Important: [ +warnings ]

Before starting, some things you should know: I gave you the previous chapter with only MaNan, because it was a light transition chapter.

This is the dark transition chapter that connects us to a new phase.

No MaNan. This chapter sheds light on Nandini's past which was even unknown to her.

Long chapter.

Kindly stay away from the second half if talking about abandonment and parent issues might trigger you.

Presence of Angst that I have not double read. However, I always wanted to make this story relatable to anyone who reads, so if I find it over-the-top, I may edit it in a day or two.

I repeat, this is a transition chapter. Nothing great.

✿ ✿ ✿

Nandini

When I and Manik got back from the ice cream parlour, Mia had fallen asleep in the back seat.

"Isn't she a sweetheart?" Manik smiled at me, picking her up in his arms. I felt guilty he had to do that, but I had a weak coordination after my accident and I hadn't completely healed.

Plus, Mia was eight (almost nine) years old, and I wasn't the one who worked out in a gym for hours, so he was definitely the better choice...

"Well, she's my sister, so..." I teased.

"Exactly Nandini!" He teased back, "She's your sister. Couldn't you be more like her?"

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes and opened the door to my house, guiding him into the guest room where Mia slept as he put her on her bed.

"Well, we forgot the alcohol," I told him in a whisper and he paused midway, shutting his eyes.

"We're so dead, aren't we?" He dreaded.

"Mh-hmm," I nodded.

But when we got back to my room, both the girls had fallen asleep, and Cabir was eating in a corner.

"Wait what?" I asked in disbelief.

"I went downstairs to eat," Cabir explained, smirking, "But by the time I came back, they had both fallen asleep. I would've woken them up, but I wasn't sure how long you both will take so..."

I sighed, "It's okay. And this plan was stupid anyway. We have to go to New York tomorrow and you guys have to drive. I'm not getting in the car with y'all if you are sleepy. One accident was fine." I mumbled the last sentence under my breath.

"I think she's right," Manik agreed.

"Ofcourse she is," Cabir smirks back.

Manik glared at his bestfriend, "I think let's call it a night and drop the girls home."

"I'll drop Aliya," Cabir said too fast, "I mean... she lives near my house. So, I'd drop Aliya. You can take Mukti."

"Aliya lives near your house?" I knitted my eyebrows at him, "The last time I checked, she lived the other way round."

"I will drop her. Not Manik," Cabir repeated, emphasising each word. I shrugged back in defence. Cabir picked a sleeping Aliya up.

"Does she even eat anything," he murmured to himself. And then, he came ahead and quickly kissed my temple.

"Pick you up at twelve tomorrow doofus!" He called back at Manik.

Manik rolled his eyes.

"I should take Mukti," he told me, picking Mukti up as well, and I followed him to his car, opening the back seat for him to put her in. She was surprisingly constantly asleep through it, despite Manik almost dropping her a couple of times and my laughter that I tried keeping inside.

As soon as the back door closed, I grinned.

"What? She's heavy," he said in defence.

"I didn't say anything," I said in defence. He rolled his eyes.

"So...." his voice trailed.

"So...?" I repeated.

"New York tomorrow, hmm?" He said.

"Yeah," I smiled, "I've never been. And I'm excited."

"That's great," he said, "Uhm... I... I should probably go."

"Yeah," I smiled nervously.

"Great, goodnight Nandini," he smiled, "I was thinking, can I give you a nickname?"

"Sure?" I shrug.

"How about Sunshine?" He asked me.

"I don't exactly see myself as a ball of sunshine," I replied nervously.

"Warrior?" He asked.

"Too fierce," I replied.

"Princess?" He second guessed.

"Too... cliché?" I bit my lower lip.

"Drizzly Bear?"

"Uh...." I hesitated, "No. Definitely not."

"Barbie?"

"NO!"

"Beautiful?"

"Too... flirty?"

"How about... lieutenant?"

"We're not in an army," I remind him.

"Bubbles?" He nth guessed.

"I think we should keep looking," I said gently.

"Right," he said, getting into the car.

"How about you agree to the date so I can call you something basic like babe?" He tried.

"You think you're smooth, aren't you?" I tease.

He laughs. "Goodnight, Nandini. Laters."

"Goodnight," I said back before he sped out, leaving me smiling like an idiot.

Babe.

Yeah, sure.

✿

The next day, after packing my bag, I got downstairs. The effect of my sleeping medicines hadn't worn out, because of which I was still sleepy.

So much for a road trip. I think I was just going to sleep through most of it.

"Good Morning darling," Dad wished me as I sat on the kitchen counter.

"Where's Mia?" I ask him.

"Sleeping," he replied, "However, she's asked you to wake her up before leaving for New York. She wants to say goodbye to you."

I nod, as he serves me pancakes. "Since you said you developed allergy to maple sauce last time," he cleared his throat, "I made a jam sauce and we have honey and butter too. What do you prefer?"

"Jam," I say in a murmur. I was honestly surprised he remembered. I had shouted it to him when I'd left for school a few days before.

He passes me the jam and I thank him. He sits adjacent to me and clears his throat, again. I look up at him suspiciously. He was nervous.

"So...," he begins, "Umm thank you for taking up therapy, I'm glad you listened to me."

"I'm doing this for myself," I tell him, eating quietly.

"I know, I know," he immediately retaliates, "I'm just glad you're doing this."

I firmly nod back.

"I have asked the caretaker of my house at New York to clean up, if you want to stay there," he informs.

"I don't," I cut him short.

"Okay...," he sighs, "You know you can just visit if you want right? That's home too."

"Your home," I correct him. And then, I take a helpless sigh, "You know what, Dad? I'm happy you're here and all of it but it's not even been a complete week. I'm going to need time to adjust to all of this, okay? I'm not used to having you around anymore, I'm not used to waking up to you in the kitchen or having these pancakes that I once loved but had grown to hate–"

He cuts me off, his voice unexpectedly high pitched as he bangs the pan on the kitchen desk, "But I'm fucking trying. Why don't you see that?"

I was taken aback. "I do!" I still shouted back, "And it's great... that you're trying but the time to try was ten years ago. When you fucking left. And I am not used to having you around, okay? But I'm trying to, and you have to understand that I just lost my mother and it's going to take time. You can't just walk back and act like my father–"

"I am your father," he says in a firm voice.

"No, you're not," I say in a murmur.

"You don't mean that," he deadpanned.

"If I was your daughter, then you wouldn't tolerate me slipping out of the hospital with a guy you barely knew. You wouldn't tolerate me shouting at you and showing you tantrums. You wouldn't tolerate the fact that I skip lunches and dinners and eat in cafés, or that there was a guy coming to help your daughter with bandages at three in the morning. I knew you saw that! I fucking knew," I whisper calmly.

"I just thought I can't say–" he began.

I cut him off, "Yes!" I shout, "And you thought correct. You can't say anything, you can't stop me from anything I want to do because even you know you can't. You don't have the right anymore."

"Nandini, you are my daughter," he insists.

"Biologically, yes," I agree, "But she is your daughter when you scold her to eat vegetables or order her to sleep because she had fever or when you're the first one to check her knee out when she as little as bruised it."

He looks at me silently.

"So what?" He shouts back, "You want me to ask you to eat vegetables?" He takes a broccoli from the tray beside him and throws it at me. I squirt back, although it just lands on my plate.

"Yes, I want that," I let the tears out, "I really wanted that. I really wanted a father. Why did you not stay, Dad? Why were you not here with me? I really, really needed you."

"Oh, my darling," his voice breaks, "I am so sorry. But when I left, I knew you'd be happy with your mother. You had a mom, and Mia did not."

"No," I cover my ears, "I don't want to hear a pity story. For once, I want to be selfish enough to wish I had you with me. I wish you had chosen me, Dad."

"There's no question of choice!" He shouts again, "I'm her father. I couldn't leave her–"

"You were my father too!" I shout back over his voice, "And you did leave me."

"It's not like I left you, Nandini," he cried back, "You had your mother."

"No Dad, you did leave me," I say, biting my lower lip and looking away, "And I waited."

"Yes, you've told me that before, and I'm–" he starts, referring to the fight we had a few days ago but I cut him off.

"No," I say in a calmer voice, "I'm not talking about those ten years. I waited that night, after Manik left, you know? I stayed up for a long time thinking maybe once you'd come upstairs to ask me what's wrong or to tell me you're sorry or just to check if I was in my bed or not. But you didn't come, Dad."

"I knew you were strong–" he began again but I shut my eyes tight, tears silently flowing out as I cut of the rest of his sorry speech.

"I was not strong," I cry, "The world keeps throwing all kinds of tragedies at me and just because I always come out alive, I'm termed strong. Why did no one ask me if I wanted to be strong?"

I sniff, holding back the tears, "Do you remember that night? I was young, and there was a storm outside and I was really scared but I was trying to hide it, so you held me in your arms and told me that I didn't have to pretend to be strong in front of you? That I could be as scared as I'd like because you'd protect me. Do you remember that night?"

He stays silent for a moment. "No," he hesitates, "No, I don't."

"That's because it never happened," I smile sadly, "Storm happened. Fright happened. Pretence happened. But you didn't. And then strong happened, but you weren't there to protect me. I had to protect myself."

When he remained silent, I knew the conversation was over. I took my plate of pancakes and walked out to the lawn, sitting on one of the swings, taking a minute to stop crying and calm myself before I ate again.

It was ten minutes of me indulging only in my food and sniffing before he came and sat next to me.

"You know, ten years ago," he whispered, "When the lady I had cheated with, she came in and told me that she was pregnant, my world shattered. It wasn't the fact that your mom would come to know that scared, it was that you would."

I shut my eyes tight.

"I was not perfect. But to you, I was your hero, Nandini. And I was perfect in front of your eyes and I didn't want to let that go yet. But I still did what I had to. I told your mother the truth, and I told the lady to abort the child. But she disappeared instead. Your mother, she didn't talk to me for a lot of months. She kept you away from me. And I got that. I had made a terrible, terrible mistake when I was drunk and I regretted it every minute. And finally, your mother was ready to forgive me. She was the only one I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

"If you loved her, how could you cheat, Dad?" I ask back in a whisper.

"It was one night, Nandini. And I know that doesn't make anything better, but it was a mistake. And then the other lady got pregnant, and vanished. I thought she wanted to keep the baby, but I didn't care as long as she wasn't in my life. Six months later, your mother had finally begun forgiving me and I get a call, from a hospital. The woman had died due to excess blood loss. But there was a baby girl who was alive, and was my blood."

"And I tried, okay?" He but his lower lip, "I tried taking her to the orphanage and leaving her but I couldn't. She was just two days old. What was her fault? And so I brought her home. Your mom, I didn't think she'd ever accept the baby, but I had hope. She was just a baby. But Emily, she asked me to choose between y'all or that little baby. Mia had no one in this world except me and I knew I'd regret all my life if I just leave her in an orphanage. So I did what I had to. I took the baby and left Folks."

"And I am very happy that you didn't leave Mia in an orphanage, dad, but why did you never think of meeting me? Not once did you remember that you also had another daughter who misses you?" I looked at him.

"You think?" He asked, "I couldn't sit or sleep properly without thinking of you, of everything I had put away. But I knew I had to give your mother time, and I did. But when I called back after a few months, she wouldn't let me meet you. She said that you hated me and although I deserved that, you were still my daughter. I had rights to meet you. But she pulled a few strings and got restraining orders from the court to stop me from coming to your school or trying to intentionally meet you, affective seven years from then."

"Nobody can get a restraining order against a person for no reason," I squirm, and then something strikes me, "...Unless they have a criminal record."

He looks at me silently.

I pull myself away from him, "Who are you, Dad?"

"That was my past, Nandini and neither of my daughters should ever come to know–"

"Who are you?" I screamed louder.

"I'm your Dad," he screamed back, "I just... in the past, I was in a bad business. I had a few underworld connections–"

I cut him off, "So you were mafia?"

"What? No!" He said hysterically, "There is nothing like mafia. I just ran a big illegal business, and yes something to do with guns. But I left it all the day I fell in love your mother and I've been clean from that for the past twenty five years. But I had enemies, okay? That is why I was worried that the accident could be a..."

"A murder." I completed for him.

"I know it's too much for you to get in all one day," I started.

"Too much?" I laughed sarcastically, "I feel like my life is a movie. It was not supposed to be this way. I just wanted to be a normal kid with a normal family. I didn't want all of this, I didn't want to have a tragic childhood or live alone for most of my life or be in a life changing accident or have my father be the reason my mom died."

"It's a theory," he stopped me, "Which is probably false. There is no reason anyone would strike twenty five years after, when I wasn't even in your life anymore."

"But what if it's true?" My voice cracked.

"Then I'm fucking sorry, okay?" He shouted, "I didn't want it to be this way. I loved your mother. We never had a divorce. She has and will always be my wife and the only woman I ever loved. Do you think it is easy to live in such guilt? I was betrayed too, okay? Your mother gave away a lot to the court to get a restraining order against me. I was in jail for a year before they could pull me out. And I hated her for doing this although I knew I deserved it. But I didn't want her to die. Not because of me."

"Your sorry changes nothing," I chuckle under my breath, "I can't believe my life was a lie."

"It wasn't a lie," he tried holding me but I pull my arm away.

"Well, turns out, my father actually did want to meet me and it was my mother who kept him away. Whom do I blame now, Dad? How can I ask her how she could do this to me? Isn't that selfish of her? Just because she hated you, she kept me away from my father. She kept telling me how you didn't care at all otherwise you would have come atleast once, wasn't that all a lie? She didn't even tell me the other woman, Mia's mom was dead! Or are you lying to me because nobody is here to correct you anymore?" I shout back.

"I would never lie to you," he told me, "You can ask your Aunt. Cabir's mom. She knows the entire truth. Why do you think she called me when this accident happened? So I can finally come and see my daughter."

"You know what? I'm done living your lies." My head spinned, "I'm going to go to New York and forget we ever had this conversation. I don't want to know about this anymore, okay? My mother is dead and I will not hate her."

"Okay," he said, "Whatever you want."

"But I'm also done hating you," I murmur, "Of everything you just told me, I just want to know one thing: Did you actually try? Did you actually want to meet me?"

"Every breath of my life," he replied, "I could trade my entire world for one meeting with you."

"Well then my mom is gone," I look up at him, "But can I have my Dad back?"

I could see tears leave his eyes as he nodded and I fledged to hug him tight. He held me in his arms as I sobbed and sobbed, for all those years that I hated him.

I didn't know if I was believing the truth or living another lie.

But what I did know is, I wanted to let go of my past eighteen years of life, just hold on to the best memories with my mother and look ahead now.

I was done living the lie. It was time to move on, and accept whatever was coming my way.

✿  ✿
~~~~

B O N U S:

New York
[ Therapy– 00 ]

"Dr. Stella?" I say in surprise as I sit on the therapy couch. The room was oddly comfortable, perhaps that is how it was made to be– with the pastel walls and ceramic pots of flowers.

"Nice meeting you again, Nandini," she smiled at me sitting opposite.

"I thought you're a surgeon?" I asked.

"I am," she replied, "But I was a therapist before I studied to be a surgeon. But I was looking for a break, so I came back to my house- New York, and saw my Dad was going to be your therapist. And since I know you, I thought I'd take over. If you don't mind, ofcourse?"

"I don't," I smile back, "But... if you were born and brought up in New York, why would you ever work at Forks?"

She sighed, "Well, New York has a lot of surgeons and doctors and therapists, more than it needs. While Folks did not. So I came there for an internship, liked it there and stayed."

"You mean you liked Doctor Parker and stayed?" I tease.

"I ask the questions here, missy," she answered back with amusement. I nod.

"So Nandini, tell me... what's going on?" She asked, wearing her specs and taking her notepad.

"Well, I was a normal eighteen year old and then comes this accident, kills my mother and now I'm stuck with my father and half-sister. You know it," I sigh.

"I do," she nods, "But what I want to know is, how do you feel about it?"

"About what?"

"Both of that, but let's start about your mother first."

"She died," I repeat, as casually I can.

"I know," she replies, "But how do you feel about it?"

"I don't," I say, "I mean, I'm sad, but she's gone now and I don't really think about it a lot. I'm looking ahead."

The words my father had said kept before I came to New York kept ringing in my head. I tried for that to not change anything but how can you look at a person the same way after knowing that they kept hiding things from you?

"So you're in denial," she concludes.

"No, I'm not," I reply instantly.

"So you've accepted her death?" She second guessed.

"I guess?" I say but it comes out as a question.

"Okay," she knits her eyebrows, "So I'm sure you've visited her atleast once right... her grave?"

I gulp.

"No, I haven't," I whisper, looking away.

"So you've accepted her death but you wouldn't visit her?"

"Why should I?" I ask, "It's not like she's going to be there anyways. It's just her body buried deep inside the ground."

I don't know why, but I was angry. I was angry at her for being selfish and not letting my father meet me, I was angry because she knew I was suffering thinking about why my father never visited me and she let me suffer anyways, I was angry because she was now dead. Easy escape, right? But I wanted her to be here and tell me why she did what she did.

"Nandini," she sighs, "I know what you're doing here. I was a kid when I lost my mother to a very similar accident. And I had my dad and I was pretty close to him, but I still fell into a spiral. I shut myself out from even talking about it and by the time I realised, it was too late. I had changed, my relations with everyone who wanted to be for me had changed, and my mother was already dust. I couldn't even say my goodbye while she was still her."

"I'm sorry," I reply.

She nods negatively, "When I saw you in the hospital, I really wanted to save your mom because I saw myself in you. And I didn't want you to be another Stella. But I couldn't save her . So I really want to help you this way, but I can't do that unless you allow me to."

I look down.

"So Nandini, either we are completely in, or completely out, your call," she leans back.

I stay silent for a moment and then sigh deeply before whispering, "In."

"So would you like to be helped?" She asked.

I nod.

"See, that's the first step," she smiled, "The first step to recovery is when you realise you need help. And congratulations, you just took a step forward."

I give a nervous smile.

"In this therapy session, I will break you. You've held yourself together for too long. But you can't put yourself back together until you have pieces I can work with. So it's my job to break you, figure out your pieces, and place them the way they should be."

"And then?" I lick my lips nervously, "We're going to pick my best pieces up?"

"No," she says, "We're going to rearrange them and make sure your best pieces come first. But the bad pieces, your bad experiences, they're also a part of you. So we're going to have to work on those pieces and look at them in a different way, so that those bad pieces don't seem so bad anymore."

I let her go on. "You want to start again?" She raises her eyebrows. I nod, more confidently this time.

"Should we start with the accident? Or start from the start?" She smiles.

"The start," I reply.

"The beginning it is, then."

✿

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H.