn't talking about the general public... Shisui was talking about himself. And Itachi couldn't refute that... Much to his shame he always put his comfort, his pride before Shisui. Used Shisui to make the gray go away...

Itachi sat on his bed - lost in remorse and regret.

*****

Kakashi's room door closed and Itachi heard it. Itachi needed a distraction - he needed one badly. Something that could fill the hole in his heart. Kakashi never turned him down before - Kakashi would make it better. He would help take his thoughts off of Shisui - he would be his saving grace; even if for fifty minutes.

Itachi ran a brush through his hair, stripped naked and put on a bathrobe. He turned to the mirror and made sure everything was in place.

He crept out of his room - Sasuke was sleep now. His medication made him drowsy, so he often went to bed early.

In the dark of the hallway, Itachi could make out the light filtering out from under Kakashi's door. He needed this so badly - his body ached from Shisui's words. Kakashi could make it better.

Itachi knocked on the older male's door tentatively.

"Come on in", Kakashi's deep voice called from opposite the door.

Itachi opened the door and closed it behind him. Kakashi was engrossed in notes - his room was scattered with them. He preferred to sleep shirtless with loose pants. His chest and toned ab muscles were very visible.

But Kakashi didn't look up from his notes - too engrossed in forensics.

Itachi stood awkwardly in the room, waiting for Kakashi to lift his gaze. Itachi needed this badly. He prayed for it in his head.

"Ahem", Itachi cleared his through unsincereley.

Kakashi looked up and was greeted with a robbed Itachi, his collarbone was showing. He dropped his notes and swallowed the lump in his throat. Itachi, as always, looked so seductive. His loose hair cascaded down his shoulders - a few strands hanged over his face.

Itachi took that as an invitation to get closer, he tip toed over to Kakashi's bed and sat down - crawling closer to the older male.

Kakashi was too mesmerized to move - but he knew he should. He knew with ever fiber of his being that he should resist the temptation before him.

Itachi straddled Kakashi, his hair falling down over Kakashi's face - a silky midnight curtain. Kakashi could feel his member harden as his hands found themselves touching Itachi's smooth legs.

Itachi placed his lips to Kakashi's, it was sloppy - desperate. Itachi slithered his tongue into Kakashi's mouth.

That broke Kakashi out of his trance. He turned his head to the side to break the kiss.

"I can't, Itachi", Kakashi huffed out.

"Please... Please, I need this", Itachi whispered while licking the side of Kakashi's neck.

"No, I mean it. I'm dating Obito and I want to get this one right. I'm sorry Itachi - I can't ruin my chance with him", Kakashi said sternly.

Itachi froze. His muscles turned to ice. He slowly got off Kakashi and walked to the edge of the room - containing the crushing emotions inside of him. What he needed, would not be provided to him.

I'm using Kakashi too.

Tears prickled Itachi's eyes, "I-I'm sorry... I just- I'll go."

And so Itachi made it back to his room. His prison, his doom. All alone. The cleanliness mocked him. "You are the only one who stays here", it sneered.

And it was right - what it said was true.

Itachi sat against his headboard and - for the first time in years - sobbed. Silently so - he didn't want to wake Sasuke or disturb Kakashi. So he sobbed into a pillow.

You're a narcissist Itachi.

You keep us near so that if you need us we'll be there.

He cried into his pillow, the emptiness in him consumed his chest. He ruins everything! Why must everything he touch die?

He wished someone would have warned him how badly 'Goodbyes' hurt.

Sasuke has a crush. Kakashi is in a relationship.

Itachi is alone.

There was buzzing next to his bed, and his tear blurred eyes recognized it as his cellphone. With trembling hands he reached for it, shakily putting it to his ear - calming his breath, Itachi answered the call.

"Hello, this is Itachi Uchiha", he managed to say without snnivveling.

"You had n-no ri-ght", the man on the other side said between hiccups. Itachi instantly recognized the voice as Shisui's.

Itachi sat up straight - his heart beat like a rabbit.

"Shisui? Are you drunk?"

Shisui sniffled on the other hand, "You had no right to bring these memories bac-k."

Itachi felt his heart shatter a bit more, "I-I'm sorry", was all Itachi could whisper.

"Why didn't you call me Itachi... After all those years... Why didn't you call me?" Shisui asked sadly.

Tears welled in Itachi's eyes, "I-I don't know! I wanted to forget it al-"

"Including me..." Shisui mumbled sadly.

The line was quiet for a second, "No. No. Shisui, I never wanted to forget you..."

The line went quiet again, save for the slightest snivvles.

"Can y-you pick me up? I'm sorry but I don't really know anyone here and I-I don't want my parents to see me like this..."

"Of course...where are you?" Itachi asked softly.

"Its a club... It's called Aktsuki or something..."

"I'm on my way..."

*****
Itachi pulled over to the curb outside the club where he spotted a hunched over Shisui.

He got out and threw Shisui's arm over his neck - trying to assist the tall lump of muscle.

He placed Shisui in the back seat and drove home. Shisui was fast asleep by the time Itachi reached his apartment.

He repeated the process of lugging Shisui out the backseat and into the elevator - trying to stop his legs from buckling under Shisui's muscular weight. He managed to trudge to his apartment.

"You live here?" Shisui - who had now woken up briefly - slurred out.

"I do", Itachi replied softly.

Fishing out his key Itachi unlocked the door and trudged Shisui inside.

Kakashi emerged from his room and shock colored his face, "Is that-"

Itachi held an index finger to his lips, signaling for Kakashi to be quiet lest he awaken Shisui - who had passed out again.

Kakashi helped get Shisui to Itachi's room and laid him on the bed.

"You have a lot of explaining to do", Kakashi said after Itachi closed his room door.

"I will, but only tomorrow."

"Where are you gonna sleep?" Kakashi asked.

"I'll take the couch."

"You could... share my bed with me?" Kakashi offered sheepishly, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

Itachi smiled slightly, "Thank you, but considering what happened earlier I think it's best I sleep on the couch."

Kakashi returned to his room and Itachi made himself comfortable on the couch in the living room.

Suddenly the empty house felt warmer and more inviting.

And Itachi knew - it was because Shisui was here.

A/N: Dearest readers, am I rushing the book too much? Let me know and also DO let me know what you think of the chapter as a whole❤️ and if you love me you'll hit that vote button T-T. What more do you want to see in the future chapters?? Let this Icicle know!